Mortal Kombat: Federation of Martial Arts Review: The Videos

Click here to see the 1st part of the review.

Here's a playlist of all the videos if you want to see for yourself.

Here's the 1st fight. The orange ninja aka Kitana's dad(sort of) and the military girl that ended up marrying Johnny Cage.

The letters appear like something out of a Newground flash. That doesn't look professional.

Ermac meets with her in the obvious green screen background and says, "We meet again". This is a reference to their fight from Mortal Kombat Annihilation, the 2nd movie.

He cheats and somehow produce Noob Saibot out of his body. This was years before the games establish Noob as the elder Sub-Zero reborn.

What in the world is with her face?

Did she took too many trips to the tanning salon? I couldn't tell due to the poor video quality but something is up with it. She does appear in a far later video with a better close-up and the part of her face is brown. Did she had too many chocolate ice-creams and never bother to wipe her mouth before the fight? I guessing it's camo face paint but which she never did use in the games till MKX many years later as an alternate skin.

They exchange blows for 20 seconds and the video was over. I'm not joking. The entire thing was 30 seconds long and 10 of those is their pre-fight banter.

Round 2, they exchange more blows and the video suddenly stops just when it starts. I notice Sonya going all like Liu Kang and shouting her attacks. I get Liu Kang does it since he's a copy of Bruce Lee but this is only time in the entire franchise that Sonya does this.

Alot fights are this short, I have a hard time imagining people waited a whole week and all they saw was a 30 second fight. Rounds 2 and 3 did aired the next two days that continued the fights even waiting a full day to see a continuation of a fight is still not enough.

He also has a teleport move. It's like Raiden version of teleport.

The entire fight ends with Sonya winning. This was lame fight. If you want to see a better fight with these two, go watch their fight in MK Annihilation. The fact I recommend something from the laughably bad 2nd movie shows this web series is the bottom of the barrel.

According to the imdb. Ermac is played by John Medlen, the same actor from the 2nd movie as well as the same costume. You can't really tell since he was in costume. According to it, he is a stuntmen with alot shows and movies under his resume.

Next fight is...

I have a hard time imaging that gods who are running the tournament has a girl in bikini announcing the upcoming fight. Things in the real world like flag girls and ring girls in sports events is believable but not with the fate of our world is depending on fighting tournment with ninjas, cyborgs, lizards, gods, mutants, etc. Also, she never shows up again in the entire web series. The intro of the fights went back to early Newgrounds type of animation.

Round 1 was nothing but Jax walking in circles and yells"WHERE'S RAIN AT?!" He yells and yells as he continues walking in circles.

Little does Jax know that Rain was slowly floating downward behind him like Sephiroth from FF7 or Monster X from Godzilla Final Wars. Also during the floating down, the green screen background flickered for a brief sec.

He smacks him and round 1 is over just like that.

If you recognize the actor playing Jax, that's because that's the same actor from MK Annihilation aka Sabre from American Gladiators. He may be the most easily recognizable actor in this forgotten web series since the rest are in masked ninjas or from a far lesser know TV series.

Back to the match, the two warriors actually fight in the next 2 rounds and during the fight, Rain for some reason is asking for mercy but Jax won't accept it. He does a fake looking ground pound.

I shouldn't see the shockwaves through Jax's body.

The attack looked billion times more real in MK Annihilation. I can't believe I still praising the 2nd movie.

Rain summons down lightning. That looks kinda fake but it was very quick and the entire screen went bright so it's a "better" effect than the ground pound.

At one point, Rain was a dozen feet away from Jax, then the camera showed a close up of Jax's face and he said, "Gotcha!" Suddenly, the purple ninja prince known as Rain had his neck wrapped in Jax's fingers and had his face pounded. So our hero is cheating using the powers of bad editing.

The pounding causes Rain go KO and hits the ground, revealing his underarm hair.

Then we got a another close up of Jax with him saying, "I'm the man", and he blows a kiss at the camera.

I don't want it.

For any non-fans of MK reading this, yes, the purple ninja Rain is based on Prince's famous song.

Well if I have to say anything at all positive about this web series, at least they treated Rain better than they did in the 2nd MK movie. His entire role was one minute all together and all he did is fail his master who punished him by throwing the ninja into a pit.

And they recycle this exact scene when Liu Kang kicked Baraka into a pit later in the movie. Weird that Baraka briefly morphed from a razor blade monster into a purple ninja.

Next fight is Shang Tsung vs Siann. I bet some of you are wondering who the Netherrealm is Siann.

She's the one on the left

MK Conquest was still recent in people minds when this web series came out. She and the other two girls are Quan Chi's assassins. Siann is played by the same actress from short-live series and she also played Mileena in MK Annihilation. She also been in alot movies and shows as a stuntswoman. The other twos are supermodels, actors, and posed for playboy. Yes people, MK Conquest was known for it's fanservice.

Quan Chi's assassins are loosely based on these three assassins from MK Mythologies: Sub-Zero.

So people who comes in and check on this web series may not be familiar with Siann. The show ended years ago for one thing and they are loosely based on a trio(who had completely different names) from a spinoff game rather than a main entry of the franchise.

The video starts with Shang Tsung practicing his moves, not noticing Siann was behind him.

After that, he looks up and down at her ant then she rams an elbow in his face.

And that was all of round 1, not really a fight. I can't believe Shang Tsung got distracted looking at her body.

The 1st pic is his assistant. 2nd is his ex before he turned to evil. The 1st girl had a love/hate thing with Shang. Sometimes, she tries to kill him. Yet he wasn't distracted with her outfit during her attempts to kill.

Round 2 happen and they change blows. Round 3 happens and Siann does this.

This distracts Shang and she starts to lay the smack down on him. She then pull out a knife out and one of the elder gods told Shang to either be killed or accept defeat. He accepts.

Final boss in the 1st MK game as well as Deadly Alliance. The 3rd last boss in MK2 and 9. MK champion for nine generations before the original Kung Lao dethrone him. The great demon sorcerer Shang Tsung got defeated by sex appeal. I have a hard time accepting this.

Next fight is Liu Kang vs Hikata. Unlike the previous fight, Hikata isn't based on some lesser known character from a short-lived TV show. Nope, this guy is a completely made up character for just this web series. He supposed to be a warrior monk.

Our opponent, Mr. Towelhead

Liu the caveman

Clearly, the victor is going to be Liu Kang. No way that the main hero is going to lose to a filler character.

They battle each other in front of two flame GIFs that you usually see at fan-made websites back in the late 90s/early 2000s.

During this shot, Liu Kang is dancing with the background music. Ok, he's not, he's just copying off of Bruce Lee and doing a battle stance.

The filler character summons a cheap CGI blade to kill our hero.

Liu avoid it and kicked it out of his hands. The battle went on and then ended with Hikata as the victor.

You got to be kidding me. The champion of Mortal Kombat, the one who defeated Shang Tsung, Shao Khan(Twice), and Shinnok got whooped by some lame forgettable filler character. This is the main hero of the series for crying out loud.

The next fight is Kitana vs Jimmy Cage

Fight starts with Jimmy acting all smug and not taking Kitana seriously. OK, I don't like him already.

She kicks the sunglasses off his face. He points to where they fell and said emotionless tone, "Those were $650 sunglasses." Gee, you can tell Johnny is the trained actor and not this guy. 😛

Also, I was half-expecting him to end it with "***hole." You muck up your brother's famous line from the 1st MK movie very badly.

The princess kicks him off his feet and then stomps on his glasses. I love her expression in the next scene. 

They got Talisa Soto's outfit from the movies but all they add was a cheap cloth for her mouth.

He got mad at her and started taking her seriously, "You don't mess with Jimmy Cage". Ok, now I have a hard time taking this dude seriously when a name like Jimmy doesn't sound threatening.

They fought but she ends up whooping him and he fell back on his butt.

Good, I don't like this loser.

Next fight is Scorpion vs Nightwolf. 

Unlike the others, instead of cheap fake looking green screen backgrounds, we got an actual location. However, even with that, they still did it the most cheapest way possible.

Scorpion comes out a wooden door and Nightwolf comes out of the bushes and fight on someone's backyard.

This looks like cheap fan-made video made from MK fans dressed up and posted this on Youtube. I can understand if this was actually fan-made but it's not, it's official somehow.

