You Will Cry!!! 2015

Here it is, the new installment of the You Will Cry series. If you don't know, I explain. A long time ago, me and a friend were discussing about an upcoming movie that be out in theaters later that week. It was Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li and talk that it didn't look good. He later annoyed me that day and I joke I was going to force him to watch the movie. Over time, I joked I was going to force people to watch whatever big movie is out. Sometimes it's a bad movie. Sometimes I'm making fun of raging idiot fanboys, or I'm making fun of the movie over the silliest reasons. Here is a list of silly movie jokes from 2015. Enjoy.

I'm going to make you watch American Sniper. You will cry...That you don't know how he actually die and you have to use the internet to figure it out.

Note-The movie ends with him telling his family he be helping a fellow veteran and then the movie goes to black and shows actual footage of Chris Kyle's funeral.

What happen is that Chris Kyle and the veteran went to a shooting range. The veteran was suffering form PTSS and starting gunning down everyone at the shooting range. The movie makers thought it be best not to show it. His death was recent and all over the news. However not everyone heard it and I know a few who hasn't heard the news. Plus if you show this movie to people decades later, people be scratching their heads on the ending.


You cry...That according to Micheal Moore, the guy is a coward. Wait, he called him that? That jerk!

Note-Moore posted on twitter saying he thought snipers were cowards. From the way the tweet looked, it look like Moore was being harsh towards Kyle and given the fact he died not too long ago, it sounded heartless. In war, the enemy don't care about honorable hand-to-hand combat. You may have to fight dirty.
Moore posted in a later tweet that he was talking about how he grew up hating snipers because a relative of his died from an enemy sniper in WWII. Ok that's find, but your should of worded it better.

Here's the trailer if anyone wants to see

I'm going to make you watch 50 Shades of Grey...You Will Cry...You Will Cry...That the book of the movie started out as a fanfic of Twilight.

I'm going to make you watch 50 Shades of Rainbow and it's sequel 50 Shades of Fur. You will cry...You cry..When you see Not-Edward getting it on with Not-Jacob and in the sequel, Not-Jacob will transform halfway into a wolf and become a furry. Later on Not-Edward gets M-Preg.


Note#1-I'm not joking, 50 Shades was originally an online fanfic of Twilight. The author closed down the story and rewrote it, removing all the characters from Twilight and created new ones. It got publish as a book and later got a movie. Just when people thought they were done with Twilight movies, a fanfic turned novel/movie comes out.

Note#2- If 50 Shades was a fanfic rewritten into an original story. Imagine other fanfics. Girls like pairing two males together, despite the fact they're straight and have girlfriends. It wouldn't surprise me they paired Edward and Jacob or whoever from the series that I never bother to watch.

Here's the trailer if anyone wants to see

I'm going to make you watch...Get Hard

I'm going to make you watch...Trainwreck

Note- Never saw these films. If you tell them by the titles alone, one sounds like a porno while the other sound like a bad movie. 

You will cry...That after watching this.. You will watch Godzilla 2014..And then you will cry when you see Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch...

As a couple.

Eww...Your Siblings

You will cry...That the Hulk and Black Widow.. Are a couple

But..But..My Fanfics. What about my fanfics of her and Captain America or her and Scarlet Witch. 

What? Why you looking at me like that?

 *Warning Major Spoilers Ahead, skip way past the next pic if you don't want to see*



That Hawkeye has a family.

But I thought you and Black Widow were an item.

Note#1- I'm sure people who saw Godzilla after Age of Ultron may feel sick seeing the very same actors kissing.

*spoilers*

Note#2-All of the people you excepted to be together, Bruce and Natasha was the last thing to be in people's head. Black Widow worked with Captain America before(and kiss to avoid the enemy), got flirted by Iron Man, and has a history with Hawkeye. Speaking of Hawkeye, him having a family was a shock to people. 

Here's the trailer

I'm going to make you watch any of these movies...You will cry...That none of these have feathered dinosaurs. Nobody came to see featherless dinos.

Note- Everything we knew about Dinosaurs back in the 90s is nowdays is scientifically inaccurate. The advancements of studying dinosaurs bones have discovered that most of them have feathers.

I joked that if Jurassic Park gets re-released, they digitally adds feathers. Well the movie came with a 3D release and nothing. I can understand they weren't going to go all George Lucas on it. A whole new movie was coming and when the trailers were shown, it was still featherless dinos.

