You Will Cry!!! With the Transformers

I'm going to make you watch the original 1986 Transformers...You will Cry...That all your beloved characters die.

Note- Transformers was seen as a toy commercial and they have new toys to advertising and there was no point of advertising the old toys that were cleared off the shelves. The movie wasn't a Saturday morning cartoon, it was a PG rated theatrical movie. So it was very easy to put in a ton of death that wasn't seen in the show.

However, the death of Optimus really effected kids all over the world. This backlash affected the later seasons of the show that took place after the movie as well as all later incarnations. Even non-transformers shows got effected like the GI Joe animated movie had a scene that got dubbed in post-production with Duke "slipping into a coma".

It took a full season to fully resurrect Optimus back from the dead to appease the crying kids. Nowdays, almost every single incarnation of Transformers has Optimus die, only to undone shortly right after.

I'm going to make you watch Transformers: Energon. You will cry...When you see... A mindless Starscream.

See Demolishor...As a dumb monkey.

See a flamboyantly gay Tidalwave

That our main heroes are Kicker and Ironhide...Ugh!!

That Unicron is supposedly gets destroyed, and then this story arc gets repeated twice within the same series.

Note- This is consider by most Transformers fans as the worse Transformers series ever made. 

The show is a sequel to Armada. The show ran out of plot very early on and it just drag on. There are several things wrong like deep characters like Starscream from Armada or Demolishor from the early episodes of Energon were brought back to life with their memories wipe. Their previous personalities were never brought up again. Even characters who don't get their memories wiped, there are others with hints of character development, but it doesn't go anywhere. Rodimus is at odds at Optimus suddenly works under him, Wing Saber forgot his revenge quest against Shockblast. Sixshot believed that Optimus killed his twin bro when it was really Galvatron and he never learns.

Other bad things is the animation is horrible and the American translation. People who hated Armada was starting to prefer it over Energon. The fact that a disliked show like Armada looks better in comparison shows how bad it's sequel is. I know the Micheal Bay movies are widely hated but I rather rewatch all five of those than rewatch all of Energon.

This is the show's wide range of emotions

Opening if anyone wants to see.

I don't get how a show that 7 years newer than Beast Wars have CGI that looks more outdated

I'm going to make you read Transformers: Kiss Players. You will cry...When you see the Transformers...Making out with little girls....I feel sick.

I was going to make a Venom joke but this so wrong. It doesn't help that your tongue looks like a....

Marissa Farieborn and Optimus. She's the daughter of Flint and Lady Jaye from G.I. Joe. 

I thought Optimus had a girlfriend named Elita?

Marissa Farieborn 5 years later. I have a hard time believing that's the same person. Her hair color doesn't even match.

Note- In 2005/06, A new Transformers line was made in Japan called Kiss Players. The story is about Transformers gets powered up by getting kisses from young girls. Several comics were made based on Kiss Players and many Transformers fans on both sides of the Pacific were not happy about it. The creator of the series admitted he made this just because he wanted see people's jaws drop.

I think the legal age in Japan is 13 I believe so the whole girl art is more acceptable there. The girls in Kiss Players are old enough to drive despite the fact they don't look 16-ish.

You will cry...That Megatron doesn't transformer into a gun.

You will cry....That movies ends with two people are making out on top of another guy while his friends watch.

Note#1- There are those who complain that everything isn't exactly like the original cartoon. These complains happen in every version of Transformers regardless if the show is good or bad.

The original Megatron transform into a gun but that had problems. When he transforms to gun mode, some Decepticon had to hold him. It can't move. And last, the toy can be used to robbed banks. All the later versions of Megatron had him as a tank, jet, t-rex, dragon, a giant hand, etc. He only appeared as a gun again only once and it was a silly looking Nerf gun.

Note#2-

I know people like to make out on top of cars but Bumblebee is a living being. How would you feel a couple make out on top of you as your friends are watching in the background?

Here's the trailer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxQxgAfNzyE

Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen- When you see… Devastator’s wrecking balls.

That Bumblebee is mute again

When you see ....A human transformer

When you see Sideways...Dies in the 1st five minutes.

When The Fallen…Dies in less of a minute.

That heroic honorable Optimus said to The Fallen, "Give me your face!" As he rams in fist through his chest.