Also the camera shakes and it's not done as an artistic choice they made, it's because of how cheap the production is.

Well at least they got Chris Casamassa, the guy who played Scorpion in the 1st movie and MK Conquest. It ended with our favorite undead ninja winning the fight.

Next is Sub-Zero vs Sonya.

Sonya still has that weird mudface. Sub-Zero for some reason has Reptile's mask from the MK movie.

Reptile is at least a big lizard disguised as a human ninja. The "mouth" on the mask is kinda symbolic, so why does the ice ninja have a "mouth" on his mask?

I'm guessing Sub-Zero was supposed to flip from offscreen but here, he just magically appears onscreen.

Either Sub-Zero has teleporting powers or someone in the editing team wasn't paying attention.

Unlike the others fights where all of round one is the 2 meeting up and throw one punch, they go right at it. I was surprised a little.

At one point, the ice ninja grabs her and looks like he's about pile drive her.

But she manages to hit him in the snowballs and brakes free from his grip.

Seems Cassie got her ballbreaking X-ray attack from both parents.

They continue fighting and then Sub-Zero got the upperhand and used the powers of Windows Movie Maker effects to create a portal.

Actually, he was getting ready to create a ice blast. Looks like a portal here.

Suddenly Jax comes in and saves Sonya.

Afterwards, a loud blooming voice was heard and lightning hit near the kombatants. It must be Raiden. The gods were unhappy about the interruption. A text popped up and said disqualified. So is Jax or Sonya out? According to later videos, they are still around in later fights.

Next is Liu Kang vs Sub-Zero. Kitana ain't here to offer water as a weapon this time Liu.

The ice ninja sees Liu Kang just standing there, mediating.

Are we going to fight or what?

Liu got fed up with him invading his personal space and they fought.

During the fight, the ice ninja grab Liu's hand and you hear an odd noise. It seems he freeze his hand for a second. After that, he freezes the ground.

Looks weird he lifts his leg like that.

At one point, after putting Liu Kang on the ground, Sub-Zero waved arms in the air for a good few seconds. Err..ok. 

In round 3, he did a Micheal Jackson spin and then do the ice shower attack.

 The Bruce Lee clone counterattack with a Bicycle Kick.

And it looks silly. Then again, it was always look silly to begin with. Even in the 1st MK movie with it's higher budget, it still looked weird.

 Sub-Zero grabbed Liu and threw him on this mat that randomly appeared.

In the next shot, the mat was completely gone

The ice ninja grabbed his leg and Liu begged for mercy. The victor is Sub-Zero. Gee Liu Kang fail again, how is he the champion of Mortal Kombat when all he does is get his butt kicked?

Next is Jax vs Shang Tsung

In the middle of the battle, for some reason, Shang watch Jax slowly get up from the ground for a full 5 seconds.

For a man that's evil, backstabbing, and conniving, he isn't kicking him while he's down.

Jax did an uppercut that sent Shang skywards and we watch the sorcerer fly in the air with his arms rotating for a several seconds.

This reminds me of that one glitch from Assassin's Creed Unity where you stuck in the air.

Then Jax did a groundpound

At least we're not seeing it through his body. Still looks fake tho.

Later, he had the sorcerer's body in his arms and we hear an odd sound effect. I guess he squished him so hard, he may of turn his inners into mush or something.

He dropped him on the the ground and the weaken Shang threw a fireball at the Jax that knocks him off his feet. They were too weak to continue.

It ended in a draw.

Next is Kitana vs Scorpion at the pyramid of Argus.

Ok it's not Argus' pyramid. Not with that skull face on the side. For one thing, this web series came out years before the final game in the old timeline.

They fight and when the princess knocks the undead ninja to the ground, he says as he's getting up, "Is that all you got Princess?" Who knew Scorpion is the type of guy that makes petty taunts in the middle of the fight.

Like the previous fight, Scorpion did an uppercut and send Kitana flying. We see her float in the air for a few seconds.

Round 3 had Scorpion who clearly have the upperhand. Kitana has no strength left and the undead ninja is toying with her. Oh and he slaps her several times. Gee this is sound like abuse. The match ends with Scorpion winning as we see 6 long seconds of Kitana rolling in pain. Gee, these directors need to learn to edit.

Next is Shang Tsung vs Nightwolf.

The video starts with a long drawn out shot of the artwork of Shang Tsung's leather jacket.

Err..ok. Shang is kinda an old fashion type of guy sort of. He's either in robes or vests. Never in pimp out leather jackets.

Ok, I can clearly tell he doesn't fit with the background.

Yeah, these two wear black and you can tell it doesn't work on the black backgrounds.

The Sorcerer and Native American fought. One move Nightwolf did looked similar to breakdancing.

He hold up his tomahawk and...just stand there.

Shang got tired of him of holding that thing and shoot a fireball to knock the weapon out. 

 Nightwolf then shoot a spirit arrow.

Ok, why are they red and not green? Is this guy Cupid or something?

Anyways, the match ends with Shang Tsung as the victor. As he was standing over Nightwolf's body, I was half-expecting him to steal his soul but he doesn't. That's kinda out of character for Shang to not do that. Now I think about it, there's been no fatalities are in these videos. I guess it's for the sake the makers of the series didn't want to lose their characters. They seem to be recycling the same characters over and over so far.

Next is Sub-Zero vs Siann.

Ok, this is the most vocal incarnation of Sub-Zero I ever seen. Throughout the fight, he said in a Christopher Nolan's Bane's muffled voice, "Come on, you can't beat me", "You alive in there", "Come on, is that all you got", "What's a matter, need some help getting up","You can't take me".

Man what a jerk, is this really the younger Sub-Zero, Kuai Liang and not his more evil elder brother, Bi-Han? Well this is a sequel to both MK movies and the elder one died in the 1st movie. Also this was made years before the retcon that Bi-Han was reborn as Noob Saibot.

Shouldn't she be freezing in that outfit.

They fight and ice ninja used his ice clone move, where touching it causes you to freeze.

Looks more like leaded glass than ice

When she was on the ground, he mocked her and she responses with a judo throw. He screams like a girl while being thrown.

At the end of the battle, he deep freezes her.

Well it seems we finally see fatalities for once. He shatters her and...

Ok, I rather they don't have fatalities if it looks this terrible. Her head is in wrapped in plastic while Windows Paint was used to draw the blood.

Well she may come back since her and Quan Chi's other two assassins are undead.

Oh and Sub-Zero does a weird muffled evil laugh. Seriously, is this Bi-Han?


Next is Sonya vs Rain

Well we finally got the best shot of her face.

I get she has a military past and all but why does she have this. She didn't have face paint in any of the games(till MKX and that was an alternate skin). It just looks weird on her.

Oh and Rain is sexist, "This a man's world, why they send a woman?" Thankfully, he isn't as vocal like the last ninja in the previous fight.

They fight for a while and at the end of round 3, she rolls around in pain for a good 8 seconds. Eehh..cut? Do these directors know when to edit?



Next is Liu Kang vs Scorpion. The hero of the series vs the face of the series.

1st thing I notice is that they are playing different music for once. I haven't said this yet but every single fight so far has been the same exact music. I don't hate the music but it be nice to have a variety. The next thing I notice, it sounds very familiar. It's because it's the battle music used from animated movie, MK: The Journey Begins as you see tarkatans marching, Johnny backtracking, the good guys blocks the villains blows, tarkatans marching, Johnny backtracki.. and repeating the same stuff over and over.

Anyways, Liu is on a top of a tower waiting. A hole in the tower opens and Scorpion comes out like a cartoon kharacter out of the hole.

He rises the same way Poohie does when he was going to his planet from Itchy and Scratchy.

Scorpion performs a force punch on Liu.

Like the same exact way Luke uses a Force Kick

Scorpion looks weird with human eyes and a shocked expression

Then Liu Kang plays jump rope with Scorpion's spear attack.

The battle ends with Scorpion falling off the tower and exploding into a Windows movie maker effect.

At least it's a billions times better looking than the Sub-Zero fatality.

For next match is someone new finally. You notice a good number of kharacters are the same ones lately.

The next match Quan Chi vs Rain

But instead of an actual actor on the set, they have stock footage from MK Conquest.

You then see him used a spell on himself made out 90s TV CGI which is better looking than 99% of the effects of this web series.

Then he is invisible throughout the entire match.

