Chris' Blog: You will Cry!!! 11

Here is a list of silly movie threats from 2011

"I'm going to make you watch Red Riding Hood...You will cry...You will cry...when you see that the fairy tail...Has been Twilightized "

Note- I'm not joking, this movie is a Twlightized version of the classic fairy tail. The girl is in a love triangle and has romance scenes in the forest just like sparkling vampire movies. It also shares the same director of Twilight. No I haven't seen this movie nor do I care.

Since when did the middle ages had hair gel?

The big bad wolf is a werewolf just like Jacob and he is in this love triangle with Red Riding Hood.

Here's the trailer if anyone wants to see.

Sucker Punch-"I'm going to make you watch Sucker Punch...It has sexy sword-welding schoolgirls, giant robots, dragons, Nazis, zeppelins, giant robot samurais with swords and giant gatling guns. Like duuuude!!!"

"Like Duuuude!!!"

Note- I told people about this movie and they think I was making this up based on every fanboy fantasy I can think of. I haven't seen this movie but I have heard it wasn't really that good.
Here's the trailer if anyone wants to see.

Thor- I'm gonna to make watch Thor...You will Cry...That this movie is everything that Son of Mask should of been.

Note- When I think worst movie ever made, one of the 1st things that comes to my head is Son of Mask. It's funny that I'm comparing a horrible movie to this enjoyable Marvel flick but how many movies do you know that features Norse gods? I got nothing else to compare it to. (The lame cheap knock off that's trying to cash in Marvel's Thor don't count) Hollywood likes to focus on Greek myths more it seems.

Trailer if anyone wants to see

Water For Elephants- “You will cry…You will cry…When you see…That the main character is the pale boy from Twilight... Ok it doesn’t have anything to do with Twilight but it stars the guy from the sparkling vampires movies and therefore the movie is going to bad and I going to judge it on that alone.”

Note- Never saw the movie. I can see people being judgmental on that movie just simply they see a star from a movie series they don’t like. For all I know, he may be a good actor. I saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire on TV one day and I was surprised the other sport runner from Hogwarts is Edward himself. He seem fine in the movie to me.

X-men First Class- “You will cry...You will cry...When you see the naked blue girl... is only in her naked blue form for 3 scenes. Also, why did I see Dr. Manhatten’s blue glowing you-know-what for 3 straight hours in the movie Watchmen but not her in her blue form in this movie? That's not fair.”

This is how Mystique normally looked in the original X-Men trilogy. Played by popular fashion model/actress, Rebecca Romijn.

This is what she looked 80% of the film. Played by random nobody Jennifer Lawrence. *One year later, Hunger Games comes out* I'm sorry, I mean popular actress.

This is how she look 15% in the film.

This is how he look 95% of the time in the movie, Watchmen. WTF man.

Note- I just found something funny to compare to Watchman since in the original X-Men flicks, Mystique is best known for being blue and naked, which you hardly see in this prequel. She goes through a character arc where she accepts to appear in her blue form. The movie does still have eyecandy towards male viewers, most of the females wore short skirts. One of the females was a stripper before she joined the X-men.

Here's a trailer if anyone wants to see

Green Lantern- "You will cry...When you see The Green Lantern...Is played by a white dude."

WTF man, why you turn him into a white dude.

Note- One of the stupidest things I heard before the movie came out is that people were complaining that The Green Lantern isn't black in this movie. The thing is that there has been multiple Green Lanterns over the years. The white guy is called Hal Jordan and he is the most well known of the Green Lanterns. The black guy is called John Stewart and he is a lesser known one until the TV show called Justice League came out with John as one of the main characters. This show also boosted his popularity.

The sad news is that some people may be only familiar with this Green Lantern. Dudes, do a quick google search before start you ranting. I never read any of the comics or seen other TV shows but I know well enough that there's been different ones.

Trailer if anyone wants to see

Transformers: Dark of the Moon- “You will cry…You will cry...When you see… that Megan Fox isn’t in the movie.”

"You cry when you see Soundwave....Getting all tentacley with Carly."

"That Shockwave is the main villain/ or That Shockwave isn't the main villain."

"That you don't witness the death of the twins."

Note #1- Ok this is stupid. People actually think Megan Fox was really that important to Transformers. She's simply Sam "Spike" Witwickly's girlfriend at the time, nothing more. Some people think this is a bad movie just simply because she wasn't in it.*rolleyes* The movies can go on without her. They should be happy that Spike's new girlfriend is named Carly who based off the orginal guy's girlfriend and later wife from the original series. They're going crazy over a new character that's never been in Transformers.

Spike and Carly. No she doesn't look anything like a Victorian Secret Model.

Gee, we watch these films to hopefully see the robots, not the humans even doe they hog the screentime in these movie.

Note #2-There was one scene that where Soundwave chases Carly and said, "Your mine!". He grabs her, throws her in his car mode, and sprouts his tentacles and slowly surround her with them. There is alot of weird porn out there like furry porn and tentacle porn. Tentacle porn is a monster raping people with it's tentacles. This one scene seem seconds away of becoming one.

Note #3-

A year before the Dark of the Moon came out, we were told that Shockwave is the main villain of the 3rd Transformers movie. Sadly, people who are unfamiliar with the comics complain, saying that Shockwave is loyal to Megatron. That's true in the original cartoon but not in the comics.

[Warning Spoilers. Skip to the next part to avoid it.]

Shockwave as the villain seems like a good idea but this was a lie to hide the plot twist that Sentinel Prime was the true villain of the movie. I don't mind that Sentinel as the main villain but they shouldn't hyped up Shockwave like that and turn him into a minor villain.

Note#4

[Waring Spoilers. Skip to the next part to avoid it]

In the comics and novels adaptations of the 3rd movie. During the scene where Sentinel showed his true colors and lay waste to the Autobots' base, Sentinel fire at Bumblebee but Skids jump in and took the hit and die. Mudflap saw his bro die and charge to his killer, only to share the same fate.

That's right, almost everyone's least favorite robots in the live-action movies get killed off and you don't get to witness it.

The twins were meant to be in the movie and GM provided the cars but Micheal Bay didn't want to have backlash of the twins again, so he remove from the film, including their deaths.

Trailer

Harry Potter and the Deadly Hollows part 2- “You will Cry....That the movie blacks out halfway through and you have to wait 30 minutes for the movie to come back on.”

Note- This is a personal experience at the theaters. It happen around where Draco was wrecking havoc. I didn’t mind the “Intermission” since the butter was all over in my mouth and my drink is empty. Good time to get a drink refill to wash the butter popcorn out of my mouth. I joked in the theater that this was the end of part 2 and there is a part 3 coming soon.

Trailer

“I’m going to make you watch Cowboy and Aliens.

Note- The title says it all. A lot people think I was making this up until they saw the TV stations showing advertisements.

Trailer

The Smurfs- "I'm going to make you watch The Smurfs...You will Cry...That the movie...Takes place in New York!"

Note- People may believe the movie exist but the fact it takes place in New York is the last thing people will imagine.

Trailer

The Immortals-"You know, I not going to say anything bad. The story of Theseus and the Minotaur is a more realistic take on the classic myth just like the movie Troy. Theseus is fighting a large man wearing a metal bull helmet and it was a dark cave so he didn't see the man clearly. He may of told people about his encounter with the beast that inspire legends of this battle......Wait a minute, what am I thinking? This movie contains kung-fu ninja gods fighting an army of zombies called The Titans. I don't think having a realistic take on the myth would work when all the magical stuff is going on. Also why are the Titans zombies?