Wednesday, December 30, 2020

You Will Cry...With Marvel!!! (Phase 2)

 

I'm going to make you watch Iron Man 3... You will cry....When you see that the Mandarin... Doesn't have green skin.





WTF...Where is his Green skin?

When you see Bruce Banner's cameo...Isn't played by a 4th actor.

(Warning Spoilers ahead, you been warn)

When you see the Mandarin...As a light-hair man in a business suit...What another guy in a suit?

Note#1- I admit that I have I never read any of the comics or anything else but when I was little, I did saw reruns of the 90s cartoon on some station. I barely remember it but one of the things I vaguely remember was Iron-Man's main nemesis was a green-skin man with magical rings. This is the Mandarin, who is the main villain of the movie. I heard him having green-skin only came from the 90s show and none of the other versions of the characters.

Seeing we live in a world where people complain about the live-action Green Lateran being white(Hal Jordan and John Stewart are two different people with the same power), or Mary-Jane as a blond (Gwen Stacy you idiots). I'm sure there are people out there that complain the only version of the Mandarin that they are familiar with isn't in the film.

Note#2- In the 1st Avengers movie, I joked how the Hulk is always having a different actor whenever we see him. I predicted that his cameo be played by a 4th actor, and a 5th in Avenger 2, and a 6th whenever he gets his own sequel.

Well nope, the 3rd actor makes a cameo in the 3rd Iron-Man. Mark Ruffalo is in Avengers 2 and still plays him to this day. The curse of the ever changing actors for the Hulk has been broken.

(Waring!!! Spoilers!!)


Note#3-In a plot twist, The Mandarin was really an actor to pretend to be a terrorist while this light-hair man in a business suit was really calling the shots. This was very controversial moment and most fans of the character were not happy. I joked in that past popular villains has gotten miscast as light-hair men in business suits.(M. Bison, Human Bowser, Eric Sacks' Shredder)

There was a 14-minute short film released that showed the actor Mandarin in prison and it was told that both the businessman and the actor based their identity on actual Mandarin and he's out there somewhere.

There is an upcoming film called Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings that will feature the real Mandarin.

(End Spoilers)


Here's the trailer
You can tell from the trailer how cool and evil the Mandarin is.


I'm going to make you watch Thor: The Dark World...You will cry...When you see a Norse god...played by a black man.

Does he look Scandinavian to you?


Note- One of the dumbest complains I hear about these movies is the gatekeeper, Heimdall is played by the guy from Pacific Rim. Technically, Heimdall isn't Scandinavian, he's an alien that the Norse people took as gods. Besides, Heimdall is awesome, why change him?


Here's the trailer


You will cry...When you see Black Widow...In a 3rd hairstyle.

Gee, you change your hairstyle more than the Hulk changes his actors.

You will cry...That you got spoiled by watching Agents of SHIELD.
Hey, don't look at me. It's your fault that you didn't watch Captain America on opening day in a crowded movie theater.


Note#1- Everytime we see Black Widow in a different Marvel movie, her hairstyle is different. Well if Mark Ruffalo is staying as the Hulk, I needed something else to joke about that will keep changing in throughout these films.


Note#2- The 2nd Captain America movie had huge major plot twists that affected the Marvel Cinematic Universe. These major plot twists also affected the spinoff show, Agents of SHIELD. A few days after Captain America came out, Agents of SHIELD had an episode with these events of these twists is happening. It's like the show was wasn't even giving the viewers a chance to see the movie on DVD or 1-Dollar theaters months later

If your curious what the major plots twists is.(Skip if you don't want to see)

HYDRA, a branch of the Nazis has infiltrated S.H.I.E.L.D. since it's founding in the 50s. This force S.H.I.E.L.D. to close down. Nick Fury was killed in action but the truth is he was faking his death. Most of the people still believe he was dead and his "death" was mention several times.


You cry...That you don't know who the heck these people are.

When you see...A gun-slinging talking raccoon.

You see Vin Deisel...As a tree.



