You Will Cry!!! With the X-Men

 

I'm going to make you watch the Japanese intro of X-Men:The Animated Series.

You will cry...That Magneto can summon an army of Xenomorphs from the Alien movies.

I like to see Gandalf the Grey use this ability in the next X-Men movie.

How your innocent childhood cartoon is overly violent.

OMG!!! Cyclops just cut of the Xenomorph's heads with blood pouring out and spine bones can be seen.

That Beast can create earthquakes by punching the ground

I like to see Kelsey Grammer or Nicholas Hoult use this skill in the next X-Men movie.

Pimplord Professor Xavier

I thought Captain Kirk was the ladiesman, not Picard

That it lies to you that Cable is one of the main heroes and that Omega Red is a major recurring villain.

Note#1- The famous X-Men show from the 90s aired in Japan and they created their own opening with original animation. Alot people say despite how epic the American intro is, the Japanese one is far more cooler and epic. However there are things in the opening that's doesn't look right. One is useless teen member, Jubilee looks way too cool with her performing hadokens. Then you got Beast who is somehow strong enough to create earthquakes.

Another one is that major villain Magneto whose powers is magnetism looks like he can summon aliens. Those aliens are not Xenomorphs, they are called the Brood from the comics. They somewhat looked similar to the famous movie aliens. They never actually appeared in the show and only appeared in brief cameos.

Note#2- The intros made it look like Cable and Iceman are part of the gang. Iceman at least appeared in one episode as a former member of the gang. Cable only appears at least once a season(sometimes multi-parters) when he time-travels 2000 years back to present time.

Omega Red mainly appeared in two separate episodes in seasons one and five and that's it.

Here's the opening if you want to see

1st X-Men movie-You will Cry...When you see a 6-foot tall Wolverine.

When you see Sabretooth...As an ugly guy.

Wait? Are you telling me this attractive guy...

Is suppose to be this guy?

Note#1- Wolverine is suppose to 5'3 where he's noticeably shorter than most of his teammates and they cast 6-foot tall actor to play his character.

However, Hugh Jackman ended up being well beloved playing the character, it's hard to imagine someone else playing him.

Note#2- There are some people who got introduced to Sabretooth from X-Men Origins and he has fangirls. They are trying to wrap their heads the guy in the 1st movie is suppose to be the same character.

Liev Schreiber is the better version in terms of character, personality, and rivalry to Wolverine. Tyler Mane at least got the comics version look right.

Sorry fangirls, but the original Sabretooth doesn't look like Schreiber.

Could of been worse, they could sewed his mouth.

Here's the trailer if you want to see

X2: X-Men United- You will cry...That Rouge is with Iceman and not Gambit. Also she never gets Captain Marvel's powers.

How dare you Drake for ruining my ship. I hope people write nasty fanfics of you. Also why is she with Iceman? Doesn't she know he's gay?

You know his 616 counterpart didn't came out of the closet till long long after this movie?

You know it's ironic that the two actresses in the next film's love triangle is either bi or gay in real life.

Note#1- Her most famous love interest in comics and shows is usually card throwing Cajun man, Gambit who was briefly seen in X-Men Origins. It seems she and Iceman are an item in the Ultimate universe which is a retelling of the Marvel universe in the 2000s, however that came after this movie.

Iceman being gay was a obvious retcon in recent years of the comics. He was written to be a straight guy for decades and now suddenly gay.

Note#2- Outside of the movies, Rouge is a powerhouse. After she absorb Captain Marvel's powers, she is more confidant and cool woman that can fly and have super strength. Even if they didn't have the film rights of Captain Marvel, they didn't make up a brand new story where Rouge get those powers.

Here's the trailer

X-Men: The Last Stand- You will cry...That Cyclops get wasted

Barely in the movie and the leader of the X-Men just dies anti-climatically.

That they recast Beast and Shadowcat with Kelsey Grammer and Ellen Page.

That the cosmic being known as the Phoenix is now a mere split personality of Jean and the entire Dark Phoenix storyline get shoved into The Cure storyline.

Note#1- If you asked someone whose the leader of the X-Men, nobody is going to say Cyclops. The dude got shafted in the movies and never seen as the group's leader. He suppose to be on of the main characters and here is simply a side character.

