The Group's Quest From Hill Area And Then Go To Mount Magazine To Kill A Monstrous Reptile And Reclaim Their Home: Chapter 2

View Chapter 1

Everyone gather back into the room from there break to continue on to listening to Old Guy's story. When they got to the part where the WWII fighter pilots dropped off the gang, the storyteller decided to let his listeners take a break for ten minutes. Now back to the story.

The 21-initial group found horses near the airfield and used them to ride south. After half a day pass, they found a cabin by itself. They wonder if they should rest there and eat whatever food is there. Out of nowhere as it leap out of the woods was a man in bear costume. It chased down the long word gang. They hightail it and got inside the cabin and locked the doors.

They waited a few minutes for the costumed man to calm down. Magician and Young Guy looked out of the windows and see the man in costume is now chopping down wood. Our two travelers step out of the cabin and kindly introduce themselves. The man said he thought they were Neo-Red Coats at first and tried to attack him.

They all get inside the house as the man serves his guests some bowls of porridge. He told them that Neo-Red Coats are in league with the Evil Wolf Furries. He told them that there were dozens of Bear Furries in the Ozarks long ago but the Evil Wolf Furries killed and imprison many of them, just to watch them get tortured to death. He tells them that he is now the last Bear Furry in the Ozarks.

As they are done with their meal, they leave the cabin and prepare to get on their horses, the Bear Furry approach Magician. He said, "I heard rumors near the Missouri border that a Halloween freak was spotted there, maybe it's a sign this Warlock is slowly gathering the forces of evil." He went back to his cabin as the gang rode off.

They traveled south and Ozark National Forest is getting a little too thick to travel. They were in a hurry and needed to travel straight down south. They got off their horses and let them go. Magician spotted a random payphone sitting in the forest. He told the others he need to make a phone call. He reach in behind Young Guy's ear and grab two quarters that were not that there before.

The magic user press some buttons on the phone. On the other end is the voice of Earth Magician who said, "You Rrrrrang?" Magician answered back, "Yes, I reasonably heard a rumor that a Halloween Freak from the Missouri border got recruited by this Warlock." The man in dirty robes answered back, "Well I trying to follow up on clues of the Evil Warlock. We could meet up and investigate. Imagine all the loot and EXP we get for doing this?" The Magic user told his friend bye and hung up the phone.

He went to Young Guy and wish him luck, he told him he is going on a sidequest. He hopes will meet up with him again at Mount Magazine.

He was about to head off and realized something. "Oh right, we got rid of our horses. Good thing I have a backup ready." He took off his hat, reach in it, and pulled out a white horse out of his hat." He hopped on it and ride away.

Meanwhile in present day, Kind Boy grabbed his uncle's shoulder and said, "Wait a minute, I don't remember anything about this Earth Magician and Evil Warlock sidequest business in the book?" Old Guy told him, "Well you see, when I wrote the first version of that book, I didn't know what Magician was doing at the time. He told me way later on after I wrote the first version. Besides, it seems weird that our friend just randomly decide to leave like that with no explanation." Kind Boy said back, "Well alright then." He sat back in his seat and continue listening on his uncle's story.


The gang traveled inside the dense forest. They walk and walk and entire voyage felt like weeks to them. They could swore they been traveling in circles. They cursed under their breath and said they should of brought compasses.

They came across a ditch. Young Guy pointed out that there is a natural bridge of sorts made out of tree vines. One by one, they used the vines to cross. The last beardman who was very round got tired and fell asleep and fall in the ditch. The beardmen sighed and went into the mud to carry the sleeping man up.

Young Guy told the rest he's going to climb a tree and see which way is south. When he got to the top, he was surrounded by mosquitoes. He hurried and pulled out binoculars and saw the Arkansas River in the distance, meaning south is that direction.

When he got back to ground level, he saw his friends were battling a hive of spiders. The man from Hill Area pulled out his glow in the dark butter knife and stabbed several of them. After the very long name group killed every single arachnid, the traveler looked at his butter knife and said, "I shall call you Poke, for poking all those spiders".

Just then, they heard loud footsteps coming. Beardin told the others to hurry and hide. Young Guy quickly put on his ring while the others scatter and flee.

A group of Vulcan cosplayers led by Pretty Boy and Bowgirl come marching out and they aimed toy crossbows at the beardmen. They captured every single one of them expect for Young Guy.

