After telling the part where he kicked off the lizard off the mountain, Old Guy announce it was break time. After ten minutes, he was ready to resume the story.
Everyone in Paris is freaking out on the sight of a harmless little lizard. They try to kill it with fire but in doing so, they accidentally burn down some houses. Rich Lord tried to leave town by grabbing all his money and hopped on a motor boat. Unluckily for him, the weight of the all that money cause his boat to sink to the bottom of the Arkansas River, killing him.
The city decided that Poet should be release from prison and slay the evil demon that's attacking their town. His three children try to get him out of his cell but when they found him, they see him curdled up in a corner. "Leave me be. I'm nothing but a coward, I'm just going to sulk here." His eldest daughter grabs him by the collar and slaps him in the face. She told him, "You spoony bard, your a man aren't you, a grown man. So stand up."
He got up to his feet and told his family that the beast may be hard to kill. They need their strongest weapon they have. He led them back to his home. "I have something that will vanquish the demon. I do it with my strongest dart I have, the black dart." He grabs a tiny object that was hidden in the ceiling and loaded it to a toy crossbow. His son said, "Dad, I think just a dart that's spray painted black. I don't think it's special."
Poet went out with his loaded weapon. In the middle of the street, he spotted the lizard crawling around. The poet took a deep breath, aimed his weapon and fired. The suction cup hit the reptile on the nose and it suddenly died.
Meanwhile in present day. Everyone was getting up from their seats. Old Guy was asking where they are going. Gardener told him that the main villain is dead, the story is over, time to leave. Old Guy said, "You got to be kidding me, we just got back from our break. There's still plenty of story left to be told." Eventually, he got everyone back into the room and he continue where he left off.
Beardboy has recovered from his injury from the barrel riding adventure. He and the other beardmen that were left behind now planned to meet up with the others at Mount Magazine. Before he went, he stared deeply into Bowgirl's eyes. He said to her, "Oh beautiful maiden, I see you still carry the runestone I gave to you my apple pie." She called him blueberry muffin. He called her PB and Jelly. She called him strawberry cheesecake. While all the others who were listening rolled their eyes.
All the people who lost their homes wonder what to do. Poet grabbed their attention and pulled out his harp and sang a tale of his friends who traveled to Mount Magazine who has all the money to help rebuild their homes.
Meanwhile at an underground cavern near Booger Hallow. A guard is on patrol and checked on his prisoner, only to find an empty cage. He wondered what happened and search the cage, he found a calling card there. It reads, stage magician and escape artist. The guard threw the card down and thought to himself, No wonder. A guy like him can easily escape.
Magician was on his way out of the cave when out of nowhere, alarms were blaring. Soon he was surrounded by nine men dressed in Halloween costumes. They pulled out their cursed butter knifes to stabbed the man but stop in their tracks when they hear, "We save you." They turned their heads and see Dark Magician, The Evil Elf King's Twin Brother, and a blond Vulcan cosplayer.
Dark Magician pulled out his hat and out comes hundred birds that dive bomb their enemies. The good elf hovered five feet into the air and conjured up fireballs and threw them at costume freaks. Magician looked in awe and pulled out a notepad and pen and asked, "What's the trick to your technique? I need to use that for my next show." The elf gave him a look and said, "No tricks, it's actually magic." The escape artist said, "I don't believe you, we all know magic is nothing but smoke and mirrors."
Evil Dude said, "Enough! You will all perish!" The blond cosplayer told him, "No, your the one who will go away." She pulled out her most powerful weapon....A flashlight. She shined in right into his eyes. He screamed, "Ahh, I can't see!" He tumble around while covering his eyes and tripped. He fell down into a deep ravine. She look at the abyss and said, "I don't think he's gone forever, he will come back one day."
Beardboy and his small group arrived at the mountain and meet up with the others. They have finally reclaimed their home again. Whitebeard told the new arrivals that Beardin has change for the worse. He has developed Lizard Sickness. It's a rare disease that makes people very greedy and not care about the world around them.
After an hour of watching their leader go crazy, they got a knock on their front door. It was Poet and several citizens of Paris who recently lost their homes. They come to see if they can offer hospitality and give money to help rebuild their homes. Oh and he mentions some Star Trek cosplayers are here, they say that they believe their pearl necklace is stolen from them and they believe the long name gang took it when they were passing through their town.
Beardin who was extremely greedy doesn't want to part one penny from his vault. He rather waged war against the city of Paris then to be nice guy. Most of the men weren't looking forward to this but they have to defend themselves. Young Guy was given several ketchup packets to shove under his shirt, it will protect him from getting stabbed.
Most of the people from Paris and Trekkie cosplayers camped outside of the mountain, getting ready for the upcoming battle tomorrow morning. Young Guy was unhappy with everything that's going on. So at late at night when everyone is sleeping. He slips out of mountain with the glowing tennisball in his pocket.
