You Will Cry...2019 part 2

Here's the 2nd half of all the jokes on all the stuff from the movies of 2019.

Hey uh Chris, aren't you forgetting a certain movie?

Uh..No. There hasn't been a Deadpool 3 or anything?

Not my series exactly, I mean the film series that my two movies spun off from, didn't a certain movie came out during the summer. You know, this one.

Oh yeah, Dark Phoenix,  What you want me to say? Nothing stands out really on the 2nd attempt to adapt the Dark Phoenix saga. Yes, it's sad the series ended on a whimper but other than that, for better or worse, nothing stands out. I can't make fun of it or make jokes on this one. If you want the best adaptation, go watch the animated series.

Oh, I sure you think of something?

Fine. I'm going to make you watch Dark Phoenix....You will Cry, that umm...Wolverine isn't in it...Errr yeah.

 What!?Man, no one came watches X-Men to see Cyclops, Storm, Nightcrawler, or Beast. They come to see Wolverine(and Deadpool), if he's not here, than what's the point of watching?

Note- To most people whose only familiar with the movies and only them, most think Wolverine is the main character of the entire series. However past decade had the 1st Class prequels that made Xavier the main while Hugh only plays cameos besides his time travel event in Days of Future's Past.

Wolverine is like Jack Sparrow is to the Pirates of the Caribbean movies or Scorpion and Sub-Zero of the Mortal Kombat series. A very popular character who gets mistaken for the main characters. X-Men in the comics and show is more about a group than single-handily focus on one guy.

If you asked someone whose the leader of the X-Men, nobody is going to say Cyclops. The dude got shafted in the movies and never seen as the group's leader.

Here's the trailer if you want to see

*Spoiler Warning, skip to the next section if you don't want to be spoiled.*

You will cry...When you see...The Ending. 

Ugh!! If Jessie's backstory, the furnace, or the ending to 3 wasn't bad enough.

Also that Rex doesn't have feathers.

Your going to run this joke to the ground.

Yep.

Note- Yes, the ending does get to you. Even Tim Allen had a hard time trying to say his lines because how emotional he was during the scene.

Yes, I know Rex was around before feather dinos become well known. You rarely see feather dino toys in stores and most mainstream crowds are unfamiliar with it. It be silly to hate on Rex because of it.

Here's the trailer

*Spoiler Warning for the whole thing, skip if you want*

1. You Will Cry... That there is no connection to the rest of the Marvel Multiverse.

If one can dream.

Man, I was hoping to see the Earth 616 Spider-man, or Tobey, Andrew, Miles, Miguel, or any other version.

2. You Will Cry...That this cliffhanger will go unresolved due to Sony not wanting Marvel Studios to make more Spider-Man movies. 

Well maybe Sony will continue onward but it be subpar and not as good as the others. If not, they bring back Andrew Garfield and have 50 storylines shoved in one movie and even better, there were deleted scenes with 50 more unnecessary storylines with Peter's dad being alive.

You know everything is resolved with this old piece of news. I know.

3. With the whole world knowing who Spider-Man is, the next story is an adaptation of the infamous story, One More Day. In order to restore his secret identity and save his love ones, he has to sell his relationship with MJ that he had for one whole day to the devil and...ok this sounds more stupid than what happens in the comics. There's a world of difference between dating for a day compared to years of marriage.

4. You cry...That they tease you that Sandman, Hydro-man, Cyclone, and Molten Man are in the movie but it's not them.

Note#1- All the trailers showed Nick Fury telling Peter that Mysterio is from another universe. There is an established Marvel Multiverse with in the comics and shows. The MCU never did discover dimensional travel and explore the other universes.

Spider-Man: Far from Home is meant to be the end of Phase 3 where it was the aftermath of Avengers: Infinity War and Endgame. With the future of the MCU with Phase 4 and others are up to air, nobody knows what the future will bring as of yet. Them exploring the multiverse would make the MCU look like it's taking the next step in a big way.

However, the truth is that Mysterio was making a cover story to dupe Spidey and Fury, so there is no exploring the Multiverse. Maybe in the upcoming Doctor Strange movie that we have a few years.

Yeah, they could bridge their world to *Googles Marvels multiverse* to Earth-TRN414.

Note#2- Sony who had the film rights to Spider-Man agreed to work with Marvel Studios to make Spider-man movies. Shortly after Far From Home was released, Sony wanted to make Spider-Man on their own with no Marvel. Either this was the end especially with the cliffhanger ending, or they would continue on their own with no references or connections to the other Marvel characters or events.

Thankfully, Sony and Marvel made a deal and we be getting a 3rd Tom Holland film in the future.

