You Will Cry!!! 2017 Part 1

This is a collection of jokes I made to any major movie that came out in 2017. Enjoy!

1. You will cry... That that after all these years, he never did wore that yellow outfit.

2. You will cry....That the happy future we saw at the end of Days of Future Past gets undone. Everyone is dead....Again.

3. That Sabretooth isn't in the movie

4. You will cry...After watching the whole thing.

Note#1-

This is how he looks in the comics and shows.

Some movies based on comics see the colorful outfits silly and believe the viewers won't take them seriously. They try to update them and make them darker.

How they look in the original trilogy.

As time went on, comic books movies started embracing their more colorful looks. Outfits started becoming more accurate. 

How they look in 1st Class.

There are attempts to updates of the design in alot movies. Sometimes it works, sometimes they go way too far and don't look anything similar from their source material.

So after many years that Hugh Jackman played Wolverine, he never did wore that outfit. 

There was a tease in an alternate ending of his earlier films of his outfit.

Note#2- The future of the original movies that was shown in Days of Future Past was giant robots called Sentinels were slaughtering every mutant and there was no hope for anybody. Wolverine's mind was sent back to the 1970s to prevent the bad future. When he woke up in present time, he was back at the X-Men mansion and everyone was alive and happy. Even the people who died in X-Men 3 were alive.(This was to undo the controversial deaths from that movie)

Then the film Logan came and everything went to depress-ville.

*Spoilers ahead, skip to the next note*

It says that several X-Men died but didn't say who. So you can pretend you favorites are still alive. Also the end of the world didn't happen, it was that mutants suddenly stop being born so there was no reason to keep teaching the next generation on how to control their powers.

Note#3- They try to have Liev Schreiber but he couldn't make it. So anybody looking forward to him were sad.

Note#4- It was sad.

Here's the trailer if anyone wants to see

*Spoilers ahead, skip the entire section*

1. You will cry...When you see Peter Quill... turned into a giant Pac-Man.

Also this is a better movie than Pixals.

2. That this was a better Transformers or Fantastic Four movie than feature a giant planet monster than those movies.

3. You will cry when you see the ending.

Note#1- As ridiculous this movie is with a talking raccoon with a talking tree, Peter Quill turning into Pac-Man is ridiculous by GotG standards but who cares, it was awesome.

Note#2- Galactus, the planet eater was in 2nd Fantastic Four movie from the mid-00s was nothing but a giant cloud. Unicron, the other planet eater. Well after so many Micheal Bay movies, I don't think many people would care.

Note#3-

Yeah, it was sad.

Here's the trailer

1. You will cry...That you only saw Orlando Bloom for 2 scenes and you only saw Keira Knightly at the very last minute.

Very last scene besides the post-credits.

Why is Will covered in sea barnacles? Did he not do his duty of transferring dead spirits?

 2. That Jack betrays the compass for booze that somehow releases the villain despite not having it a few times in the past.

3. That after fighting undead skeletons, men turned into sea monsters, and zombies. They are now facing undead underwater zombies. Totally original.

4. That they are ripping off the upcoming Transformers movie. For shame Pirates of the Caribbean. For shame.


Note#1- These two were advertised in trailers and commercials. They weren't in the 4th Pirates so their appearance was kinda a big deal after many years of not being seen. However, their appearance is very very small. I wonder if fangirls are crying are crying that Bloom's pretty face has barnacles?

Note#2- This is one plothole that bugged people. Jack did lose or gave his compass multiple times in the past but it didn't release Salazar. However you could argue he didn't "betray" the compass. He mostly loaned it to others to have it for a while till they returns it and losing it isn't technically a betrayal.

Note#3- After so many movies of undead monsters fighting Jack, it's starting to get predictable.

Note#4- This was a joke I made up with others IRL. I notice there were similarities between the two franchises.

• Dark of the Moon/At World's End- Set up as the end of the series. All the bad guys are all dead. Shia's contract is over.
• Age of Extinction/On Stranger Tides- Suddenly more movies are made despite it look like the previous one is the end. The main character(Shia/Orlando) and other recurring characters(Orlando's love interest, The military guys) aren't in it. Meanwhile, popular secondary characters whose either steals the spotlight or fans wish were the actual main come back. (Captain Jack/Optimus Prime)
• The Last Knight/Dead Man Tell No Tales-Suddenly, certain characters missing from the 4th one are suddenly back.