They dragged them into a hidden city deep within the forest. They were brought to the city's mayor who is also Pretty Boy's dad. He was 5'1. Skinny to the bones, very very pale looking, was missing a few teeth, has a unibrow, got a huge mole on the side of his face.


Meanwhile in present day, everyone turn to Pretty Boy. One of them said, "Wait, you were there?" Another said, "Wait, how you come from an ugly man?". Someone else said, "You must of got your looks from your mother and only her." One mention, "Wait, you weren't in the original story."

Pretty Boy told them, "Umm...I was adopted."

Now back to the 80s.


The mayor known as Ugly Guy said, "Well darn tootin, what are you fellas doing trespassing my area for?"  Beardin told back, "Why should I care? You left us to deal with the evil dragon that attack our mountain." The mayor said, "Oh yeah, that thang. Well my fellas are important to me and Ah don't want any of dem to, well you know, die. I reckon y'all are here to steal pearl necklaces from here as payback." With a flip of his hand, his fellow cosplayers grab the beardmen and they were sent into jail cells.


Within the next hour, the invisible Young Guy searched around to find the keys. As he getting ready to pass by the private theater room, he saw Ugly Guy coming out of the doors with 3D glasses on. He said as he was looking at the traveler, "Ah know your there." Young Guy was starting to freak out, wonder how he can see him. He turn his head behind him and saw Bowgirl standing there. He breathe a sigh of relief, seeing he was referring to her. The mayor said, "No really, Ah can see you, my 3D glasses can see anythang. So what are you doing here?" The traveler answered, "Umm..I was taking the quickest way to the Arkansas River and got loss on the way. Next thing I know is I'm here." The mayor took off his 3D glasses, spit a sunflower seed at his foot, and wrap his arm on the traveler's shoulders, "So your lost eh? Well welcome to our town. I finish watching 3D B-movie from the 50s. Anyways, Ah show you around the place. At least you ain't a trespasser like dem fellas Ah had an hour ago."

The next few minutes, he showed traveler several sites of town, including a port where they dump barrels of sparkling champagne down the Big Piney Creek for citizens of Knoxville. Seeing that gives Young Guy an idea.

At the end of the tour, they arrived at a door and the mayor knock on it. The door open and Pretty Boy came out. Ugly guy said, "This is muh boy here. One of the best archers in the land. I think he's into that redhead you saw earlier, eh." He jabbed his elbow into his son's stomach a few times as Pretty Boy's face turned red and said, "Dad please."

Ugly Guy left and came back with a big book. He spit a few sunflowers seeds near their shoes and opened it the book. Inside contains many photos. "Yep, this is me and fam. This one photo is little Pretty Boy in him diapers. Look at him, isn't he cute?" Pretty Boy rolled his eyes, and said quietly, "Dad please." He showed more photos, one had a group photo of a smiling kid, Ugly Guy, and a gorgeous blond woman. The young traveler began to wonder how in the world did somebody like her ended up with him. He like a negative 4 while she's way beyond the charts.

Ugly Guy showed emotion of happiness and sadness. "Sad thang muh wifey is gone. She's was babe all right. We dated in collage, got married, then nine months later, this boy popped out of her belly. He was biggest crybaby in all the Ozarks." Pretty Boy said quietly, "Dad please and why you keep mentioning about my birth. I have a hard time imaging I came from something so..so hideous and..."

Ugly Guy interrupted him, "Now that ain't no way to talk to your pa like that. You apologized right now." Pretty Boy said in anger, "Goodnight Dad". Like a typical teenager angry with his parent, he slams the door of bedroom and to prevent him from hearing him, he turns up the radio in his room and play it loudly. However instead of loud rock and roll music, it's actually loud classical music since rock and roll is way too out of character for Pretty Boy.

Unknown to the dysfunctional family, Young Guy slip from their grasp and went back to being invisible. He went through the prison and saw the jailer's keys hanging on the wall. He grabbed them and free his allies. He told them that he has an escape plan. They went down to the port and got inside empty barrels and used them to float down into the Big Piney Creek


Pretty Boy slowly approach Bowgirl from behind. As he had his hands behind his back and nervously rubbing the tip of his shoe on the ground, he said to her, "Hey, I was thinking you and I should go to my dad's private theater together and watch the Wrath of Khan and..." He stop when he notice she was staring longingly at a rock she was holding, he asked her what is that. She told him it was a gift from handsome prisoner with the 5 o'clock shadow. "It was a family runestone, a promise he made to come back to his folks. He has such care for his family. Oh, the next thing we talk about was the beautiful starlight and the moon. Oh!" If she was a cartoon character, there be heart symbols floating around her.

