You Will Cry!!! 2016 Part 2

Here's a list of me poking fun at movies from the later half of 2016. I joked to friends who annoy me and I said back to them I'm going to drag them to the theaters and torture them into seeing these. Sometimes it's because the movie is bad, sometimes to poke fun at the noobish reactions, sometimes it's something else. Enjoy

I'm going to make you watch the new Ghostbusters...

Note- This movie is very controversial for a dozen reasons. If you like the movie, that's fine. You don't like the movie, that's fine, it's your opinion. Some people hate it because it's not the Ghostbusters 3 that people wanted over the decades. Some say it ruins the original movie. People mention the trailer is full of unfunny jokes. Some hate it because it's a cast full of females. People say that SJWs are running the movie and don't care about the actual quality of the movie. Some defend it because it's a cast of females and those who attack it are misogynist. Others don't care if the leads are female or not, a bad movie is simply a bad movie, regardless what the gender of the main cast is.

I really don't care. I barely remember when I saw the original movie when I was young and I have little to no interest in this one. All I know is this movie started a war all over the internet.

I'm fine with females having bigger roles in movies but if it's bad, it's simply a bad movie and I'm not going to defend just because who the main cast is. I don't hate Legend of Chun-Li because the lead is female, I don't like it because it's a boring movie that does the dark and gritty reboot all wrong and it barely resembles the game everyone loves.

Here's the trailer if anyone wants to see

1. You will Cry...That's it's a fast paced mindless action movie that sings to Beastie Boys' Sabotage. Well according to the 1st trailer.

2. That Sulu is gay.

3. That they are ripping off of Doctor Who...Seriously the joke of modern pop in the distance future being called "classical music" been done before. It's bad enough the Borg are ripoffs of the Cybermen. For shame Star Trek..For shame.

Note#1- The very 1st trailer looked very Un-Star Trek. It was widely hated by everyone. The actors in the movies say they didn't like the trailer either and said the movie is nothing like the trailer. Later trailers aired and didn't play like anything like the 1st one.

Fears completed faded once fans actually saw the movie in theaters.

Note#2- George Takei, the actor that played Sulu in the original series is gay. There been jokes over the years that Sulu is gay like the actor.

The new movie had him met up with his husband and daughter in one scene. 

George Takei wasn't happy and said that the creator of the franchise has never envision Sulu as gay. He said he rather have a new character to be gay rather than rewriting a pre-existing character. However the Sulu in the original universe is still straight, he's only gay in the new movies' universe.

Note#3- The song Sabotage was heard within the movie and the crew called it "Classical music". Doctor Who did it a joke several times. In the year 5 Billion, they called Britney Spears' Toxic as classical. Even in the Black and White era of Doctor Who, someone from centuries later called the Beatles music as classical.

Here's the 1st trailer if anyone wants to see

1. You will cry...That Will Smith had sex with Harley. Oh boy, Joker is going to be jealous.

2. That they killed off Slipknot.

Man, he was the best character in the movie. Why they kill him off.

3. That you barely saw Batman or the Flash.

4. Trying to figure out who is Incubus.

5. Joker is not the main villain/that he didn't have enough screentime/that he wasn't good enough

Note#1- Will Smith's character having sex with Harley is kinda true....but from a different movie. I only said that to my friends to tricking them thinking I was referring to the live-action one. There is an animated Suicide Squad movie that came out a few years before the actual live-action movie. The animated movie was a sort-of tie-in to the Batman Arkham games.

If you like, or hated the live-action movie. I still recommend this animated one. For those disappointed on the minimal screentime of both Batman and Joker, don't worry, they have a ton more.

Note#2- Soon they got the gang together, they introduce a guy called Slipknot. They say "He can climb anything." A few minutes later, one of the members of the squad told him that the bomb in his head is a fake. Slipknot automatically believes him and runs away, however the military in control of the squad activated his headbomb and he dies.

Slipknot is nothing more than a throwaway character to show how these bombs in their heads are real. Even in the comics, Slipknot is a minor forgettable character, so killing him off is no big deal.

However I do play up like he could of been the greatest character in the movie. If you didn't like Suicide Squad, I joke, "Well he could of been the one character that made the movie worth watching." I google some jokes of this guy and the internet jokes like he could take an army of Supermans.


Note#3- Well Batman and the Flash were nothing but cameos. Go watch Justice League if you want to see more of them. At least Flash's cameo isn't confusing like his unexplained time-travel visit to Bruce in Batman V Superman.

Note#4- I explain this in my other article, "DCEU's love for obscured characters." Incubus is obscurer than obscured. In all of the comics made by DC in all these decades, he only made 6 appearances ever. Even the most hardcore of hardcore DC fans didn't know who Incubus is.

Note#5- Well one of the most in anticipated things about the upcoming Suicide Squad movie was Joker being played by the famous singer, pretty boy, oscar winning actor known as Jared Leto. People wonder how he would hold up compare to Heath Ledger's famous take on the Joker.

He was featured in alot of trailers. Most people also thought the Joker would be the main villain in the actual movie but it was Enchantress and her bro. Aside from Harley Quinn's flashbacks of him, he only played a small part in the movie. The actor actually complain about about most of his scenes got cut, however even with extended cut released on DVD, he still had a small role in the movie.

Some people's opinions differ about the Joker. Some say he's great, some say he's terrible. Others said it doesn't matter because he didn't have enough screentime to left an impact.