Here's the trailer

1. I'm going to make you watch Wonder Woman's movie....You would cry...That Hades is somehow Jabba the Hutt.

Great Hera!! What happen!? You used to look way different.

Seriously, you used to look like this. Why you look like Jabba? Are you sure your Hades and not Dionysus.

This isn't the 1st time DC animated you. So why not look like that?

What? You guys thought I was talking about the live-action one? Err...ok. I talk about that one than.

2. You will cry...That Captain Kirk didn't do anything on an island full of women.

Note#1-There was an animated Wonder Woman movie a few years back. This isn't the 1st time I tease my friends thinking I'm talking about the recent live-action movie when I'm actually talking about a lesser known animated movie that came out years before. I did it when Suicide Squad had another movie called Assault on Arkham(Yes I know that other animated movie, Hell to Pay, but that came out long after the live-action one. Plus I haven't seen it yet.)

Yeah, Hades seems more like Dionysus who was more of a wine-drinking party god.

Note#2- Captain Kirk in the original Star Trek was known for kissing a ton of women and the screen blacks out and the next scene has him putting his boots on.

His younger alternate universe counterpart is played by the same guy who plays Wonder Woman's love interest. You be thinking before you saw the movie that he has pervy thoughts but he was actually modest and more concern with the mission.

His animated counterpart on the other hand.

Here's the trailer

1. You will cry...You will cry...That they are remaking a great classic. How dare they ruined it. I enjoyed the original Mummy movie. Man, where's Brendan Fraser? No one watch The Mummy for Tom Cruise, they came for Brendan Fraser. If he's not here, then what's the point of watching?

What? Why you looking at me like that? What do you mean Boris Karoff? What you talking about?

2. That the hyped up Dark Universe died with this movie.

Note#1-Once upon a time, there was a popular summer blockbuster that alot people enjoyed that spawn sequels and spinoffs.

However alot people were unaware it was a remake of a movie from the 1930s

It wasn't a comical action-adventure flick, it was an actual horror movie. When the Tom Cruise version was coming out, people complain that they are ruining the "original". Heck, I sure there are some people that may feel this way to the Brendan Fraser version seeing the tone of that film is different than the horror ones.

2. The Dark Universe was extremely hyped up by the studio. They were hoping to copy the Marvel Cinematic Universe and have this big wide universe with several movies focusing on different monsters. There was a group photo of of the cast of Mummy with Johnny Depp as Invisible Man and Javier Bardem as Frankenstein's monster, and Russel Crowe as Dr. Jekyll/Mr.Hyde whose already in the Mummy.

However the Mummy flopped hard and the Dark Universe died with it. They made all this hype and it went nowhere. It's kinda embarrassing to see they got a shiny logo for their universe when that universe didn't go anywhere.

Here's the trailer

1.You will cry....That Barricade is back from the dead with no explanation.

How are you alive? I saw the military blinded you with snipers, blasted your legs off, and then rain down fire on your body in Dark of the Moon.

2. That Wheelie is back from the dead with no explanation.

How are you also alive? I saw you and Brains inside the Decepticon cruiser as it crash to the ground in Dark of the Moon. Yes, I know Brains was shown alive in Age of Extinction but the Autobots didn't know he was alive till they found him at the human lab. Also he looks worse for wear with him using a crutch and you weren't seen with him.

3. You will cry...The Decepticons with these loud and boisterous personalities get these big introductions with Suicide Squad-like intros. They are cool and....Within 5 minutes, they're dead.

Don't be excited on these guys. They be gone real quick. 

4. That the Autobots have less screentime then Age of Extinction. Even the Dinobots got less screentime.

5. That Hot Rod is French somehow.

 "Non! No no no, I HATE the accent! But I can't get rid of it! I'm stuck with the accent!"

-Hot Rod

6. That Unicron is the Earth itself.

I hate you Micheal Bay!!! You now ruined Unicron. How dare you rewrite Transformers lore. He's a planet eater in space, not within the Earth itself.

7. That Sam is dead(maybe)

Not the best picture I best want to be remembered when I'm dead

8. That you wasted your entire time on the subplot of the Marky Mark's daughter and her boyfriend's barely legal relationship on the previous movie seeing that now that they are no longer together.

9. That everything about the trailer that features the pro-feminist main character Izabella in this Stand By Me/It/Goonies/Stranger Things setting is a lie.