Pretty Boy quickly turned around and quickly walked away while mumbling and grumbling under his breath. He went ahead to check on the prison, only to notice no one is there. He came back to Bowgirl to tell her the news and they hurried outside.


At the river, the long name group was now getting attack by Neo-Red Coats. They threw their toy axes at them. Beardboy got hit in the leg by a dart. Luck is on their side when Pretty Boy and Bowgirl came and went totally OP on the enemy as they perform over the top action to slay them. However their former prisoners got away as they washed down the stream.


Meanwhile at the Missouri border, the two magic users arrived at a ruin. They see a note on a door and it said, Guys, we are meeting up at this underground cavern at Booger Hollow with this Warlock dude. P.S. Bring snacks and cola.


The long name gang washed ashore nearby Knoxville. They see a man at a motor boat. He pulled out a harp and sang, Hello Hello Hello, They call me Poet. Poet the bowman. I will asked, I will asked, what are you doing in barrels.

They told him they are on their way to Mount Magazine and they need some transportation. He sang, I will take you to my homeland in the lands known as Paris. The beardman with the star-shaped haircut asked, "You mean we are going all the way to France?  No way, that's too far away." Whitebeard rolled his eyes and sign, "You idiot, he means Paris, Arkansas. How can you forget one of the mountain's neighboring cities?"

Poet sang to the gang he has trouble with the authorities, mostly due to complaints from others about his singing. He told them being spotted with bringing 14 men into his house will bring a dozen questions.


They sneak into town and hide in the house, there they met his three children. The singer gave them weapons for their quest but it was nothing but broken toys, they declined his request since it won't help him.


Late at night, they slip out of the house and tried to steal toys from a rich dude's house. They were caught and the Ugly Butler brought them to the Rich Lord. Rich Lord is asking what they are doing but the gang told him when they go up the mountain and slay the demonic serpent, they will bring money and make Rich Lord ten times rich. He let them go, gave them toys in good condition to help defend themselves, and wish them luck.

Unfortunately, not everyone in the company can go. Beardboy still hurt from the big epic battle during the barrel riding. The suction cup that hit his knee hurt him real bad. He stayed behind at Poet's house with his brother and a few others.


Meanwhile at an underground cavern at Booger Hollow. The two magic users arrived at the entrance of the cave. Earth Magician will stay behind and provide an escape when his friend leaves.

Magician travel deeper into the caverns. Without warning, a group of Neo-Red Coats and Evil Wolf Furries surrounded the man. He pulled out a few face eating bunnies out of his hat and threw them at some of the enemies. One of the wolf furries was about to lunge at the man but to his surprised, he was levitating. He dug in whatever invisible force was lifting him as saw he was on some wooden plank painted as the same color of the surrounding area. Before he could get off the platform, he saw Magician was holding a razor sharp metal ring and his own body was already halfway through. The magic user pulled down the ring, slicing the costumed man into two.

"Enough!" The man in the top hat turned and saw a man in black robes standing there. He took a hold of his clothing and pulled it off, revealing a man in armor. This shocked Magician, "I don't believe it. You were told to be destroyed centuries ago. Here you are before my eye, Evil Dude has returned."


During present time, Kind Boy sighed. Old Guy asked him what's wrong. "Ok, there were minor changes here and there as well a minor plothole filled, I can understand that but now your adding way too much. I don't remember Pretty Boy in it, let alone the girl that friendzone him with this love triangle around. Next, we had a big action scene at the river when they should simply float down the river with no resistance. We have all these subplots of Paris that was only suppose to be a few pages. Now Evil Dude is tied to the story? Are you making these up on the fly to make your story cooler or something."

Everyone in the room started asking questions. Swordguy II said did any of this really happen. Head Rancher mention this is dumb. Chris said it's silly to heard people telling made up stuff in stories. Mean Butler called Ugly Butler a ripoff despite the fact he existed since the 80s. Beardguy thinks it's cool to hear his dad battling Red Coats at the river. Pretty Boy told the rest he really was there. Eventfully, everyone calm down and resume listening to the story.