A green figure of man attacks Rain.

So the entire match is nothing more than watching Rain fight the green screen itself. This series is so cheap that they use this method. 

The victor is fight is Quan Chi.

That's all the battles in this series. All the remaining ones are story based.

The gods of late 90s website GIFs called the fighters to session.

They either stay still or moved very little. It's obliviously stock footage from earlier fights.

The elder gods called the fighters for two things. One, they want to demote Raiden from elder god status. This is a sequel to both MK movies and the 2nd one ended with Raiden getting promoted. Also MK4 game was still new at the time where he ascended to elder god status(till Deadly Alliance where he cast aside his elder god status) The gods of GIFs are unhappy that Raiden is biased towards Earthrealm and he be a terrible judge for this tournament.

The other thing is Jax is wanted for the murder for the death of Ruby.

Ruby was an old friend of Jax who was secretly a spy for Shao Khan. She may of been based on Jade or a early prototype of Tanya.

The cartoon was a loose sequel to the 1st movie but then 2nd movie came around and overwritten it. So the cartoon isn't in the same continuity as the web series.

Well in the web series itself, Ruby was going to take part of the tournament but she was murdered outside of the grounds. She was fighting for Outworld but rumors were around she would defect to Earthrealm.

We heard the prosecution and defense of the case. They show footage of the very last thing that Ruby seen before she passes.

Jax covered in Window Paint marker

The gods of GIFs asked him to punch a steel plate.

I'm surprised he didn't damage his hand afterwards.

Raiden tried to help.

They used footage from MK Conquest and he speaks like a wooden puppet

Jax is found guilty and plan to be put to death by a death trap. Eh.., ok. Aren't these gods? Can't they blast him with their powers or something. Why are they putting him in a James Bond villain trap? Also, it seems the elder gods aren't omniscient since they assume Jax is guilty.

In the next video, as Jax is seconds away from death, Raiden uses his bolts to free guy. Several good guys teleport to help Jax while several bad guys appeared as well.

I notice something and it's the same matches from earlier. Liu vs Filler Towelhead, Nightwolf vs Shang Tsung, Sonya vs Ermac. They are using stock footage from the earlier matches. This series gets lazier and lazier.

Stock footage of MK Conquest Raiden enters the scene and his dubbed voice said Jax is not the killer.

Because we see the doppelganger.

He gets hurt and morphs into his true appearance.

Fake Smoke

No guys, that's is not really Smoke. It's just a generic ninja. So he going to be like the next Tremor and become a playable character decades from now? I mean they both originate from awful MK products.

He said to the others, "Death to Ruby, death to all traitors. Long live the Black Dragon". Then he did the same shocked expression Scorpion did from the fight with Liu Kang(Obviously stock footage) and Fake Smoke was squished by the death trap that was originally used for Jax.

Next part is the elder gods deciding who should replace Raiden.

One is the princess of Edenia, Kitana. I can kinda see her as god watching over the tournament.

Next is Fujin, the god of wind. That makes a good choice, he was going to be Raiden's replacement of the protector of Earthrealm when Raiden got promoted in MK4 but after Raiden cast away his elder god status in the very next game, Fujin been either had very small roles and cameos.

Next is Omegis. She was from MK Conquest. Seeing she's all flirty and barely dressed, I guess she be a love goddess like Aphrodite/Venus.

Last is the emperor of Outworld, Shao Khan. 

Suddenly, stock footage of Raiden from the TV show appeared and said his dubbed voice said he would not allow someone like Khan be an elder god. He told the GIF gods if they do this, then Raiden would declare war on them. OK, Raiden has balls to go against gods.

The last video was saying who be the new eldergod. As it showed stock footage of Omegis and Khan from the show while showing Fujin's character select portrait from MK4. Because they are too lazy to get actors on screen.

And the series got cancelled.

This web series is downright embarrassing bad. It may been ahead of the time to have a MK series airing online but still, it is embarrassing bad. Anything that came out of MK that people say were bad over the years like the 2nd movie was at least laughably bad and it is entertaining. The Journey Begins, if you ignore the bad animation, it does have good voice work and tells the basic story of MK1 well and explore other parts of the MK lore. The badly dated cutscenes of MK4 and mythologies, they still tell good stories, go play the N64 version mythologies to ignore the cheesy acting. This web series....It's equally as bad as MK: Special Forces. At least Special Forces gave birth to Tremor who reappeared years later.

Go watch MK Legacy to see a better MK web series than this collection of laziness.

Click here if you want to see the review of the storyline behind the web series

You Will Cry!!! 2018 part 1

This is a collection of jokes I made to any major movie that came out in 2018. Enjoy!

(While technically the 1st movie aired in late 2017, It become available in English speaking countries during 2018.)

*spoilers ahead on the entire trilogy. Skip to the next section if you don't want to be spoiled.*

I'm going to make you watch the Godzilla Anime Trilogy on Netflix.... You Will Cry!!!...

1. That's it's animated.

2. You only saw Dagahra/Orga/Dogora/Kamacuras for one second.

3. That Anguirus and Rodan appear as one second cameos as their corpses

4. Godzilla is a plant.

5. That you don't see the Godzilla in the entire 1st movie till the very last minute.

6.That you see MechaGodzilla as a city rather than a giant robot in the 2nd movie. Oh and you don't see Mothra at all.

7.That the epic battle between Godzilla and King Ghidorah wasn't really a fight.

Note#1- Long before anyone actually seen it, they attack it because it's not live-action. I remember back in the day, that people hated the 2007 Ninja Turtles movie just for simply bacause it's not live-action(and the fact it's not what they grew up with). It be like praising Batman v Superman and Suicide Squad but hating on the Dark Knight Returns and Assault on Arkham because they're animated.

Note#2- At the beginning of the movie, they were discussing all the kaiju attacks at the turn of the millennium, it showed several monsters in the background.They have appeared in other Godzilla movies, or Mothra's spinoff series in the 90s. Dogora on the other hand was a monster from a stand-alone movie that's made by Toho. I'm sure there's someone out there complaining they didn't have more screentime.

Note#3- I remember at the time, I heard they were in the upcoming films. When I saw it, they weren't in seen anywhere. I heard they and dozen other monsters were in a tie-in novel called Monster Apocalypse, greatly detailing the history of the world before the events of the three movies.

Eagle-eyed viewers did found Angurius and Rodan's skeleton remains when it showed the Great Wall of China at the beginning of the 1st movie. Geez, it's bad enough to see Godzilla die in 1995, now I have to see their skeletons. That's mess up.

Note#4- There was a some backlash on the re-imagining of Godzilla. The Big-G was a more of a giant plant that resembles a giant lizard.

Note#5- There group of people throughout the 1st movie are hunting Godzilla. They found him and use a strategy to kill him, it worked. Then they realized that wasn't Godzilla they kill but an offspring of him. Suddenly, the real Godzilla appears and far more larger and far more deadly and he's mad that his offspring is killed.

Note#6- MechaGodzilla was hinted at the beginning of the 1st movie but wasn't made operational. The 2nd movie which is 20,000 years into the future showed what happen to to Mecha-G. The Nanometal from it's body formed a big city.

Sadly, this is all that you see of MechaGodzilla.

There is concept art of MechaG as a bi-petal giant robot but it wasn't meant to be.

Mothra is sort of in the 2nd and 3rd movie but she's inside an egg and still not born. She can communicate to a pair of twins despite not being born yet.

Well look on the bright side, you see MechaG in full glory in Ready Player One with him fighting Gundam and the Iron Giant.

Note#7-

King Ghidorah in this trilogy is a god-like being who exist in a different dimension. The rules of our dimension don't effect him and he bite into Godzilla and they float in the air. One of the humans destroyed a certain bead which made Ghidorah be affected by the rules of our dimension, soon Godzilla fired his atomic breath and shortly after, the golden dragon is dead.

Here's the trailer if you want to see

*ending spoilers ahead, skip to the next section if you don't want to be spoiled.*

I'm going to make you watch the Cloverfield Paradox, you will cry...When you see the Cloverfield monster at the very last minute of the movie.

What!? I had to wait to the very last minute to see this guy. 1st the aliens don't show up till the last ten minutes of the 2nd film and now this. Man this series sucks.

Note- Well the monster wasn't really the main focus of the film. It was a bonus cameo no one saw coming. The main story was a crew on a space station with dealing with alternate universes colliding on the place.