Note#2- Most people didn't know that either Beast or Shadowcat were in the 1st two movies. They were simply cameos that you barely see. Heck, most people didn't realized that Trask or Psylocke appeared in 1st Class films with far bigger roles and people then hear, "Wait, they were in the original trilogy, how come I don't remember them?"

"Oh they were in the background for a few seconds."

Yeah, I don't think anyone is going to complain on Beast's recasting or Shadowcat being played by a 3rd actress.

It's a surprise they didn't recast me seeing Ryan only played a small scene long before that stupid moment.

Here's the trailer

The President's aide is suppose to be Trask, yes the same guy who built the Sentinels and yet he doesn't look anything like he did later on.

X-Men Origins-You cry...You cry...When you see Hugh Jackman….Running across the grassy fields butt naked.

When you see…A mouthless Deadpool.

Note#1- You really don't see too much because you only saw it at a distance and it was for barely a second. I joked this movie is aimed towards girls. It's mostly full of males with a 6-foot tall Wolverine, a handsome Sabretooth, and a Pre-transformation Deadpool. Well there is two girls in the movie but they're only in the flick for 5 minutes in total.

Note#2- Deadpool is a popular Marvel character.  His fans hated what happen to him in the movie’s climax. He called "Merc with a mouth" and they gave them the opposite.

Of all the fudging, Belgium, frakken, Mrgrgr. Chris, your blog is preventing me saying certain words.

Oh well, it been seven longs years but at least I got movie with proper respect to my character instead of this trash heap.

Here's the trailer 

X-men First Class- “You will cry...You will cry...When you see the naked blue girl... is only in her naked blue form for 3 scenes. Also, why did I see Dr. Manhatten’s blue glowing you-know-what for 3 straight hours in the movie Watchmen but not her in her blue form in this movie? That's not fair.”

This is how Mystique normally looked in the original X-Men trilogy. Played by popular fashion model/actress, Rebecca Romijn.

This is what she looked 80% of the film. Played by random nobody Jennifer Lawrence. *One year later, Hunger Games comes out* I'm sorry, I mean popular actress.

This is how she look 15% in the film.

This is how he look 95% of the time in the movie, Watchmen. WTF man.

You cry that it's a cast of nobodies that formed together. 

Despite being the best movie in a long time, this film screws up the entire X-Men timeline.

Note#1- I just found something funny to compare to Watchman since in the original X-Men flicks, Mystique is best known for being blue and naked, which you hardly see in this prequel. She goes through a character arc where she accepts to appear in her blue form. The movie does still have eyecandy towards male viewers with most of the females wore short skirts. One of the females was a stripper before she joined the X-men.

Mystique's actress wasn't a mega hit actress yet when 1st Class appear but she got really popular by the time the sequels came around.

Note#2- The entire cast of heroes outside of Professor X, Magneto, and Mystique is a butch of lesser known characters.

Note#3- The timeline is a big mess. Xavier said he and Magneto built Cerbero together which they didn't. Then they patch things up just to meet with young Jean. Emma Frost when from a adult woman to teen in Origins. You got the ages on some of the original trilogy characters are different. Xavier's "1st students" unless you take account of his 1st students after he restarted the school after Days of Futures Past.

The sequel of this sort of fix some plot holes. Xavier can pump a drug that depletes powers but restore his legs. Beast can do the same thing and appear in his furless form.

Most just accepted that First Class was a sort of stealth prequel/reboot and the time travel actions of this film's sequel ended up creating an alternate timeline that's completely different from the original trilogy. Also, everyone pretends X-Men Origins don't exist.

 

Here's a trailer if anyone wants to see

I'm going to make you watch The Wolverine...You will cry...You when you see Hugh Jackman...butt naked again as he forced to take a bath.

Here's the trailer

Days of Futures Past- You will cry...When you see...Wolverine's butt. Ahh!!! My eyes!!! He wasn't in the distance like in Origins or barely got out of the bathtub. No, he did a full backal nudity shot. My poor eyes. Ahhh!!!

Why, it looks fine to begin with?

You cry...That everyone you love from the 1st three films is dead.

That Xavier is alive after being disintegrated from X-Men 3 with no explanation.

You cry..When you see Quicksilver's design.

Note#1- Back in X-Men Origins: Wolverine was out, I joked about Wolverine running through the grassy fields in his birthday suit. However, it was in a distance and you barely see anything and it was only for a few seconds. I made it a huge deal out of something you barely saw. Now this movie on the other hand, shows his glutenous maximus up close on screen. I swear, I never thought this would happen back when Wolverine's 1st solo flick was out.