On the last day of Fall, the gang finally arrived at the mountain. The moonlight from the sky shined on a wall and revealed a key. They used it to open the secret door and entered the caverns. As the contract said, their burglar Young Guy must sneaked inside the vault and grab the Glowing Tennisball from the wretched serpent. They open the 30 foot door that leads inside for their young friend.


Poet got arrested again the 12th time this month because of complaints from his singing. Unknown to the beardmen who stayed behind at his house, the forces of evil led by the Albino's son notice this, meaning they are defenseless. He unleash a raid towards the poet's house. Poet's children grab some harps to defend themselves. They played on them to kill their enemies, only for nothing to happen. Only someone dumb enough to think that using harps as weapons was a great idea.

Thankfully the family, Pretty Boy and Bowgirl who been tracking the beardmen come in the rescue and totally pwned the enemy in over the top flashy moves. The Albino's son retreated with his forces. Bowgirl saw Beardboy injured and gave him some medicine to nurse him back to good health.


Meanwhile inside the giant bank vault that's within the caverns in Mount Magazine. Young Guy walks around towers made of dollar bills that only go up fifteen feet. He spotted some strange light down the vault. His own eyes spotted it, the glow in the dark tennis ball. He shoves it in his pocket and then heard a sound behind him. Was it the monster? He turns around and breathe a sigh and relief. It was a tiny little lizard. He picked it up by and leave the vault.

He went back to the others and told them while holding the lizard in the air. "I didn't see a monster but I.." He stopped when he his friends started screaming. They say, "EEEH! KEEP THAT BEAST AWAY FROM US!" They cornered themselves while one covered his eyes and pointed his plastic sword outward. The traveler drop it to the ground and said, "It's nothing but a harmless lizard. Don't tell me this is the beast you guys were telling me about?"

The lizard crawled towards the beardmen. They panicked and ran in different directions. One came back saying, "Don't don't worry guys, I..I will take care of it." In his hands was a bowl of nacho cheese. He closed his eyes in fear and threw the contents of the bowl towards the so called monstrous reptile. The cheese covered the entire lizard and splashed all over Young Guy. He wiped the cheese off his face and said to himself, "You got to be kidding."

He grabbed the lizard by the tail. He went outside and set it down on the edge of a cliff that was facing north to Paris. He perform a mighty kick that sent the animal skyward. He told his friends, "There, are you guys happy? I got rid of him."

He took a few minutes cleaning the nacho cheese off of himself. He was about to turn around but stopped when he heard shouts all the way from Paris. He pulled out a pair of special binoculars that can make you hear from great distances. From what he could make out he heard, "EEEH! AN EVIL BEAST! KILL IT FIRE, QUICK! OH GREAT, I ACCIDENTALLY BURNED DOWN SEVERAL HOUSES WHILE TRYING TO KILL IT!"

It sounds like citizens of Paris has Lizardphobia too. Young Guy facepalms.

View Chapter 3

The Group's Quest From Hill Area And Then Go To Mount Magazine To Kill A Monstrous Reptile And Reclaim Their Home: Chapter 1

It's been 10 years since Evil Dude was defeated. The long title people who help defeated Evil Dude like Chris, Pretty Boy, Beardguy, Magician arrived to the village of Hill Area in the Ozarks to celebrate Kind Boy's birthday. They brought their friends like Head Rancher, Mean Butler, Dark Magician, Swordguy II, his wife Cowgirl, and their children, Swordguy III and Swordwoman I and II. They all gather and ate birthday cake. Magician brought fireworks for Prankster and Trickster to fire in the air.

At one point, Kind Boy waved his hands in the air to grab their attention. "Now we don't have to worry about copper rings and stuff, I been wanting to tell you guys about my uncle's great journey from the 1980s. I have a book he wrote down on of his epic quest but he rather tell you guys in person." Old Guy came and sat down on a chair in front of the crowd, "You sure, it's your birthday and..." Kind Boy answered, "No, by all means, I want people to hear your tale." His uncle replied, "Well alright then."


He told them long ago in the land known as Mount Magazine, there is an unknown village in the caves of the mountains. They were full of men who never shave in their life and they have Arkansas' largest bank vault. They were the proud to be the wealthiest people in all the state. Then one day, a monstrous reptile appeared. All the beardmen were scared and ran away from the mountain and got separated from their vault. They asked some Star Trek cosplayers to help them out but they say they don't want to risk their lives. All the citizens of Mount Magazine lived in exile in Blue Mountain, Arkansas. One year has passed since then and things quiet down since then.



