Return of the Hero part 2

View part 1

Chris, Pretty Boy, and Beardguy looked down toward the pirate ships on the Arkansas River. The Ghostmen walked to the three fighters and asked them if they need assistance to take down the pirates. Chris confirmed he needed their help. They turned to the pirates and unleashed their weapons and charged to the enemy.



Near Petit Jean, Kind Boy followed Mutant Fisherman down the dark caves. He couldn't see a single thing in the dark, all he could do was follow the sounds of his tour guide's steps. However the noise that Mutant Fisherman was making went silence. The short man reach into his bag for the gift he received from the Vulcan fans in Pine Bluff. It was...a flashlight.

He turn it on and walked down a pathway. After walking around for a minute, Kind Boy stopped when step in something sticky. He looked down and saw spider webs stuck on his foot.

He soon heard the mutant's voice, "Your in the spider's lair. Soon, she will stab you and then I will take the ring for myself. Hehehe!"

Kind Boy pulled his foot off the web and swing his glow in the dark butter knife at the mutant. The betrayer jump to avoid the attack but once he land on the ground, he lost his footing and slid. His body fell off a cliff and went down a ravine.

Kind Boy hopes to meet back up with Gardener to apologize for believing the mutant's lies. Suddenly, he felt a sharp sting in his back and the short guy collapsed.



Meanwhile at Russelville, the evil army threw dodgeballs at every building they saw. Several men from the city got on top of rooftops and fired dart guns to kill the attackers. Siege towers were now entering the city. The people of Russellville clash their weapons against the Cave Dwellers that came out of those towers.

Magician was on one roof. He pull out two face eating rabbits out of his hat and threw them at some opponents on the ground. The magic user then pulled out a long ribbon out of his sleeves and threw it on one of the enemy's neck on ground level and choke him to death.

A siege tower park on the building that the escape artist was standing at. Magician pulled out his toy lightsaber and a pearly white pool noodle. With them, he defeated many of his opponents with his epic duel welding skills. With one last enemy standing on the roof, Magician threw him in a box and sealed it up. He then pulled out a saw and sawed his enemy into three pieces. Blood was coming out of the ends of the three boxes.



Prankster saw Swordguy 0 is getting ready to burn himself and his dead son in the upcoming funeral. Prankster tend to the fallen warrior and laid his hands on his chest and said, "Sad to see you go. At lease you see your older brother soon." He then notice something as his hands were feeling something weird inside his shirt. The man from Hill Area reached in and pulled out what seems to be busted ketchup packets. "Ah of course. I should looked after seeing how Kind Boy survived getting stabbed."

He told Swordguy 0 that his son survived but he didn't believe him. Prankster went outside to get Magician.



Gardener came in the area with a lit match in his hand and said, "Hey Kind Boy, where are you? I think that fisherman guy is making up lies about us."

He quickly notice his friend's body on the ground. He cried like a baby but didn't care about that Mutant Fisherman who was missing because Gardener is a jerk.

He picked up his friend's flashlight and glow in the dark butter knife and looked what attacked him.
What he saw was... a tiny spider that's smaller than his hand.

He killed it by stomping on it.

He than heard, "I heard noises in these caves"

Gardener quickly went into hiding as three Cave Dwellers enter the area. "Did that spider in this area killed this guy?" Another man said, "No, she only paralyzes them with her sting. Let's take this guy to Evil Dude as a gift." They took his body and exit out of the caves.

Hearing the news, Gardener was happy that his friend was alive but knew that he had to save him from evil clutches somehow.



Magician was finishing another enemy. Suddenly, a large shadow was over his head and the other defenders of the city. It was a group of Halloween Freaks, riding their giant bats. They attacked the fighters while their leader got near the magic user. Magician swung his pool noodle but the giant bat grabbed with it's mouth. With one crunch, the pool noodle shattered in pieces.

A dodgeball flew out of nowhere and smashed into the creature's side. The wounded animal fly away in retreat. Magician looked who threw it and the person was Prankster. The short guy walked to him and told him that Swordguy II is alive and his father doesn't believe it and plans to burn them.

Just when the two were getting ready to move, they hear the sound of horses running. They looked to the northeast and saw that the people from Horesy Ranch has arrived. Magician told his friend, "Seeing backup is here, the battle is in good hands, now we need to save Swordguy II."