Note#2-I'm not even going to bother put spoiler warnings. It's obvious the future is a post-apocalyptic world and people are dying.

Note#3- Actually it was explained that Charles Xavier survived in a post-credits scene in the 3rd X-Men movie where it was revealed that he transfer his mind to a John Doe patent who happens to be his twin brother. Another post-credits scene shows Magneto getting his powers back, showing the cure wasn't permanent.

However, this movie was out long before Marvel Studios made post-credits scenes a big deal, so most people were unaware of this scenes. However unlike Marvel Studios, their post-creds are big teases of what's to come, not explanations of plot holes.

Wolverine's 2nd solo flick had a post-credits scene, during the era where Marvel Studios made post-credits a big deal. It showed Wolverine bumping into Xavier and Magneto and he was freaked out that Xavier was alive and I was "Oh yeah, that's right. He saw him die." It's been so many years since we got actual sequel to the X-Men Trilogy after several prequels, I kinda forgot about this.

Sadly, Days of Future's Past assumes you already seen that scene of Xavier surviving. Many people were surprised the scene existed and it was here all these years like the secret map in Arkham Asylum or the Nero family sidequest in Final Fantasy 9.

Note#4- Quicksilver's design did get backlash but when people saw him in action, he became a fan favorite and the backlash was forgotten.

Here's the trailer

Kinda funny, because within the same week, I was halfway done with The Walking Dead's 1st season and heard the same music when they left behind a man who was bitten.

No it's not an actual Valentine's movie.

But what are you talking about Chris. Look at this Banner. Check it.

I don't know who's hotter. Me or her. 

Anyways, it was a movie that simply aired near Valentine's Day that did had a romance subplot.

1.You will cry...when you see... Ryan Reynold's butt. Great, it's bad enough I had to see Hugh Jackman's in the other X-Men movies.

Now what's wrong with my butt. You know my fans want to see it.

You know my viewers on a piece of this.

2.That he killed Mario.
He deserved it.
Oh by the way viewers, he's not talking about a certain video game mascot.

3.Trying to figure out who the heck is Negasonic Teenage Warhead is
Let me guess, is she going to be on "Love for obscured characters" articles.
I doubt it.

4.That you took your kid to the movie. What!? You didn't see it's rated R. Shame on you.
Yeah, shame on you.


Note#1-Hugh Jackman's butt showing up alol, now Ryan is doing it.


Note#2- There was an April Fools joke that Mario Lopez was interviewing Ryan Reynolds and they are discussing that the movie is rated PG-13. Out of nowhere, Deadpool kills him.

Check out my drawing I did after I smash his head. Don't worry Jessie, Slater won't mess with you anymore.

Note#3-Negasonic Teenage Warhead is a very obscured character. The people behind the Deadpool movie like the name of the character so much, that they made her as one of the main characters of that movie.

No kidding. That's coolest name ever.

Note#4- There are parents out there thinking this movie should be for kids since he is a costumed hero. They tried to asked the studio to make a PG-13 version. It didn't work

Tho, my sequel actually have a PG-13 re-release for Christmas season that year.

Here's the trailer of the movie if you want to see

1. You will cry that this movie is against women.

See, the billboard has a man choking a woman.

2. That the villain is God himself as well as Hindu gods.




Note#1- The billboard has stir up controversy and people complain, saying this movie promote violence towards women. Ok, the main villain is this powerful mutant who sees himself as a god who should destroy to world to rebuild it in his image. People will oppose him, including Mystique. You think an evil mutant with a god complex is going to be nice simply because she's a woman.

Note#2- Apocalypse was one of the earliest mutants in recorded history and one of the most powerful. He was basically a god to normal human. He could build a pyramid in seconds with his mind.

In some trailers he said he was referred to as Ra, Krishna, Yahweh, and several more. He mentions several ancient Hebrew names for God. I'm sure that several Christians/Jews and Hinduists weren't happy.

He was declared a false god from ancient Egyptians and the X-Men.

I have heard Apocalypse in comics was seen as several gods throughout history, however I don't think any of them were God or anyone from Hinduism.

Here's the trailer

1. Logan- You will cry... That that after all these years, he never did wore that yellow outfit.

2. You will cry....That the happy future we saw at the end of Days of Future Past gets undone. Everyone is dead....Again.

