You Will Cry!!! 2013

Here's a collection of silly movie threats I made with my friends for all the films in 2013.

I'm going to make you watch the remake of Evil Dead...You will cry...You will cry...That's it's your typical boring horror movie.

Note- I apologized to any fans of the Evil Dead series but here's my personal experience. I was introduced to the Evil Dead movies with Army of Darkness and I enjoyed the movie. Several years later, I found out it was third in the series and I really wanted to see the prequels of Army of Darkness. I watch them and I was disappointed. Instead of an action fantasy movie, it was straight up serious horror movie. Talk about a genre clash. The 2nd movie was a little better, especially last 30 minutes because Bruce Campbell was turning into the Ash I remember from Army of Darkness and slaying monsters left and right. Horror movie buffs may enjoy these movies but as guy who was introduced from Army of Darkness, I didn't. I'm sorry, this wasn't my cup of tea.

I heard an Army of Darkness 2 will be coming out in a few years along with a crossover with the Evil Dead remake. That's kind of weird. Most movie remakes are a whole new story that takes place in a different universe with no connection the original.

Edit: Well it seems the crossover is just rumors but there is an upcoming spin-off called Ash vs. Evil Dead.


Here's the trailers of the series if anyone wants to see
ED1-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtsK7skqk9U

ED2-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lM3NPeEG24

AoD(ED3)-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZ-wU5RXw2o

Remake-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKFDkpHCQz4 There are other trailers to the remake but they're very gruesome. I wouldn't recommend watching them to anyone who have weak stomachs.

(Warning!!! Spoilers throughout the entire discussion of G.I. Joe)

I'm going to make you watch G.I.Joe Retaliation. You will cry...You will cry...When you see Magic Mike...Dies in the 1st five minutes.

That the trailers lied about Magic Mike dying in the 1st five minutes and it was really The Rock who dies.

That they tease you about Destro.

Note #1- Check out this trailer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ip8CgUplzk

I was blown away when I first saw that trailer. Most of the good guys from the 1st movie were killed off or went missing. This movie is radically different from 1st movie. It seem Channing Tatum was in the movie for a few minutes before he gets killed off and pass the torch to The Rock.

The movie was going to be released in Summer 2012 but got delayed till Spring 2013. They wanted to convert to movie to 3D, boost interest in international markets, and do some reshoots. One of the reshoots is extending Magic Mike's role. I think it's the fact that Channing Tatum suddenly got popular between the two G.I. Joe movies with Magic Mike and 21 Jump Street. The movie makers started to feel guilty of killing off a popular actor, so they extended his role. 

I heard in the animated movie from the 80s, Duke, the character Channing Tatum is playing was going to die but quickly changed into coma in mid-production of the movie. If there ever is a 3rd movie, maybe Magic Mike come back from a coma or something.

Note#2- The Rock dying in the 1st five minutes is a joke I made with some friends I know who watch Transformers: Prime. Because I remember the last time Dwanye Johnson had a role in something Hasbro-related, well...

Before the premiere of Transformers: Prime. There were announcements and they showed off the main characters of the show. Cliffjumper was going to be one of the main characters and he is voiced by The Rock himself. This is awesome!

However, in the 1st five minutes of the show, Cliff gets captured and killed. All this hype was just to shock the viewer. I joked the same thing was going to happen in the 2nd G.I. Joe movie.

Note #3- Halfway in the movie, when Cobra was freed from prison. He looks at Destro prison cell tube-like thing and leaves him there. If Christopher Eccleston was unable to play as Destro, they should of hired David Tennant. It wouldn't be the 1st time he replaced him.

I'm going to make you watch Jurassic Park in 3D...You will cry...You will cry...When you see the raptors...Don't have feathers. Who cares this movie was made before discovery of feathered raptors?Spielberg is friends with Lucas and you know Lucas like to re-edit his movies.

Note-A few years ago, I did wondered if Spielberg will digitally add feathers if he re-release the film. Well it was put in theaters again a few years later and there were no changes.

Edit: With the 4th movie out, there's still no feathers. 

I'm going to make you watch Iron Man 3... You will cry....When you see that the Mandarin... Doesn't have green skin.

WTF...Where is his Green skin?

When you see Bruce Banner's cameo...Isn't played by a 4th actor.

(Warning!! Spoilers!!)

When you see the Mandarin...As a light-hair man in a business suit...What another guy in a suit?

Note#1- I admit that I have I never read any of the comics or anything else but when I was little, I did saw reruns of the 90s cartoon on some station. I barely remember it but one of the things I vaguely remember was Iron-Man's main nemesis was a green-skin man with magical rings. This is the Mandarin, who is the main villain of the movie. I heard him having green-skin only came from the 90s show and none of the other versions of the characters.