Note#1- You can do a drinking game on all the sex jokes in the 2^nd movie. This one stands out of all the sex jokes in the movie. The Constructicons combined form had a pair of wrecking balls that's meant to be stand-in for you know what.

Note#2- At the end of the 1st movie, Bumblebee gains back his voice. In the start of the 2nd movie, well they decided to forget it and make him mute again and he will stays that way till it randomly comes back at the end of the 5th film.

WTF...A human transformer, there has never been one before. How dare you created this Micheal Bay.

Note#3-The evil female human Decepticon is based on the Pretenders from G1. When the show got cancelled in the mid-80s, the toys and comics still went on for a few more years. The Autobots disguise themselves as 25-foot tall humans while the Decepticons think they blend in on Earth well by disguising themselves as 25-foot tall monsters. Yeah, this does sound silly. Believe it or not, the concept was actually done better in this movie. Of course, most people are only familiar with the cartoon and only the cartoon.

Note#4-The movie is full of anti-climatic fights, like the giant unicycle bot we saw in the trailers get kill in 5 seconds of his introduction. 

I heard from a book that Sideways from the movie is the same exact one from Armada. Thankfully the author of the book said it's suppose to be a joke rather than canon evidence that's he the same exact guy. Good thing because it be lame to treat one of the coolest characters from Armada as a mere stormtrooper.

Note#5-The Fallen is an suppose to be this cool dude who betrayed his bros and his creator god to serve their enemy, Unicron. Sadly that the movie kills it's title character in seconds. Imagine the viewers came to see the movie to see Optimus and The Fallen duke it out and it was only for a second.

Note#6-The live action version of Optimus is infamous among fans because he acts more like a blood thirsty killer than a honorable soldier.

Here's the trailer

Transformers: Dark of the Moon- You will cry…You will cry...When you see… that Megan Fox isn’t in the movie. Man, no one came to see Transformers to see Transformers, they came to see Megan Fox.

You cry when you see Soundwave....Getting all tentacley with Carly.

That Shockwave is the main villain/That Shockwave isn't the main villain.

That you don't witness the death of the twins. 

What!? How can we miss this awesome moment?

Note #1- Ok this is stupid. People actually think Megan Fox was really that important to Transformers. She's simply Sam "Spike" Witwickly's girlfriend at the time, nothing more. Some people think this is a bad movie just simply because she wasn't in it and the later Transformers movies aren't worth watching because that reason.*rolleyes*  The movies can go on without her. They should be happy that Spike's new girlfriend is named Carly who based off the original guy's girlfriend and later wife from the original series. They're going crazy over a new character that's never been in Transformers.

Spike and Carly. No she doesn't look anything like a Victorian Secret Model.

Gee, we watch these films to hopefully see the robots, not the humans even doe they hog the screentime in these movies.


Note #2-There was one scene that where Soundwave chases Carly and said, "Your mine!". He grabs her, throws her in his car mode, and sprouts his tentacles and slowly surround her with them. There is alot of weird porn out there like furry porn and other odd stuff. Tentacle porn is a monster raping people with it's tentacles. This one scene seem seconds away of becoming one.

Note #3-

A year before the Dark of the Moon came out, we were told that Shockwave is the main villain of the 3rd Transformers movie. Alot tie-in material heavily promote the one-eye bot. Sadly, people who are unfamiliar with the comics complain, saying that Shockwave is loyal to Megatron. That's true in the original cartoon but not in the comics.

 

 

[Warning Spoilers. Skip to the next part to avoid it.]

 

Shockwave as the villain seems like a good idea but this was a lie to hide the plot twist that Sentinel Prime was the true villain of the movie. I don't mind that Sentinel as the main villain but they shouldn't hyped up Shockwave like that and turn him into a minor villain.

 

Note#4

[Waring Spoilers. Skip to the next part to avoid it]

 

In the comics and novels adaptations of the 3rd movie. During the scene where Sentinel showed his true colors and lay waste to the Autobots' base, Sentinel fire at Bumblebee but Skids jump in and took the hit and die. Mudflap saw his bro die and charge to his killer, only to share the same fate.

 

That's right, almost everyone's least favorite robots in the live-action movies get killed off and you don't get to witness it.