They do have an explanation within the movie because the 1st movie said they filled the incomplete DNA with frogs, explaining how the dinos adapt and how they change sexes to reproduce. However the whole part with frog DNA is also a good enough reason to explain in later movies why the dinos don't have feathers. They even explain that the people who run the island wants to show more fangs and scales to impress the tourists.

I'm sure people would more complain about The Land Before Time milking yet another sequel than not having feathered dinos but I admit I judged it and The Good Dinosaur by the covers and joked that they didn't have feathered dinos. Actually there was but it wasn't the main characters. It be weird with the milked to death series drastically changed the outlook of the main characters.

T-Rexs used to look cool but now, they're big giant chickens with big lips.

Here's the trailer to Jurassic World

Trailer to Good Dinosaur (You don't see them)

Trailer to the most recent Land Before Time (You barely saw them)

You will cry...When you see...Minion butt...Ahh my eyes.

You cry...That the 1st five minutes have a featherless T-rex. 

Five minutes in and the movie already upsets me. Time to leave the theater.

Note#1- There was one scene a Minion walked around in a thong. That scene alone can kill people's eyes.

Note#2- I'm going to run the feather dino joke into the ground. I seriously doubt somebody going to condemn the whole film for one little scene.

Here's the trailer if anyone wants to see

You will cry...that John Conner met Kyle Reese differently than shown in Salvation.

That the world ended in 1997 rather than 2004.

That your favorite Terminator movies 1-2 are erased from existence.

That you saw Matt Smith in less than 2 minutes. Man, nobody came to see Arnold. They came to see Matt Smith, if he's barely in it, then what's the point of watching.

Note#1&2- The 1st five minutes greatly clashes with movies 3 and 4. The world did originally ended in 1997 but the actions of Terminator 2 prevented that. Then Terminator 3 reveal that the Judgement Day wasn't stopped but held back till 2004.

Terminator Salvation had John meet his future dad for the 1st time on at a Skynet facility. Genisys say John met Kyle in a dark alley.

Genisys is either Terminator 6 and the unseen Terminator 5 movie caused more changes to the timeline. Maybe it's like Superman Returns and follows 1&2 but ignores 3&4. Or it could be that people who works behind the scenes didn't look up the previous movies.

Note#3- The 1st part of of the movie takes place during the events of the Terminator 1 but heavily altered. Then they go to 2017 because Judgment Day was delayed to much later, meaning Terminator 2 never happened.

However there is a new Terminator coming soon and it's going to be a continuation of 1 and 2 only. So your favorite movies is only erased in the Genisys timeline.

Note#4- Matt Smith who is best known as the 11th Doctor from Doctor Who was shown in alot magazines and it turns out he's only in it for barely two minutes.

That's alot advertisement for a cameo

Here's the trailer of the movie

I'm going to make you watch Ted 2....You cry...That's it's a ripoff of that episode where Data from Star Trek went to court for his rights.

Here's the trailer

I'm going to make you watch Magic Mike XXL. It's a movie about male strippers.

Note-No straight male wants to watch these movies. Me and several friends tease each other about watching this movie. Most of the people who want to watch it is mostly females. I heard these movies have good reviews and I'm sure they may be good movies. Doesn't mean I want to see them.

Here's the trailer if you want to watch. If your female or gay, please don't drool on your keyboards.

You will cry...That Adam Sandler is in it.

Note-To alot people, hearing Adam Sandler was reason enough to not watch this movie. People were excited see Pac-Man and Donkey Kong till they saw who one of the main actors is.

Here's the trailer

I'm going to make you watch Fan4stic...You will cry...When you see...

A black Human Torch

A collage age Mr.Fantastic.

An Invisible Woman with small boobs

Notes- Honesty, these are the lease of the films problems.

I remember The Human Torch from Chronicle and he was cool. I'm not upset they change his skin color.

From the pre-reboot movies and the cartoon I vaguely remember, Mr. Fantastic was old enough to have some grey on the side of head, not a young collage kid.

In most comic books, women have very large boobs. However in real life, good luck finding talented actresses with having really large boobs. Even Jessica Alba had a long way to go.

I didn't see the film nor care. I remember seeing an article on Yahoo's front screen one day and said this is the biggest bombed superhero movies. No, I couldn't think of anything to say about The Thing, I heard Doctor Doom had it far far worse but the trailers don't show much and I don't care about the film.

Here's the trailer.

Ok, looking back at this trailer just before I posted the link. Uhh...The Thing before he became a rock creature looks very skinny. I guess I do have something to say about him.

I'm going make you watch Jem.


