Monday, December 11, 2017

You will cry!!! 2016 Part 1

Here's a list of me poking fun at movies from 2016. I joked to friends who annoy me and I said back to them I'm going to drag them to the theaters and torture them into seeing these. Sometimes it's because the movie is bad, sometimes to poke fun at the noobish reactions, sometimes it's something else. Enjoy


No it's not an actual Valentine's movie.

But what are you talking about Chris. Look at this Banner. Check it.
I don't know who's hotter. Me or her. 
Anyways, it was a movie that simply aired near Valentine's Day that did had a romance subplot.


1.You will cry...when you see... Ryan Reynold's butt. Great, it's bad enough I had to see Hugh Jackman's in the other X-Men movies.

Now what's wrong with my butt. You know my fans want to see it.
You know my viewers on a piece of this.



2.That he killed Mario.
He deserved it.
Oh by the way viewers, he's not talking about a certain video game mascot.

3.Trying to figure out who the heck is Negasonic Teenage Warhead is
Let me guess, is she going to be on "Love for obscured characters" articles.
I doubt it.

4.That you took your kid to the movie. What!? You didn't see it's rated R. Shame on you.
Yeah, shame on you.



Let me guess, Chris is going to write his notes section like he does in all his You Will Cry articles.

Note#1-If you seen my other You Will Cry articles I did a running joke about Hugh Jackman's butt showing up alot. Now Ryan is doing it.

Yeah, Hugh is a nice guy but I didn't like his character's origin movie sewed my fudging mouth shut. Hey Chris, why I'm saying fudge instead of the other f-word?
Not on my blog.

Note#2- There was an April Fools joke that Mario Lopez was interviewing Ryan Reynolds and they are discussing that the movie is rated PG-13. Out of nowhere, Deadpool kills him.

Check out my drawing I did after I smash his head. Don't worry Jessie, Slater won't mess with you anymore.

Note#3-Negasonic Teenage Warhead is a very obscured character. The people behind the Deadpool movie like the name of the character so much, that they made her as one of the main characters of that movie.

No kidding. That's coolest name ever.

Note#4- There are parents out there thinking this movie should be for kids since he is a costumed hero. They tried to asked the studio to make a PG-13 version. It didn't work

Well see ya Chris. Good luck with the rest of the article. Oh by way, I heard in one of your Dodgeball Universe stories that you killed off a knockoff of my DC comic counterpart in that Magic Mike parody. It's funny that he's undercover as a male stripper.

Here's the trailer of the movie if you want to see



You will cry...That's it's full of white people. Since when were the ancient Egyptians looked this white.




Note-This movie is very controversial due to the lack of Egyptian actors.

I'm surprised no one complain about Brendan Fraser's Mummy.




1. Oh great. It's going to be bad as the other one.

2. You will cry...That it's not connected to the other Cloverfield.

*Warning Major Spoilers!! Skip to the next entry.*

3.That you don't see the aliens till the last 10 minutes.



Note#1-My opinion on this movie is greatly different compare to the original Cloverfield. I have mention on the "Another Prequel" on the "You Will Cry" series about the original one. 15 long minutes of watching kids getting drunk and worry about relationship drama with no build up of the actual monster. It can set people off.

The 2nd Cloverfield isn't about a Kaiju(Giant Monster) attacking a city. It's about a woman who got abducted and imprisoned in a cellar.


Note#2- It's not a sequel/prequel/sidequel to the other Cloverfield, it takes place in a different universe. However it does have some minor connections. Cloverfield woke up because a satellite fell on his head. John Goodman said he works on satellites and he is part of the same company that the jealous loverboy who got a job in Japan. The two different Cloverfields do have similar mythos.


Note#3-*Spoiler warning* When I saw the last 10 minutes, I joked, "Yep, it's a Cloverfield movie. You don't see the aliens till after waiting a long hour." However the movie isn't about the main character fighting aliens. It's about escaping the cellar. John Goodman imprisoned her to protect her from whatever is attacking. He was kinda right but he is a monster that isn't safe to be around.


Here's the trailer


1. Seriously, them fighting? That's the stupidest concept ever. Is Hollywood trying to be lazy and make a movie like Freddy vs Jason. Also Batman would die easily if he fought him.


2. That Ben Affleck is cast as Bruce Wayne/Batman.

Seriously, Ben Affleck is a terrible choice. I mean voice sounds nothing like Christian Bale. It's not funny enough. Imagine this line done by Bale shouting.
He has the power to wipe out the entire human race, and if we believe there's even a one percent chance that he is out enemy we have to take it as an absolute certainty... and we have to destroy him.

3. Jesse Eiserburg as Lex Luthor.
And we're not saying that because he's the only one in the pic with hair


4. That Batman kills.

5. That Batman and Superman suddenly stop fighting and become friends, simply because their mothers have the same name.
Even Deadpool did a parody of that scene while fighting the Punisher.

6. That Jimmy Olsen dies

7. Seeing the Death of Batman's parents for the 8345th time. This is annoying why we have to see his parents dies again. This is ..*Sees the parents are Negan and Maggie from the Walking Dead* LOL You know what, I forgive this.



Note#1- This is a complaint from casual viewers. Those whose only familiar with the old movies.

If you look at the history of Batman and Superman, they butted heads before. There is a famous story in the 80s called, The Dark Knight Returns(It got an animated adaptaion as well). Superman been tasked by the government to bring down Batman. However Batman prep himself to fight Superman and he was actually a match against the Man of Steel. Batman is one of the few members of the Justice League that has no powers but he has looked up every member's weakness and set up plans if any of them go rouge.