 

The twins were meant to be in the movie and GM provided the cars but Micheal Bay didn't want to have backlash of the twins again, so he remove from the film, including their deaths.

 

 

 

Here's the Trailer

 

 

Transformers: Age of Extinction

You will cry...When you see the Dinobots...In the last ten minutes. Oh and they don't talk.

Then why did you hyped up their appearance?

You cry...That Shia LaBeouf isn't in the movie. Like WTF, I thought he was the main character of Transformers or something?

That Micheal Bay is being racist again and created a Japanese Samurai bot named Drift.

1st your racist towards blacks and now to Japanese. I hate you Micheal Bay! *shakes fist*

Note#1-Every trailer, poster, and merchandise showed the Dinobots. You don't see them until the very very end.

Note#2-There are some people out there that are making a huge deal that Shia is not in the movie and that he's the most important thing to Transformers. *Sighs* These people need to watch just about any version of Transformers and they would see that the bots are the main characters while their human allies are simply sidekicks. Gee, I hate to see they people watch Godzilla movies since they always have a completely different cast of humans in each film.(Except the 90s series.)

Shia planned to be in three films and Micheal Bay basically wrapped the series in the 3rd film by killing off all the Decepticons and leaving no loose ends. Time pass and Micheal Bay decided to stick around for another movie. At this point, Shia LaBeouf has moved on long time ago.

Note#3- Micheal Bay didn't create Drift. Drift was made in the recent IDW comics and he's Japanese-like. Stereotype or not, Drift wasn't annoying in the movie like the twins who Micheal Bay actually did create and Drift was actually far more cooler than those two.

Let's see, he wields samurai swords and his paint job is the colors of the rising sun. I don't think you can blame Bay for this one.

Here's the trailer for the movie

You Cry...That they are ripping off the upcoming Transformers movie. For shame Pirates of the Caribbean. For shame.



Note- This was a joke I made up with others IRL. I notice there were similarities between the two franchises.

• Dark of the Moon/At World's End- Set up as the end of the series. All the bad guys are all dead. Shia's contract is over.
• Age of Extinction/On Stranger Tides- Suddenly more movies are made despite it look like the previous one is the end. The main character(Shia/Orlando) and other recurring characters(Orlando's love interest, The military guys) aren't in it. Meanwhile, popular secondary characters whose either steals the spotlight or fans wish were the actual main come back. (Captain Jack/Optimus Prime)
• The Last Knight/Dead Man Tell No Tales-Suddenly, certain characters missing from the 4th one are suddenly back.(Will Turrer and his wife/John Turturro and the military guys.)

Here's the trailer

1.You will cry....That Barricade is back from the dead with no explanation.

How are you alive? I saw the military blinded you with snipers, blasted your legs off, and then rain down fire on your body in Dark of the Moon.

2. That Wheelie is back from the dead with no explanation.

How are you also alive? I saw you and Brains inside the Decepticon cruiser as it crash to the ground in Dark of the Moon. Yes, I know Brains was shown alive in Age of Extinction but the Autobots didn't know he was alive till they found him at the human lab. Also he looks worse for wear with him using a crutch and you weren't seen with him.

3. You will cry...The Decepticons with these loud and boisterous personalities get these big entrances with Suicide Squad-like intros. They are cool and....Within 5 minutes, they're dead.

Don't be excited on these guys. They be gone real quick. 

4. That the Autobots have less screentime then Age of Extinction. Even the Dinobots got less screentime.

5. That Hot Rod is French somehow.

 "Non! No no no, I HATE the accent! But I can't get rid of it! I'm stuck with the accent!"

-Hot Rod

6. That Unicron is the Earth itself.

I hate you Micheal Bay!!! You now ruined Unicron. How dare you rewrite Transformers lore. He's a planet eater in space, not within the Earth itself.

7. That Sam is dead(maybe)

Not the best picture I best want to be remembered when I'm dead

8. That you wasted your entire time on the subplot of the Marky Mark's daughter and her boyfriend's barely legal relationship on the previous movie seeing that now that they are no longer together.

9. That everything about the trailer that features the pro-feminist main character Izabella in this Stand By Me/It/Goonies/Stranger Things setting is a lie.