In the land of Hill Area, back when Old Guy went by a different name, Young Guy. Our villager is resting peacefully on his lawn chair at his front yard, with a cherry-flavored sucker in his mouth. He opened his eyes when he notice someone standing near him and asked, "Do you want to go on an adventure?" Young Guy asked, "Who are you?" The man replied, "Surely you haven't forgotten me?" Suddenly his voice became loud and sinister, "I am Magician and Magician means me." Suddenly, lightning flashed in the sky even tho it was a nice sunny morning. Young Guy said, "Oh yeah, I remember. Your the traveling magician who visits our town and puts on a show and fire fireworks." He paused and just remembered something else the traveler said, "Wait, go on an adventure? No thank you, I'm comfortable right here."

He went back inside his house. Magician went to his front door and pulled out a spray can and made a symbol on it.


Late at night, Young Guy got a visitor with a beard who wanted to stay at his house and eat some food. He didn't want to be rude to his guest, so he fed him. Suddenly, another show up, and another, and before you know, he had thirteen men at his house having a feast and making a mess.

Magician came in and told him about the upcoming adventure they are going to make to Mount Magazine to reclaim their lost home. They hoping Young Guy will join them to be their burglar to steal back their most prized possession back from the evil scaly beast, a glowing tennis ball. It is a symbol of their lost town.

The beardmen had doubts of Young Guy being burglar material and started arguing but Magician did some sort of magic trick that caused the lights go dim and somehow made his voice boom loudly, "If I say he's a burglar, then a burglar he is." The beardmen stop arguing.

Young Guy was given a contract if he wants to assist them. He get 1/14th of the share of the money but it lists possible cause of death from the evil reptile. Head chopped off by it's sharp teeth, personification from staring at it's eyes, poison from it's fangs, burnt to a crisp by it's breath, etc.

Suddenly, the thirteen beardmen told the man that they are going to sing a song about their journey through the misty mountains. Young Guy was ready to listen to their folk song but to his surprise, they actually were singing in rap. He watch as they threw gang signs and lose count on the number of curse words he heard. He heard some things about taking their turf back from the dragon, to taking on the beard haters, and scoring with all the babes with facial hair.


The morning after, Magician and the 13 beardmen head off with Young Guy. It didn't seem he wanted to go at first but he was having the crave of adventure and excitement and so, he joined them in their quest. They became The Group's Quest From Hill Area And Then Go To Mount Magazine To Kill A Monstrous Reptile And Reclaim Their Home.(TGQFHAATGTMMTKAMRARTH)

Meanwhile, during present day, Beardguy stand up from his chair and said, "Oh yeah, isn't my dad part of those thirteen and..." Old Guy pointed to him , "Yes, yes, he is but I need to continue onwards the story." Beardguy sat back down to listen.


The 21 words group made camp from not far from the city of Flippin, Arkansas. Young Guy asked the gang what kind of dangers should he await. One of the eldest of the group called Whitebeard told him one of their most dangerous enemies is Neo-Red Coats. A group of people who still thinks the British should of won the Revolutionary War and do anything to return the US back to England.

Whitebeard told their new recruit a story of how their leader wage a battle against them. The leader witness a few of his family members getting beheaded by Albino Neo-Red Coat. Angry on the loss of those dear to him, he picked up a sheet of cardbored and battle the pale skin man. He manage to cut off his arm and the enemy retreat. That is the tale of Beardin Cardboardshield.


After an hour after they passed the city of Harrison, it started to rain on them and none of them carried an umbrella. One of them complained his beard is soaked. One mention they should of took the long way to Harrison and met some singers. At least the news reports said it's not raining there. One of the them asked Magician to do magic to undo the rain. Magician told them he's only a stage magician and his stuff is mainly smoke and mirrors.


They turned at the Northwest Arkansas Metro area and head south. Magician suggested they take a rest at Fort Smith because he knows some people there that will help them but Beardin said no, he has a grudge against those people. The magic user sighed and said, "Forget this." He just left the long name group and left for parts unknown.


