You Will Cry....With those Darned Dirty Apes

 

I'm going to make you watch the original Planet of the Apes. You will cry that you already know the twist ending before you actually saw the movie.

Note- The famous twist at the end of the movie is well known to most people. Just like who Darth Vader is, what happen to Dumbledore, or the ending of disk 1 of Final Fantasy 7. It doesn't help there's a dozen sequels made. The movie's twist been parodied all over the place like this scene from The Simpsons. Even certain DVD have the twist on it's cover. 

Here's the trailer if you want to see

*Spoilers ahead, you been warned*

I'm going to make you watch Beneath the Planet of the Apes. You cry...When you see magical mutants in you somewhat grounded franchise.

When Taylor blows up the Earth. You maniac! You blew up it!

Note#1- This series is mostly grounded despite there's time travel and evolved apes. Suddenly we these out of the blue mutants. They were descendants of survivors of a nuclear war from thousand years ago. They been exposed to radiation and mutated them and their children. They also gain telepathic powers. After this movie, they never went back to telepaths again.

Note#2- The movie infamously decide to just randomly blow up the planet. Charlton Heston was asked back into the movie but he didn't want to. He agreed to only have a limited role and have his character killed off. Also to prevent sequels being made, they have Taylor press a button to a powerful bomb that blew up the planet. That's right, they ended the movie in the most depressing manner. Have a nice day. The End.

Yeah, this is consider one of the worse movies of the franchise 

However Earth's destruction didn't prevent sequels. The next movie stated that several apes found Taylor's spaceship and went to space and witness the planet's destruction as they were pulled into the 20th century.

Here is the trailer

Planet of the Apes (2001 remake)- You will cry...When you are trying to figure out the ending.

Notes- After Marky Mark defeated the villain and made peace with humans and apes. He got in a space pod and leave the planet. He than arrived on Earth but he couldn't land properly, so he had to make a crash landing in front of the Lincoln Memorial. The statue of Lincoln had an ape's face rather than a human. Just then, hundreds of cars arrived and the people got out to take pictures of Marky Mark. They were all apes. This ending did not make sense.


I guess this was an alternate universe where human never did became the dominate species. It's possible that this is Earth in the future where apes evolved and took over and rewrote history to their liking.(Like changing Lincoln's face.) The only other idea I have is the entire movie took place on prehistoric Earth and apes did became the dominate life on the planet. Either way, the ending was never explained to this day.

Here's the trailer

You Will Cry...That uhh... James Franco is err...a poor man's version of Ricardo Montalban. Uh yeah.

Note- Some people dare me to find something to make fun of the newer Planet of the Ape series at the time they were being released theaters. I couldn't think of anything till recently.

The joke sort of originated that when the 4th Transformers flim, Age of Extinction was announced. People say that Mark Wahlberg is at least a step up of Shia Labeouf. (As long he's not spending the entire film complaining about his daughter's boyfriends who somehow have a card saying he's legally allowed to sleep with minors)

It was then, that we all remember that he was in the 2001 remake with him as an astronaut who crashes in a mysterious planet that's full of apes and he struggles to survive in this harsh world. He was more or less playing a similar character to Charlton Heston's. Shia was then called, a poor man's poor man's Charlton Heston.

Well in the classic series, Ricardo Montalban was Caesar's caretaker before Caesar became a leader who led an ape rebellion to their freedom. In some sort of way, James Franco sort of somewhat had Ricardo Montalban's role. However they are very completely different characters who just happen to be caretakers of Caesar in different universes.

Here's the trailer

*spoiler warning, you been warned*

You will cry....That this war...Is only in the 1st few minutes. Wait that's it? Well I'm leaving the theater then.


Note- There was a skirmish between humans and apes only at the very beginning of the film. Most the remaining movie turned into a revenge quest for Caesar since he "tries" to go on his own to kill one bad human. Later on, the movie was more closer to "The Great Escape" or the Biblical Exodus than a full on war. The bad human was more gearing up to a different group of humans than apes at the end. There was more human vs. ape war in the previous movie than this one. It's not a bad movie but the title is a little misleading.

Here's the trailer