You Will Cry!!! Yet An Another Prequel

Most of my silly movie threats is me joking to friends that I'm going to force them to go the movie theater and watch whatever big movie was out at the time. Sometimes it's because the movie's bad, sometimes it's based on noobish fanboys reactions, sometimes to pick on the movie over the silliest things. However I sometimes joke about movies or shows that aired before 2009.(Or jokes on post-09 movies I came up with years after they got released) Here's my 4th collection of the pre-09 movies.

I'm going to make you watch, Matrix Reloaded...You will cry...You will cry...When you see...Neo's Butt....Eww!!

Trying to figure out the plot after meeting with the Architect.

Note#1- There was a sex scene in the 2nd Matrix movie and alot people did not want to see Keanu's glutenous maximus.

Note#2- The Matrix series was kinda easy to follow as you watch through. It did had alot twists that would be blow viewers minds but they can still be easy to follow. Then the Architect shows up and explains about the previous Neos and The Matrix and Zion gets rebuild multiple times.

This was very very confusing to alot people. It came out of nowhere and it required multiple viewings to understand the scene..

I guess the two directors were inspired by the confusing plots found near the last minute from Japanese Video Games. Here's several examples: Most of the Final Fantasys, Chrono Cross, Metal Gear, Kingdom Hearts.

1. I'm going to make you watch Jurassic Park 3. It's the best of the entire series. Mostly due to the Raptors have quills, which is the closest the series had to feathered dinosaurs. 

This is why JP3 is far far better than all the other movies.

Ok, Not Really

2. You will cry that the T-Rex got pwned by some random dino called the Spinosaurus.

Note#1- If you guys haven't read my other You Will Cry entries. Well the thing is I made fun of Jurassic World for the lack of feathered dinosaurs and also poke fun of the 3D re-released that Steven Spielberg didn't go all George Lucas and CGI-up the dinosaurs with feathers.

Due to the advancements of studying dinosaurs bones, it turns out that a majorly of them have feathers. However since Jurassic Park is already an established franchise, they had to quickly explain that the aren't true dinosaurs but mutants of some sort when they injected frog DNA in them. The frog DNA in the 1st movie was simply to explain how some of the dinos change sex, but it was retcon in later movies to explain the missing feathers.

Jurassic Park 3 was an attempt to make the raptors have feathers but people didn't like the new designs. Reguardless if they had feathers or not, this was the most boring of the entire franchise.

Another thing is a scientist in Jurassic World said he purposely made them with more scale and fangs to appeal to the pop culture crowds rather than how they are suppose to look.

Note#2- The T-Rex was the big favorite of the dinosaurs in the films and suddenly, he got pwned by this Spinosaurus very early on. People were not happy.

Jurassic World had a scene where the T-Rex busted through a skeleton display of the Spinosaurus as a jab to JP3's moment.

You will cry...When you see the Doctor...Snogging a woman. What?!...What?!....What?!

Wait What? Why after 30 long years, why is he suddenly snogging someone. Well I hope the upcoming 2005 revival won't learn from this mistake and... 

Thanks alot Paul Mcgann, you see what you created. *shakes fist*

Note- The movie was an attempt to briefly revive Doctor Who in the mid-90s after the original series ended in the late 80s. One thing happen that some see as taboo is the Doctor is snogging.

The 6th and 7th Doctors on the kissing

Go watch any of the classic series episodes, there was never romance with the Doctor at all. Well except for the Season 1 story called the Aztecs. However that was the very very early days of the series, back when the show was figuring itself out before it establish rules and stuff. Back then, the Doctor smokes, threaten to throw his companions out of airlock, and plan to smash an innocent caveman's skull simply because he was slowing them down.

You Will Cry...That uhh... James Franco is err...a poor man's version of Ricardo Montalban. Uh yeah.

Note- Some people dare me to find something to make fun of the newer Planet of the Ape series. I couldn't think of anything till recently.

The joke sort of originated that when the 4th Transformers flim, Age of Extinction came out. People say that Mark Wahlberg is a step up of Shia Labeouf. (As long he's not spending the entire film complaining about his daughter's boyfriends) It was then, that we all remember that he was in the 2001 remake with him as a astronaut who crashes in a mysterious planet that's full of apes and he struggles to survive in this harsh world. He was more or less playing a similar character to Charlton Heston's. Shia was then called, a poor man's poor man's Charlton Heston.

Well in the classic series, Ricardo Montalban was Caesar's caretaker before Caesar became a leader who led an ape rebellion to their freedom. In some sort of way, James Franco sort of somewhat had Ricardo Montalban's role. However they are very completely different characters who just happen to be caretakers of Caesar in different universes.

You will cry...When you see...The ending. Man it's Toy Story 3 all over again.

Note-I'm not lying. If your really into Godzilla. The entire ending itself is sad to watch.

I'm going to make you watch Superman 2. You will cry...When you see the heroic Superman...throws the defenseless Zod down the into abyss and watch him fall to his death while smiling.

Man, who knew Superman was a sadistic jerk.

Why are people complaining about Supes snapping Zod's neck in the newer one? At least that Superman was forced to kill to save the lives of some innocent civilians and after doing the deed, Supes fell on his knees and cry in agony on what he did.


Note- The scene where Superman was force to kill to Zod in Man of Steel was a very controversial moment. Many say he does not kill people like Batman. Afterwards, people have mention Supes was forced into positions in the comics and did mention the ending of the 2nd Christopher Reeves movie.

However it does turn out there was a deleted scene where the depowered Zod and the gang were going to prison after Superman threw them in a most likey a not-so-deep-pit. The scene where he throws Zod wasn't originally intended to be him killing Krypton criminal in cold blood.

I don't really see a big deal on the scene in Man of Steel. Superman felt terrible right after on what he did. Micheal Bay's Optimus on the other hand heroically said, "Give me your face" and he chasing down the wounded Fallen, punching through his chest and crushing his heart and watch him melt off his hand while saying, "I rise, you fall!"

I'm going to make you watch Ren&Stimpy's Adult Party Cartoon...You will cry...When you Stimpy...kissing rat poop.

That Ren crudely tortures helpless animals.

When Stimpy gives birth to a bundle of poo.

That Ren and Stimpy "play baseball" under the bedsheets


Note-I have never been so disgusted after seeing something. They been gone for several years and the stuff you see after all this time is all the stuff that was mentioned in the above sentences. The original show as gross but it was gross on a certain level. The new show was way way beyond the limits and it was a terrible thing to see.

The show was so bad that it abruptly ended after three episodes. The remaining three that was made but didn't air TV became available on DVD.