Note#1- The average person has heard of Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, The Hulk. The Guardians of the Galaxy on the other hand is kinda of obscure group that exist in the Marvel comics. After the movie came out, they reach major stardom and become well known.


Note#2-Yeah, it sounds silly that the movie has a talking raccoon and Vin Diesel playing a tree to anyone unfamiliar with this film.



You will cry...That after watching this.. You will watch Godzilla 2014..And then you will cry when you see Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch...
As a couple.

Eww...Your Siblings

You will cry...That the Hulk and Black Widow.. Are a couple
But..But..My Fanfics. What about my fanfics of her and Captain America or her and Scarlet Witch. 
What? Why you looking at me like that?

 *Warning Major Spoilers Ahead, skip way past the next pic if you don't want to see*



That Hawkeye has a family.
But I thought you and Black Widow were an item.


Note#1- I'm sure people who saw Godzilla after Age of Ultron may feel sick seeing the very same actors kissing.

*spoilers*
Note#2-All of the people you excepted to be together, Bruce and Natasha was the last thing to be in people's head. Black Widow worked with Captain America before(and kiss to avoid the enemy), got flirted by Iron Man, and has a history with Hawkeye. Speaking of Hawkeye, him having a family was a shock to people. 



Sunday, November 29, 2020

Casino Royale 1954 review

It's been a sad year for Bond fans. The recent Bond flick, No Time to Die is getting delayed over and over due to Covid-19 and we just lost the legendary Sean Connery.

However, believe it or not, Sean Connery is technically not the original James Bond.

No that honor goes to Barry Nelson in the 1954's Casino Royale.

There has been three separate adaptations of Casino Royale. You have this forgotten TV special, that bizarre parody from 1967, and the most famous, Daniel Craig's 1st Bond film.

James Bond started off as a novel series with Casino Royale as it's very 1st book in 1953.

There was a show in the 1950s called Climax. It is an anthology series with live performances. One of it's earliest episodes was an adaptation of some year old little known novel called Casino Royale. 

The TV special start with the camera zooming in to...well a camera.
At least we start by seeing the inside of a barrel, just not a gun barrel.

Next, we see some dude talking about a dealer's shoe and how it's use. I guess Climax usually starts by talking about random subjects that relate to the episode.

The TV special start with Bond about to enter the Casino Royale when some offscreen assassin fired at secret agent and misses. You hear the offscreen car driving away as Bond enters the hotel.

As you notice, I said offscreen twice in the same paragraph. Prepare to see this alot. This is a live performance with some sets here and there. Some of the "action" is going to be offscreen. Imagine watching the actors react offstage events in your school theaters.

This is the original Bond himself. The American agent, Jimmy Bond.

I'm not joking, he goes by Jimmy and he's American. Can you imagine in the late 90s when Harry Potter's recently published book was unknown and it got adapted by some small American company and you watch Harvey Potter go to Hogwarts at the New York Subway system. This is very bizarre.

Jimmy gets chips for his upcoming card game which half a million Franc. He told to a person standing nearby that it equals to 1,500 dollars. Hmm, let's see. *Uses Google* The number today is rounded up to 14,500 dollars. Good gosh, that be good enough to pay off years of payments of a new car.

He meets a Brit in a suit. He asked, "Are you the one who got shot?" Jimmy replied, "No, I'm the one who got missed." Well at least can do Bond one-liners. Points for that at least.

They agree to sit down at a table.
He introduces himself as Clarence Leiter who is played by Australian actor, Michael Pate.

Yeah, Bond's CIA friend who help out Bond in several movies who one day get his leg bitten off by a shark on his honeymoon night.

Instead of going by Felix, it's Clarence for some odd reason. I'm going to still call him Felix regardless if the TV special changed his name. It's funny that the tall, dark, and handsome Englishman in a tux is suppose to be Felix while the American with above average height with light brown hair is suppose to be Bond. 