They entered into Swordguy 0's house and see they already started the fire. Magician took off his hat and pulled out a bucket of water. He threw it on Swordguy II. He was saved from the fire and quickly got up. He said all wide-eyed, "I'm awake. I'm awake." Unfortunately for Swordguy 0, he was on fire and ran out of the house like a maniac and fell off the house's 2nd floor balcony. He crashed into the backyard pool. The two that came from Greenbrier turn their heads as he crashes into the water but after the big splash they suddenly heard, "I'm alright. I'm alright."



Just when the reinforcements from the ranch look like they were turning the tide, an army of man-mounted feathered T-Rex came charging to the forces of good. Their feathers were bright red and baby blue.

The Head Rancher's nephew fired his Nerf revolver at one driver, causing the dino to crashed into another and both fell to the ground.

Several cowboys threw their lassos on the dinos, causing them to fall to the ground. The Cowboys than tie-up their legs together, rounding them up.

The Halloween Freak Leader started attacking the Head Rancher. The Cowgirl saw this and threw a dodgeball at the rider. The ball miss barely but this causes the evil man to slip and fall off his giant bat. She hopped on the bat's back. He was struggling but she got him settle down. Soon, she tie-up it's legs together and round him up.

The Halloween Freak said, "So you guys dressed up as cowboys and cowgirls. I see no reason to attack you, according to our beliefs." The Cowgirl replied, "What in a darn tootin do you mean? We're actually from a ranch. And another thang, it'sa wrong to stab people who don't follow what you follow."

He swung his dodgeball attach to a rope at her. She pulled up a sheet of cardboard to protect her but the impact of the dodgeball shattered the cardboard. She jumped and rolled to avoid his other swings.

Trickster came from behind and stabbed him in back of the knee with a butter knife. As he was screaming in pain, the Cowgirl pulled out a hot metal iron for branding tattoos and shoved it into the Halloween Freak's face, killing him.



At the southern edge of the city, several members of Evil Dude's army were at the riverbed, waiting for reinforcements. They saw several pirates ships coming to dock. They smiling faces suddenly turned upside down when they didn't see pirates, but three men leading an army of people dressed as ghosts.

The Ghostmen pulled out two butter knifes and stab any evil enemy they see. They saw two bats hovering in the air. "It's them, the people we kicked out. We must end their wrongdoing." The three warriors put their hands together. Several ghosts step on them and the three men threw them up to the man-mounted bats. The Ghostmen attacked the Halloween Freaks and stabbed them.

Beardguy looked towards the nearby dinosaur, "Why is the dinosaur have feathers. He looks weird." Pretty Boy answered, "Well scientists recently discover they actually had feathers all this time. I don't think they look weird, I think they look beautiful. Unlike the disgusting filthy looking pirates and cave dwellers we been facing."

Pretty Boy then acted like a showoff and easily killed the T-rex with his dart gun. Beardguy rolled his eyes on this.



Shortly after, Evil Dude's army was defeated and Russellville was saved. Chris thank the Ghostmen and they went back to their homes.

The city was quickly repaired in a few hours like nothing ever happen.



Meanwhile, Kind Boy was taken to Morrilton. The Evil Cave Dwellers set him down inside their crappy apartment room. They plan to bring him to Evil Dude as a gift within the next hour.

Little did they know that a cardboard box was moving across the kitchen floor. One guy came downstairs to make himself something to eat. The box behind him opened and came out was a man in black garb. He surprised the man in the grabbing him and placing his hand over his mouth. The ninja used his other hand to slice the enemy's throat with a glow in the dark butter knife.

The ninja went upstairs and saw two in the hall. He threw two paper ninja stars at them and they fell down.

He entered the bedroom and saw one Cave Dweller watching over the unconscious Kind Boy laying in bed. The ninja pluck a giant white radish out of the ground and threw it at the enemy. Once he fallen, the ninja rush downstairs.

He came back with a bucket of water. He splash it on the sleeping Kind Boy. He got up and said, "I'm awake, I'm awake." He turned to the ninja and asked who he is.

He took off his mask and reveal himself to be Gardener. He said, "I come to save you."