Here's the trailer

I'm going to make you watch Black Panther...You will cry...That the main villain...Is a clone of the main hero. 

Seriously Marvel? Can't you make your heroes fight something that's not a copy?

At least in my movies, I don't fight copies of myself.

Oh shut up, I haven't got to your movie yet. Besides, your a ripoff of DC's Deathstroke.

Note- I couldn't come up with a good enough joke but then I realized an early early complaint, that the villain has a copy of the hero's suit. Throughout the MCU, there been alot villains that are more or less copies.

• Iron Man vs. Iron Monger- 2 dudes in armored suits.
• Iron Man vs. Whiplash- They're both powered by arc reactors 
• Hulk vs. Abomination- Two behemoths.
• Captain America vs. Red Skull- Both injected with Super Soldier Serum.
• Captain America vs. Winter Soldier- Two young living people from the 1940s living in the 21st century.
• Ant-Man vs. Yellow Jacket- They both have shrinking powers.

Here's the trailer
Yes, that's Bilbo and Gollum

I'm going to make you watch the new Tomb Raider...You will cry...That Lara Croft has small boobs. WTF!!! Did they forget how she looked in the PS1 games, or how Angelina Jolie looked?

Lots of padding was used

Note- I have heard there is a small group of people that has complained about the movie just because the size of Lara's breasts. I can tell the new movie is based on the newer games where Lara is more real looking with a far more smaller breast.

I admit I haven't play any Tomb Raider games in recent years, however I have heard of the new series of games from her recent reboot and it seems the movie is more based on those games than the old school ones. You can tell she's younger and covered in dirt. It's more darker and grounded with a survivor element to it. However not everyone is up to date with the series.

She was best known a certain big something other than raiding tombs back in day. However as time went on and graphics got better, something shrank.

She still has curves but not overly big as in her PS1 days.

Look at those melons.

Again, I haven't got to your movie. Just wait a while.

They may of done this to make things more real looking. The newer games are far more grounded and realistic. However you can argue that she is far younger than her earlier counterparts so there's that. 

I have notice that Tifa from Final Fantasy 7 also went through the same over the years as graphics gotten better and better.

Look what they did to Tifa, they made her flat. How dare they!!...What? Why are you looking at me like that?

Here's the trailer

*Spoilers ahead, skip to the next section if you don't want to be spoiled*


You will cry....That nearly everyone you loved from the 1st movie is either dead or evil.

She dies very early in the sequel.

He was nowhere to be seen in the sequel but according to the novelization of the sequel (Which may or not be canon). He dies a year after the events of the 1st movie from cancer.

And He's evil

Note- People were not happy what happen to Mako. Also hearing what happened to the original main character is depressing to hear. However he may be alive since the novel may not be canon.


Here's the trailer

I'm going to make you watch Ready Player One...You will Cry...

That you didn't notice that Deathstroke/Tokka/Robocop/FreddyKrueger/Conan/Optimus/Batgirl/Flash/MasterChief/DocBrown/Spawn/Ryu/DukeNukem/ArkhamKnight/HelloKitty/HarleyQuinn/Gremlins/He-Man and many more were in the movie.


Note-There is way way way too many Easter eggs and cameos in this movie. You have to have a keen eye to notice all the cameos.

Here's the trailer

1.You will cry...That you didn't see Hawkeye, and Ant-Man. Not only that, you never saw Drax either.


2. That X dies...

That Deadpool wasn't in it.

Ignore the previous sentence.




Note#1- Hawkeye was set up for next year's Endgame while Ant-Man was going to have stand alone sequel that will lead to Endgame.


As for Drax...

The internet was joking that Drax was "invisible" throughout Infinity War.

Note#2- Infinity War was known for being a game changer for the MCU. There were spoilers, fake spoilers, teases on what happen to the movie all over the internet.

Here's the trailer

*Spoilers for the whole movie. So be warned*

1.They killed Vanessa early

I can't believe they killed her so early. I blame the writers. "Real Heroes" my bum. Gee Chris, your blog is preventing me what I want to actual say. I'm having flashbacks when I re-released my movie for PG-13 audiences during Christmas. It's weird you won't let cussing on your blog but your dodgeball stories is about frakkin violent as my movies.

2. When you see Deadpool crossing his baby legs.

I don't know if my fans are disturbed or feeling hot when they saw my stuff.

More likely disturbed after possibly seeing your privates when you are regenerating.

3.That the overly hyped X-Force dies right after they're introduced.

Gee, If only I had a time machine to save one of them....

4. That you only saw Brad Pitt for one second. What? People came to see Brad Pitt and he's only in it for one second. This sucks.

Uhh Chris, I don't think people who haven't seen this knows he's even in it. Plus it's a joke I put in a big name actor for a small scene.

5. That you don't see the X-men besides Colossus, Negasonic Teenage Warhead, and Yukio.

It's like Fox didn't want to afford other X-Men in my movie. Stupid money grubbers.

You think now with Marvel Studios having the rights back to X-Men and Fantastic 4, you think they have you do crossovers with the Avengers?

Most likely a few side characters.

6. That the post-credits ripped off of Godzilla Final Wars where the beloved icon kills his lame in-name only knockoff. For shame Deadpool, for shame.

Are you kidding me? I'm sure there are other franchises out there that has done a similar thing. You know my 616 counterpart killed off my Ultimate counterpart who was nothing like how I'm suppose to be. Besides, the writers of my movie may of not seen that one Godzilla movie. Ripoff or not, my mouthless counterpart deserved what he's getting.

Note#1- There was some backlash when they fridge(comic book term) Vanessa. From what I heard on the PG-13 cut, even Fred Savage lashed out towards the movie for fridging Vanessa. They killed her off just to move the story.

I tried to kill myself afterwards but my healing ability won't let me. Well I was save her in the end when I burrowed Cable's time machine.

Note#2- Deadpool was ripped in half and his lower torso was in the middle of regenerating back to normal. The lower half was kinda baby-sized during the process. I don't know you actually see his junk during his leg crossing but I'm certainly not going to re-watch the scene to see.

Oh come, you know you want to.

No, just no.

Note#3- Deadpool forms a team called X-Force that's based on a group of mutants in Marvel comics. They were ready to perform their mission as they were jumping out of their plane. Unfortunately, their parachutes endings up on moving helicopter blades, moving van, tree shredder.

The trailers did lie to the viewers. It showed some of the members fighting several bad guys on the streets. That didn't happen.

Gee, talk about bad luck. Good thing I go back to save Peter at least. I don't know how Domino was spared from her fate.

It was her luck power.

Oh come one, "luck power". That's not a super power. By the way Chris, aren't you forgetting a certain X-force member.

I'm getting to him.

Note#4- One of the members of the X-Force is called The Vanisher and he's invisible. During the scene where they all parachute to their comical deaths. Vanisher crashed into power lines and made him visible for a brief second. It was Brad Pitt in a one second role.

Hey Chris, you forgot these guys.

I don't know who they are?

That's Alan Tudyk and Matt Damon.

Wait? They are the movie too. I didn't recognized them with those disguises.

Note#5- In the 1st movie, Deadpool breaks the 4th wall and comments that the studio can only afford only Colossus. In the 2nd movie, he goes to the X-mansion and said why can't he gets help from any of the famous X-Men besides Colossus. Right after he said this...

If he only turned his head.

Wait they were in the movie?

How is it that you know about Alan Tudyk and Matt Damon but you didn't know about this cameo?

Hmm, seeing it's McAvoy's X-Men and not Stewart's X-Men, I'm guessing my movie takes place in the 80s or 90s. I thought my films take place during current times? These timelines are confusing.

Note#6-

I already said this earlier to writer of this blog. Big deal that my mid-credits parallels to a some Godzilla movie. 
It is sad you were created a over a decade after Marvel loss the rights to Godzilla. It be an awesome crossover with you two.

Here's the trailer

To be continued for part 2...

Why not do it now?

Because it takes a while for every movie to be available for streaming or rental. Now get off my blog. I need to wrap this up.

To be continued....For real this time...

