You Will Cry 2021!!! Part 2

 A list of jokes of movies from the 2nd half of 2021

I'm going to make you watch Paw Patrol: The Movie. You will cry that the lame knockoff of Rescue Bots was so popular that it ended up having a movie. Man, why did this get a big movie but material they stole from didn't?

Hmm, a preschooler show about non-humans being rescuers that helps people in need. This came out in 2011, two years before it's copycat came around. For shame Paw Patrol for coping off of this, for shame.

Note-I'm joking about Paw Patrol ripping off of Rescue Bots. I was aware of Rescue Bots long before you started seeing Paw Patrol all over the cereal aisles. I never watched Rescue Bots but I knew it was part of very loosely connected universe of Transformers shows, comics, and games. I repeat, very loosely. I found out some issues I had questions about the timeline was resolved in of all things, a preschooler show like how many years does RID15 take place after Prime or that Grimlock in RID15 when by a different name back in the day, which totally makes him a separate Grimlock from Fall of Cybertron.

Over the years, I see Paw Patrol merchandise everywhere and jokily pretend to others that I'm jealous of Paw Patrol's success while the Transformers spinoff becomes forgotten and airs only on some channel that you need to spend extra money on.

I'm going to make you watch Shang-Chi...You Will Cry...That after three attempts...They still can't get The Mandarin's skin color right.

Everyone who grew up with this Iron Man cartoon definitely knows that the Mandarin has green skin. How dare the MCU ruined our childhoods. You think they learn after the 1st time but no, they did it three times already.

Note- There was one Iron Man show in the 90s that has his iconic nemesis with green skin. If you read the comics or see anything else that features him, he doesn't have green skin. It was a bizarre choice that came from this 90s cartoon.

I seen people out there who seen at least one incarnation of a popular franchise and they act like they have decades worth of knowledge and make themselves look like fools for complaining about their one particular version isn't in the big major motion picture. So maybe there are Green Mandarin fans out there crying?

Back in the early 2010s, Iron Man 3 heavily hyped up that his iconic foe from the comics, The Mandarin was making his big screen debut and the trailer showed him to be as a legitimate threat for Tony Stark. Unfortunately, it turns out the Mandarin is a goofy actor reading his lines while the man calling the shots was a some dude in business suit who engineered a middle eastern terrorist group from from a western computer lab.

There was a short film afterwards that showed the goofy actor in prison and it told us that there is a real Mandarin out there and the computer nerd took inspiration from the ancient mythical man. Fast forward to 2021, we finally got to see the man himself.

I think the problem is The Mandarin is a tricky villain to adapt due to him originally being based on a dated Chinese stereotype from decades ago. I think Marvel been somewhat trying to change a bit by making him bi-racial and toning down the stereotype in the comics, or skin green in the old cartoon(which is dumb), or avoiding having him East Asian in Iron Man 3(which failed).

*warning major spoilers, skip to the next entry to avoid spoilers*

1. You will cry...That 007 is a black woman

Ok, I can handle a blond Bond, or a young pretty boy Q, but making 007 into a black woman is going too far. How dare ruin James Bond.

2. That Biofield dies right after he's introduced.

What!? Bond's iconic foe dies in one scene and there 2/3s left of the film's runtime? Well time to leave the theater then.

3. The ending

*again major spoilers, I already warned you earlier*
4. That the credits say James Bond will return despite he's dead.

Wait, what you mean he returns? Didn't he die just then? I mean what, did he slipped under a magical dumpster and it sheltered him from the missiles? Did he did a transfer his Katra to another before his body died? Was his body thrown in a Lazarus Pit? Did he literally live only twice?

Note #1- James Bond was retired since the previous movie. When he came back, he found out the person that holds the title of 007 was a black woman named Nomi.

It seems people vaguely heard early reports about a female black 007 and went fan rage, thinking James Bond himself been heavily re-imagined or something.

Note#2- Biofield did die 1/3 in the movie but it sets up a whole new villain. It does seem disappointing he shows up and dies suddenly.

Note#3+4- The movie did in a surprising manner killed our hero at the end.  What's funny is that the end credits flat out said he will return, despite killing him. They may meant that they may reboot 007 or go back to the original timeline. Daniel Craig's Bond was set up to be a self-contained timeline.

They didn't bother to stop Thanos.

Seriously, get off your lazy butts. Also, isn't Thanos considered a Deviant? The monsters that your assigned to stopped?

Note- The whole net joked that they didn't get into the affairs of the world shattering events, unless it's Deviants that's messing stuff up.

In the comics, Thanos' race is complicated. He was born from two Eternals but had the Deviant gene and born all purple.

You cry...that they milked another sequel.

Note- There been a several Home Alone movies over the years after the 2nd one. Alot of them were not good and went straight to video with no promotion. I never heard anything good about them and they sound like quick cash-ins.

1. Forget watching 20+ Marvel movies but now you have to watch 2 separate Spider-Man films series that take place outside of the MCU. That's more stuff to add to the binge watch.