Note#3- The post credits showed Spider-Man's secret identity going public. I joked the next story is going to be based on the infamous storyline from the mid-2000s, One More Day.

In the comics  events of Civil War(which the MCU movie is loosely based on), Spider-Man unmasked himself to the world. Problem is, his enemies now know who he is and planned to attack his love ones. Aunt May was shot and showing no signs of recovery. 

The Marvel version of the devil called Mephisto appeared and offer Peter that he will save Aunt May and restore his secret identity if he gives up his marriage to MJ. They agreed and his years of marriage was magically erased from existence. Peter and MJ remember but not the whole world around them.

Everyone hated this direction. Marvel's higher ups thought Spidey be better off being a single man. Our hero making a deal with the devil? Also they were unaware MJ was preggers, who was magically aborted. It took 10 long years to finally get them back together. Hopefully the MCU won't follow this story.

Note#4- Mysterio's Elementals were loosely based on members of Spidey's rogues gallery.

Here's the trailer

You gave spoiler warnings, Tom is now giving spoiler warnings. Well the trailer does spoil the ending of Endgame.

You Cry...That you rewatch the death of Mufasa again the 2nd time.

That they ruined the iconic song

Look on the bright side, at least it doesn't look like they sneak a sex scene in a kids film.

Why she giving Simba this look as he's on top of her and....Wait! Eww Eww Eww!!!!

Wow! There's furry porn in a Disney movie?

Note- During the scene where Simba and Nala fall in love as the song plays, "Can You Feel The Love Tonight". The problem is, the entire scene happens in the afternoon, which clashed with the lyrics. The original animated one actually took place in late afternoon and then nighttime.

Alot people claimed that Simba and Nala were procreating Kopa Kiara during that scene. Other people said Disney would never do something like that and that people were reading way too deeply over a little scene. They were simply falling in love but didn't do anything on camera.

Here's the trailer if you want to see

1. I'm going to make you watch Joker...You Will Cry...They gave Joker an actual origin story. Oh and he doesn't fall in a vat of acid.

2. That Jared Leto isn't in it. Man, no one came to see Joaquin Phoenix, they came to see the singer from Thirty Seconds to Mars.

*Spoiler Warning on the next two bits*

3. That they ripoff Austin Powers and made Joker and Batman brothers. Are you kidding me? 1st the movie Spectre actually made James Bond and Blofeld brothers(well adopted bros), now they guys.
They made Wolverine and Sabretooth bros in the same movie that has my mouthless counterpart.

4. That we see the death of Bruce's parents for the 24574th time.

Note#1- Most versions of the Joker has a mysterious past. Nobody knows who he is, even himself. He could be a failed comedian, a gangster hitman, abused by parents, an ancient evil.

I'm not exactly sure what happened. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another. If I'm going to have a past, I prefer multiple choice!

His clashing backstories have been mention in the various different versions. Even the Heath Ledger version had different stories of how he got his scars. The only thing that's true is he was there at ACE Chemicals when Batman showed up and the guy who would become Joker fell in a vat of acid.

Joker's movie a standalone story with no connection to the others. It's meant to be loosely based on the Joker and tell it's own story. It's to tell how someone can go downhill and end up becoming the Joker. Tho for all we know, this solo Joker movie could be one of the many made up tales of how Joker started his start of villainy.

As for the acid vat thing, most people who are familiar with the Batman live-action movies and only the live-action movies think it's only a "Micheal Keaton thing." Ehh, no. The cartoons, comics, video games, all showed the man who becomes Joker comes from a vat of acid.

Note#2- People had mixed opinions of Jared Leto's version of Joker from Suicide Squad. Some say he's great, others say he's terrible. His Joker was highly advertised and it turns out he was only in it for ten minutes.  People say it doesn't matter how great or terrible he is, he didn't get a chance to shine. According to the actor, alot of his scenes were cut.

Then a few years later, a Joker movie came out without the popular singer/actor. Fans of Leto were not happy about this, even the actor himself  "feels alienated and upset". However it's simply a stand-alone movie with no connection with the DCEU. Them getting a different actor doesn't seem a big deal if it's an alternate universe. 

Then years later, Suicide Squad gets a semi-sequel with Birds of Prey with a vaguely seen Joker in a flashback scene. Love him or hate him, dude seems like he is getting the shaft.

*Spoiler Warning on the next two bits*

Note#3- Arthur(pre-Joker) was wondering who she's writing letters to. One day when she isn't looking, he took a peak at them. According to it, Thomas Wayne had an affair with one of his employees and got her pregnant. This means that he and Bruce are half-brothers. Arthur tried to meet with Thomas but he told him to get away and tell him his mother is crazy.