Note#2- When news of Ben Affleck was cast as Batman. The internet went into fan rage. Most people remember him played another costume vigilante, Daredevil. Not many people liked the movie. However when Batman v Superman was out. Complains died down and many people who bash Affleck all of sudden praised him. History repeats itself.


Note#3- Lex Luthor is suppose to be a smart, calm, calculating evil multi-billionaire business man. Jesse Eisenburg's version is goofy and crazy. It's like a mix of the Riddler and Joker with the name of Lex Luthor. So why are people's opinions of Micheal Keaton, Heath Ledger, Anne Hathaway, and Ben Affleck changed once they saw the final product but not Jesse Eisenburg? Simple, he's a Superman character, not a Batman character. :p

Note#4- Batman brands criminals to put them in the death chair. He was also willing to kill Superman. Most versions of Batman supposed to have this do not kill rule. The director based this Batman from Dark Knight Returns and complete misinterpreted some scenes in the comics and think he kills people.

However there were time Batman over the years in movies where he broke the rule. Micheal Keaton's Batman shove bombs into baddies belts while Christian Bale said, "I won't have to kill you but that doesn't mean I have save you."

Note#5- This is one moment of the entire movie that the entire internet makes fun of. Batman and Superman stop fighting because they found out their mothers have the same name.

Really, Batman saw Superman as a monster and was about to kill him when Superman mentions he needs to save his mother, Martha. Batman came to a realization that Superman is like a regular guy who grew up with a family who he cares for and not some world destroying alien.

Note#6. The 1st few minutes of the movie introduces Jimmy Olsen who is normally a photographer that works at the same job as Clark and Lois. They carelessly kill him off shortly right after because the makers wanted to shock the viewers and say he has no place in the movie.

Note#7. You seen one Batman origin story, you seen them all. It gets retold over and over in every version. Be happy that Captian America: Civil War didn't re-re-re-re-retold you the death of Spider-Man's Uncle Ben. The death of Bruce's parent in BvS is kinda funny because these two actors ended up on opposite sides on Walking Dead.

Here's the trailer
You will cry...when you see...that Elsa from Frozen is evil.


Note- Well Elsa is loosely based of a fairytale called the Snow Queen and she isn't the nicest person to be around. Alot of Disney animated movies do make alot changes from it's source material and that are far far more darker.

Here's the trailer




1. You will cry... that good guys are fighting each other.

2. I'm going to spoil who dies in the movie...it's Peggy Carter.



Note#1- a complaint from casual viewers. Even good guys will have strong disagreements that will make each other fight. The story is somewhat loosely based on a storyline in the Marvel comics.

Note#2- I wouldn't consider the death of Peggy Carter an actual spoiler. She was Captain America's love interest during WWII. His body was frozen at the end of the war and wasn't found till the early 2010s. When he woke up, his love interest was a 90 year old woman.

Here's the trailer

I'm going to make you watch Angry Birds.


Note- Title says it all. It surprised people there's is an actual Angry Birds movie.

Here's the trailer




1. You will cry that this movie is against women.
See, the billboard has a man choking a woman.



2. That the villain is God himself as well as Hindu gods.




Note#1- The billboard has stir up controversy and people complain, saying this movie promote violence towards women. Ok, the main villain is this powerful mutant who sees himself as a god who should destroy to world to rebuild it in his image. People will oppose him, including Mystique. You think an evil mutant with a god complex is going to be nice simply because she's a woman.

Note#2- Apocalypse was one of the earliest mutants in recorded history and one of the most powerful. He was basically a god to normal human. He could build a pyramid in seconds with his mind.

In some trailers he said he was referred to as Ra, Krishna, Yahweh, and several more. He mentions several ancient Hebrew names for God. I'm sure that several Christians/Jews and Hinduists weren't happy.

However he was declared a false god from ancient Egyptians and current times.

I have heard Apocalypse in comics was seen as several gods throughout history, however I don't think any of them were God or anyone from Hinduism.

Here's the trailer


You will cry...that the entire human cast has been replaced except for Megan Fox and Will Arnett. The two who we don't want to see.


Note- Megan Fox as April was not a popular choice. I actually didn't mind Will Arnett in the 2nd movie because he seem more like Vernon was in the original cartoon than he did in the 1st movie. In the 1st one, he was more a Casey-lite love-interest for April rather than a coward who likes to hog the spotlight and brags(and lie) how great he is.

It is true that the 90% percent human cast did greatly get replaced. However it's not a huge deal for many reasons.

1. In the 1st movie, Shredder was originally meant to be a white dude in a business suit but quickly recast at the last minute during reshoots due to fans complaining about a whitewashed Shredder. Eric Sacks was now an underling of the Japanese Shredder. However this led to alot of last minute rewrites.
Since we got a new movie built with a fresh start, there's no need for a white Shredder or last-minute casting Shredder.

2. Karai does have a very small role in 1st movie as the Shredder's 2nd-in-command and she didn't have a big impact. Same can be said for the 2nd one. I don't think anyone is going to notice and make a big deal about the change of casting.

3. You barely notice Baxter was in the 1st movie at all. His name is in the credits but you don't see him. I guessing he did had a bigger role before the reshoots of switching the Shredders and most of Eric Sacks screentime took over what was meant for Baxter.

If anything, I don't think anyone is going to complain about the change of actors for someone you didn't notice.
This is the best pic I can find of Baxter in the 2014 movie.

Here's the trailer

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