10. That there is no fanservice towards males and only towards females.

Thanks alot Micheal Bay. After years of showing Megan Fox bending over a car, or a Victoria Secret Model walking up the stairs with a shirt and no pants, or Marky Mark complaining how short his daughter's shorts are, all you show in TF5 is Mark's abs. What are the boys going to drool in this movie. You deceive us you jerk.

Note#1+2- It was announced early on that Barricade was going to be in the upcoming movie. Fans were already scratching their head how he came back. Then it also turns out Megan Fox's leg humper was also back and there's no explanation of where's he been or how he survived. 

Barricade is an interesting character.  He randomly disappears in the climax of the 1st movie. Finally showed his face in the 3rd one, only to die shortly after. Back from the dead in the 5th with no explanation and then disappears in the climax.  I hope in the upcoming Bumblebee spinoff, he dies just so he can be miraculous alive in the 2007 movie, just so I can laugh.

Note#3- 

Most of the Decepticons in these movies don't have big personalities. If you go by the movies alone without knowledge of the comics tie-ins, toy bios, or knowing their original counterparts in other Transformers series, they are noting but a bunch of hi&bye characters. The fact they have these personalities is kinda a big deal.  Also the movie try to make sure you know the names of these Cons like it's a big deal. Sadly it's not worth learning since they die right away.

And you don't know how they how exactly they died due to Bay's fast-paced shaky cam action scenes.

Here's the scene if you want to see

Note#4- Age of Extinction is the 2nd "best" Transformers movie after the 07 movie. I only saying that because the Autobots for once got actual screentime.  I'm not saying it's great or anything. Sadly they got less after the 4th movie. Fans complain the Dinobots only were in the last 10 minutes of AOE. Here they even have less screentime. At least AOE had them part of the big climax where they barge into Hong Kong and stomping the villains. Here it's a minor comical scene and Grimlock appearing to quickly kill off the Suicide Squad Cons.

Note#5-Hot Rod is one of the biggest characters in Transformers. He's usually Optimus successor of leader of the Autobots in some versions. Here is a regular run of a mill Autobot with a goofy French accent.

Note#6-This was a complaint mostly from casuals who are only familiar with the original cartoon and the live action movies.

In the show, Transformers: Prime, they did a twist on the Unicron mythos. In ancient times, Unicron was defeated and went to sleep. The gravitation pull rocks and meteors towards him, forming the center of the Planet Earth. Both the Autobots and Decepticons try to prevent Unicron from waking up or it's the destruction of the planet.

However not everyone is familiar with this concept about Unicron being the Earth itself and they start hating on Bay, thinking it's something he made up.

Note#7- Anthony Hopkins was showing the main cast display room and telling them about the Order of the Witwiccans and he told them he was the last of them. They are people who knew about the Transformers throughout history in secret and aided them. The list contain a number of famous people in history. It also showed a pic of Sam in the display room.

With Hopkins saying he's the last of them, alot people took this as a sign that Sam passed away at some point. However Stephen Hawking who was also a member was alive when this movie came out.

It's possible Sam may be alive. It didn't really go into detail of how exactly Hopkins was the last member and Sam may of never heard of the group and wasn't actually in it. But if he is dead, I'm sure those who actually likes Shia may be unhappy.

Note#8- The entire drama of this subplot Mark Wahlburg and his daughter arguing about her boyfriend on and on was annoying in the previous movie. Then Mark said something that greatly hints that she broke up with her boyfriend at some point.

Note#9- I'm not joking, there are so many things wrong with that trailer. The Micheal Bay movies are infamous of showing women in mostly fanservicey roles and suddenly we get this pro-feminist trailer. It's kinda jarring.

About her and that group of friends in the junkyard, actually it's more like a group of kids that happen to bump into a orphan girl that's buddies with two robots that were hiding. Suddenly, the kids get sort of involved in the bots getting hunted down by the government and then Autobots pick her up and take her and her robot buddies to their hideout while the random passerby kids were never seen again.

Also she has more of a supporting role than actual main character. She does because part of the group of Autobots and humans that hide in the junkyard base and later present during the climax. That's alot focus on a side character to make on the trailer.

Here's that bizarre trailer

Note#10- Micheal Bay films are know for the fanservicey moments and yet, the only scene that was outright fanservicy was Mark showing off his abs. That be like in Twlight, instead of Jacob randomly taking off his shirt, it be a attractive woman doing that while the male werewolves keep their clothes on.

Here's the trailer