Felix mention he works at station S while Jimmy say he's from Combined Intelligence. Felix has heard of the famous "Card Sense Jimmy Bond". 
I doubt anyone call this guy "Card Sense Jimmy Bond" with a straight face.

Since Felix is a noob to Baccarat, Jimmy teach Felix the rules of game. He mentions their target is a man called Le Chiffre. He is gambling with Soviet funds and they want to take him down.

This is the main villain, played by Peter Lorre. While both Jimmy and Felix got miscast with each other's roles. This guy nails his role well and plays the slimy baddie well.

He's meant to be the same guy as this.


Le Chiffre walks to a young woman played by Linda Christian. He mentions to her how lucky and handsome Jimmy is. She mention she was once in a relationship with him. He wants to keep an eye on him, seeing he's a threat.


In Daniel Craig's version, Bond was assign to work with Vesper Lynd as she helps him with funding while he play against Le Chiffre in card games. Instead of being your average Bond Girl that simply is a fling for 007, James fell for her and proposed that he retires and lives the rest of his life for her....Then it turns out she's a double agent because her boyfriend is a hostage from a different organization and she smuggled Bond's winnings. She got herself killed during the dealings. This broke Bond's heart and made him more cold and bitter.

If you say Vesper Lynd real fast and you get West Berlin. At least her name isn't related to something sexual.

In the 54 version, she is called Valerie Mathis instead. Ok this is weird. I'm going to explain why it is.

This is Rene Mathis. He was Bond ally in both Casino Royale and it's sequel, Quantum of Solace. He died in Bond's arms, asking him to forgive Vesper and himself, then Bond loot his corpse and threw his body in the dumpster. Isn't Bond a great pal?

Yeah, they mixed up two separate people into one. For all we know, we are watching some messed up gender bender crack fanfic. I'm just going to pretend she's simply "Vesper".

Bond and Valerie meet up and talk about old times. Well good luck with that, you don't have any of your successors' charm. They walk into his hotel room. Seeing this airing on TV during the 1950s, I think Bond's hotel room only has small twin-size beds.
He investigates the room and turns up the music. They kiss for a minute and she moans, "Oh Jimmy!"

Seriously, I cannot take the name Jimmy seriously.
"You don't mess with Jimmy Cage"- Johnny Cage's lame knockoff brother from a half-forgotten webseries.
Yeah, the name Jimmy doesn't sound sexy or threatening.




 He said he believes Le Chiffre is listening in.
And it turns out he's right because that cane in that man's hand is a listening device. Maybe this guy stole it from Q's office.


Valerie tells Jimmy not to win playing card games. He wonders if she's under orders but she expresses concern for his well being.

He mentions she hasn't wrote to him in a year. Seriously, I doubt Bond is waiting on hundreds of letters from the numerous ladies he had. Yes, I'm aware this came before any of the later novels films that made him a playboy but still.

He doesn't want to speak to her anymore and showed her to elevator in a cold manner.

Felix is on the phone and telling Bond that Le Chiffre's defeat be on tomorrow papers. 

One of the henchman aims at gun at Felix who will hide his weapon under a towel.
He demands his money go to Chiffre. Suddenly a random muggle approaches Felix(unaware of the gun), asked where he wants the money. Felix tells him to give it to Jimmy. With the money out of his hands, the henchman begrudgingly leaves.

Bond meets with Valarie and she introduces the hero to the villain. He said he got the nickname, Le Chiffre aka The Cipher when he immigrated from his home country after World War II. He was seen as a another number on a passport.

As they were about to sit down to play card games.(Must resist Yu-Gi-Oh jokes) 007 gets a phone call, he answers the phone and the other line told him that his love interest's life is on the line of he wins.

Big bold white text appear and said, "End of Act 1". Nowdays, your average television show just simply go to commercial break.

Act 2 starts with a long drawn out card game that last six long minutes. This is totally utterly boring. The 06 version of this scene knew how to keep the entire scene intense and entertaining, this is pure boredom.
*cough* *cough* You can tell this is old television with smoke covering the entire area. *waves hands to get rid of smoke*

Of course at the end, Bond wins everything with 87 million francs. Hmm...Let's see. *mumbles to himself* Times it to*mumbles* Calculate the value from 1954 and...Good gosh, two and half million dollars.