Midway between Northwest Metro area and Fort Smith, they rested at a campfire and roast marshmallows. One of the youngest beardman and...well he doesn't even have a beard, it's more of a 5 o'clock shadow and he's was far too attractive that he looks far different from the others. Anyways, he's called Beardboy. He and his brother were telling the others that the number of horses has decrease. Most of them didn't believe them.

Young Guy slips out of camp and investigate the case of disappearing horses. He caught a trail on the ground and follow it. It lead him to a different camp and at it's place is a trio of Internet Trolls. He saw one of them sitting with his laptop that connected to a telephone wire. They sit there waiting and hearing the sound of dial-up. One of them said, "I got tired of waiting for the thing to connect to start trolling people, so I decided to troll a nearby camp and capture some of their horses. Im in thur camp, stealing thur horsies." The other two laugh at his recent prank.

The man from Hill Area looked around and saw a few horses tied to a tree with a chain. He study the chain and saw there is a lock tied to it. He saw one of the internet trolls has a purse tied to it's belt. That's must be where the keys are kept.

He sneak in from behind the troll and reach in to grab it, soon as it's fingers touch it, he suddenly heard, "Ere, 'oo are you?" Young Guy jumped back and screamed, "OH MY GOODNESS! A TALKING PURSE!" The trolls turned to their visitor, "Look at this newb, he thinking he can steal from us." Another one said, "LOL man, this newb doesn't know your purse has a electronic toy that act like a sensor to sense foreign fingerprints, like total pwnage dude." The 3rd troll said, "You know, instead of waiting to flame people online, we should totally flame this dude. LOL, like literally man but we need to hurry up before the sun comes up or we be flamed."

They try to drag him to the camp fire, they stopped midway when they heard, "Hold it!" Out of the bushes came out the 13 beardmen. They armed their plastic swords and axes at them. One of trolls told them to not come near or they will roast their friend. The beardmen groan and threw their weapons to the ground. The trolls grabbed a chain and started wrapping them to a tree. After chaining them and Young Guy up, one of the trolls said they need to get to their tent.

Before they can go their tent, they see a man with a top hat and black robes standing next to the tent, it was Magician. He grabs the entire tent and shoves it in his balled up hand, he open his hand and pops out is a small bundle of flowers. The three cyber-bullies were now freaking out and ran in circles. The sun rises and it's light touches the three men. The three men burst into flames.

Magician walks towards the imprisoned men and wiggled the chains in a few motions, suddenly the chains became loose and sink into the ground. One of the men asked why the trolls burst into flame and the magic user told them it's because they a condition that they can't come in contact with the sun.

The magic user return the tent of how it was. The fourteen search inside and found toy weapons for their quest. Young Guy gets a glow-in-the-dark butter knife. With their horses returned, they went back on the road.


The next morning, they see a man on a sleight being pulled by rabbits. He was in an outfit similar like Magicain's but it's covered in dirt and mud. This is Earth Magician. He and Magician are old friends and sometimes joined together to perform shows.


Meanwhile in present day, Old Guy notice Kind Boy was going though pages of the book of the story that Old Guy is currently telling. He mumble to himself, "I don't remember Earth Magician in the book. Where is he?" He gave up searching and resume listening to Old Guy's tale.


Earth Magician was telling his friend that alot animals been dying lately. He believed an Evil Warlock is gathering evil forces to start an army and conquer Arkansas. Suddenly, they see a small group of Neo-Red Coats and Evil Wolf Furries were chasing them down. Earth Magician said he distract them. Magician told them he knows a safe place to get away from the enemy. He lead them to a nearby cave.

The group go through the cave tunnels and see light at the end. When they got to the other side, what they see is that they were at a Star Trek convention full of Vulcan cosplayers. This must of be the safe haven in Fort Smith they been hearing about. Most of the Beardmen rolled their eyes. They have a grudge against Trekkie cosplayers for two reasons. One is because they walked away when they needed them the most when they were forced out of their mountain. The other, the Beardmen are hardcore Star Wars fans instead of Star Trek.


They sit down with the cosplayers and had a feast. They weren't happy on the choice of food since the cosplayers are vegetarians. Later on that day, the Trekkies were watching a man perform the theme of Search of Spock on a flute. The Beardman with the silly hat didn't like this and got up on stage after the flute player was done. The hatman perform a rap song that cause the audience to look at each other and wondered what they heck they just watching.

