Sunday, January 26, 2014

You will cry!!! The Prequel

I often joked to friends about silly jokes based on whatever movies were airing at the time.  However I sometimes joked about movies that came before 2009. Here's a collection of silly movie threats. Enjoy.



Super Mario Bros- I'm going to make you watch Super Mario Bros...You will cry…You will cry… When you see…A human Bowser.
Do they look like the same guy? 

Like M.Bison, They turn him into a light-hair man in a business suit.


He does turn into a dinosaur for barely a minute at the end of the film. It's very anti-climatic.




You will cry when you see the guitarist that's speaking out against Bowser….Is suppose to be Toad.  







That the big black woman that Mario danced with…Is suppose to be that giant fish that eats Mario.



Note- The differences between the game and movies versions is laughable. Mario and Luigi get rocket boots that explains their "jumping" ability, so even something simple as jumping got radically altered.

Want to see the what the Goombas look like?



Here's the trailer if anyone wants to see




Casino Royale- You will cry...You will cry...When you see...A blond bond
Gee, one of these guys look different from the others. I can't put my finger on which one.


Note-When Daniel Craig was cast as Bond. Everyone complain like crazy over a frigging hair color. People did ended up liking him after Casino Royale came out. Sadly, he still has his haters to this day for the dumbest reasons.

Here's the trailer



Brokeback Mountain- I'm going to make you watch Brokeback Mountain...You will cry... You will cry...When you see... Two cowboys going at it.

Note- I'm not against gay people or anything. It's just female viewers have teased me about making me watch this movie.

Here's the trailer




Planet of the Apes (2001 remake)- You will cry...You will cry...When you are...Trying to figure out the ending.

Notes- I quickly tell what happens, After Marky Mark defeated the villain and made peace with humans and apes. He got in a space pod and leave the planet. He than arrived on Earth but he couldn't land properly, so he had to make a crash landing in front of the Lincoln Memorial. The statue of Lincoln had an ape's face rather than a human. Just then, hundreds of cars arrived and took pictures of Marky Mark. They were all apes. This ending did not make sense.


I guess this was an alternate universe where human never did became the dominate species. It's possible that this is Earth in the future where apes evolved and took over and rewrote history to their liking.(Like changing Lincoln's face.) The only other idea I have is the entire movie took place on prehistoric Earth did became the dominate life on the planet. Either way, the ending was never explained to this day.

Here's the trailer



I'm going to make you watch Snakes...On a plane.





Note-The title said it all. Just saying the title of the movie would surprised anyone that such a silly name would be the title of a movie.



TMNT(2007)- You will cry...You will cry...When you see...That's in CGI.




Note-  I know some people whose only reason to hate this flick is that it's in CGI and not costumes/animaltronics. They honestly believe that Turtles 3 is better just because it not done in CGI, I'm not joking. Obviously, they never watch anything Turtles related since the early 90s and vaguely remember what the latter movies were like. 
While the 1st one is easily the best to this day, 2 and especially 3 were a drop in quality. I rank 2007 movie between between the 1st and 2nd and it was the only good/decent thing that happen to Ninja Turtles back when 2003 series went downhill with Fast Forward and Back to the Sewer. Thank goodness the series ended on a high note with the epic crossover TV movie, Turtles Forever


Here's the trailer for the 2007 movie


Star Wars: The Holiday Special



You will cry...You will cry...When you see…A masturbating wookie

10 straight minutes of  wookies talking with with no translation and no subtitles


Most annoying cooking show


Girly looking Luke


Slowest most boring tutorial of how to make a transmitter


When you see Mos Eisley...A scum of hive and villainy… is crying like babies that their cantina is closing down as they watch Bea Arthur from Golden Girls sing.



Note- The Holiday Special is an obscure TV special that only aired once on TV. After Epsiode 4, CBS asked George Lucas to have the go ahead to make a holiday special. He agreed and after it aired, he hated it so much that he doesn't want it to air again and never to be put on VHS/DVD/Blu-Ray/Etc. You can only find a low-quality version somewhere on the internet to watch.


Mark Hamill had a car accident during the final days of shooting A New Hope that scarred him and he had to get surgery for his face. He had wear alot make up on his face for the Holiday Special but the end results is weird. He looks girly. In Empire Strikes Back, the 1st thing that happens to Luke is he gets smacked in the face from a Wampa. If you see any facial scars throughout episodes 5 and 6, well that's maybe the movie's explanation why he got those.

Here is a clip of some of the weirdest moments from the Special
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDfvQMfp7uo


Watch the scum of hive and villainy cry like babies with Bea Arthur
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6K6ETASu1E


One of the few positive things people said is there is a cartoon in middle of the special that shows the very first appearance of Boba Fett that predated his appearance in Empire Strikes Back.






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