Thursday, June 30, 2022

You Will Cry...With DC

This be a list of all the things DC outside of the DCEU since they made a ton of movies before and during their answer to the MCU.

You will cry...When you see the heroic Superman...throws the defenseless Zod down the into abyss and watch him fall to his death while smiling.
Man, who knew Superman was a sadistic jerk.

Why are people complaining about Supes snapping Zod's neck in the newer one? At least that Superman was forced to kill to save the lives of some innocent civilians and after doing the deed, Supes fell on his knees and cry in agony on what he did.


Note- The scene where Superman was force to kill to Zod in Man of Steel was a very controversial moment. Many say he does not kill people like Batman. Afterwards, people have mention Supes was forced into positions in the comics and did mention the ending of the 2nd Christopher Reeves movie.

However it does turn out there was a deleted scene where the depowered Zod and the gang were going to prison after Superman threw them in a most likey a not-so-deep-pit. The scene where he throws Zod wasn't originally intended to be him killing Krypton criminal in cold blood.

I don't really see a big deal on the scene in Man of Steel. Superman felt terrible right after on what he did. Micheal Bay's Optimus on the other hand heroically said, "Give me your face" and he chasing down the wounded Fallen, punching through his chest and crushing his heart and watch him melt off his hand while saying, "I rise, you fall!"



You will cry...That Batman has nipples

The million ice puns that comes out of Arnold's mouth
*insert random ice pun*

The nipples and the puns will be the 1st two things that come to people's mind when they think of this film. This was the most hated Batman movie of all time. After Tim Burton put Batman's mainstream image return to it's dark roots in the late 80s/early 90s, Joel Schumacher's rein of the Batman franchise took the films in the complete opposite direction into way too goofy and campy for people to take. There's a difference between lighthearted and down right campy. If it was released in the 60s, it may of been accepted. This film caused the franchise to end and wait several years to reboot.


I'm going to make you watch Catwoman...You will cry that it's the worst adaption ever.

Note- I remember when I 1st saw the trailers, I honesty thought this was a completely different character with the same name as the recurring character from Batman. One day, someone was playing Catwoman at their place and I saw the DC comics logo when the movie was starting. So yes, this is based on the popular DC character. Also, Catwoman is a regular woman in a suit, not someone brought back from the dead with cat powers.

I swear, there is no connection to anything from the source material at all. Super Mario Brothers: The Movie, is a far better adaption for many reasons. The brothers and Daisy(or Peach) look like their counterparts and Yoshi is how you expect a realistic one to look. It knows Bowser(or Koopa) is the main villain and his troops are the Goombas(despite they're 7 foot tall.) It knows who Toad and the giant fish are despite the fact that they're humans(well not Homo-Sapiens but that's not the point.) There were billboards and shops that are references to characters and items. You don't see any references like this in Catwoman.

There is other bad adaptations out there but at least you can sort of make a connection to the source material, something I can't say about Catwoman.



Here's the trailer


I'm going to make you watch the movie Constantine and...

What a minute. Keanu Reeves!?
Where's the blond hair, the humor, or the English accent?



Note- John Constantine been getting more popular in recent years through shows and movies, both animated and live-action. To my surprise, he had a film in 2005 and, well looked nothing like him or act like him.


I'm going to make you watch the Dark Knight...You will cry...That Heath Ledger is going to play as the Joker. Here's the 1st picture of him
Ahhh....He looks stupid. This movie has ruined the Joker. Ahhh!!!!

Note- People's 1st reaction to the Joker was them whining on how he looks. As time went on, more photos, trailers came out and the whining slowed down then the news of Heath Ledger's dead came. People were upset and more curious of what Ledger's Joker was like. Nowdays, people praise he's the best Joker and even got an oscar for his performance.


Here's the trailer



I'm going to make you watch Watchmen… You will cry...When you see Dr Matthatten’s….. Giant blue winkie for 3 straight hours.

If you were looking forward to seeing the girl naked, well too bad. The female superhero was only naked for one minute while the blue guy is naked for 3 hours, that's totally not fair.


No, this movie is not a porno. He just simply a god-like being who is above humanity that he sees no need for clothes. The camera didn't focus on his ehh...little smurf but it was there in the background


She's naked for barely a minute during a sex scene as they play the song, "Hallelujah". That is the worst song for a sex scene ever made.

Here's the trailer




Green Lantern- "You will cry...When you see The Green Lantern...Is played by a white dude."

 
WTF man, why you turn him into a white dude.
 
Note- One of the stupidest things I heard before the movie came out is that people were complaining that The Green Lantern isn't black in this movie. The thing is that there has been multiple Green Lanterns over the years. The white guy is called Hal Jordan and he is the most well known of the Green Lanterns. The black guy is called John Stewart and he is a lesser known one until the TV show called Justice League came out with John as one of the main characters. This show also boosted his popularity.
The sad news is that some people may be only familiar with this Green Lantern. Dudes, do a quick google search before start you ranting. I never read any of the comics or seen other TV shows but I know well enough that there's been different ones.
 






I'm going to make you watch The Dark Knight Rises....You will cry...You will cry...When you see Batman....Opening his mouth.

You cry...That this movie's villain Bane...is connected to Mitt Romney and the Bain Capital.



Note #2- At the time of the 2012 election year, a radio talk show host named Rush Limbaugh claims that Bane is based on Romney and the Bain Capital. OK, a quick 5 second check on Google will prove you wrong.



I'm going to make you watch the animated adaptation of the beloved graphic novel, The Killing Joke. You cry...When you see the 30 minute unnecessary prologue that was never in the comic that had Batman and Batgirl having sex.
*Pukes!!!*

Note- They added this pointless prologue into this movie. I guess it didn't had enough runtime to be a movie and they wanted us to get attached to Batgirl before her infamous scene where Joker forever paralyzed her.....until the 2010s magically repaired here spine after decades in real time of being in a wheelchair.