10. That there is no fanservice towards males and only towards females.
Thanks alot Micheal Bay. After years of showing Megan Fox bending over a car, to a Victoria Secret Model walking up the stairs with a shirt and no pants, or Marky Mark complaining how short his daughter's shorts are, all you show in TF5 is Mark's abs. What are the boys going to drool in this movie. You deceive us you jerk.

Note#1+2- It was announced early on that Barricade was going to be in the upcoming movie. Fans were already scratching their head how he came back. Then it also turns out Megan Fox's leg humper was also back and there's no explanation of where's he been or how he survived. 

Barricade is an interesting character.  He randomly disappears in the climax of the 1st movie. Finally showed his face in the 3rd one, only to die shortly after. Back from the dead in the 5th with no explanation and then disappears in the climax.

Note#3- Most of the Decepticons in these movies don't have big personalities. If you go by the movies alone without knowledge of the comics tie-ins, toy bios, or knowing their original counterparts in other Transformers series, they are noting but a butch of hi&bye characters. The fact they have these personalities is kinda a big deal.  Also the movie try to make sure you know the names of these Cons like it's a big deal. Sadly it's not worth learning since they die right away.

And you don't know how they how exactly they died due to Bay's fast-paced shaky cam action scenes.

Here's the scene if you want to see

Note#4- Age of Extinction is the 2nd "best" Transformers movie after the 07 movie. I only saying that because the Autobots for once got actual screentime.  I'm not saying it's great or anything. Sadly they got less after the 4th movie. Fans complain the Dinobots only were in the last 10 minutes of AOE. Here they even have less screentime. At least AOE had them part of the big climax where they barge into Hong Kong and stomping the villains. Here it's a minor comical scene and Grimlock appearing to quickly kill off the Suicide Squad Cons.

Note#5-Hot Rod is one of the biggest characters in Transformers. He's usually Optimus successor of leader of the Autobots in some versions. Here is a regular run of a mill Autobot with a goofy French accent. Hot Rod in name only.

Note#6-This was a complaint mostly from casuals who are only familiar with the original cartoon and the live action movies.

In the show, Transformers: Prime, they did a twist on the Unicron mythos. In ancient times, Unicron was defeated and went to sleep. The gravitation pull rocks and meteors towards him, forming the center of the Planet Earth. Both the Autobots and Decepticons try to prevent Unicron from waking up or it's the destruction of the planet. However not everyone is familiar with this concept about Unicron being the Earth itself and they start hating on Bay, thinking it's something he made up.

Note#7- Anthony Hopkins was showing the main cast a display room, he was telling them about the Order of the Witwiccans and he told them he was the last of them. They are people who knew about the Transformers throughout history in secret that aided them. The list contain a number of famous people in history. It also showed a pic of Sam in the display room. 

With Hopkins saying he's the last of them, alot people took this as a sign that Sam passed away at some point. However Stephen Hawking who was also a member was alive when this movie came out.

It's possible Sam may be alive. It didn't really go into detail of how exactly Hopkins was the last member and Sam may of never heard of the group and wasn't actually in it. But if he is dead, I'm sure those who actually likes Shia may be unhappy. However with the Bumblebee Reboot, we may never get an answer.

Note#8- The entire drama of this subplot Mark Wahlberg and his daughter arguing about her boyfriend on and on was annoying in the previous movie. This movie had Mark said something that greatly hints that she broke up with her boyfriend at some point.

Note#9- I'm not joking about the pro-feminist trailer, there are so many things wrong with it. The Micheal Bay movies are infamous of showing women in mostly fanservicey roles and suddenly we get this. It's kinda jarring.

About Izabella and the group of friends in the junkyard, actually it's more like a group of kids that happen to bump into a orphan girl that's buddies with two robots that were hiding. Suddenly, the kids get sort of involved in the bots getting hunted down by the government and then Autobots pick her up and take her and her robot buddies to their hideout while the random passerby kids were never seen again.

Also she has more of a supporting role than actual main character. She does because part of the group of Autobots and humans that hide in the junkyard base. That's alot focus on a side character to make on the trailer.

Here's that bizarre trailer

Note#10- Micheal Bay films are know for the fanservicey moments and yet, the only scene that was outright fanservicy was Mark showing off his abs. That be like in Twilight, instead of Jacob randomly taking off his shirt, it be a attractive woman doing that while the male werewolves keep their clothes on.