The two dressed up as Cave Dwellers and they soon they went outside. Once they were out, they saw hundreds of enemies throughout the city of Morrilton. Trying to get to Petit Jean Mountain be impossible for them now.



Meanwhile in Russellville, everyone is recuperating from their battle. Chris saw Magician looking at a laptop and asked, "So what are you looking at?" Magician answered, "I think I found an Evil Cave Dweller's MySpace page. According to it, they just captured something that was in some nearby caves."

He clicked on a pic and showed a Cave Dweller looking bored while taking a selfie on a mirror. He scroll to another pic that was sent earlier today and saw several Caves Dwellers taking a selfie and smiling like idiots with a comatose Kind Boy like he was their trophy.

Everyone in there room discuss about Kind Boy being trapped in Morrilton. They came to a decision to distract all the evil forces in city while Kind Boy and Gardener go to the mountain. Magician said, "We need to tell Evil Dude we're coming for him." Chris got up from his chair and said, "I do it."

He went to the other room and saw the magic 8 ball. The young warrior held up his new shiny toy lightsaber and shattered it. When he went back to the others, he said, "Uhh, yea. I just told Evil Dude we're coming or something. Let's go."



Everyone arrived at the western end of the city of Morrilton. The messenger came to meet with them. He pulls open a scroll and said, "You guys have no chance. You will fall. Surrender now." He stopped reading and said to them, "Oh, and a few friends of wanted to show you guys this."

He pulled out a shirt, stained with ketchup. The former members of long title group recognize that as Kind Boy's shirt. Suddenly, a dart hit the messenger in the forehead, killing him.

Chris turn and asked, "Ok, who did that? Your not suppose to kill the messenger."

Pretty Boy quickly hide his dart gun behind his back and gave a nervous smile.



On the other side of the city, Kind Boy and Gardener notice a large majority of the enemy is heading west. They saw a group of soldiers marching and passing by. They were singing, "Where there a whip, There's a way. Where there a whip, There's a way. We don't want war today but the lord of the lashes say nay nay nay."

They marched away while the two short guys gave a "What in the world?" look. Gardener said, "For an evil army that's scary and wants to take over all of Arkansas, it's hard to imagine them so...cartoonish." Kind Boy shrugged and added, "Well you got to admit the song is catchy."



The forces of good clash against Evil Dude's army at the city's entrance. Out of nowhere, the last of the Halloween Freaks on their bats start attacking. They laying waste to the forces of good. However, luck was on the good side because several WWII fighter planes came in and fired their vehicles' Nerf machine guns on the bats.

As the last of the Halloween Freaks were gunned down. The planes landed near former members of the long name group. Chris asked, "Thanks for helping us." Beardguy scratch his head and asked, "We heard of you guys, you have a secret WWII museum up in the Ozarks. How come you guys didn't help us sooner or help transport us straight to Petit Jean Mountain?" One of the fighter pilots looked nervous and said, "Uh I think it's because we didn't find gas for our planes." Another pilot said, "No, it's because one of us was sick or something." One mention they aren't a taxi service. One said the Petit Jean has a force field and it won't weaken unless the leader of the Halloween Freaks dies, which is the one the Cowgirl branded to death earlier. Basically the three warriors didn't get an answer.



The two from Hill Area ran and finally arrived at the mountain. There, they found one of the mountains rivers.

As Kind Boy was getting ready to throw it, Gardener said, "Well here we are. The end of the journey. Time to throw that thing." However, Kind Boy was having second thoughts, "But why should we. Can you imagine how cool I looked with this on my finger?"

Gardener asked, "Why everyone wants to wear it? It's not a fancy gold ring with diamonds or other jewels. It's a cheap piece of crap that came from a coin machine. Do you guys have a terrible sense of fashion or something?"

Kind Boy shrugged, "Your right." Just as he was about to throw it. Mutant Fisherman came and jumped on Kind Boy. The young man struggle and punch the mutant in the face, knocking him back a little. The young man quickly threw the ring into the 1-foot tall river.

Mutant Fisherman scream no and jumped into the water. Unfortunately for him, his swimming skills is so terrible, it's legendary. He died by drowning in swallow water. Immediately after his death, the ring dissolved into nothing.



Meanwhile in Morrilton, a loud voice was heard, even to those at the outer limits of the city. "My Ring!! My Ring!! It's Gone!! Noooo!!"