Elsewhere, the two magic users were on a sled pulled by rabbits. It stopped at the bottom of Mount Magazine near a camp. Magician gets off the vehicle and waved his friend bye and he rode off. He meets with Poet and Ugly Guy inside a tent who are discussing war strategies. He told them forget trying to have a war with a small group of men with beards because a huge army of Neo Red-Coats and Evil Wolf Furries are coming to invade these lands. They must unite to fight a common foe.
Young Guy came in and met his old ally. He told him about Beardin's Lizard Sickness and he brought the glowing tennisball to use as a bargaining chip.
The next morning, Young Guy slip back with the Beardmen without them noticing. They see a group of people at their doorstep, ready to march. Ugly Guy held up the Glowing Tennisball and offer a trade for some money for relief of the city and return of his pearl necklace.
Young Guy told Beardin Cardboardshield that he gave them the ball. The leader was in shock and feels betrayed on his friend's actions.
Pretty Boy who was nearby heard to what his father said. He walked up to him and said, "Um dad, they didn't stole your necklace." He pulled out of his pocket some jewelry, "I was going to give this to Bowgirl during a date but she and I leave town to chase the beardmen and never had a chance to return it. Plus, it turns out she's head over heels of the one with the 5 o'clock shadow." The young man gave a frown when he finish his sentence.
His father told him,"It's a shame to git rejected or to see the one you like chose some other fella. There may be other gals out there but don't forget, I'm here for you muh boy." His son replied, "Thanks dad. I'm sorry about earlier." The mayor told him, "Aww, come here!" He gave him a big hug. Pretty Boy's face turned red and looked around to all the people around. He said, "Dad please, not in front of everybody."
Just then, they were sounds of mighty trumpets. Coming from the east is a huge of army full of men who never shaved in their lives. The leader is called Coppertoe and he will defend his bredrin from invaders. The Trekkies cosplayers fired their toy crossbows and block out the sun with their darts. The hairy warriors used their catapults to throw nets to stop the legion of darts.
They stopped fighting they suddenly felt an earthquake. The ground cracked open and soon 100 foot tall sandworms came out and roar. Coppertoe told his forces to load water balloons on the catapults. The attack cause the worms to suddenly die because water is poison to them.
One of the cosplayers was heading off on his own, one of his friends notice this and asked, "Why you heading to that worm's backside?" The guy replied, "I got to find it's poop. It will me psychic and have blue eyes." His friend shoot a look at him and said, "Come back here, what you been smoking talking about worm poop like that?" The guy replied, "Well it's from a recent movie that's from a book. I heard one of the actors from that is going to be the lead of that upcoming Star Trek show. I mean please. That ain't going to catch on. It be cancelled real quick."
Everyone in the area heard a completely different trumpet. They saw it was Albino leading armies of Neo-Red Coats and Evil Wolf Furries. The citizens of Paris, the Vulcan cosplayers, and the men with beards put aside their differences to fight their foes. This is The Fight of Five Gangs.
In the present time, Old Guy mention half the time, he was elsewhere, the other is that he was knocked out and didn't see much of the fight. He was told years later on got reports from everyone in the battle. So his new version be far more larger than what's presented than the book in Kind Boy's hand. Moving on the story.
Dozens and dozens of Red Coats held hands and somehow their flesh ripped apart and fuzed with each other, they then formed into a group of giant cyclops. They equipped themselves with catapults on their backs and threw giant dodgeballs at their foes, causing many of the troops to scatter.
Poet told Ugly Guy he needs to check on his family and left him in charge. Young Guy and Magician joined with him as they head off to Paris to defend the city and slay many of their opponents on the way. The musician checked on a locked in storeroom where he told his kids to hide. He told them back then to bring many women and children to fight. When he arrived, he saw them safe and sound. He notice a strange old women in the corner. He grabbed her shoulder and saw it was really Ugly Butler in disguise. He was so disgusted with this man that he told him to leave. He hightail it and went to the streets. Poet followed him to see where he is going. Soon right after, a Cyclops comes marching in and grabs the butler. He bit his head off and threw his body to the ground. Poet shrugs, "Who needs him?"
During present time, Mean Butler cheered that a "Lame excuse of a knockoff" was dead. Back to the story.
The beardmen wanted to help Coppertoe on the battlefield but Beardin rather wants to take his money deeper into the caverns. Beardboy rolled his eyes and left the room for a second, he came back with a bucket of water and splash it on his leader's face. Beardin gave a "I'm awake, I'm awake" expression and was finally cured of his Lizard Sickness. He told everyone to take charge and fight the enemy.
They met up with Coppertoe on the battlefield and see him somehow hurting his foes by headbutting them despite they wearing armored helmets. He pointed to the direction of where the Albino is. They got on a war chariot and head off. Several stayed behind as some of them got behind some of the cyclops and stabbed them in the eye and commanded their recently blinded steeds to attack the foes.
As they were attacking things left and right on their war chariot. They saw the forces of good got reinforcements. Earth Magician, the Bear Furry, and WWII fighter planes joined the battlefield.