3. That Sabertooth isn't in the movie

4. You will cry...After watching the whole thing.

Note#1-

This is how he looks in the comics and shows.

Some movies based on comics see the colorful outfits silly and believe the viewers won't take them seriously. They try to update them and make them darker.

How they look in the original trilogy.

As time went on, comic books movies started embracing their more colorful looks. Outfits started becoming more accurate. 

How they look in 1st Class.

There are attempts to update of the design in alot movies. Sometimes it works, sometimes they go way too far and don't look anything similar from their source material.

So after many years that Hugh Jackman played Wolverine, he never did wore that outfit. 

There was a tease in an alternate ending of his earlier films of his outfit.

Note#2- The future of the original movies that was shown in Days of Future Past was giant robots called Sentinels were slaughtering every mutant and there was no hope for anybody. Wolverine's mind was sent back to the 1970s to prevent the bad future. When he woke up in present time, he was back at the X-Men mansion and everyone was alive and happy. Even the people who died in X-Men 3 were alive.(This was to undo the controversial deaths from that movie)

Then the film Logan came and everything went to depress-ville.

*Spoilers ahead, skip to the next note*

It says that several X-Men died but didn't say who. So you can pretend you favorites are still alive. Also the end of the world didn't happen, it was that mutants suddenly stop being born so there was no reason to keep teaching the next generation on how to control their powers.

According to the Marvel wiki, this movie is in a different universe separate from the other movies.

Or you could pretend it's simply a what if possible future tale rather than the grand finale of this series. It's up to you if you want to see this is the actual future or a what if future.

Note#3- They try to have Liev Schreiber but he couldn't make it. So anybody looking forward to him were sad.

Note#4- It was sad.

Here's the trailer if anyone wants to see

*Spoilers for the whole movie of Deadpool 2. So be warned*

1.They killed Vanessa early

I can't believe they killed her so early. I blame the writers. "Real Heroes" my bum. Gee Chris, your blog is preventing me what I want to actual say. I'm having flashbacks when I re-released my movie for PG-13 audiences during Christmas. It's weird you won't let cussing on your blog but your dodgeball stories is about frakkin violent as my movies.

2. When you see Deadpool crossing his baby legs.

I don't know if my fans are disturbed or feeling hot when they saw my stuff.

More likely disturbed after possibly seeing your privates when you are regenerating.

3.That the overly hyped X-Force dies right after they're introduced.

Gee, If only I had a time machine to save one of them....

4. That you only saw Brad Pitt for one second. What? People came to see Brad Pitt and he's only in it for one second. This sucks.

Uhh Chris, I don't think people who haven't seen this knows he's even in it. Plus it's a joke I put in a big name actor for a small scene.

5. That you don't see the X-men besides Colossus, Negasonic Teenage Warhead, and Yukio.

It's like Fox didn't want to afford other X-Men in my movie. Stupid money grubbers.

You think now with Marvel Studios having the rights back to X-Men and Fantastic 4, you think they have you do crossovers with the Avengers?

Most likely a few side characters.

6. That the post-credits ripped off of Godzilla Final Wars where the beloved icon kills his lame in-name only knockoff. For shame Deadpool, for shame.

Are you kidding me? I'm sure there are other franchises out there that has done a similar thing. You know my 616 counterpart killed off my Ultimate counterpart who was nothing like how I'm suppose to be. Besides, the writers of my movie may of not seen that one Godzilla movie. Ripoff or not, my mouthless counterpart deserved what he's getting.

Note#1- There was some backlash when they fridge(comic book term) Vanessa. From what I heard on the PG-13 cut, even Fred Savage lashed out towards the movie for fridging Vanessa. They killed her off just to move the story.

I tried to kill myself afterwards but my healing ability won't let me. Well I was save her in the end when I burrowed Cable's time machine.

Note#2- Deadpool was ripped in half and his lower torso was in the middle of regenerating back to normal. The lower half was kinda baby-sized during the process. I don't know you actually see his junk during his leg crossing but I'm certainly not going to re-watch the scene to see.

Oh come, you know you want to.

No, just no.

Note#3- Deadpool forms a team called X-Force that's based on a group of mutants in Marvel comics. They were ready to perform their mission as they were jumping out of their plane. Unfortunately, their parachutes endings up on moving helicopter blades, moving van, tree shredder.