Late at night, Beardin and Magician were discussing about the map they have they leads to a secret entrance to the caves of Mount Magazine. Unfortunately, it doesn't say anything. Behind them, a man comes to them and said, "I can help with that." They turn and see an actual elf in brown robes. This is the Evil Elf King's Twin Brother. Thankfully for them, he is nothing like his brother and actually good.

Beardin handed him the map. The elf tells them that there is a hidden clue on the map. Magician without thinking blurts out, "How about we throw in the oven?" The other two give him a look, wondering if he knew that would destroy the piece of fabric.

The elf laid the map on a table. He grabbed a q-tip and rubbed it on some cut up lemons. He then used the lemon-dipped q-tip on the map. He pulls out a hairdryer out of his pocket and use it to dried up the spots where he used the lemon juice. Just then, a previously unseen message appeared. It said that the keyhole will only appear on the last light of Fall.


Next morning, the Beardmen didn't want to stay with the Trekkies any longer, they brought Young Guy and sneak out. They headed east while staying near the Ozarks. They witness two tall guys fighting over something. They ignore them and continue on. By the end of the day, they took camp inside of a cave in the Ozarks.


During around midnight, a group of Evil Cave Dwellers threw nets on the group and drag them deeper in the caves. The group struggle from their recent imprisonment. Young Guy used his glow-in-the-dark butter knife and slip out from the constraints. However his body rolled forward and fell down a deep crevasse.  The remainder of the group was brought to the Cave Dweller King.


Young Guy woke up in a dark cave. He notice a cheap ugly ring made out of copper laying near him with the smell of detergent. He grab it and put it in his pocket. As he was leaving, he encounter a weird impish looking man. He said he won't allow him to leave unless they play games.

For the next few minutes, they played Battleship, Connect Four, Hungry Hungry Hippos, and Twister. The impish man loses every single one of them. As part of the deal, he told Young Guy where the exit is.

As the weird mutant went back his spot, he notice his ring is gone. He screamed, "NOOO! HE STOLE IT! I WON'T LOOK GOOD WITHOUT MY BLING-BLING!"


Meanwhile, the Cave Dwellers search the Beardmen's weapons. They looked at one plastic sword and freaked out. The Cave Dweller King said it is the Cave Dweller Cleaver. Legend said this toy has slay hundreds of their people in the past.

Out of nowhere, smoked appeared in front of everyone. As it died down, there stands Magician. He asked the Cave Dwellers if they want to see a magic show. All the evil ones raised their hands up in the air and shouted yes. The man in black robes did several tricks before their eyes like disappear coins, card tricks, and ribbons turned into flowers. He pulled out a box and asked Cave Dweller King if he wants to volunteer. He gleefully agrees. He laid down in a box as magic user closes it. He pulls out a saw and cuts the box in three pieces and separated it. Just then, blood oozed from the end pieces.

One of the Dwellers said, "Wait a minute, that not a magic trick. He really did cut our king into three pieces." Magician gave an awkward smile and said, "Time to go." He threw a smoke bomb into the ground and vanish.

The very next minute, the group are released and running and fighting the Cave Dwellers on the way. They sliced open their guts and beheaded many of them. After killing many of them, they found the exit of the caves. Ironically, Young Guy was there as well.

During present time, Kind Boy mumbled to himself he doesn't remember the story being gory. Back to the story.


As they were leaving the cave, they were now attacked by an army of Neo-Red Coats and men in wolf outfits. The group climb nearby trees to get away from them. Magician threw out some flaming pine cones at their opponents and killed a few Furries. Beardin Cardboardshield saw the man who was leading the group. It was the Albino that killed members of his family. He was believed to be dead after their last fight but it seems he is very alive, now sporting a robotic arm to replace his cut off limb.

Just then, a gang of War World II fighter planes came down and fired several Nerf bullets at the evil ones. They scattered to avoid the attack. They briefly landed down near the long title gang and the gang hopped in them. The planes then took off and flew south.

They landed near an hidden airfield not far from the city of Jasper. As they got off, Young Guy asked, "Why not take us all the way to Mount Magazine?" Pretty soon, he heard a dozen excuses from airmen like they don't have the gas, one of them is sick, they are not a taxi service, there is a force field around the mountain till someone gets rid of the lizard beast. The traveler rolled his eyes.

Seems going through caves took them way up north in the Ozarks. They have to go south again to hopefully get to the mountain by the end of Fall.

View Chapter 2