Note-I only saw a few minutes of the cartoon. There are some movies based on shows that you barely saw, you can easily tell that are it's bad that they barely resemble the show. I'm sure people who never played Mario can easily tell the movie doesn't look like the games.

This was one of the most hated trailers ever made and the movie was pulled out of the theaters in less than 2 weeks because no one was watching these movies.

Here's the trailer

No that's not Baron Samedi in the background

I'm going to make you watch Spectre...You will cry...That the opening song is alot like those weird Japanese porns.

Thanks alot Japan. You now ruin 007.

Note- Japan has this weird obsession of tentacles monsters having it's way with women. Bond movies usually have an opening song where shadowy nude women dance around. With the movie being about Spectre making a comeback whose symbol is an octopus and you mix the two and...It looks like those weird Japanese porns. I'm surprise the other 007 movie known as Octopussy didn't have an opening like this.

*Warning Spoilers for the film. Skip if you want*

You will cry...That they totally ripoff of Austin Powers that 007 and Blofled are bros. For shame.

Note- Bond's nemesis from the late Connery/Lazenby era was Blofled. At the end of the Austin Powers series which is a parody of James Bond, Austin and Dr. Evil were revealed to be long lost bros.
Dozen of years later when James Bond got rebooted and the series reintroduce Blofled, it's reveal the head of Spectre was the son of the man that raised Bond after his parents passed away.

Here's the trailer

I'm going to spoil the new Star Wars...You cry...That Chewie gave his life to save Han's kids. That Han's son went to the dark side while his sister fights him. That Luke married the Emperor's assassin and the Emperor comes back as a clone. That Boba Fett is alive. 

You will cry...That Admiral Ackbar had two lines.

When you see a black Stormtrooper

That you didn't notice 007 was in the movie.

That the cast from the Raid movies were totally wasted.

That TR-8R die too quickly.

*Warning Spoilers ahead, avoid next sentience if you haven't seen.*
That Luke doesn't show up till the very end and says nothing


Note#1- Well they are spoilers from a certain point of view. Just not the spoilers that matters to the movie. Most of the stuff I said is from the old Extended Universe before Disney decided to reboot the entire timeline outside the six(now seven) movies.

Note#2- I tease some people who didn't see the movie yet like fake spoilers or that Admiral Ackbar had two lines. Everyone knows that that he's a minor character and he's mostly popular from his famous meme quote "IT'S A TRAP!". It's obvious that him having two lines is a not big deal.

Note#3- People complain when they saw a black Stormtrooper in the trailers because all Stormtroopers are clones of Jango Fett. That's incorrect. At the end of the Clone Wars, the clones were very expensive and they aged rapidly. The clone program was shut down and majorly of the Stormtroopers were recruits.

While it wasn't mention in the movies alot, but you can tell the Stormtroopers are more of guys that were quickly hired and thrown into service than well trained mighty warriors. Plus, the Stromtroopers were infamously know for being bad shots.

Even if the new movie isn't part of the old EU, Rebels TV show is a part of the new Disney timeline and it has a clear explanation between Clone and Storm. Even within the new movie shows a member of the First Order mentioning he rather have clones in his service.

There's also people complain about the movie being more diversed. *shrugs* Yeah, your point is?
Edit: Just to point out. I wrote the above paragraph when it was The Force Awakens was the only post Disney buy off and only The Force Awakens. The backlash of The Last Jedi hasn't hit at the time. That film got accused of political agendas shoved in over good storytelling.


Note#4- Daniel Craig had a cameo where he was the Stormtroopers that fell for Rey's Jedi mind trick.

Note#5-The cast of the Raid movies were in the scene when they were dealing with Han and within a minute, they get attacked by a tentacle monster. We could of seen cool hardcore martial arts but sadly we didn't.

Go look up any fight scenes from Raid Redemption or Raid 2 to see how these guys fight.

Note#6-The one Stormtrooper nicknamed, TR-8R that gave Finn a beating, has quickly became the "Boba Fett" of the film. Captain Phasma, the chrome-armored female Stormtrooper was intended to be the "Boba Fett" but it was really TR-8R that became famous. Sadly he died shortly after he was introduced. Don't worry, maybe he come back from the dead like Boba Fett and Darth Maul, or not, I'm still waiting somebody to undo Grievous' crappy death and return him to the cool Jedi killing cyborg I remember.

Note#7-*spoiler warning*
Yeah, you don't see Luke to the very end of the movie and he doesn't say anything. I'm sure some fanboys were upset.

Here's the Trailer