The trailers did lie to the viewers. It showed some of the members fighting several bad guys on the streets. That didn't happen.

Gee, talk about bad luck. Good thing I go back to save Peter at least. I don't know how Domino was spared from her fate.

It was her luck power.

Oh come one, "luck power". That's not a super power. By the way Chris, aren't you forgetting a certain X-force member.

I'm getting to him.

Note#4- One of the members of the X-Force is called The Vanisher and he's invisible. During the scene where they all parachute to their comical deaths. Vanisher crashed into power lines and made him visible for a brief second. It was Brad Pitt in a one second role.

Hey Chris, you forgot these guys.

I don't know who they are?

That's Alan Tudyk and Matt Damon.

Wait? They are the movie too. I didn't recognized them with those disguises.

Note#5- In the 1st movie, Deadpool breaks the 4th wall and comments that the studio can only afford only Colossus. In the 2nd movie, he goes to the X-mansion and said why can't he gets help from any of the famous X-Men besides Colossus. Right after he said this...

If he only turned his head.

Wait they were in the movie?

How is it that you know about Alan Tudyk and Matt Damon but you didn't know about this cameo?

Hmm, seeing it's McAvoy's X-Men and not Stewart's X-Men, I'm guessing my movie takes place in the 80s or 90s. I thought my films take place during current times? These timelines are confusing.

Note#6-

I already said this earlier to writer of this blog. Big deal that my mid-credits parallels to a some Godzilla movie. 
It is sad you were created a over a decade after Marvel loss the rights to Godzilla. It be an awesome crossover with you two.

Here's the trailer

Hey don't forget about the last of the 1st Class films.

Oh yeah, Dark Phoenix,  What you want me to say? Nothing stands out really on the 2nd attempt to adapt the Dark Phoenix saga. Yes, it's sad the series ended on a whimper but other than that, for better or worse, nothing stands out. I can't make fun of it or make jokes on this one. If you want the best adaptation, go watch the animated series.

Oh, I sure you thing of something?

Fine. I'm going to make you watch Dark Phoenix....You will Cry, that umm...Wolverine isn't in it...Errr yeah.

 What!?Man, no one came watches X-Men to see Cyclops, Storm, Nightcrawler, or Beast. They come to see Wolverine(and Deadpool), if he's not here, than what's the point of watching?

You cry...They everyone looks the same as they did in 1962 and suddenly rapidly aged.

Note#1- To most people whose only familiar with the movies and only them, most think Wolverine is the main character of the entire series. However past decade had the 1st Class prequels that made Xavier the main while Hugh only plays cameos besides his time travel event in Days of Future's Past.

Wolverine is like Jack Sparrow is to the Pirates of the Caribbean movies or Scorpion and Sub-Zero of the Mortal Kombat series. A very popular character who gets mistaken for the main characters. X-Men in the comics and show is more about a group than single-handily focus on one guy.

Note#2-The 1st Class series keep jumping 10 years everytime they make a new movie but the problem is everyone still looks the same. Some joked about Steward's cameo in Origins in 79 or the flashback scene from X3 where Steward and Mckellen meet with Jean in 78. However the timeline changed, so those events don't matter.

Wolverine's healing factor slow his ageing while Mystique is a shapeshifter. 

Here's the trailer if you want to see

I'm going to make you watch The New Mutants...You Will Cry...That you can't watch it since this movie is delayed, again, and again.

After so many years of hints and teases...Your not going to see Mr. Sinister.

Note#1- This movie became infamous due to it's numerous delays. It was going to play in 2018 but got delayed to avoid the release of Deadpool 2. It was going to be in 2019 but delay to avoid Dark Phoenix. Then Disney acquired Fox and this got delayed again. It was going to air in April 2020 but Covid-19 delay the movie again till it was finally released in late August of 2020.

Note#2-

Mister Sinister aka Nathaniel Essex is a major foe to the X-Men. He was teased in the later half of the 2010s but it was never meant to be.


X-Men: Apocalypse had a post-credits scene of Essex corporation acquiring a vial of Wolverine's blood. He was talked about by various directors and writers about appearing in a later movie. An orphanage in Deadpool 2 was owned by Sinister. 
It seems early in development that it was planned he be in it but it didn't happen. He may of been in the planned but never produced Channing Tatum's Gambit film.

Here's the trailer