You Will Cry!!! 2019 part 1

This is collection of jokes of all the major movies that came out in the 1st half of 2019. Enjoy!!!

I'm going to make you watch Alita... You will cry.... When you see her giant anime eyes.

Good Gosh those are freaky.

Note- This movie was based from some obscure anime from 1990s. It's in live-action but only the cyborgs are in CGI. The main character is clearly resemble your average anime character with those giant eyes. It being done in a somewhat realistic setting, it's big eyes is very noticeable. Of course, it became the joke of the internet for a while.

1. I'm going to make you watch Captain Marvel and....What do you mean Captain Marvel is a blond woman. No it isn't, it's a little boy that turns into a adult. I'm not lying, his name really is Captain Marvel.

*Ending spoilers ahead, skip to the next one*

2. That Superman couldn't make a full cameo in the movie because of that stupid CGI mustache and it's all Tom Cruise's fault.

Note#1- I'm not lying that Shazam is also known as Captain Marvel. I give a timeline of events of how this happen.

• In 1940s and 50s, Captain Marvel was published by Fawcett comics and they were very popular and even outselling DC's Superman. It's about a boy who can transform into a superhero by shouting "SHAZAM!"
• DC comics sued Fawcett, saying most of Captain Marvel's powers are ripping off of the Man in Steel.
• Fawcett lose the case and stop making comics of the superhero.
• Marvel comics in the 60s came around and made their own Captain Marvel with copyrights and everything. Marvel's Captain Marvel died later on and had successors who took the mantle, including Carol Danvers.(Who the movie is based on)
• DC tried to bring Fawcett's Marvel back under their comics they can't call him Captain Marvel on the comic covers due to Marvel Comics having the copyright. So it's called SHAZAM! now. They can call him Captain Marvel within the comics, just not on the covers.
• Years and years later, both Captain Marvels somehow ended up having movies that came out at the same time.

*Ending Spoilers Ahead*

Note#2- There is a scene where Superman sits down with Shazam at the school cafeteria but you see him from the neck down. Originally, they were going to get Henry Cavill from the recent DC movies to play Superman but he wasn't available at the time. 

It was easy to joke that they didn't show his face because of the infamous CGI mustache. Henry Cavill had to come back to Justice League for reshoots but was under contract from the recent Mission Impossible to not shave his stache, which lead to a very noticeable fake looking upper lip.

You will cry... on how Nick Fury lost his eye.

Note- There were theories over the years of how Nick Fury lost his eye. Captain Marvel took place in the 90s and we finally see it and he simply got his eye scratch out by a mere cat...Ok , a weird alien cat that can eat everything and shoot out tentacles but it acted like a regular cat during that one scene. People were not happy this he lost his eye in an anti-climatic fashion. In the comics, his eye got damage when he got hit by a grenade while battling Nazis.

*Major spoilers for all of Avengers: Endgame. Skip to the next movie if you don't want to see. You been warned*

1. You will cry...That the main villain dies in the 1st fifteen minutes. Seriously, just like that, well time to leave the theater then.

2. That you haven't seen Daredevil, Luke Cage, Punisher, Agents of Shield, Runaways, and that awful Inhumans or you be confused on the movie since you never saw these shows.

3. That Thor is fat. That the Hulk talks normal and is smart.

4. That they are coping off the infamous comic story of Captain America, a man who values the American ideals says, "Hail Hydra". You know, the Nazis.

5. That the overly hyped Captain Marvel didn't do much

6. That X dies

7. That Captain America's ending didn't make sense

8. That there was no post credits. Man, nobody came to the theaters to see the movie itself, they came to see the post-credits, if they don't have one, then what's the point of watching?


Note#1- Yes, Thanos did actually died 15 minutes within the movie, however the powers where he took away of half of all life in the universe was un-reversible. The Avengers were upset they couldn't undo what Thanos did and 5 years past. They then discover time travel, then Thanos from years ago learn of their plans and time travels to the present to battle them.


Note#2- I joke with others that your required to see all the TV shows that take place in the MCU. Forgot trying to catch up on 22 movies but several TV shows as well. However while these shows do take place in the same world, the movies don't reference them at all. They know not everyone watches stuff beyond the movies and they don't reference it for the sake of confusing casuals. So you can watch the shows at your own pace if you want or not watch them, instead of forcing yourself to watch just to not be confused at Endgame.


Note#3- Failing on undo the damage Thanos did, Thor became upset and got fat within the 5 years.
As for the Hulk, his and Bruce Banner's personalities merged into Professor Hulk. The merged personalities guy was also in the comics as well.

It is funny to show people who haven't seen this movie and show them how much Thor and Hulk has changed.


Note#4- A few years back, there was a comic storyline called Secret Empire. The storyline started with Captain America as the leader of S.H.I.E.L.D saying, "Hail Hydra", revealing he was a sleeper agent all these years and now he is in control of the government organization.

People complained a symbol of American values, who was originally written by Jewish writers, is now a Nazi sleeper agent and people wanted to burn their Captain America comics.

Then it was reveal that the Cosmic Cube or Tesseract as MCU viewers know, rewrote reality itself, making Cap into an agent of Hydra. In the end, the good version of Captain America came back and he is now existing with the evil Nazi Hydra counterpart and they fought.