Godzilland: Counting and Hiragana Update

I recently found the two episodes that I reviewed that didn't have subtitles is now been fansubbed. I finally figured out what the characters are saying in those videos. I didn't change the old article much, just put a few notes at the end of the page.

https://chrisnumber1.blogspot.com/2018/12/godzilland-counting-and-hiragana-review.html

The Retaliators: Behind the scenes and other facts

Here's the behind the scenes of the story called the Retailiators. If you haven't read it, here's the link to that story.


If you haven't figure out what the story is a parody of, it's the 1st Avengers movie.

One of the most popular movies in the past decade is the Marvel Cinematic Universe. However I can't parodied 22 movies and more coming as I'm typing this. I was easier to do at least movie trilogies. So I figure I stick to the Avengers ones, the actual big crossovers.


Director is based on Samuel L. Jackson's Nick Fury. The actor is best known for his foul-mouth. However if anyone knows me in real life, I avoid cussing. On another blog post, 4th-wall breaking Deadpool commented why he's saying fudge instead of the other F-word. So I made Director sort-of a potty mouth but replace his cursing with euphemisms and fictional curse words from TV shows, movies, games. The word Belgium is consider a cuss word in  Hitckhiker's guide to the Galaxy, yet our planet is unaware that that the name of one of our countries is consider offensive offworld.


I have wrote a story that was based on Greek Mythology in the past and it was designed for a mythology class I was taking and not one of my usual dodgeball/nerf gun parodies. As you notice, Perseus was wielding actual weapons. I decided to replace the Norse gods with Greek and make a few references to that story.


I tried to figure out which evil Greek god be "Loki". Looking up trickster gods had Pan and Hermes. However I didn't want to use them. Pan is basically a skirt-chaser while Hermes isn't the 1st Greek god I can think of that's the most evil. I already used both Zeus and Hades in my other Greek Mythology story(Tho Hades was more trying to stop Zeus than be evil). I didn't feel like using Ares since he's more of a evil general type. The Titans are normally written in modern works as giants. The best result was the Goddess Eris. She kinda fit "Loki" for being someone with love a big show while invading the world. Also people went nuts for her golden apples in the stories, so it was a good substitute for Loki's scepter. I tried to look for male Greek gods but the best result I got was from a female. Well if it makes you feel better that my knockoff's gender is different from the Norse god, well in the Norse myths, Loki transformed into a female horse, got pregnant and gave birth to Odin's 6-legged horse.


I made several other references to my other stories. The Neo-Red Coats was a minor bad group mention in another story. The Baddies were the main villains from the Heroes vs Baddies saga. Secret Agency was introduced in on the HvsB stories. I also mention about Magician from the Copper ring saga.


Copper Man's home is highway 5. There are some housing districts there with some really neat and expensive looking houses. Copper Man is supposed to be the richest man in Cabot so it's fitting to put him there. I could put him in someplace fancy place that I seen in Sherwood or Searcy. However I already finished writing the story so he's from Cabot then.


Captain Arkansas is obvious on whose a parody of. His 1st solo film had him fight Red Skull played by Hugo Weaving. Since the Evil Elf King is based on both Weaving's Agent Smith and Elrond, it's fitting to make him Red Skull as well and make him part of Cap. Arkansas' backstory.

Spy Lady is based on Black Widow whose is a former Soviet spy. However since my stories are more based in and around Arkansas and far less likely about the country itself and it's relations to other countries. Arkansas' rivals is mostly it's neighboring states on football and I thought I be silly that our state is having a "cold war" with Mississippi over football.


In the movie, they actually went to the German city of Stuttgart. Honesty I forgot about this till I recently rewatch it. In my earliest draft, I was going to make my characters go to Stuttgart,AR due it's German name, not knowing that's where the Avengers go, so it worked out.


I originally wanted Jason of the Argonauts for my "Thor" character but from what I read, the Greek gods weren't happy at Jason that he cheated on his wife, so him living to this day be less likely.

Also to point out, Andromeda, the princess that Perseus saved is supposed to be Ethiopian in the original tales. However both the 80s and 00s versions of Clash of the Titans and the Renaissance art make the princess look like she was from Europe instead.

I had to make up random insults of the gang fighting. Some are stuff that geeks would argue over. My story did took place during the president of the time is Obama. Everyone has a different opinion of whoever the current president is and that's Obama got name dropped. I don't want my stories be too political, so just a minor mention of the president at the time was good enough.


Agent is based on Agent Coulson. He did "die" in the movie. However in the spinoff show, Agents of S.H.E.I.L.D., turns out he's back alive and having adventures outside of the movies. Since casual movie-goers mostly stick to just the movies, Coulson never re-appears in the movies(aside flashbacks) to avoid confusing the viewers.

The subway scene is based on the Avengers eating at the shawarma joint. In real life, Chris Evans(who plays Captain America) really did had a beard and try to hide it by being the only one not eating and covering it with his hand. At least it's a billion times cheaper than Superman's CGIed mustache.

The Retaliators chapter 3

View part 3

The Brute woke up in his normal form and looked around. He saw that he was on a nice bed and he looked up and saw a huge hole in the room. He looked around and saw that he was in a furniture store. It seems that the roof as well as the comfy bed broke his fall since he fell off the airship.

"HEY!! ARE YOU GOING TO PAY FOR THAT?!"

He saw an angry store owner standing in front of him. Before he could response, she went to her phone to call the cops.

Not wanting to be arrested, he quickly jumped off and high tail out of the area before the store owner get the cops over.



Back on the airship, An hour has passed since the attack. Me, Cap, and Copper were sitting on a table.

Director came in and said, "I found these in his jacket." He threw what seems to be a collection of Pokemon cards, covered in blood.

Suddenly, both Cap and Copper were crying unashamedly. I gave them a roll of tissue to help them blow their nose. I pick up one of the cards and notice something weird about the blood on the card. "Hey, this isn't blood, it's ket...

"Director, are you trying to trick them that I'm dead, just so you can make a big speech where the Retaliators have to work together or something?" Standing there was Agent in the flesh.

Copper looked up and blew his nose. After he threw his tissue at the nearby trash can, he said, "I don't believe it, his ghost is haunting us". He breaks down crying again and pounds his fist on the table a few times.

Director asked, "Are you Belgium kidding me? You think he really is a flippin ghost?"

Agent answered to the crybabies, "Yeah, she really didn't stab me, all she hit was some ketchup packets that was underneath my shirt."

Cap wipes several tears from his blood-shot eyes and said, "I know your trying to cheer us but we know your gone, I heard from Peresus that he closed you eyes."

I said to the two, "He may fell asleep with his eyes open, I actually know a stage magician who does that and..." I stopped when Agent put a hand on my shoulder and said, "Just forget it, seems they aren't going to listen." You turned towards the two, "Seriously, I can't believe y'all. I'm going on vacation. I heading to Hot Springs, I heard it's a magical place." And after that, he left the room.


Spy Lady was checking on Archer in his room. "How you doin' hon?". He replied, "I'm back to normal. I can't believe I went crazy and became her lapdog over a simple piece of jewelry that..." He stop and look like he remembered something. "Wait, I need to talk to Copper Man. Eris is planning to open a portal near his house."


A few minutes later, Archer told them of Eris' plans. Copper asked, "Why my place?" Archer answered, "Because it's at one of the tallest places in Cabot and you have a big parking lot where the invasion army can land. Also, she plans to borrow your credit cards to buy machines needed for the portal since your filthy rich." The rich man sighed, "Great, that means alot returns are going to be made after this adventure."



Eris is sitting on sofa drinking tea as she watches through the windows as the portal to the great army is seconds away from being opened. She suddenly jumped when someone rang the doorbell, spilling the drink in her face.

She opens the door as she wipes her face. There stands an unhappy Copper. "Are you kidding me, you used my cards. I had to make a dozen calls in the past hour about my theft." He walked passed her and grabs a coke out of the fridge. "I tried to dismantle the machine so I can get the stuff returned but it seems there a force field protecting it."

She told him, "You don't have to worry about your money when you see this." She waves her golden apple in his face. This doesn't seems to fazed him. He rolled his eyes, "Oh please, I'm one of the richest people in the area. You think this gold nugget will affect me." She grind her teeth, "If you won't join me, you will die." She jabbed her pole noodle deep into his chest...and nothing happens. She was bewildered and poked two more times. He told her in a smug tone, "You think you can kill me with a toy, I had a feeling you were trying to do that, so I put a frisbee underneath my shirt for protection."