Here's the trailer

1. You will cry...that the red white jet with red eyes, square black helmet...is not Starscream.

2. That Bumblebee lost his voice to Blitzwing, not Megatron. Meaning a good decade of Expanded Universe material is throw out of the window.
Great, It's bad enough that Disney got rid of several decades worth of Star Wars Expanded Universe stories, now I see this. Thanks alot Travis Knight, because of you, Transformers is Ruined Forever.

3. That Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox are still not in it.

Man, no one came to see Transformers to see Transformers, they came to see Shia and Megan. If they ain't here, than what's the point of watching?

4. That all the characters you actually recognized are in it for a few minutes.

OMG!!! It's Arcee and Cliffjumper and I can easily tell that's them. It's Shockwave and he actually sound like him. It's Starscream and a few of the Seekers and I see Acid Storm in the back. OMG!! It's Soundwave and Ravage and they have the iconic voice and...Wait...That's It?

5. That's Barricade is not in it. Well if he's not in the movie, I can't make fun of him like usual.

6. That's a prequel to the 07 movie/a reboot/preboot/soft reboot/something.




Note#1- When the trailer 1st showed with the Transformers actually looking like their G1 counterparts. The last part of it showed what looked like Starscream and alot people thought it was but it was really Blitzwing.

Note#2-

Once upon a time, the Transformers movies had an "Expanded Universe". A collection of comics and books that take place before and between the movies. They were arguably better than the movies themselves. They did tell interesting stories, patched some plotholes, and actually made the movieverse... well coherent. Which is hard to believe when it comes to Michael Bay.

Well at least up to the 3rd movie.  The 4th and 5th films didn't get tie-in material. You can blame Bay for that one because he was upset the 3rd movie's comic adaptation spoiled it's twist and requested no more comics. The 5th movie has clashed with the already established material with Bumblebee being on Earth a far lot longer with him fighting Nazis.

One of the earliest expanded universe stories was that on Cybertron, Bumblebee launched the Allspark into space. Mad that he lost the ancient relic to help his cause, Megatron punished Bee by ripping out his voicebox. This story was carried over to later shows, Prime and Cyberverse. Either it's a prequel or reboot, the film ignores one major moment from the expanded universe. However it would be silly to hold a grudge against this new movie that's actually better than what he had in the past over a comic from way back in 2007.

Note#3- There is a minority of people who are still upset that Shia and Megan are still not in the later movies. I seriously doubt a 30+ year franchise is going to revolved around these two actors. Also, the film takes place in the 80s. Both Sam and Mikaela were high schoolers in the 07 movie, you do the math why they physically can't be in the movie.

Note#4- Most of the characters seen on Cybertron were simply cameos and those scenes are from the post-production stage.

Note#5- There were early rumors of that Barricade was going to be in the movie and he did have a 80s police car toy for the Bumblebee movie. I joked after seeing The Last Knight, that he was going to be completely destroyed in the prequel, only to be retroactively miraculously alive in the 07 movie,. However he wasn't in it and considering the direction that the future of the live-action movies ends up, it doesn't matter anymore.

Note#6- The movie was originally conceived as a prequel to the 07 movie. In the early versions, Bumblebee been on Earth for some time. After he split from Hot Rod after fighting Nazis back in the 40s and Bee is the run from the army.

There was even a comic of Bumblebee in the 60s in a James Bond spy adventure theme. It showed the rivalry between Bee and Blitzwing that would concluded in the upcoming movie. 

Then reshoots happen and rewrote the opening of the movie. Bumblebee made his first ever landing on Earth in the 1980s. Starscream wasn't actively looking for Megatron and the Allspark and Soundwave was clearly on Cybertron rather than him on Earth, working with evil humans to help revive Sentinel. The prequel comic was clearly based on an early script but with all the reshoots, the comic itself ended up becoming incompatible with the movie it was promoting.

The movie ended up as a reboot of sorts. You can say it's like X-Men: First Class where it's both treated as a prequel and reboot. There were hints at the end that it's was originally going to be prequel with the ending having Bee taking a form of a 70s Camero as seen in the opening of the 07 movie and Megatron isn't present because he's frozen in ice for a century at Hoover Dam.

Also, that's suppose to be John Turturro in his younger days.