Chris said, "Well it seems the two from Hill Area did there job. Anyways Magician, do you have that fireworks cannon that was used on Old Guy's birthday party?"

Magician brings it up and Chris loaded an explosive dodgeball into the cannon. It shoot out and hits the shabby apartment that Evil Dude was living in. The building collapsed with Evil Dude inside. He was killed from the attack.

The remaining foes saw their leader is gone and they flee the city like wimps. Like the battle of the Stronghold, all of them ran. Every single one of them weren't paying attention and tripped.  All their heads fell on a rock and died from the impact.

Evil was vanquish and Arkansas is at peace. All the damage to the city was quickly repaired overnight like nothing ever happen.

The End

Oh that's not the end yet. Here's the epilogue.


Kind Boy wakes up in the hotel his friends rented and saw Magician standing there. He was happy that he is alive after his disappearing act. He then saw Trickster and Prankster happy to see him. Beardguy smiled as he entered, as well as Pretty Boy, and Chris. And then he saw his most loyal friend, Gardener standing there smiling.

Beardguy asked, "How are you feeling?" Kind Boy replied, "Well I'm feeling a little queer but other than that, I'm feeling gay and merry." He shivers and said, "It's getting a little cold in here. Will somebody want to throw a faggot into the fireplace?"

Chris, Pretty Boy, and Beardguy gave a look to each other on Kind Boy's weird dialogue. Trickster walk up to them and whisper, "Forgive my friend there but he reads alot of old early 20th century books. Certain words had a different meaning back in the day." They all shrugged.

Kind Boy was happy on his mission was completed and The Friendship Of The Copper Ring That Came From A Coin Machine That Was Made From The Waters Of Petit Jean Mountain has reunited.

The End

Here's the extended director's cut of the ending.

An awarding ceremony was held on Swordguy 0's roof. The very long name group traveled down the path as all the people on both sides of the path clap their hands. The Cowgirl in the crowd grabbed Chris' arm and said, "Howdy Chris. Me and this Swordguy II fella are together now. I don't think it would every worked but congrats on your upcoming medal. Good luck with that cosplaya" Chris looked puzzled and said, "Uhh, thanks I guess."

Chris has heard from them from time to time. Swordguy II likes telling stories alot. Chris started nicknaming him Storyteller. He and Cowgirl got married and had kids. They named them Swordguy III, and Swordswoman I and II.

The long name groud got to end of the roof. They saw Swordguy 0, the Vulcan cosplayers, the young female Vulcan cosplayer, and the Evil Elf King's Twin Brother. The elf pinned them medals. He gave Chris a medal and said, "And here he is, The Return of the Hero who saved the land of Arkansas. That's what people are calling you after you defeated my evil brother in the past." Chris replied, "Funny enough, I'm part of a group called The Heroes."

TFOTCRTCFACMTWMFTWOPJM turned around to the cheering crowd. Chris notice that Beardguy isn't wearing a medal. He pointed to his hairy friend and shouted, "Hey, don't forget this guy."

They did later on.

Everyone was happy.

The End

Here's the DLC of another ending.

The four from Hill Area enter back at their homes. They dance around and drink root beer at the cafe. Gardener got to marry his girl.

A few months has passed. Gardener's wife is a few months pregnant. Kind Boy invited everyone from his long name group to go to Ft. Smith. There was a big cruise ship parked in the Arkansas River, and it's planning to leave the state and travel west to Oklahoma and all the other states up the river.

Gardener whisper to Kind Boy, "People still think we're secret lovers. They think my marriage is a ruse." Kind Boy told him, "Ignore them. They start thinking your straight in the future."

They turn and saw Magician, The Evil Elf King's Twin Brother, Old Guy, and several Vulcan cosplayers entering the ship. Kind Boy said, "This adventure to stop Evil Dude has wore me out. I want to go relax on a nice pleasure cruise."

Gardener cry like a baby and said, "No you can't. Your the most important person in my life...Well after my wife of course."

Kind Boy said, "Relax, I'm not sailing to the afterlife or anything. I just taking a trip here and back again. See ya."

The remaining members of TFOTCRTCFACMTWMFTWOPJM waved goodbye. They all headed back to their homes and live their lives.

The End....For Real...No Seriously, For Real.