Another doorbell rang, Copper walks to the door, "Oh, that must of been my first call I did before I got here." He opened the door and saw a package sitting there.

Suddenly a bright light emerges from the portal machine shined brightly and it fired itself straight into the sky. A giant portal emerge from the light and came out was hundreds of jetpack wearing orcs.

Noticing that Eris is too busy looking above at the portal, Copper press a button on his watch. Soon the package he just received exploded but the contents of it was wrapping around Copper Man's body. Now he is armored up in Copper Man Mark VI.

The rich man fired several Nerf rockets out of his armor towards the goddess but she teleport out of sight and appeared right behind him. She plan to decapitate him but her weapon was blocked by the timely entrance of Perseus' sword. The ancient warrior told the rich guy to take care of the army, he mess with her.

They changed blows a few times till he got the upper hand and was ready to deliver the killing blow, "Never bring a toy to a sword fight." However, Eris teleport just before he could hit her. She was nowhere to be seen.

Perseus ran down the street to meet up with the rest of us. He told us that the goddess had vanished.

We then heard a loud noise and looked up. Out of the portal came out is flying submarines with drillbits.

The army of the jetpack orcs attack us but we fought back. I used my toy lightsaber and dodgeballs. Cap use his sheet of cardboard like a boomerang. Spy Lady use her kung-fu skills and wrist-mounted Nerf guns. Perseus used a combination of his sword, shield, winged shoes, knapsack.

I told Archer to keep my back with his dart gun. He then told me, "Quit calling it a dart gun, it's more like like crossbow dart gun." I said, "I'm sorry, I used to know a girly boy narcissist who called his the weapon simply a dart gun, I guessed he confused all of us." We were back to back as we slay jetpack wearing monsters left and right.

We heard the sounds of a motorcycle parked nearby and we saw it was the Brute. "Sorry I'm late guys, I was trying to avoid officers."

We then heard loud drilling noises coming. We saw a flying sub heading towards our direction. The Brute said to us, "You want know my secret. I'm always hungry." He pulled out a celery stick out of his pocket and bite into it. He soon grew twice as tall and four times as muscular in less than a second. He looked at the sub coming towards and and threw a punch. The blow shattered the sub completely to tiny bits.


Cap saw a police car travel down Highway 5. He waved at them and they stopped. They asked, "What's seems to be the problem?" Cap replied, "An army of orcs is invading, we need help right away." They gave a WTF look and said, "Come on, let's ignore the coplayer dressed in the Arkie flag. They drove off while Cap kicked the ground for the failed attempt.


Perseus held up sword and summon down lightning that fried several of the subs and jetpacks that the orcs were using. I walked to the warrior and asked, "That sword, I did wield that a few years ago, did I not." He answered, "Aye, tis is the very same sword that youd thee hath used to stop Zeus from reawakening the god Chaos. After thee lend it back to Athena, she held on to it until it was given to me to help me in my quest to stop Eris. I don't blame thee on what thee did to Zeus years ago. He would destroy all of us if he completed his goal." He wished me luck and flew off with his winged shoes to confront more enemies in the air.


Meanwhile in a dark room, Director is looking at three holographic heads. "SHAZBOT! YOU WANT TO BLOW THEM UP?! ISN'T OUR GOAL IS TO PROTECT THE CITY?! SCRAP THIS PLAN!"

One of the heads said, "I'm sorry but the city can't be saved, even with your new team. We must send someone to fire a missile that's powered by the Rubik's Cube's energy to destroy the invading army. We just have to relocated and start a new city".

"Are you kidding me you spoony nerf herders. The blast would destroy everything in a 5 mile radius. It would wipe half of Cabot, and most of Austin, and Ward if it hits. Imagine all the lives that are lost?" One of them replied, "I'm am sorry but this is for the best." The holograms shut down and Director is now stuck with the future destruction of all these towns.


Back at the battle, Spy Lady grabs one of the orc's pool noodle and stabs him in the heart. She unbuckle his jetpack and put it on herself to join the fight in the sky.

Copper Man was avoiding Nerf missiles from one of the flying subs. He counters with using a wrist-mounted laser pointer. Luckily for him, the captain of the ship was looking through he scope. He saw the laser hit his eyes. He closed his eyes and waved his arms like a maniac screaming, "MY EYES! MY EYES!" His arms was hitting all the crew members on the bridge. This causes the ship to lose control and crashed into several empty houses.

Copper received a call from the Director and heard the bad news of the Secret Agency' plans. He looked at the other ships and saw Brute and Perseus was destroying them. With them being taking care of, he shifted his worries on the upcoming missile.


I was standing on top of a roof and slashed at several opponents. I notice something on the corner of my eye and pulled out my binoculars. I pulled out my walkie talkie, "Hey guys, I notice our villainess has reappear two streets across from my position. She's on a jetpack"

Spy Lady heard what I announced. She saw Archer and grabbed him. She gave him a lift and set him down on a treetop. There he fired several shotgun blast from his crossbow dart gun. When he saw the goddess flying by, he fired an explosive tipped dart at her. She saw this coming and activated her force field but the blast sends her body flying. She crashed into an empty house and yelled, "OWW, THAT HURTS!!"


Most of us got inside that house to confront her. We held our weapons aimed towards her head, I said, "Shut down the force field to the portal generator right now, and another thing, how does it need a duck whistle?" Suddenly we got a call on my walkie talkie, I pressed it and it's Copper Man. He told us that the Agency has sent a missile but our ally in armor has another plan.

The rich man saw the missile heading inbound. He grabbed on to it and used his armor's thrusters to alter the trajectory. With it in his hands, he flew straight into the portal.

On the other side of the gateway, he saw a volcanic region full of hundreds of orcs on the ready to join the battle. The armored man let go of WMD and watch as the weapon create a powerful blast that was destroying his foes. He quickly flew back to his own realm as he started to feel the shockwaves. He shouted his allies, "SHUT THE PORTAL". The gateway was closed and Copper crashed into the ground.

Cut off from portal, all the enemy jetpacks and ships simply shut off and they all crashed either into empty houses or trees. All the orcs died from the collision.


We gathered around his Copper's unconscious body. I said, "Your not sleeping on our victory." I splash a bucket of water on his face. He quickly got up and had this, "I'm awake, I'm awake" look on his face.


Arkansas was saved. No one knew of the invasion. All the damage was repaired long before anyone woke up or got back from work/school, or didn't notice. It was like nothing ever happen.



We had Eris wrapped in unbreakable chains and has a sock in mouth to prevent her from talking. I suggested we mail her to Abu Dhabi but Perseus said she needs to be sent to Olympus for her crimes. Especially all the stuff she caused since the Trojan war. Seeing outside forces was able to open a portal and invade Cabot's Secret Agency by using the cube, Perseus also suggest he take it for safe keeping, saying it's better to be in their hands.



A month later, we all met again to eat at Subway. Brute is having a all-meat sub(for obvious reasons). Cap was the only one that wasn't eating, but that was due to the fact he didn't want his newly grown beard all messy.

THE END

The Retaliators chapter 2

View Chapter 1

Whatever that grabbed Eris has set her down at a random mountain-like area of Otto, Arkansas. She looked up at her attacker, she sees that he has now become visible before her when he took off his metal helmet, "You will surrender and go back to Olympus to face your punishment."

But he hear from another direction, "You can take her but we need her to find the cube and undo our brainwashed friends."

They turned and saw that Copper Man standing there with Nerf weapons trained on them. The mysterious man said, "This woman is the property of Olympus. She shall be hath brought to there for her crimes."

The rich man is surprised on his dialogue and decided to copy off of him. "Does thy mother know thee wear her drapes."

This angered the new warrior and said, "Thee dare make insults of my own mother. The last person who I didn't like that tryeth to mess with her, I turned that man into stone for all eternity."

He started what it seems to be flying. Copper Man notice his flight came from his winged footwear. He charged to the rich man with a fist outward. Copper took flight into the air to avoid the blow and fire a few rounds of Nerf missiles out of his armor. The mystery man pulled out a metal shield to block the attacks and use a knapsack to grab one of the missiles and flung it back towards the armored man. This armored man couldn't react in time and was knocked off his feet.

Me and Cap landed down between them. He said, "Let's calmed down and put down the weapons." The attacker said, "Thou want me to put down the weapons." He pulled out a metal sword that glowed yellow and had ruins. He held it up and lightning came down, covering the weapon with electricity. I said, "Wait a minute, I recognize that sword, it's..."

