Like the other Dodgeball stories, this one went through rewrites as well.
Several friends wanted me to write this story. The problem is that I haven’t seen the 3rd Matrix movie in theaters and they have to wait. I quickly wrote the story soon as it came on DVD.
The story started with “We entered the French Restaurant.” Ok, did Cabot ever had a fancy French restaurant? I had to rewrite it as a secret place that’s underneath the President of the French Club’s house. Also, that’s a lame way to introduce people into the story. We need a reminder of what happen previously and set up a intro to the story. The part that Giant Robot Spiders were going to attack Austin wasn’t mention till we got to the French guy. I also had to make an excuse why we couldn’t reach Austin on foot, car, or the subway that secretly under Auto-Tech building.
The Maitre d' part was added because the scene from the restaurant to the dance club was quick. I felt like needed expanding and yes, I took that bubble gum bomb from Never Say Never. No, not that movie based on that singer that needs a haircut, the one with 007 is the one I'm talking about.
I didn’t notice the bondage-like leather in the dance club in the movie till long after I wrote the story. I added a joke that how it’s weird that the Frenchman who is suppose to be a High Schooler runs this type of place.
Anyone who seen the movie knows that Neo is trapped a subway in the 1st 30 minutes. Forget it, I’m not going to be trapped in a boring place. I changed it to we need to make a deal with the Frenchman to use his subway entrance to get to Austin.
The Battle of Zion was a losing battle for the humans and they were losing lives and humanity would die if Neo didn’t make a truce with the machines. I threw in complete opposite to surprised my viewers.
I stopped parodying the 3rd Matrix movie and started on other franchises during on the portal hopping.
- Medieval Tower- Lord of the Rings: Gandalf vs. Saruman with a mix of the Balrog fight and how Aragorn’s ancestor defeated Sauron.
- Place of Pillars of Lights and narrow bridges with no railings- Star Wars: Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon vs. Darth Maul with a bit Luke vs. Vader.
- Factory- Terminator 2: T-100 vs. T-1000
- Place of wooden bridges and skeletons- Mortal Kombat. The location is based on Johnny Cage vs. Scorpion in the 1st movie.
- Water Tower- Legend of Zelda. Based on the final battles with Ganondorf in Ocarina of Time and Wind Waker.
- The Astral World- Final Fantasy, based Squall vs. Seifer from 8's intro and 7's Ending with Cloud vs. Sephiroth.
“Unless he comes back as a cyborg or something.” There is no way that would ever been written back in the day. It’s a brand new addition and a reference of Darth Maul coming back from the dead in recent years.
The Terminator part wasn’t in the early version of the stories.
I knew when I wrote the 1st draft that taking the ice gauntlets with me to the portal would give me an edge and it would be weird I was acting like Link with ice powers. Had to write off those gloves before I jumped into the portal.
The Evil Elf King turning into a Dragon (like Ganondorf turning into a giant pig) wasn’t in the early versions.
The Squall vs. Seifer part in the Astral World wasn’t in the early versions.
The final battle from Mission Impossible 2 was planned to be in the story back then but it was only in the concept stage, never to be written in any version of the story. I enjoyed those movies but I only seen them once. I’m more of a causal viewer rather a hardcore fan to those films.
In the early versions, one of the portal hopping battles was based on the final battle from Transformers: Armada. Remember this story was written when the show just ended and fresh in our minds. That battle was awesome! This shock everyone because this is a show that many TF fans didn’t like and it blew their minds on how the final battle went on how brutal Optimus and Megatron went. The average battles in the series are usually slowish.
It’s be weird to use that battle from Armada nowdays. There’s alot of battles to pick from the Transformers franchise and it be odd to pick Armada’s final battle from the rest.
Remember, this was written way back then. So don’t expect anything based on Thorin vs. Azog, Anakin vs. Obi-Wan, John Connor vs. CGI Arnold, Cloud vs. Sephiroth from Advent Children with a pencil that splits into 10 pencils, or stabbing into the Elf King’s heart like Twilight Princess.
No, I’m not going to die like how Neo did. I’m rewriting that ending because this is my story.
Yes, I saw the alternate ending in that one Matrix game called Path of Neo somewhere on youtube and it's funny how the Matrix creators paused the game to explain why the ending's different. Remember, this was written soon as the 3rd movie was on DVD. That game didn't come out some time later.
View part 1
On the rainy night of Cabot. I see thousands of elves watching me as I meet up with the Evil Elf King who is standing in the middle of the street. “Mr. Boyett, welcome back. We miss you.” I said back to him, “Shut up, I forgot to bring my umbrella! Well anyways, it ends tonight!”