The big man in the fursuit slashed at his foes and chomped down on Wolf Furries somehow despite his costume's fangs are just simply plastic.
Earth Magician played with a rope and a knot on it was created when it look like he didn't tie it. He threw it and choked one of the Red Coats to death with it. He grabbed his rope and put it away. As he turned around, he almost bumped into a Red Coat a few feet from him. He nervously pointed his Nerf gun at him. The magic user walked up to the gun and let it press against his chest. The enemy said, "I..I never used one this close before." Earth Magician in a sarcastic playful tone replied, "I should be scared. Your the one with the Nerf gun." The evil man said, "It..It will..kill you." The man in the hat now said, "That's what Nerf Guns are for, pull the trigger, end a life. Makes sense, life killing life." His voice turns dark and sinister, "Go ahead, look me in the eye, pull the trigger, end my life." The enemy freak out and didn't fire. Earth Magician stabs him with a paralyzing drug that was on the tip of his magic wand. He said to his unconscious enemy, "Predictable as ever, Neo Rrrrred Coat."
He opened his mouth wide and suddenly an egg came out. They threw it at some ground forces. He turned around and slowly walked away as the egg explodes behind him and not fazed from the nearby explosion.
The small group of Beardmen arrived at a mountain top where the Albino and his son were last spotted. Whitebeard told them he will stay behind on the war chariot and fired the automatic machine Nerf gun on anyone comes near.
A team of people compose of Beardin, Beardin's brother, Beardboy and his brother as climb to the mountain top. On the way, they spotted Young Guy is there to join them. When they arrived there, the Albino is missing but in his place was a gang of Cave Dweller Mercs. The forces of good clashed in an epic fight scene. Unfortunately Young Guy was knocked unconscious during the fight and didn't see it.
During the chaos of the fight, they notice that Beardboy's brother isn't there. They soon heard, "He's right here." They turn and saw the Albino holding him. He threw his mechanical hand through it's body and threw the lifeless body to the side. In a rage of fury, the beardmen charge to the killer.
Several pterodactyls came in attack the forces of good in the battlefield. With the additions of giant sandworms, Cave Dweller mercs, pterodactyls, magicians, WWII fighter planes, the Albino's son's separate squad of Neo-Red Coats, and a bear Furry. It should be renamed The Fight of Twelve Gangs but people already have a fondness toward the original name.
Pretty Boy hitch a ride on one of the pterodactyls and while hanging upside down, he sliced through fifty opponents in two seconds. One of the beardmen who was watching shouted, "That still counts as one." He fired a dart into the dinosaur's head and landed down on his feet near Beardin's location.
Bowgirl was looking for Beardboy and searching around. Suddenly the Albino's son came to attack her but Beardboy jumps and battles him. However the match ended with the evil one killing the young man. Just then, Pretty Boy pushes the bad guy out of the way and they both fell down on a cliff and landed on a old wooden bridge.
He realized he has no darts left, so he pulls out two butter knife while red coat pulled out a giant Q-tip. He tried to slice at him but the evil one smack one of the butter knifes out of his hand. The red coat got off the bridge from the end and then smashed the bridge into pieces. Pretty Boy jump on several pieces of the bridge as it's slowly falling. It looked like a scene from a platforming video game. As he got back on the same level as the red coat. He jumps up in the air and stabs him in the head with the butter knife, killing him.
Meanwhile, Beardin wield his sword while he clashed against the Albino's dodgeball attach to a rope. They clashed for a few minutes but soon as Beardin's was about to have the upperhand, the leader of the forces of evil stabs the good guy in the chest with his mechanical hand. With the last of his strength, Beardin stab the Albino into his heart, killing him.
Young Guy wakes up from being knocked out and spots the dying Beardin. He apologizes for everything about his Lizard Sickness and called Young Guy a true friend.
The battle was over and everyone had a funeral for Beardin, Beardboy, and his brother. Young Guy, Whitebeard, Bowgirl, and few others broke down in tears.
The citizens of Paris went back to their town and were surprise their houses were repaired like nothing happen. It turns out that some group of people came in and fixed everything. So trying to get money from Mount Magazine was pointless to begin with. Eventfully, everyone forgot the whole thing of their houses getting burn and the entire war. If they do remember it, they think it was a strange dream they had.
Young Guy told his friends goodbye as Magician pulled out two horses out of his hat and the rode off back to Hill Area. Young Guy said goodbye to Magician at the entrance of his area.
He enters his town, only to find out people assume he died and tried to sell his stuff. He sighs and mutters to himself, "My wrenched queer neighbors."
During in the present time. Swordguy II said, "Hey, there is nothing wrong with being queer."
Old Guy said, "But they are queer, I mean he and wife have a grudge on me and want to sell my stuff." Swordguy gave a puzzled look and mutters, "Wait, he and his wife?" Someone whisper into his ear that queer used to mean something else back in the day.
Old Guy told them he manage to get his stuff back.
THE END
Don't worry, there won't be five endings to this.
Don't worry, there won't be five endings to this.
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