You Will Cry... With Godzilla

I'm going to make you watch Godzilla's Revenge....You will cry...That you wasted your time on the entire thing as you see a kid fantasized he's on Monster Island.

*Sighs* Our two main characters and they gave Jr. a dumb Goofy voice.

Note-The first Godzilla film made for kids. You could make the excuse that it's for children and not meant for older viewers but I don't buy it. Thing is that I seen this movie when I was somewhere between 6 to 8 and I hated this movie. When your a kid, there's alot crap you will like and than years later, you look back and see some of the stuff you watch wasn't as great as you thought. This movie however, I saw as a horrible, horrible movie as a young kid. That alone tells you how bad this movie is.

As a young Godzilla fan, I wanted to see Godzilla fight monsters, evil aliens, join up with his buddies, attack cities that were in his way, not see some dumb kid's made up fantasy. You never saw the real Godzilla at all in this movie and it was nothing but a waste of time. Heck, most of the scenes on Monster Island is made of stock footage from earlier films which give you more reasons to hit the fast forward button. They shouldn't dumb it down to kids.

Here's the trailer to the movie

Don't get excited because most of the scenes is recycled stock footage.

I'm going to make you watch the Godzilla movies from the late 60s to early 70s. You cry...When you see a talking Godzilla.

See Godzilla flying.

See Godzilla sliding on his tail.

Note-Most of the sillier Godzilla films can found in the late 60s and early 70s. Some people who may of only seen the early Godzilla films or any of his films from the 90s or 2000s will be in disbelief after seeing any of these scenes.

I'm going to make you watch War of the Gargantuas. You will cry...When you hear the words are stuck in her throat.

My ears hurt!!! That Green Gargantuan needs to hurry up and eat her.

Thank You

Note- War of the Gargantuas is a Toho movie that may or may not be loosely connected to Godzilla. The villain from this film's prequel did show up as one of the members of Godzilla's monster island.

There was one scene where a woman sang on a boat. It didn't sound great IMO.

I recently found out the show called Scooby Doo Mystery Inc. from the late 2000s did an episode as a homage to this movie and actually used the same song. Also fun fact, this movie inspired Brad Pitt to be an actor. I kid you not.

Here's the song if you want to see

You will cry...When you see...The ending. Man it's Toy Story 3 all over again.

Note-I'm not lying. If your really into Godzilla. The entire ending itself is sad to watch.

If that didn't give you the feels, then I'm going to make you watch any of these moments. You will cry when you see....

Shindo's reunion with Godzilla after 50 years after he "saved" him.

How the original Rodan ended.

When baby Mothra meeting it's mom.

Godzilla getting a power boost.

Dr. Serizawa giving Godzilla a power boost.

Or the original Dr. Serizawa with everthing he's going through.

You will cry...when you see Godzilla dies from missiles. Seriously missiles, that's the stupidest thing I ever heard. Who dies from missiles?



Note- The American 1998 remake is hated by the fans. Everything that made Godzilla as he is was not seen in the monster. Missiles would normally bounce off of Godzilla.

It was so bad that Japan quickly made their owned Godzilla movie in less than a year to show America how it's done. Japan made several jokes towards America for the next few years.
"Monsters resembling have been seen in the United States..."
"That wasn't Godzilla?"
"The Americans said it was Godzilla, but all the Japanese scientists denied it."
The movie Final Wars had the American one renamed as Zilla and fought Godzilla. This match only lasted 10 seconds long.
I kid you not, this battle between the two was short

The cartoon sequel was far more better received. It starred the offspring of Zilla and unlike his dad, Junior fights other monsters, shoot atomic breath, and is indestructible.
Here's the trailer if you want to see

I'm going to make you watch Godzilland... You will cry that...

That the G-Man can't count

That Godzilla and Anguirus are fighting over a girl. So much for pals before gals.

That they ruined MechaGodzilla by putting him in a business suit. Great, 1st Bowser, then M.Bison, than the Mandarins, than Eric Sacks as Shredder, now this guy. *shakes fist*

A rapping King Ghidorha

And this pic says it's all.

Note- Godzilland is an obscured OVA or Direct to Video educational series that teaches math and other things. This series may come a shock to people how kiddish it is.

Here's one of the openings of the series if you want to see.

1. You will cry...That you barely see Godzilla.

2. I'm going to make you watch Godzilla fighting the MUTO in Hawaii...You will cry...That you only saw the aftermath.

3. You cry...That it has nothing to do with the Matthew Broderick film.

Man, no one came to see a Godzilla movie to see Godzilla or Bryan Cranston, they came to see Bueller, if he's not here, then what's to point of watching?