Here's the trailer

I'm going to make you watch Machinima's Prime Wars Trilogy. They are Combiner Wars, Titans Return, and Power of the Primes.

1. You will cry... That despite the title is called Combiner Wars, you only see them dueling for five seconds. Also, they are a separate species from the Autobots and Decepticons...No they are Autobots and Decepticons...Their components are separate people...No they are lifeless limbs.

2. That Starscream is buddy buddy with Rodimus Prime and the rest. Also, Megatron isn't pure evil.

Hey don't look at me, it's your fault you don't read comics and... Ehh...Nevermind. Even comic readers find Prime Wars Trilogy confusing.

3. That Windblade, the popular comic character who is a friendly bot from planet Caminus is a bloodthirsty murderer.

Optimus: Why are you trying to kill Starscream?

Windblade: I like to kill every ONE of you!

Also Windblade from the very same episode: I wasn't trying to kill Starscream.

4. That instead of getting professional actors, they got YouTubers as the cast

I can't take this giant behemoth seriously with him calling everyone a nerd.

5. That Overlord is a Southern Hillbilly Redneck

Darn Tootin! Where's I left my moonshine?

Note#1- The Prime Wars trilogy, especially it's 1st entry, Combiner Wars is down right infamous. It became the most hated thing since the days of Transformers: Energon and Kiss Players. While the character models look good(especially when they stand still), the animation itself is terrible. Like Energon, there isn't a wide array of emotions.

The show is terrible because nothing makes sense, nothing gets explain properly, it's full of inconsistencies, it drags on despite being a short web series. All of Combiner Wars itself is 40 minutes. At least Energon had the excuse it has a terrible dub because they wanted the series dubbed right away in less than a few weeks right after Japan aired the episode.

The sad thing is this is aimed towards adults, not kids. You think the budget, animation, and script editing be done better.

The two sequels, Titans Return and Power of the Primes were ehh..."Better". The very short 5 minute episodes were now 10 minutes, meaning they have time to actually explain stuff.

Note#2- People who are familiar with Starscream but not the IDW comics will be confused.

Alot material that made Prime Wars Trilogy came from the IDW comics that was running at the time. 2011 had a storyline where the Great War ended and the comics had a fresh new start with a post-war Cybertron.

There were storylines of a reformed Megatron, Citizen of planet Caminus visiting Cybertron like Windblade. There was one where Starscream himself ended up as governor of Cybertron on post-war Cybertron. You know Starscream, he's known for being a liar, cheater, backstabber, full of himself, which makes him your typical politician.

Note#3-In the comics, Windblade was a friendly bot who came to Cybertron in peace which was a complete contrast of what was seen in Combiner Wars. She kinda mellowed out a little in Titans Return and Power of the Primes but the damage was done and this version was best remembered as rage-fueled killer.

Note#4- I'm not joking about the cast. 80% is composed of YouTubers like the Honesty Trailers guy, the Chocolate Rain singer, Rob Dyke, Game Theory, Dashie, and few more. Don't get wrong, some actors do have a start on YouTube before hitting big and not all of them are bad.

I first found out about Dashie when I failed to beat Super Mario World 3D's final super hard bonus level and I look up a random Let's Play to see how the remainder of the level was. Turns out he's worse than I did on that level. LOL. A few months later, I found out he's cast on this show and it's was an odd choice. A giant monstrous behemoth that walks around and calling everything around him a nerd, like he's a middle school bully.

Titans Return and Power of the Primes did get actual actors like the original actors who played Optimus, Hot Rod, and Grimlock. As well as Worf, Wesley Crusher, The Green Ranger, the singer of Ultimate Super Smash Bros, and Luke Skywalker as The Fallen/Megatronus. Sadly, this is the best incarnation of The Fallen since he doesn't go down in anti-climatic fashion like his title movie and we have to torture ourselves watching these web shows for a long while before he appears.

Note#5-

Overlord is a deadly Decepticon that is extremely hard to kill. He took over a prison planet and turn it into his personal playground. After the Autobots barely defeated him, he made more appearances over the years.

The writers envision him sound like the English actor, John Simms but when he made an appearance in the web show, he sounded like a Southerner redneck for some reason and it's hard to take him seriously.

Here's the trailer of Combiner Wars

Here's the trailer of Titans Return