We then find out his mother isn't really his to begin with. She is caught in illusion that Thomas had a relationship with her and Arthur is their biological son.

Regardless if this is true or not, even for a one shot stand-alone story. The mere idea of Joker and Batman being related is hard to believe.

Note#4- You seen one death of Bruce's parents, you seen them all. They are featured in every single version. It does get annoying for some viewers and they don't want to be hammered down and rewatching their deaths for the 4857th time. It didn't help the last theatrical version had them in Batman v Superman. It's not a full on Batman movie to begin with and it doesn't serve a purpose. The only forgivable thing about that is irony that two of the actors ended up as enemies on The Walking Dead.

However you really don't see their deaths. You only saw the riots in the city that started with the Joker. The Wayne family try to leave these crazy events as they go down a dark alley as they were followed by a man with a gun. It wasn't exactly shoved in our faces, more like showing how one crazy event led to another.

Here's the trailer

*Major spoilers ahead, skip to next part*

You will cry...That John Connor dies in the 1st five minutes. Well, time to leave the theaters.

Note-The story another terminator that was loose that Sarah and John didn't know was around during the ending of T2. It gang up on John three years later and shot him.

Alot people were not happy to see one of the main heroes to die like he did. It left a horrible taste in people's mouths and killed the mood to see the remainder of the movie.

John Connor has "died" several times in the past but those are forgivable compared to this.

• In the 3rd movie, John learns he dies in the future from Arnold. Having future knowledge can prevent his death.
• The original ending to Salvation had John died but Marcus(the cyborg) will wear his skin to pretend to be John since he is a symbol to the resistance. It's a shocking twist but John Connor will still "live".
• He becomes a Terminator in Genisys. However the timeline is heavily altered and Sarah and Kyle can conceived a new John and raise him to fight a new Skynet that Matt Smith will create in some never made Genisys sequel.

Here's the trailer

You Will Cry...That just when the hype of the 1st movie is dying down, a sequel comes out. Great, we never going to stop seeing Elsa dolls in every aisle of the store. We going to keep seeing Frozen calendars, Frozen cheesesticks, Olaf plushies, Frozen trading cards, Frozen action figures with spring loaded fist. It will never die.

Note- 

This was me when the 1st movie came out.

I don't follow every single little Disney movie that comes out and then suddenly, Frozen came out and it replaced Duck Dynasty as where it is talked about thing and you hear thousands of versions of "Let It Go".

I finally got around to see it last year, simply because it's a playable level in the new Kingdom Hearts. That game has a overly complicated storyline and last thing I need is to get confused on some reference that only makes sense to somebody who seen Frozen but I could assume it some sort of 825th incarnation to Xehanort.

Here's the trailer

*Major Spoilers for the whole thing*

1. You will cry tha....you know what, what's the point of watching? All the ideas that Force Awakens had were thrown out of the window when The Last Jedi came out, leaving little to nothing for the last movie. Also that everyone you love is dead and all you get is these characters who you barely know.

Just like that, all dead.

And all we get is these barely developed characters.

I'm sorry but the rest of you are simply acquaintances.

2. That they are totally ripping off of the Expanded Universe story, Dark Empire where the Emperor comes back in a clone body.

I know the Emperor coming back from the dead ruins Anakin being the chosen one of the prophecy. At least you can excuse Dark Empire being written before the Prequels came out but what's Rise of Skywalker's defense?

3. That Chewie dies midway. Well this is great, don't tell me they brought back Lando, just to kill him off.

Please don't

4. That Force Healing is a thing. 

For those who never saw Clone Wars, Fives died knowing the secret of Order 66 that makes the Clone Troopers suddenly get brainwashed to kill the Jedi.

Do I see a cur...Yeah I know, I'm too lazy to photoshop it and I let a few slide.

5. That fan favorite Ashoka is dead.(Maybe)

Wait, your gone too?

6. That Rey is a Palpatine. So if the Emperor is a grandfather, than that would mean that he....Eww! Eww! Eww!

7. Hux is working for the good guys. Wait what!?

The guy who gave a big speech and blew up planets!?

8. That Rey and Kylo made out.

 Dudes, your basically siblings. That's gross man. Than again, this is the same franchise that has Luke and Leia kissing.

• Anakin got conceived when Palpatine and Plagueis were playing around with Midi-chlorians. Sort of making him the emperor's son in a way.
• Rey and Kylo are copies of Jaina and Jacen Solo from the pre-Disney Expanded Universe.
• Also Rey takes the Skywalker name with Luke and Leia's ghosts watching, meaning she's adopted into the family, which makes Kylo her bro or cousin.

