Monday, August 24, 2020

You Will Cry!!! With Giant Monsters(Kaiju)

This is a list of Giant Monsters/Kaiju that doesn't star Godzilla. Examples: King Kong, Gamera, Cloverfield, Pacific Rim.

I going to make you watch Japanese King Kong and King Kong appears in Edo and... Wait, you actually can't watch it.

Note- There were actual King Kong movies made in Japan in 1933(same year as the US one) and 1938. Due to the film reels at the time were extremely flammable, as well as bombing from WWII, and other stuff. A good chunk of movies made were lost forever, including these. Most people were unaware these exist and most of the evidence of their existence came from really old magazines from Japan.


I'm going to make you watch 20 Million Miles to Earth..You will cry...When you see the monster...kill a dog. Man, I don't care who dies, you don't kill a dog. >:(

Here's the trailer

I'm going to make you watch...Varan the Unbelievable...You cry...That the entire movie is about some random navy commander and his wife commenting about a monster and talk about from the sidelines.

Note-The American version of this movie is a completely different movie than the Japanese version.

The Japanese version has people looking for disappearing students at a mountain. The village natives warn them don't go there or they will make their "god" angry. This makes Varan than rampages through out the movie.

The American version, a commander and his wife listen to their vehicle's phone to hear about chemicals dropped in a lake that ended up awakening the monster. Limited stock footage was shown and half the time, the couple react from hearing everything from the phone.


I'm going to make you watch King Kong Escapes....You will cry that his enemy is Doctor Who...Wait What?

You telling me King Kong fought this guy?


Note- The human villain in King Kong Escapes is called Dr. Who but he has no connection to the famous British TV show. They were unaware of each other's existence at the time.
Funny enough, his outfit is similar to the 1st Doctor's.

Kong's Who is actually based from a recurring villain from a cartoon series that came out the same year called the King Kong Show and the movie's plot is an adaption of several episodes of the show with Mechani-Kong.

You may be a doctor but your not The Doctor.




I'm going to make you watch Gamera vs. Viras. You will cry...When you see...30 straight minutes of stock footage.

Note- Gamera is Godzilla's business rival. Like what Sonic is to Mario. While Godzilla slowly went from villain to anti-hero to cool hero to goofy hero to back to cool hero before the series rebooted. Gamera quickly went from villain to friend of children and guardian of the universe in the span of 2 films before he got his 90s reboot. His films are far more sillier, cheaper, and more campier than Godzilla's.

In Gamera vs Viras. There was a scene where the aliens try to learn about Gamera and we see 30-long minutes of stock footage of his earlier films. The next thing they do is mind-control him and he destroys the same exact dam from his brief villain days and then goes on to destroy the city in black and white footage with a tint of red. (His 1st movie is black and white)

I'm going to make you watch Gamera vs Jiger. You will cry...when you see live footage of an elephant's tusk getting operated.


Note-Despite obliviously being aimed towards young kids far more so than Godzilla's silliest films in the late 60s/early 70s, it's far more violent. You had Gamera screaming in pain with arrows or shurikens embedded in his arms. One had Gamera killed one enemy by drowning it in it's own blood. There was one where two of Gamera's foes fought each other and one of them got it's wings cut off, then his still twitching head, then it's torso sliced up like a carrot and the piece was held up like a potato chip.

Warning, for those with weak stomachs, please skip the next paragraph. It is be very gory and this isn't make believe violence about rubber suit monsters. This is real live footage.

Well in the movie, Gamera was infected with a parasite and the humans were comparing it to elephant. They showed a film on a projector and showed real live-footage of an elephant with it's swollen tusk with maggots inside. The humans then use knifes to operated on it's tusk as you see maggots coming out.

Seriously, what the world would this be shown in any movie, especially for young kids.



I'm going to make you watch Gamera: Super Monster. You will cry...When you see Gamera... killing himself in a lame way.


Note- The last of the classic Gamera films. Gamera vs. Viras had 1/4 of it's movie in stock footage that can be easily cut out while this movie is 98% made of stock footage. The main villain that's rarely seen throughout the movie is a Star Destroyer ripoff that you can see in the pic above. It resurrects all of Gamera's foes and they fight the same exact way as they did in the earlier films and Gamera kills them the same exact way. If you were brought back from the dead and fighting the guy killed you in the same exact location, wouldn't you try to avoid your death and use different tactics.