Almost all the elf viewers pull out popcorn as they watch us fight while others sing in Latin. Both Me and the Elf King ran to each other and as I got near, I slip and fell to the ground. I quickly hopped back up and said, “uhh, forget that, let’s go back to fighting.” We engaged in epic kung-fu fighting but I wish he chose a different night because fighting in the rain is annoying and making me cold. The point-ear man flew high in the air, I used my jetpack to catch up with him. We engaged in midair kung-fu fighting. The Elf King grab me and did a judo throw on me where I was flung into one of the upper floors of a nearby bank.
I got back up on my feet and saw the elf charge into the opening he made. I jumped and avoided his attack. We continue to fight but at lease the good news is that I was indoors. We fought for almost a minute and than I perform a lightning kick his face, making him to spit out some green blood. I did a roundhouse on him that knocked him back and sent flying through the window. I quickly used my jetpack to follow him.
Both of us fly up to 100 meters above the city and we went back to mid-air fighting again. The Evil Elf King punched me in the face and than grab me. He was flying straight into the ground, getting ready to perform 100-meter suplex on me. I struggle and quickly broke out of his hold. I punched him in the face several times and than I grabbed him and turn his body facing the ground as I now was performing the suplex on him. As he was slammed into the ground, a large shockwave shoot outwards, blowing away cars and damaging alot buildings.
Both me and the Evil Elf King got up. I looked around my surrounding and saw that we were standing in a giant crator in the central of Cabot. As I started to walk to the elf, I saw him snap his fingers. A large portal appear behind him and he jumped into it. I wasn’t going to stop fighting so I follow him into it.
On the other side of the portal, I saw that I was in some dark medieval tower and then I heard, “Welcome to my world Mr. Boyett. The age of humans will fall.” I notice the Elf King has a wooden staff in his hand. He pushes it forward and I was throw back by an invisible force. I saw a similar looking staff on the ground did the same thing to him. Turns out my guess to use the staff work as the Evil Elf was thrown back. He got up and pulled out a flame whip and use it against me. I used the staff to bounce back his whip attacks and shouted, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” My enemy grabbed his staff again does a pulling motion on it. I was pulled towards him and fell to the ground. He slammed his foot on my staff, breaking it in half. He used his staff to make my head spin on the ground like I was on a record player or something. As my spinning body was about to get near the Elf King, I grabbed the broken staff and jab the sharp broken ends into his ring finger. I was release from that “record player” attack and saw he drop his staff and checking his injured finger. “My my finger, it’s hurts!” He look angry and said to me, “I BITE YOUR FINGERS OFF FOR THAT!” I grabbed the staff he drop and used it to push him out of nearby window. I ran to the broken window and look down to see the evil man fall…only to see a another portal floating on where he have fallen. I jumped off the window and fall down into the portal.
On the other side, I saw that I was in some place that has pillars of light and narrow bridges all over the place with no railings. Ahead of me was the king with two flashlights that were melded together in his hand. I pulled out a flashlight to combat my foe and we engaged in a cool sword fight with our flashlights but for some reason, I someone hearing singing in the background. We fought for two minutes till a red force field separate us. We both sit down and waited.
After five long minutes of waiting, the force field shuts down and we continue our fight on another narrow bridge. The elf hit my wrist which cause me to drop my flashlight. The king said, “Join me Chris because I am your Father’s Brother’s Wife’s Uncle’s Neighbor’s Daughter’s Cousin’s Trash man.” I scratch my head and said “Who cares.” I use the magnet in my watch to get back the flashlight I dropped. Once I got it, I swing it against the King’s stomach. He lose his balance and fell off the bridge. I hope that’s the end of him unless he comes back as a cyborg or something. I started to wonder if he open portal and I look down. Sure enough he did and I followed.
I landed in some type of factory with large gears and fiery pits when I heard some chanting going on. I follow the noise and it look like the pointy-ear man is performing a spell. Once he finish, a clearish-sliver colored goo wrapped around his body. I pulled out a NERF gun and fire at him…only for the bullets slide off his body. I look all over the ground for something to use on him while the Evil Elf King slowly walks to my direction. I quickly found a yardstick and jab it into his stomach…and like the NERF bullets, it slides off of him. He grab the yardstick out of my hand and smack me with it, causing me to fall on the ground. I catch my breathe and open my eyes when I see, a NERF grenade launder is sitting on the ground. I grabbed and then I felt a hand grab my shoulder. The Elf King threw me into a wall. As he was walking closer, I notice the silver slime around his hand was forming into a blade, ready to stab me in the head. I press the NERF grenade launder into his stomach and said "Hasta la Vista". I fired and the King was throw backwards and fell off the railing, falling into the fiery pits. I knew well enough that he was going to open a portal, so I looked down where he fell and I follow him.