Before he leaves his chair, one of the henchmen pointed a cane into 007's back.
He tells him the cane is a gun with a built-in silencer. He said the muggles think he just passed out on the table.

Bond clumsy trips back in a silly manner to get out of the cane gun and the henchman hightail it.
I guess it's less embarrassing than him dressed up as a clown to stop a nuke.

Bond picks up the cane gun the guy drop. He met with Felix and told him he's searching for Valerie and hasn't cash his check yet. He gave the British agent the gun while he rush to his hotel room.

Felix questions around to anyone about Valerie.

Bond searches around his room while his phone rings. He answers and they demand the check or they will kill their hostage. Funny enough, Valerie enters the room and appears at his side. Just before he was about to mock their bluff and slam the phone, a visitor appears at the door.
He reveals that Valerie is a member of the Deuxieme Bureau which is the French Secret Service and also working against him. The big words, "End of Act 2" appears.

Act 3 starts with the henchmen beating a tied up Jimmy with an inch of his life. He's still waiting on the location of his check. 

Where's my money at!? Where's my money!?

They threw him into a bathtub and Le Chiffre pulls out pliers.
And he tortures him somehow because his hands were offscreen. What he do? Break his toes off? Seeing the 06 version smack his balls with a bundle of rope, I guessing he was cracking walnuts? Either way, I'm surprised they were implying something this violent during the 50s. Too bad Mr. White ain't here to save them.

The tied up Valerie mention she saw Jimmy with a screwdriver when she came in the room.

The villains leave the bathroom while French agent grabs a razor sitting around and hands it to Bond. He breaks free and hid behind the door. One of the henchmen comes in to check on them but 007 gives the drop on him.

Le Chiffre is happy he found the check. He wonders what's taking his henchman so long. He enters the bathroom and we hear random gunshots from offscreen.

He now has a spot of red dyed corn syrup on his suit from being offscreen for a second.

We see the henchman thrown back from offscreen and we hear more gunshots as he dies.

The Bond girl drags Jimmy to a chair.

The American agent tells the girl to call the police and get the check from his suit.

Then the TV special abruptly ends just like that.

Certain releases have an extended ending that doesn't end like the one above. As Valerie was about to get to the phone, Le Chiffre grabs her and aims a razor at her neck. She breaks out of his hold and Bond shoots him down, finally killing him.
Then they kiss. The credits roll.

And they lived happily ever after till she betrays him to get the money to save her boyfriend....or this is an alternate universe where that never happen and he retires and let some other 00 agent save the world multiple times.


I wouldn't say this special isn't worth watching unless your a hardcore 007 fan and you wanted to see what a Bond film be like under a 50s TV special. This was made back Bond was an unknown entity at the time and very new. Even Barry Nelson himself said this. There some stuff that's different from what we know 007 now may be forgivable due little material they had at the time but sometimes, they change a little too much

Hey, Excuuuuuse me that this cartoon made me a sexist, egoistical, whinny jerk during the very early years of my game's franchise before alot things were established.

Excuuuuse me Princess that you dump Mario for some loser Prince back when the Super Mario Bros only had one game.

Surprisingly, those video games adaptations were arguably more faithful because they didn't make their main character switch nationalities and merge their love interests with their male ally.

Barry Nelson was unhappy with some stuff other than being Bond before Bond got popular. One was most of the problems was the script kept jumping over the place and removing words here and there. He said the real reason he came to this production was to work with Peter Lorre. Alot people who seen this say that the villain was the best thing that came out of the TV Special.

Later on in the later 50s, CBS wanted Ian Fleming to write some stories for a James Bond series for a TV show but that never passed and Fleming release these short stories in a book called, "For Your Eyes Only."

Thankfully, the 007 series took true form in the 1960s and the rest was history.