4. I'm going to make you watch Godzilla after you watch Avengers: Age of Ultron... You will cry when see Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch kissing.

Eww...Your suppose to be siblings.

Note#1- I see people complain about Godzilla not having enough screen time, especially the casual viewers. People may complain about the Transformers movies focusing on the humans as the actual main characters while the title characters are background characters but the thing is, this is something that's pretty common in alot of Godzilla movies.

Look at look alot the classic films. Humans chitchat, they investigate strange footprints, mysterious caverns, strange islands, meet friendly aliens(who will duped the humans). After the movie is a 3rd or halfway over, Godzilla or another monster will pop up and this is pretty common in alot of the movie. Sometimes you see the villain monster for a while before Godzilla shows up. The Big G himself is more an animal or a force of nature, not a character that the movie would show from start to finish. I would like to see Godzilla more but I'm not going to complain like this the only movie of the entire series that does this.

However people mention most of the Toho movies are an hour and half compared to two full hours. That's 30 extra minutes of still not seeing Godzilla. 

Note#2- Now this is my biggest complaint that this movie is guilty of that the other films don't do. The enemy monster, known as MUTO, shows up in Hawaii. Just then, a large foot stomps on the ground nearby the evil monster. The camera slowly pans up to reveals it's Godzilla. He lets out a roar and....We see the inside of a living room of a kid watching the news report of the battle in Hawaii. The film returns to Hawaii and we saw the aftermath of the fight. Like WTF...I wanted to see that battle.

Note#3- *Sigh* There are people out there who thought this was a sequel to the Matthew Broderick film or they were complaining that Hollywood is rebooting that movie. Does anyone know there's been several Godzilla films from 1999 to 2004? If they want to see a sequel to the 1998 film, go watch the far better cartoon spinoff or watch Final Wars just to see American Godzilla get killed in 10 seconds.

Note#4- I notice that the same actors in the 2nd Avengers film is the same actors who play the married couple in Godzilla. It's kinda funny to think about.

Here's the trailer

1. I'm going to make you watch Shin Godzilla, you cry that Godzilla now some sort of ugly zombie skeleton mutant thing with a face on it's tail.

*spoilers ahead skip to the next section if you don't want to be spoiled*

2. That Godzilla shoots lasers out of it's tail and fins.

WTF. This is the weirdest thing since I seen him slide on his tail in Godzilla vs. Megalon.

3. That Godzilla got defeated by having a kid's butt shoved into his mouth.

You ruined Godzilla. How dare you!!!

Note#1- This is a stand-alone Godzilla movie that re-imagines him in a different way. He does look ugly because he was a rapidly mutating monster that somehow ended up the way he is. He's meant to look like a mutation gone wrong.

*Spoilers ahead, skip to the next movie*

Note#2- He does display new abilities in this movie. I sure if you tell somebody who didn't see this and told them that Godzilla shoots atomic breath out of his tail and fins. They be saying, "WTF!? Are you messing with me?"

Note#3- There was a weird tie-in to the new movie where Shin Godzilla appears in some anime called Crayon Shin-Chan.

Godzilla in the show looks totally awesome in cartoon form. He's wreaking havoc across the city and suddenly... then you see these cartoonish human characters.

The episode ends with the human kids making Godzilla breath in a chemical(That looks similar to the Oxygen Destroyer) and Shin-chan jumps in and, I kid you not, shoves his butt into Godzilla's mouth. This causes Godzilla to morph into a little tiny lizard.

There are some people who did not like this crossover. I admit, it is weird and silly. Well this isn't the 1st time Godzilla had a weird crossover. He had cross paths with basketball player, Charles Barkley.

Yes, this actually happens. There was even a live-action commercial of them as well.

*spoilers ahead on the entire trilogy. Skip to the next section if you don't want to be spoiled.*

I'm going to make you watch the Godzilla Anime Trilogy on Netflix.... You Will Cry!!!...

1. That's it's animated.

2. You only saw Dagahra/Orga/Dogora/Kamacuras for one second.

3. That Anguirus and Rodan appear as one second cameos as their corpses

4. Godzilla is a plant.

5. That you don't see the Godzilla in the entire 1st movie till the very last minute. If Godzilla isn't in the entire thing, than what's the point of watching?

6.That you see MechaGodzilla as a city rather than a giant robot in the 2nd movie. Oh and you don't see Mothra at all.

7.That the epic battle between Godzilla and King Ghidorah wasn't really a fight.

Note#1- Long before anyone actually seen it, people attack the upcoming films, simply because it's not live-action. I remember back in the day, that people hated the 2007 Ninja Turtles movie just for simply because it's not live-action(and the fact it's not what they grew up with). It be like praising Batman v Superman and Suicide Squad but hating on the Dark Knight Returns and Assault on Arkham because they're animated.