I couldn't finish because he started swing down the weapon at us. Luckily, Captain Arkansas blocked the attack with his sheet of cardboard. This caused a massive shockwave that destroyed all the trees in the area.

He calmed down and asked, "Youd shield, what's it made of for that would somehow block my own attack?" Cap replied, "It's made out of a rare tree found in Southeastern Arkansas. The tree is made of the toughest and most durable wood. The legend says that the tree grew from the soil of a meteorite that crash thousands of years ago."

I asked Cap, "Do you like telling big stories of where your weapons come from or something?"

I stare at the warriors' sword for a second and then told him, "Let's just meet at Director's airship. We're not enemies. If you want the evil Goddess, you can have her but she's has info we really need." It seems he is willing to listen to what I was saying and put his weapon into his sheath.



We all sat at the table in the airship. Eris is locked up in her cage while her apple is put in a display case.

The mysterious warrior sat up and said, "You may of heard stories of me. Of a man took down a monstrous snake woman and who saved an Ethiopian from a dragon. I am Perseus. There art other tales of what became of me like I was slain by a swordman or a man covered in ashes. Nay, those were tales told long after. Due to being half-god, I have longevity. I had notice that my wife and children were getting older while I was staying the same age. At which the time the first generation hath passed, I sought an audience with the Olympians. Some of them feel sadden for me. Especially my father, Zeus. They did gaveth me a job and I became one of their servants."

"Over the centuries, I took down criminals who escaped Tartarus. One criminal we never captured was the Goddess Eris. At which the Trojan war have ended, she vanished into different realms. She did came back to thy world every now and then, just to make chaos. We could not be able to track her down. In recent history, rumors told that she madeth comments about something about monstrous trolls on what youd mortals called the Internet. When she was spotted in these lands this past week, I was assigned to hunt her down."


As the ancient warrior was telling his story, Spy Lady went on her own to visit Eris' cell. "Is there a way that will reverse what you did with Archer and the others." Eris laugh and told her, "You really want to save one man?".

Spy Lady replied, "Ah was an enemy to Arkansas. Ah did thangs Ah ain't proud of. Archer found me and Ah defect to their side." Eris again laugh and told her, "You little hussy, when I'm free, I make him kill you slowly, then I release him to see what he done, while he is screaming in agony, I split his skull."

Spy Lady brakes down in tears, "You a monster." The goddess smirk and told her, "No, you brought the monster to the ship." The spy stops fake crying, "So that's y'all's plan."


She met up with the others. "Guys, y'all need to hear that.." Copper Man interrupted her, "Glad your here. I found some interesting news." He turned on a nearby monitor that showed a collection of Nerf guns. "The Secret Agency are making Rubik's Cube powered Nerf guns." We all turned towards Director on this. Brute asked, "Why are you making WMDs?" Director turned his eye to one person, "Because of him." I said to everyone all looking at me, "Wait, what!?"

Director told them, "You should of seen the scrap he faced. Dude faced 50-foot demons, centuries-old terrorists, gods, invasion armies from other universes. We thought our agency was fine and all and then this dude shows up with all the weird adventures he had, it like like we don't know Felgercarb." Hearing all this, I smiled awkwardly.

Perseus just now remembered something, "Yes, I now hath heard of thee, thou art the one who got Zeus sealed, there been arguments in recent times on who rules what in the Olympian counsel thanks to thee".

This annoyed Copper Man and said, "Oh please, you know my armor has built-in weapons that can take care of all these threats that your all worried about." This now annoyed Captain Arkansas, "Your no hero, all you care about is yourself, take the armor away and what are you?" Soon everyone in the room is fighting. I heard words like, Your mom, Star Trek is better than Star Wars, X-Box sucks, Batman is better than Superman, something about Obama.

We stopped when we notice that The Brute is hyperventilating and mumbling, "I..I c-can't take tis this. I need to to eat a salad to calm me down." However, we knew that was a bad idea because a single bite of a green veggie will changed him into a berserk beast.

I notice a man outside of the door was shooting a light towards our area and hitting the nearby case of the golden apple, making it shine brighter and brighter. Spy Lady had a sheet of foil wrap with her and covered up the apple. We grabbed the man and pulled him to the room. Perseus said, "This man is using a special flashlight on the apple, it triggers negative waves across the area, causing everyone to fight." Spy Lady told us that Eris' goal is to awaken the beast within Brute and wreck havoc on the ship. This must of been the reason one of her brainwashed workers was messing with the apple.

Suddenly, the entire ship shook. The intercoms came on, "ALERT! ALERT! THE AIRSHIP IS ATTACKED!

This freaks out The Brute and went to the nearby fridge and dug out a fully made bowl of salad out and started eating. He now grew twice as tall and four times as muscular and his skin turned green.

Cap told me to assist clear the bridge with Director, Perseus and Spy Lady will try to calm down The Brute, while he and Copper will check outside of the ship for damages.


Me and Director went to the bridge and saw Archer leading a group of brainwash people. He fired several rounds from his crossbow dart gun. We took cover to dodge his attacks. Since they are innocent, we set our dodgeballs and Nerf guns to stun and start counterattacking.


Meanwhile, Spy Lady was being chased down by the hall from The Brute. He swing a fist at her but Perseus jumped in and blocked the attack from his shield. He blocked several blows from the beast. He thrust his shield forward to knock back The Brute. He pulled out his sword and use it to shoot a powerful lightning attack. This sends him flying through the walls and outside of the ship. His body was now falling down hundreds of feet.


Outside, Copper and Cap went on the ship's deck and saw a hole in the ship's giant balloon. The rich man told Cap to guard the deck while he be gone in a few minutes.


Meanwhile, Spy Lady was heading down to help the others at the bridge but she was stopped when she saw Archer at the end of the hall, facing towards the bridge.

He notice her behind him and fired a few shots. She dodged them and engaged him in hand-to-hand combat. He then got the upper hand and slugged her hard enough that knock her to the ground. She started getting back up on her feet and notice there was a mop bucket full of water sitting there. She grabbed it and splashed it on his face. He started blinking and asked, "What happened?"

The Mississippian sighed in relief that he is back to normal. She ran pass him and told me and Director how to wake up the brainwash workers. We went to the closest sink and fill buckets of water to free our allies.


Cap was still fighting brainwash soldiers outside for a few minutes. They stopped and looked up to see Copper Man is back with a pair of 20-foot long band-aids and applied them to the giant hole at the ship's giant balloon. The ship is now repaired.


Perseus walked into one room and saw that a freed Eris with a brainwash worker is grabbing on to her golden apple out of a display case.

He said, "Hold it!" She swing her pool noodle at him but he block it with his sword and changed blows until she manage to disarm him.

She was about to do a killing blow but stopped when she heard," Freeze!"

She turned towards the door and saw Agent standing there with a Rubik's Cube powered Nerf bazooka.

She teleported out of sight and than re-teleported right in front of Agent. Before Agent can react, she jabbed the pool noodle right into his stomach.

He looked down as she removed the weapon and saw blood on the tip of the weapon. Before he can pass out, he fired a blast out of his bazooka.

In less than a second, she pulled up a force field to protect herself. The blast thrown her shielded body through a wall.

Peresus got up to his feet and walk to Agent's body, "You fought greatly in your last moments." He sat down to his level to help closed his eyes.

In other room, Eris got up to her feet. See saw she was at a weapon display room. "I need to get out of here." She went to a jetpack sitting on the shelf put it on. She activated it and flew pass her enemies and got to the deck where she was able to escaped.

View Chapter 3

The Retaliators chapter 1

Here's another story from my Dodgeball Universe. Yes, it's a parody of a certain movie. Enjoy!



"Before time began, there was the Rubik's Cube. We do not know where it came from, only it holds power and.."

"NOW WOULD YOU STOP RECAPPING WHAT THE MOTHERFUDGING CUBE IS!!!" The Director shouted to his Agent. Agent smiled awkwardly and shut the book he's reading while they walk down a hall.

The Director said, "Now twenty minutes ago, deep within our artifact vault, that frickin glow in the dark Rubik's Cube that's been around for centuries been glowing brighter than Las Vegas.