Speaking of stock footage, he gets mind-controlled again and attacks the same exact dam the 3rd time. The only original footage of Gamera is him flying over the city for a few seconds and him going kamikazi on the Star Destroyer ripoff in a poorly edited fashion. Is this how you kill off a beloved character? You end the series in a lame and terrible way? This movie is bad as Godzilla's Revenge.

From what I heard, the film company Daiei went bankrupt sometime after the previous Gamera film which was 1971. In 1980, They try to get out of bankruptcy by making this film...it didn't work. Thankfully, Gamera got a big reboot in the mid-90s.


You cry...That it takes an hour and a half to see the big ape.

Note- Well it is a remake of the 1933 one and everyone knows they are getting on a boat that leads them to a mysterious island. That is an hour and half of build up.


I'm going to make you watch Cloverfield...You will cry...You will cry...when you see 20 straight minutes of annoying collage kids being drunk and worry about their love drama that has nothing to do with the monster.


This is what your going to see for a while.

Note- There is alot movies out there that would built up to the star attraction. A way to set up the story and to tease the audience to keep watching. However with Cloverfield, these kids having nothing to do with the monster, there's no build up or anything. If you were watching the movie for the 1st time, you maybe be scratching your head and wondering if you got the right movie in the DVD player.

There are people I know in real life that simply hate this movie because of this twenty minute long scene.

There are dozens of giant monster/kaiju movies that build up to the star attraction. Examples like: fisherman's boats being mysteriously destroy, missing miners which leads to investigations, boat refugees mysteriously unaffected from radiation from an island that was nuke test site, mysterious strange island showed up in waters while a researcher was investigating reports of a "giant bird". Even the hated 1998 Godzilla(aka Zilla) had mysterious footprints in the mud. 

Here's a trailer of the movie if you want to see



I'm going to make you watch Pacific Rim...You will cry...That the Russian and Chinese robots don't have enough screentime.

Note- I couldn't think of anything to say towards this movie other than their limited screentime.

Here's the trailer




I'm going to make you watch the Gamera 2015 trailer...You will cry...That it's only a short movie, nothing more.

Note- The short was a celebration the 50th anniversary of Gamera and a proof of concept shown at New York Comic-Con. It wasn't intended to be a trailer of a upcoming movie. Sadly, a new movie wasn't meant to be.







1. Oh great. It's going to be bad as the other one.

2. You will cry...That it's not connected to the other Cloverfield.

*Warning Major Spoilers!! Skip to the next entry.*

3.That you don't see the aliens till the last 10 minutes.



Note#1-My opinion on this movie is greatly different compare to the original Cloverfield. That 20 minute party scene can set people off.

The 2nd Cloverfield isn't about a Kaiju(Giant Monster) attacking a city. It's about a woman who got abducted and imprisoned in a cellar and she's trying to escape.


Note#2- It's not a sequel/prequel/sidequel to the other Cloverfield, it takes place in a different universe. However it does have some minor connections. Cloverfield woke up because a satellite fell on his head. John Goodman said he works on satellites and he is part of the same company that the jealous loverboy who got a job in Japan. The two different Cloverfields do have similar mythos.


Note#3-*Spoiler warning* When I saw the last 10 minutes, I joked, "Yep, it's a Cloverfield movie. You don't see the aliens till after waiting a long hour." However the movie isn't about the main character fighting aliens. It's about escaping the cellar. John Goodman imprisoned her to protect her from whatever is attacking. He was kinda right but he is a monster that isn't safe to be around.

Here's the trailer

*ending spoilers ahead, skip to the next section if you don't want to be spoiled.*








I'm going to make you watch the Cloverfield Paradox, you will cry...When you see the Cloverfield monster at the very last minute of the movie.

What!? I had to wait to the very last minute to see this guy. 1st the aliens don't show up till the last ten minutes of the 2nd film and now this. Man this series sucks!!

Note- Well the monster wasn't really the main focus of the film. It was a bonus cameo no one saw coming. The main story was a crew on a space station with dealing with alternate universes colliding on the place.

Here's the trailer


*Spoilers ahead, skip to the next section if you don't want to be spoiled*


You will cry....That nearly everyone you loved from the 1st movie is either dead or evil.


She dies very early in the sequel.


He was nowhere to be seen in the sequel but according to the novelization of the sequel (Which may or not be canon). He dies a year after the events of the 1st movie from cancer.

And He's evil


Note- People were not happy what happen to Mako. Also hearing what happened to the original main character is depressing to hear. However he may be alive since the novel may not be canon.

Here's the trailer







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