2. Also Matt Murdock made a cameo, requiring that you to watch all of the shows that originally aired on Netflix.

Wait, I now have watch 3 whole seasons of Daredevil to understand this cameo? I thought the Pre-Disney+ shows weren't canon to the MCU. Oh gosh, do I have to torture myself by watching Iron Fist?

3. That they are copying off of One More Day. One of the worse Spider-Man storylines from the comics.

You mean the story that ruined my OTP. 1st Star Wars Episode 9 pull from one of it's infamous comic stories, now Spider-Man?

(The lizard is missing in pic)

4. There is 5 Spider-Man villains.

They still haven't learn from Spider-Man 3 and Amazing Spider-Man 2. Their film series ended on a bad note when they had too many villains. Man, this movie is going to suck.

5.That 70s Spider-Man isn't in it

Or Japanese Spiderman don't show up with his giant mech.

What!? Man, nobody came to see No Way Home to see Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield. We wanted the guy from the forgotten 1970s series that everyone forgot about. Also wouldn't be it cool to see Japanese Spider-Man coming in and summon his giant mech into battle and give all five enemies a run for their money.

6.That the Venom cameo means nothing

What!?  Ever since I saw Venom got transported to Tom Holland's world, I thought I be seeing an epic showdown. What a letdown.

Note#1- You kinda need a checklist on what to watch on the MCU movies but now, we're seeing characters from films series that been long rebooted.

Note#2- 

Once upon a time, there was a group of shows on Netflix that was very loosely set within the MCU. I repeat very loosely. The only references to the MCU is the Kingpin's company helping rebuild NYC after "The Incident" or gangsters found special bullets made from metal that's "out of this world" that came from the "The Incident". There was also mentions of Supermax prison that was seen in Civil War. The Incident was another name for Loki's invasion of NYC.

After several years, alot shows that's sort of connected to the MCU were immediately cancelled because Disney+ was coming around with new shows with actual direct connections to the movies. Daredevil was unfortunately one of them.

I joked in the past that Infinity War and Endgame was going to have all these characters show up and confused the viewers as they make 50 thousand references to their shows. I also joke that random upcoming MCU movie/show would resolved the cliffhanger of Luke Cage being a mafia boss or explain Danny Rand's new energy guns since the chances of any of these stories being wrapped up is very small.

Daredevil and Killpin is now being welcomed into the main portion of the MCU. It's possible you may not be required to watch all the Netflix shows and basically give these characters a fresh new start as a new jumping on point.

Note#3- This movie sort of follows the infamous One More Day story but done better.

In the comic events of Civil War(which the MCU movie is loosely based on), Spider-Man unmasked himself to the world. Problem is, his enemies now know who he is and planned to attack his love ones. Aunt May was shot and showing no signs of recovery. 

The Marvel version of the devil called Mephisto appeared and offer Peter that he will save Aunt May and restore his secret identity if he gives up his marriage to MJ. They agreed and his years of marriage was magically erased from existence. Peter and MJ remember but not the whole world around them.

Everyone hated this direction. Marvel's higher ups thought Spidey be better off being a single man despite him being married for decades. Also MJ was preggers and was magically aborted. It took 10 long years to finally get them back together. Also, people would say that Peter would make the responsible choice and let his aunt die because it was her time instead of making a deal with the devil.

The movie was a million times better on the story. He went to his friend and ally, Dr. Strange, not the devil. It was to restore his secret identity because Spidey and his friends were bullied and denied their collage scholarships. It wasn't done to simply make Spidey single.

Note#4- These the complains from the previous Spider-Man movies. I think the main problem with the 2nd Amazing movie wasn't too many villains, it was way too many storylines and set ups for later films because The Rhino was only around in the last 5 minutes.

The good thing is all the villains stories were already establish from previous films and they more or less have the same predicament and working together. A dozen villains can work in a film if they are together in a group, not three villains that are completely separate from each other and all their stories getting rushed through and crammed in.

Note#5- This was clearly a joke about 70s and Japanese Spider-Man appearing. Most people has forgotten the show from the 70s and it's not worth watching. The Japanese show is good for a laugh and all but I don't know if they can get the original Japanese actor and he may not speak English.

If anything, what we got was already awesome. Who would thought we see Tom Holland's Spider-Man working with his predecessors and seeing the villains played by their original actors again after everything got rebooted over twice.

Note#6- The post-credits of the 2nd Venom movie have him fell through a portal and see the news reports of Spider-Man's identity exposed to the world and it seems it was setting them fighting. Well the post-credits of No Way Home have Eddie Brock drinking at a bar and hearing the history of the MCU from the barkeep, and then he suddenly vanished back to his home dimension.

All that set up was nothing more than a tease. There be no epic showdown between Holland's Spider-Man and Tom Hardy's Venom. A piece of the symbiote was left behind but I don't know if this will lead to anywhere.