They just suddenly got into to it on a rooftop. Also she's normally Dick Grayson's(1st Robin) love interest from time to time. That be like Batman sleeping with his son's GF and stuff. This is one couple people don't want to see together.




1. I'm going to make you watch Joker...You Will Cry...They gave Joker an actual origin story. Oh and he doesn't fall in a vat of acid.

2. That Jared Leto isn't in it. Man, no one came to see Joaquin Phoenix, they came to see the singer from Thirty Seconds to Mars.

*Spoiler Warning on the next two bits*

3. That they ripoff Austin Powers and made Joker and Batman brothers. Are you kidding me? 1st the movie Spectre actually made James Bond and Blofeld brothers(well adopted bros), now these guys.

4. That we see the death of Bruce's parents for the 24574th time.


Note#1- Most versions of the Joker has a mysterious past. Nobody knows who he is, even himself. He could be a failed comedian, a gangster hitman, abused by parents, an ancient evil.
I'm not exactly sure what happened. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another. If I'm going to have a past, I prefer multiple choice!

His clashing backstories have been mention in the various different versions. Even the Heath Ledger version had different stories of how he got his scars. The only thing that's true is he was there at ACE Chemicals when Batman showed up and the guy who would become Joker fell in a vat of acid.

Joker's movie a standalone story with no connection to the others. It's meant to be loosely based on the Joker and tell it's own story. It's to tell how someone can go downhill and end up becoming the Joker. Tho for all we know, this solo Joker movie could be one of the many made up tales of how Joker started his start of villainy.

As for the acid vat thing, most people who are familiar with the Batman live-action movies and only the live-action movies think it's only a "Micheal Keaton thing." Ehh, no. The cartoons, comics, video games, all showed the man who becomes Joker comes from a vat of acid.

Note#2- People had mixed opinions of Jared Leto's version of Joker from Suicide Squad. Some say he's great, others say he's terrible. His Joker was highly advertised and it turns out he was only in it for ten minutes.  People say it doesn't matter how great or terrible he is, he didn't get a chance to shine. According to the actor, alot of his scenes were cut.

Then a few years later, a Joker movie came out without the popular singer/actor. Fans of Leto were not happy about this, even the actor himself  "feels alienated and upset". However it's simply a stand-alone movie with no connection with the DCEU. Them getting a different actor doesn't seem a big deal if it's an alternate universe. 

Then years later, Suicide Squad gets a semi-sequel with Birds of Prey with a vaguely seen Joker in a flashback scene. Love him or hate him, dude seems like he is getting the shaft.


*Spoiler Warning on the next two bits*
Note#3- Arthur(pre-Joker) was wondering who she's writing letters to. One day when she isn't looking, he took a peak at them. According to it, Thomas Wayne had an affair with one of his employees and got her pregnant. This means that he and Bruce are half-brothers. Arthur tried to meet with Thomas but he told him to get away and tell him his mother is crazy.

We then find out his mother isn't really his to begin with. She is caught in illusion that Thomas had a relationship with her and Arthur is their biological son.

Regardless if this is true or not, even for a one shot stand-alone story. The mere idea of Joker and Batman being related is hard to believe.

Note#4- You seen one death of Bruce's parents, you seen them all. They are featured in every single version. It does get annoying for some viewers and they don't want to be hammered down and rewatching their deaths for the 4857th time. It didn't help the last theatrical version had them in Batman v Superman. It's not a full on Batman movie to begin with and it doesn't serve a purpose. The only forgivable thing about that is irony that two of the actors ended up as enemies on The Walking Dead.

However you really don't see their deaths. You only saw the riots in the city that started with the Joker. The Wayne family try to leave these crazy events as they go down a dark alley as they were followed by a man with a gun. It wasn't exactly shoved in our faces, more like showing how one crazy event led to another.


1. I'm going to make you watch Teen Titans Go to the Movies.

2. You will cry...When you see Superman...Played by Nicholas Cage.

Note#1 -Once upon a time, there was a show in the mid-2000s called Teen Titans that was based on a group of the same name from DC comics. The show was popular and lasted a while. The show had a recent reboot called Teen Titans Go and it became the most hated thing in recent years. 
I never watch it other than a few minutes and it doesn't seem good. I don't pay attention what's on Cartoon Network nowdays but most of the time, when I'm browsing what's on, you see Teen Titans Go marathons on the channel. CN really really loves the show and wants to milk it dry. You literally can't watch anything else on the channel.

However from what I heard, the movie that's based on show wasn't bad actually and from what it sounds, it's better than the show itself. If you want to watch it, feel free to.

Note#2- Nicholas Cage as Superman is kinda the last person I expected to be cast. He tried to be him back in the 90s.
Look! It's bird. No it's a plane. NOOOO IT'S THE BEEEEES!!!! WAAHHH!!!! A B C D E F G....

Yes, this is real. When I first heard this, I was like, "Really?" Tim Burton try to make a movie based on the famous Death of Superman story but it didn't get made. However, Cage get to be Superman finally in Teen Titans Go and actually did a good job.



Just saying the title alone is enough.

Note- It is funny to mention this to people who are unaware of this crossover. However it's quite an epic crossover.


You cry...That Batman is played by the Sparkling Vampire from Twilight. Man, worse casting ever.

Note- I haven't seen it yet but I kinda figure Robert Patterson will do a good job. I know he's been in other roles besides Twilight and even the actor admits he's not a fan of the series. This isn't the 1st time the entire world judged a casting choice in a Batman related product.

Not only Heath, but Michael Keaton and Ben Affleck got bashed long before anyone got to see the final product.