Seeing we live in a world where people complain about the live-action Green Lateran being white(Hal Jordan and John Stewart are two different people with the same power), or Mary-Jane as a blond(Gwen Stacy you idiots). I'm sure there are people out there that complain the only version of the Mandarin that they are familiar with isn't in the film.

Note#2- In the 1st Avengers movie, I joked how the Hulk is always having a different actor whenever we see him. I predicted that his cameo be played by a 4th actor, and a 5th in Avenger 2, and a 6th whenever he gets his own sequel.

Well nope, the 3rd actor makes a cameo in the 3rd Iron-Man. Mark Ruffalo is in Avengers 2. I guess the curse of the ever changing actors for the Hulk has been broken.

(Waring!!! Spoilers!!)

Note#3-In a plot twist, The Mandarin was really an actor to pretend to be a terrorist while this light-hair man in a business suit was really calling the shots. This was very controversial moment and most fans of the character were not happy. I joked in that past popular villains has gotten miscast as light-hair men in business suits.(M. Bison, Human Bowser, Eric Sacks' Shredder)

There was a 14-minute short film released that showed the actor Mandarin in prison and it was told that both the businessman and the actor based their identity on actual Mandarin and he's out there somewhere.

There is an upcoming film called Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings that will feature the real Mandarin.

(End Spoilers)

Here's the trailer
You can tell from the trailer how cool and evil the Mandarin is.

I'm going to make you watch Star Trek Into Darkness....You will cry...On trying to figure out who the heck Gary Mitchell is.

He look's like a generic Starfleet officer. Like I'm going to remember him.

Trying to figure out who Garth of Izar is

Trying to figure out who Colonel Green is

That Ricardo Montalban been replaced

Note- I was told that Gary Mitchell is the new villain of new Trek film. I had Google him to figure him out, only to see a generic Starfleet officer. Farther research told me that he is the main villain of the 1st episode of the original Star Trek series.(The one with Kirk, not Pike.) He was BFF's with Kirk until an accident happens that gave Gary god-like powers. He became a major threat to the crew. Gee, talk about the most obscure character for a movie villain. Tho the Transformers movies have obscure characters as the main villains.

For the longest time, I honestly believe this till within the month and a half the film will come out. I then was told it was Khan. Some people said it was Garth of Izar or Colonel Green but only a very small margin. It was Khan and Mitchell were the two most popular choices.


Here's a trailer of the episode Gary appeared.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3qNW66wvWA
Notice the blond woman looks similar to the one woman in the movie. At the time, makes you wonder that the villain is Gary Mitchell

Here's a trailer of the episode of Garth of Izar.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLX4jpkCl7I

Here's a trailer of the episode of Colonel Green
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLX4jpkCl7I
This episode also have the very 1st appearances of Surak and Kahless. Which all later series will focus on.

Here's the trailer of the movie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhz4A5BCMAA

I'm going to make you watch Man of Steel...You will cry...That Superman doesn't have his hair curl hanging out. The 1st images show he doesn't have that and therefore, that means it's a bad movie.

Note- Fanboys are too judgmental over stupidest things.

Here's the trailer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6DJcgm3wNY

I'm going to make you watch Pacific Rim...You will cry...That the Russian and Chinese robots don't have enough screentime.

Note- I couldn't think of anything to say towards this movie other than their limited screentime.

Here's the trailer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A85EtOalcsM

I'm going to make you watch The Wolverine...You will cry...You when you see Hugh Jackman...butt naked again as he forced to take a bath.

Note- Both of his solo minutes have him naked for nearly a minute. My poor eyes

Edit: It gets worse in Days of Futures Past.

Here's the trailer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rh1LdTFkm7I

I'm going to make you watch Thor: The Dark World...You will cry...When you see a Norse god...played by a black man.

Does he look Scandinavian to you?

Note- One of the dumbest complains I hear about these movies is the gatekeeper, Heimdall is played by the guy from Pacific Rim. Technically, Heimdall isn't Scandinavian, he's an alien that the Norse people took as gods. Besides, Heimdall is awesome, why change him?

Here's the trailer





I'm going to make you watch Frozen...You will cry...You will cry...That the movie is a lame ripoff of Open Water. Gee of all movies, they wanted to ripoff a lame boring movie.

Let us go! Let us go! We're stuck up here.

What? You guys thought I was going to talk about the Disney movie? The one with that song that exploded all over the internet.

Note- I sometimes ask people what's their least favorite movie. I get answers like Wild Wild West, Garfield, X-Men Origins, Pompeii, and Open Water. Open Water is about 2 people who get stuck in the ocean, trying to survive. After a long long time, a shark eats them. The End.

I saw a trailer of this movie on a DVD at one point and it has the same exact title as the one Disney movie and it was made long before Disney movie. The story reminded me of what happens in Open Water.

Here's the trailer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNd2mSf755I

I'm going to make you watch Justin Bieber's Believe.

Note- Just saying the title is good enough. Alot people don't like Justin.