I landed in a place that was full of wooded platforms and bridges. I search the area to find my opponent when I heard behind me, “WELCOME!” The king punch me in the face and ninja kick me over and over till I fall off the bridge. My body fell through several wooden bridges that broke my fall till it hit the floor. I got and I was shocked to see skeletons all over the ground. I also notice a pair of icy-blue gauntlets on the ground. Hoping they will aid me somehow, I put them on. I look up and see the Elf King jump down and met up with me on ground level. He pull out a kunai that’s attach to a chain out of his long sleeves and threw at me. I grabbed the kunai before he stabbed me in the face. To my surprise, I notice the entire chain was frozen. I figure my gauntlets can magically create ice. I karate chop the Elf’s chain, shattering it to pieces. I then use my magic gauntlets to throw icicles at my foe. The Evil Elf King dodge them and then he slid on the floor with his foot press outwards. I jumped over him before he hit me. The King got up and pull his hands into his sleeves and then, long blades emerge from them. They look like they are made of a very sharp bones. I use my magic gloves to form an ice blade and we had an epic swordfight till I swing hard enough to shatter his two blades. I jump up and kick him repeatedly like I was pedaling a bicycle. My enemy fell to the ground. He got up and snap his fingers. A portal form and he jumped in. I jumped in the portal but I bounce back. I believe my magic gauntlets are preventing me to pass. I took them off and jump in the portal.
I landed on top of the water tower that’s standing near the bus parking lot which isn’t that far from Cabot High School. The heavy rain is still going on in this area. I heard an insane laughter coming from one end of the tower, it was The Evil Elf King. He said “Let me show you your future.” He float in the air and threw a fireball at me. I rolled out of the way and saw a umbrella sticking out on top of tower. I grabbed it as the King threw another fireball at me. I swung my weapon at the fireball and it flew back at him. When the fireball got to the evil man, he smack the fireball with his hand and it flew back to my direction. It was like playing pinball with a fireball. The fireball move faster and faster from each hit from we made to the point where The Evil Elf King was unable to hit it in time. He was stunned from his own attack and landed back to the tower. I ran up to him and swing my umbrella at him several times, causing many tears in his clothing. He jumped back a few feet and perform a chant.
When he was finish his spell, a blue light wrap around his body, he morphed into a giant dragon with giant pencils in his hands. He swung at me but I block with my weapon but the mighty blow knock the umbrella out of my hand. I pulled out a stun bomb and threw in his face. With the dragon distracted, I grabbed the umbrella and chopped off his tail. In such pain, his head fell down and I attack his face. After getting a few hits, the creature jump back and reverted by to his elf form. He pulled out two umbrellas and we engaged in an awesome swordfight. I rolled around him, facing his back and I slash him. My attack cause the king to fell down on his knees. I got up in front of him, jump up, and stabbed the umbrella into his brain. Sadly that didn’t happen because the headband on his forehead block my attack. He smiled that my attempt to kill him failed. He kicked the umbrella out of hand and then he fly high in the air.
I turn on my jetpack and follow him. He landed down in the giant crater in the middle of Cabot that I created earlier in the battle. I landed down and saw my opponent look angry. “THIS IS MY WORLD! Why why why Mr.Boyett, why? Is it for peace, truth, love, justice, destiny?” I said back to him, “Because I simply don’t like you.” Angry about my answer, he flung his open hand forward to my direction. All of sudden, I felt sharp pain in my head and I felt my sprit was being dragged out of my body.
The next thing I knew is that I was in a dark place with The Evil Elf King in front on me with a Japanese pen in his hand. (the pen was curved) “I took you to the astral world," he said. I pulled a pen that was 1-inch wide and we clash our weapons. For some reason, white feathers were flying around us. The pointy-man man moved back several feet and open his hand to shoot a fireball. I blocked his attack with my pen but it knock me back and fell to the ground. The King stands above with the pen, ready to slash me between my eyebrows. I lean my head back to avoid his attack. I grab my pen and swing upwards, slicing him between his eyebrows. With him in pain, I charge towards him and perform 15 cool-looking pen strikes on him and then I jump five feet in the air and charge all my strength in my pen. As I was landing down, I swing my pen downward on the elf. Green blood was pouring all over his body.
All of sudden, I was in the real world again in the giant crater with The Evil Elf King in front of me. He looks weak and is barley able to move. I walk up to him and threw a fist into his face but it felt like the punch lasted a full minute to reach his face. The next thing I did is I punch him into his stomach. I grab his green guts and yank them out of his body. After that, I pulled out a NERF bomb and slam it into his stomach wound and said, “Let’s see you regenerate from this.” I turn on my jetpack and flew away as The Evil Elf King exploded and a bright white light emerge from him and went to all the elves in the city. Cabot shined brightly.
Every citizen turn back into their human selves with no memories of being an elf. The giant crater got fixed overnight along with any other damage to the city like nothing ever happen. I look for a phone and called.