Who's had sex with her brother, but they are not blood related so it's okay, sort of.- John Locke in a Mad TV parody of the show Lost.

Note#1-At first, it was mainly Han who died. It was a shock at the time. Ford said he thought his character should sacrifice himself way back in Return of the Jedi. However it got declined and that was the last Star Wars movie at the time while the entire Expanded Universe had rules not to killed off Han, Luke, and Leia.(Ha!) Over the years, we all forgot about Ford's request. Then Force Awakens happens.

Next, Fisher died in real life just before the release of Last Jedi. That movie gave us Luke who was completely different from how he was in the original trilogy and seen as a huge disservice to his character. Then they ended it with Luke dead and some felt it was done in an uncaring manner,same with Ackbar. This is not what people wanted to see.

Episode 9 seem more respectable. Leia did died it was mainly because the actress was gone in real life and they can't keep using unused footage/body doubles/CGI stand-ins forever. Also you see everyone's sad reactions and had a funeral.Plus you see Ackbar's son that can seen at the Resistance base, instead watching Ackbar get carelessly wasted.

The main cast could be potentially well developed characters but they never became that. Episode 8 made it worse for them. Poe got caught up with the stupid mutiny storyline while Finn got caught up with the pointless casino sidequest. Rey is still seen as a Mary Sue. Episode 9 at least tried to somewhat fix it with them as a group going on treasure hunting missions, however it was too late with it being the last movie of the saga.

Note#2-  There was a comic story that took place six years after Return of the Jedi where Palpatine came back by transferring his spirit into a clone body. Luke did turn to the dark side but Leia brought him back and they fought the Emperor together.

Note#3- There was a scene where Chewie was captured and taken off in a imperial ship. It gets destroyed and the main characters get upset. Then it was revealed that Chewie was on another nearby ship.

Note#4- 

Force Heal isn't a new thing. It's been around in a ton of Legends/EU material. It was something movie-only fans saw it for the 1st time. Some asked why Force Heal couldn't been done before? There alot stuff that's been mention. Not everyone knows it's powers. Also Kylo dies when he transferred all his life to bring Rey back to the dead. You think Qui-Gon want his student to give his live, or Anakin's mother have her outlive her son?

Note#5- During the final battle with the emperor, Rey heard voices in her head to get back up and fight against the villain. Most of the voices were various Jedi with the very same actors. One of them was a major character called Ashoka who was last seen alive during the events of Episode 6. Many people took the scene of the voices is that Ashoka is dead and her force ghost was talking to Rey. However one of the showrunners of Clone Wars, Rebels, the Mandalorian stated she isn't dead.

Note#6- Actually it was revealed from Episode 9's novelization that Rey's father isn't exactly emperor's son through natural means but an non-identical clone that ran off and fall in love with a woman. 

There is a group of people that like Episode 8's twist that Rey is a nobody. She simply came from parents that sold her for drinking money, meaning that everyone can become a hero. Then Episode 9 with a different director decided to retcon Rey being related to the Emperor. People say imagine if Return of the Jedi had Vader lying to Luke that he is his father and his real father is elsewhere. Honesty, it didn't bug me but those who like the twist of Rey being a nobody say otherwise.

Note#7- My jaw dropped when it was revealed that Hux was a spy for the resistance. How can he be a good guy? He really doing this just to get back at Kylo. Even still, I can't imagine him putting the First Order at risk like that.

Note#8-  Rey and Kylo was a popular fanfic pairing during when The Force Awakens was out. A girl with a bad boy who may turn good. However it was hard to see them together because of Rey's mysterious parentage. Some saw her as Luke's long lost daughter or Han and Leia's. People wondered if Kylo is a copy of Jacen Solo/Darth Caedus, then Rey is a copy of Jaina Solo. The pairing got even more popular on The Last Jedi when they got some sort of magical bond. There was one scene she saw him shirtless and she became embarrassed to look. Well after Kylo became good and just before he died, they kissed. 

I like to toy around with people that it's incest. Episode 1 had Anakin with a mysterious virgin birth. In Episode 3, Palpatine was telling Anakin about Plagueis the Wise and he had the power to create life. People took this as a clue for the answer to Anakin's virgin birth. I saw something years ago that the EU wrote how Palpatine and (mainly)Plagueis were experimenting around with midi-chlorians and the force counteract by making Anakin's mom preggers.

However it seems others had made the joke Rey and Kylo being incest as well. What made the joke became more mainstream is a more recent comic of Vader seeing a vision.

Others believe the dark lord help conceived Anakin. However the guys behind the comic said that was not the case.

Here's the trailer