Here's the trailer

I'm going to make you watch Max Steel. You will cry...when you see Max...is not a secret agent.


Note- In the 2000s there was a show called Max Steel. He was a extreme sports star/college kid who had a secret life as a nanobot-infused secret agent.

A decade later, the show was rebooted and aired on Disney XD. I only knew about it when I was channel surfing one day. I saw like 3 minutes of it. Max was different because he had a alien robot that fused with him as some sort of power armor during battle.

When trailer of the movie adaption came out, people of coursed complained. Saying it's unfaithful adaptation because it doesn't resemble the show they grew up with. Little did they know that the movie is based on the reboot they never heard of and not the original. I really don't care about the movie, I heard it wasn't good.

Here's the trailer

You will cry...That you barely saw or didn't notice that Johnny Depp or Ron Perlman were in the movie.

Note- It's uhh...The best I can come up with. Sorry readers but I'm not a hardcore Harry Potter fan. All I know is these two popular actors were barely in the movie.

Here's the trailer

I'm going to make you watch Star Wars: Rouge One...You will cry...That Kyle Katarn isn't in the movie.

Man, nobody came to see this to see these nobodies.

This is the guy that everyone wanted to see. So where is he?

You tell him Batman.

Note- The very 1st Star Wars movie's opening crawl said that Rebel spies have stolen the plans of the Death Star and gave them to Leia. This leads to the beginning of the movie of that flim.

The theft of the Death Star plans is an untold story that happen behind the scenes. At one point, there was a video game in the 90s called Dark Forces.

It was a Doom-clone with a Star Wars setting. The 1st mission for the game is Kyle Katarn is sent to steal the plans of the Death Star. Later missions happen some time after Episode 4 where he fights Dark Troopers. There been sequels where Kyle becomes a Jedi. Kyle Katarn wasn't exclusive to the games themselves, he appeared in novels, comics, etc. He was a member of Luke's Jedi Order and a major player in these events.

Then one day in 2012, George Lucas sold Star Wars to Disney. Disney wanted to make new movies within a few years. However, there was a ton of stories that took place after Return of the Jedi. There be no way it would fit in it's timeline. So Disney decided that the entire Extended Universe(Every story outside of the 6 movies at the time and the TV show, Clone Wars), was wiped away and rebranded as Legends.

So the original timeline(that's outside of the movies) that was established was put into an alternate timeline while everything new be put into this brand new timeline.

When news that Rouge One is going to be the theft of the Death Star plans, people hope that Rouge One is a adaption of the classic video game.

Some fans were clinging to hope that the characters above were Kyle and his love interest, Jan Ors. The main heroine, Jyn Erso does sound similar to Jan Ors.

A month before the trailer of the movie came out, Grand Admiral Thrawn, who is a fan favorite from the original timeline, was now appearing in the TV show called Rebels. So if Thrawn is canon again, why not Kyle? However it was not the case. Rouge One is simply an original story that happens to be about the theft of the Death Star plans that happens behind the scenes before Episode 4.

Here's the trailer

1. You will cry...That the present day is the main focus and not Spanish Inquisition.

2. That it's not an adaptation and it's in the same canon of the games and that means you spoiled yourself of some Assassin's Creed game you have yet to play.

3. That Ezio Auditore da Firenze could of easily been in the movie but instead you get Arno from the glitchy AC game for a cameo.

4. That some characters from the AC games only had a cameo in a deleted scene.



Note#1- One problem of the movie is most of the movie is set in the present. The games story is a man gets hooked up to a machine to see his ancestors memories. Most of the present day events happens at the beginning and end of the game as well some minor breaks in the middle of the game after you complete a major story event. Majority of the games takes place in the past where you explore his ancestors and visit the Holy Land during the Crusades, Renaissance Italy, Colonial America, Caribbean in the age of pirates, etc.

Only a few scenes here and there are during the Spanish Inquisition while most of the movie focus on modern day. Can you imagine if the 90% of a game that focus on Desmond rather than his ancestors, fans would not be happy.


Note#2- I swear, I honesty thought this movie was an adaption of the games and this was an original story separate from the games. I only found out after I saw the movie that this is in the same timeline as the games. I didn't had an PS4 for the longest time, so I didn't play on any of the AC games that wasn't available on the PS3. For all I known, Jeremy Irons and his daughter may of referenced some event that happened to the Assassins in the Victorian England game or say that the recurring characters in present era, Rebecca and Shaun got killed or something.

Note#3- The games let you play an Assassin from different eras in history. The most popular character in the entire series is Ezio Auditore da Firenze.

Assassin's Creed 1 may of started the series but the one that kicked the series in high popularly was the 2nd game. Ezio was so popular that he got 2 more games about him, well more like the star of three major games. Ezio did have a lesser known 4th game that's actually important to explain why he could of been in the movie. There's the main games, and then there's the lesser known games. The lesser known games are on portable or cell phones. You can easily ignore those games and stick to main series without worrying what happens in those games.

There is a game on Nintendo DS called Assassin's Creed: Discovery. From what I heard, Ezio did visit Spain in 1492 during the Spain Inquisition and met up with Columbus. He could easily been in the movie.

And yet Arno, the guy from the infamous game called Unity makes a cameo. The game that started with hundreds of bugs. Sorry Ezio.

Note#4- There is a deleted scene where the main character looks at the prison inmates and they started to look like their ancestors. These ancestors are actual characters from the previous games.
Here's the deleted scene if you want to watch.

Here's the trailer if you want to watch