The End
Here it is, the 3rd and final of the Evil Elf King Saga. A story I wrote back when I was in school. Yes, It obvious it's a parody of a certain movie (and maybe a few more.) Well enjoy the story.
It’s been two months since I rescued the Credit Card Dude and learn that the Evil Elf King has come back from the dead. Reports of disappearances been happening in Cabot. I believe it’s the Evil Elf King because ever since his rebirth, he gain the ability to turn people into elves.
I went to the city of Cabot with three comrades to investigate. We searched the school for an hour, hoping we find a lead on this guy. The only thing we notice that’s different is that the underground hatch that leads to the secret underground subway has been locked from the inside.
As we were about leave, a man in his mid to late teens ran up to us. After taking a few seconds to catch his breath, he said to us, “I just came from Austin to tell you guys that an army of Giant Robot Spiders is about to destroy the town of Austin, you guys need to defend the place.” We begin to turn around and head to the school’s exit but the messenger got in front of us. “Wait a minute, we already put up a giant force field around the town but that won’t last long because an army that big will tear down the shields in a few minutes. As of right now, nothing can get in or out of Austin unless you go underneath the shields or something.”
I looked to my comrades and said, “Well the secret subway is out of the question, any ideas?” One of my allies came with an idea and told me, “Wait, I have heard a rumor that the French President has an entrance to the subway somewhere under his house.” I said back to him, “Too bad he’s not happy with me after the event that happen two months ago, he may not want us to use his entrance to the subway.”
Within the next hour, we head to the president of the French club’s house. We snuck around to the back of the house. I pulled out a credit card and pick the lock on the house’s back door. We quietly enter and closed the door. We search around the house hoping we don’t bump into his parents or anyone else. We found his bedroom and quietly entered it. We quickly found at trapdoor in the middle of his room. We opened it and head down.
On the other side, we saw some balding man in a tux with a thin mustache in front of a stand. He said, “Could you gave me your names, Monsieur.” I grab the man’s wrist and pulled out a box of bubble gum out and slap it into his hand. “This is box is a bomb, if you let go, open your mouth, or any sudden movement, the thing go boom. We be back to disarm it later.” One ally whisper to me, “Hey, your copying from a movie and why not a cigarette case instead?” I whisper back “because most of us are underage.”
We walk across of what it seems to be a restaurant. We found an elevator door on the opposite side of the area. I look back and I’m surprised that a fancy expensive restaurant is here and it’s underneath Cabot. We took the elevator as low as it would let us. As the doors open, we see a group of mean-looking people. One of them said, “Your not suppose to be here.” He was about to slam a dodgeball in my face when perform a roundhouse, kicking the ball from his hand. I grab a dodgeball out of my coat and slammed into his chest. After he fell, the other guys press a button on their belts and suddenly, they float to the air and were now standing on the ceiling. They must have anti-gravity belts. Me and my comrades got out of the elevator and spread out to battle our foes. We watch as they did flips on the ceiling, we pull out dodgeballs and begin to battle.
After a minute of fighting, they were all defeated. We opened the door they were guarding and see a huge nightclub. I looked around and saw a lot of men and women dressed in bondage like leather. I don’t even know how in the world that a 17- year old American high schooler pretending to be French is running a place like this?
I looked up and saw the French dude on a balcony with his girlfriend. We walk up there to meet him. I said, “We need to use your entrance to the subway.” The Frenchman replied to me, “Now why would I do that after the disaster you made a few months ago, non?” I notice several of his guards were pulling out NERF guns and placing them against their heads. I quickly pulled out my NERF gun and aim directly on his forehead. I said in angered tone, “Let’s make a deal, your life for usage of the subway and we leave you alone.” He looked angry but realized he had no choice, “Very well then, use the subway.”
We got to Austin in time. There were several Mech-Warrior type robots set up to use to defend Austin. We hopped in the machines and equipped our bots with NERF gating guns. Just then, a message appeared on our comlinks, “ATTENTION ATTENTION! GIANT ROBOT SPIDERS ARE ATTACKING THE SHIELDS, DEFEND THE CITY!” We stand the front lines and watch a swarm of hundreds and hundreds of those machines marching towards our direction. We fired our NERF gating guns and went NERF guns blazing on these scrap metals. The Battle of Austin has begin.
After fighting for a while, all the Giant Robots Spiders were destroyed, they never step a foot in Austin nor did we suffer any casualties. As we begun to celebrate our victory, one man ran to my bot and shouted, “HEY I GOT A PHONE CALL, IT’S THE EVIL ELF KING AND HE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.” I jump out of the machine and picked up the phone. “Mr. Boyett, while you were distracted with getting inside the subway and defending your town, I have turned every single citizen of Cabot… into an elf. If you want to fight me, meet me between Main Street and 2nd Street.”