Now in the actual movie itself, the Avengers were time traveling into the past to grab the infinity stones but they saw several agents were grabbing the Tesseract. Due to his knowledge from the future that those are Hydra agents posing as S.H.I.E.L.D agents, Cap joins them and pretends he's one of them and they handed him the cube.


Note#5- Captain Marvel was very hyped up long before Infinity War was out. It was said she is the most powerful superhero. She also had a movie coming between Infinity War and Endgame. When Infinity War ended on a cliffhanger and the post-credits were teasing her movie, people are saying she is the one who will bring down Thanos. Others make a joke that Ant-Man who be the one by ...well going up his butt and well...umm enlarging.... I seriously doubt that happens.

She did help Iron Man return back to Earth in the beginning and exchange a few blows against Thanos at the end but she had a very small role in Endgame.


Note#6- Endgame was meant to be the grand finale of the Infinity Saga and some of the actors' contracts of the numbers of movies they were in was about to be done. Someone dying was a possibility.


Note#7- After Thanos was defeated. Cap was planning to go back in time to return the stones exactly where they found them. However, he didn't come back from the portal, his friends notice a 90-year old man sitting on a park bench. Turns out he went back to his love that he left behind when he got frozen in the 1940s and didn't wake up till 2010s.

This confused people. Did he travel back in time? Didn't she moved on and get married? What if he was the husband and Sharon Carter is his biological granddaughter and they ki...ewww.

Others say he went to a different universe and didn't mess up the timestream.

Some are happy he got his happy ending. Others are not because he and Peggy moved on.

Various members of cast and crew had different answers on the ending.

Note#8- Marvel movies are known having post credits scenes. Stuff that teases the next movie. However for once, there was no post credits at all.

Imagine people who was still sitting in the seats in theater during the credits and all they see was nothing.

You will cry...that Jigglypuff is in it.

Oh great, this unholy monstrosity is it. She's the Jar-Jar of Pokemon. We could of have this 1st great video game movie but she had to ruin it with her presence, because of her, Pokemon is ruined forever.




Note-I admit I'm not into Pokemon. Most of my knowledge comes from the major Nintendo crossover game, Super Smash Bros.

Of all the playable characters, one of my least favorites is Jigglypuff. She incredibly lightweight to the point by gently poking her with your finger will send her flying. I remember dying alot playing her, even on very easy mode.

I know pro players during the Melee era know how to make her everything but weak. She can sing to put others to sleep and rest to blast people away but you have to be very very close and your an open target performing these moves.

I admit, it silly to hate on a character when I only know her from a non-pokemon game.

1.You will cry...That Genie looks like a regular human/A CGI blue Will Smith.


2. That Will Smith is a poor follow up to Dan Castellaneta

How dare he try to replace the great Homer Simpson and....Wait, Robin Williams? What are you talking about?


*Spoiler warning. Even this is word by word remake of the original, the next bit is one of the few exclusive things that came from remake.*

3.That Genie ends up with Jasmine's handmaiden and not the female genie, Eden.

I hate you Dalia. How dare you ruined one of my favorite Aladdin ships. I hope people write nasty fanfics of you.

This is who Genie should be with. GenieXEdenForever!!!

Note#1-There was backlash on early material and it only showed Will Smith looking like a regular human.

Will Smith and others who made the movie said have patience and have hope to see Genie looking like a genie. When another trailer came around, we finally see Will Smith in his full genie glory....Then more backlash happen and jokes and stuff. With him in obvious CGI or him being very very blue.

Genie does change form on and off to look like a regular human. He did this as he was helping Aladdin by being his wingman as they were going into the castle to woo the princess because normal people are going to freak out on seeing a blue man floating around.


Note#2-When it was announced that Will Smith was playing Genie, everyone on the planet was comparing the Fresh Prince to the comedian legend. Everyone but me.

Here's the thing, I never actually own the VHS/DVD/Blu-ray of the movie. Of the many movies my school will play when they bring in the TVs, Aladdin wasn't one of them. So I only saw the movie only twice in my entire lifetime.

What I grew up with was the TV series that spinoff from the movie that was rerun on various stations. Obviously, they couldn't got Williams to continue voicing Genie, so they got the same guy who does Homer Simpson, Dan Castellaneta. So when I think of Genie, I don't think of Robin Williams right away. I did look up on YouTube in the past year to see everyone is talking about and I can see why everyone loves him with him being very crazy, random, and zany.

Some of the hate on the Fresh Prince die down with him being his own Genie instead of coping off of Robin.

Also after watching a dozen episodes, looking back at this scene looks weird to me because they never randomly bust out into singing in the entire series.

Note#3- I don't hate Jasmine's handmaiden. I just remember Genie had a love interest in a few episodes from the TV series and I wonder if there's people out there that is upset that Genie was with someone else. However this is a completely different universe and not everything has to be the same.

1. You will cry...On Mothra's new design.

*Spoilers ahead, you been warned*
2. That Rodan is a traitor.

3. Godzilla using one of Ghidorha's heads as a cigar.




Note#1- While most of the designs were loved, Mothra was the only one people complain and nickname here MINO.(Mothra in name only)


Note#2- Rodan is usually on Godzilla's side in most movies. Him working with King Ghidorha was surprising.


Note#3- At the end, when Ghidorha was destroyed, only one of his three heads remained. Godzilla grabbed in it's mouth and fling it around and then destroyed it with his atomic breath. Alot people joked that he is using Ghidorha's head as a cigar.