They arrived on the bottom floor to where the vault is. One of the scientists approached them and said, "Sir, whatever is happening with the Rubik's Cube is getting ready to activate a.."

He was cut off when the cube shoot out energy. It turned into bright blue tunnel. A figure stepped out of it and the portal quickly disappeared.

The figure they see was a raven-hair woman in long roles with an wicked smile
on her face.

Director and Agent pulled out their Nerf guns on her. Agent asked, "Who are you and what you want?

The mysterious woman told them, "I go by many names over the millenniums. If you want my original name, I am the Goddess of Discord, Eris."

Agent seem to recognize the name. "Eris, the woman who manipulate several Greek Goddesses that eventually led to the Trojan War?"

The woman replied, "Yes, the same. I remember those years. Ten long years fighting over one woman. That isn't the only war I help started. There were plenty, one of my favorites is that one time, I disguised myself as a mortal and shot some duke in his car. What happened to all of Europe caused quite an entertaining show for the next few decades." She let out a mean cackle.

This made the Director even more angry than he already is. "YOU DIDN'T FINISH HIS FRAKKIN ANSWER, WHAT DO YOU WANT!!!"

She smiled, "Seems like I touch a nerve did I. Well if you want to know, I want to start another war. There hasn't been much excitement in this area since the Civil War days. I have a army ready in another realm but I need to borrow a little something from you to open a portal.

She reaches for the cube but before she can touch it, a dart came between her and the cube. She turned to her attacker and saw a man armed with a crossbow dart gun aimed at her. "I wouldn't do that if I was you." he said.

She pulled out an apple made out of pure gold and waved it front of his eyes. He said to the object, "Ohh, shiny!" He then turned his weapon to the good guys. Director said, "Now what the fudge are you betraying us!?"

She waved her apple towards other directions in the room, soon other scientists and soldiers are joining her. "Look at the apple. I never seen anything so beautiful in my life."

Out of luck and outnumbered, Director threw a dodgeball at a stone pillar. The impact caused the support to break. He said, "I guess I'm burying y'all."

The brainwashed man known as Archer shoot a stun dart out of his crossbow and knock out his former superior. They hopped on nearby jeep and drive into underground tunnels.

Agent tries to get Director up to his feet. He dragged him into the elevator just before the ceiling collapsed.



A day has passed since Eris brainwashed several followers and stole the cube. With the huge loss on their hands. Director and Agent sent out to find a group of people to help them and called them, the Retaliators.


Everyone they collected was to meet up at Director's flying airship. The 1st person they got was a man is more than qualified. He has faced elves, terrorists, invading armies from other universes, and ancient gods. The guy they got was well..Me. Chris.

A few years ago, during one of my battles with my enemies. I discovered the Secret Agency. This is the place where Director and Agent works. This place been around since the founding of Cabot and been around to protect the city from major threats in secret.

However, despite their resources, they were largely unaware the entire city was nearly turned into elves, or that a giant winged demon attacked the high school. Plus they also didn't believe me when I told them about invading armies from alternate universes till after the invasion was prevented.



They gave me a folder to see who are my allies in this group to defeat Eris and take back the Rubik's Cube.

One guy is Copper Man. He was one of the richest people in Cabot. He lives somewhere on Highway 5. One time in his life, he was captured by a terrorist group called the Neo-Red Coats. They forced him to make weapons like dodgeballs and Nerf guns to help them on their cause to return the United States back to England. However, England itself is unaware of the group and isn't interested in taking back the USA. So they are wasting their time.

During his Coppper's time in imprisonment, he secretly build a suit of copper when they weren't looking. He used it to break free from his captors and now became a defender of the people.


The next guy in the group, most of the info from this man came from my intel from Captain's old diary while I working under the group known as the Heroes back in the day.  From the intel, another man in the upcoming group is Captain Arkansas. Long back in 1900s, a terrorist group called the Baddies led by the Evil Elf King tried to conquer central Arkansas. The Heroes tried to fight back. One of their famous warriors is Captain Arkansas. Dressed in the symbols of the Arkansas flag, he is a man who fights for the ideals of Arkansas.

During his final battle with the Baddies. The Evil Elf King was going to use the Rubik's Cube in his conquest but the Captain grabbed the cube from his hands. This caused a burst of energy come flying out. The blast caused the elf's base of operations to be destroyed while Cap entered into a magical coma for nearly a century. The Secret Agency found him and the cube but unaware of the battle that took place. They kept him and the cube at their base. He only woke up last year when we jab a glowing tennisball string into him.


Another one is the Incredible Brute. He grew up eating greens for breakfast, lunch, and supper. The over-eating greens caused him to have a weird condition that his skin turned green and his muscles grow four times the size. He has went on a diet from greens to restore him to normal skin color and well as a normal build, but if he breaks out of habit, he's back to his weird condition.


Last one is Spy Lady. Long ago, there was a cold war between the Secret Agency of Cabot and the Secret Agency of Biloxi. Tho their main goal is to protect their own cities, they secretly fund and manipulate the collage football games of the Razorbacks and Ole Miss Rebels. Spy Lady was sent on a undercover mission to spy on us and report to her Agency, but she fell in love while in Arkansas and defected to our side.



Elsewhere, Eris asked on one of her mind-controlled scientists, "So how much longer till you get make the machine I need to open a giant portal for the invading army?" The scientist answered, "I need a certain type of whistle. You can find alot of them in this city." He pointed to a certain location on the map.



Back on the airship, I met with others and exchanged stories. Copper Man on the other hand was too busy talking to his cell about some business meeting. I watch Agent go all fanboy on Captain Arkansas on all the stories he heard about him.

We were taking a tour around the airship when suddenly, a siren was going off.

"NOW WHAT THE ZARKING BELGIUM IS GOING ON!?" shouted Director. One of his men on the bridge pointed to the footage on his screen. The head of the airship turned to the newly formed gang and said, "It seems that Eris has showed up and attacking the city of Stuttgart."

The Brute said, "She may be gone when we get there, considering how long this vehicle will take when we get to Europe."

"Oh for Karabast stake, not that Stuttgart, the other one. The one in Southeast Arkansas."



At the city of Stuttgart, Archer led a team of brainwashed soldiers into an outdoors shop. Soon they got inside, they held their dodgeballs up into the air, ready to throw them at any customers or employees. One of them said, "Oh my goodness, please don't kill me".

Archer told the others to send the hostages to the outside parking lot. Soon they were out of sight, he went down one of aisles and grabbed what he was looking for that will help Eris on making the machine she needed for opening the portal, a duck whistle.

Archer met up with the others and saw Eris is now with them. She said, "Good job on retrieving on what we needed. Go to back to the scientists, I stay here to have some fun." She waved the apple in his face and he replied, "Such a lovely apple. I do anything you say to gaze upon it's beauty."

He and the others drove away on vehicles while Eris turned to all the hostages, "You shall bow to your new Goddess or I will vanquish you all." Most kneel to her but one man stand up. "Your just some crazy coplayer."

This angered the Goddess and threw a dodgeball at him to kill.

Then out of nowhere, Captain Arkansas jumps in and block the attack with his sheet of cardboard painted in Arkansan flag. He looked around and said, "Last time I was here, this town was being introduce to rice farming, now the air itself smells like someone is cooking pasta."

She pulled out a pool noodle and jab it towards the patriot but he blocked her attack. They went to hand to hand combat but the evil goddess got the upper hand and threw him into the ground. She planned to kill with a dodgeball in her hand. Before she could, the ball was shot out of her hand. She looked upwards and saw Spy Lady in a dust cropper armed with auto-machine Nerf guns. I arrived down on ground level with my jetpack while Copper Man is suit up and landed not far from me.

Seeing she is outmatched, she held up her hands and asked for surrender. Most of the hostages from earlier think we were a bunch of LARPers who are playing their game a little too seriously and they went back to their normal lives.


We all boarded a plane that will take us to the airship with Eris imprisoned in chains.  The airship is hovering over Conway and we be there in less than an hour.



We were almost done on our plane trip when we heard strange noises. We looked all around when we noticed that the door to the outside was opened.

I said to Eris, "Is this one of your tricks?" I notice her chains from free and it looked like something invisible grabbed her. Her body was taken out of the airplane.

We asked our pilot, Spy Lady to open the rear door. Cap jump out with a parachute. Copper Man use his suit, while I use my jetpack.

View part 2