Note#2- At the beginning of the movie, they were discussing all the kaiju attacks at the turn of the millennium, it showed several monsters in the background.They have appeared in other Godzilla movies, or Mothra's spinoff series in the 90s. Dogora on the other hand was a monster from a stand-alone movie that's made by Toho. I'm sure there's someone out there complaining they didn't have more screentime.

Note#3- I remember at the time, I heard they were in the upcoming films. When I saw it, they weren't in seen anywhere. I heard they and dozen other monsters were in a tie-in novel called Monster Apocalypse, greatly detailing the history of the world before the events of the three movies.

Eagle-eyed viewers did found Angurius and Rodan's skeleton remains when it showed the Great Wall of China at the beginning of the 1st movie. Geez, it's bad enough to see Godzilla die in 1995, now I have to see their skeletons. That's mess up.

Note#4- There was a some backlash on the re-imagining of Godzilla. The Big-G was a more of a giant plant that resembles a giant lizard.

Note#5- There group of people throughout the 1st movie are hunting Godzilla. They found him and use a strategy to kill him, it worked. Then they realized that wasn't Godzilla they kill but an offspring of him. Suddenly, the real Godzilla appears and far more larger and far more deadly and he's mad that his offspring is killed.

Note#6- MechaGodzilla was hinted at the beginning of the 1st movie but wasn't made operational. The 2nd movie which is 20,000 years into the future showed what happen to to Mecha-G. The Nanometal from it's body formed a big city.

Sadly, this is all that you see of MechaGodzilla.

There is concept art of MechaG as a bi-petal giant robot but it wasn't meant to be.

Mothra is sort of in the 2nd and 3rd movie but she's inside an egg and still not born. She can communicate to a pair of twins despite not being born yet.

Well look on the bright side, you see MechaG in full glory in Ready Player One with him fighting Gundam and the Iron Giant.

Note#7-

King Ghidorah in this trilogy is a god-like being who exist in a different dimension. The rules of our dimension don't effect him and he bite into Godzilla and they float in the air. One of the humans destroyed a certain bead which made Ghidorah be affected by the rules of our dimension, soon Godzilla fired his atomic breath and shortly after, the golden dragon is dead.

Here's the trailer if you want to see

1. You will cry...On Mothra's new design.

*Spoilers ahead, you been warned*
2. That Rodan is a traitor.

3. Godzilla using one of Ghidorha's heads as a cigar.




Note#1- While most of the designs were loved, Mothra was the only one people complain and nickname here MINO.(Mothra in name only)


Note#2- Rodan is usually on Godzilla's side in most movies. Him working with King Ghidorha was surprising.


Note#3- At the end, when Ghidorha was destroyed, only one of his three heads remained. Godzilla grabbed in it's mouth and fling it around and then destroyed it with his atomic breath. Alot people joked that he is using Ghidorha's head as a cigar.

Future updates on the You Will Cry section.

I'm planing on adding new entries to the You Will Cry section. Most of the entries are based on year release but let's say you wanted to see all the Godzilla related stuff or some other franchise. You don't have to click 20 different links on just to see your favorite franchise getting mention in this section. Some of it is copied and pasted from the other You Will Crys while some new stuff is going to be added.

The Group's Quest From Hill Area And Then Go To Mount Magazine To Kill A Monstrous Reptile And Reclaim Their Home: Behind the scenes and other facts

Click here to read the story

The story is meant to be a parody of the Hobbit trilogy with a few references to the book and animated movie from the 1970s.


At the time I originally wrote the Copper Ring Saga, 1st drafts back a decade ago and years later when I posted on this blog, as well as finally getting off my butt and posting parts 2+3 of the Copper Ring saga. I really didn't intend to make a story based on the Hobbit. After I posted part 3, I wonder if I should do a parody of the Hobbit.

I basically wrote back in the Copper Ring saga that were meant to be references to the Hobbit(the book before the Peter Jackson's versions existed). Those referances ended up in the Hobbit parody. Things like Old/Young Guy kicked a lizard off of Mount Magazine. I figure I work with that, "Smaug" was a harmless lizard and the beardmen have Lizardphobia. I hope most people forgot that reference I made back from the Copper Ring saga and follow the hype of the monstrous reptile and other reptilian things, only to see a tiny harmless lizard.

Yeah, this be the 1st story I wrote that Chris isn't the main character. The Copper Ring saga points out that Old Guy had an adventure way way back in the past where it's impossible for Chris to be in it. I figure make the story be told from Old Guy at a party.

I didn't want to make characters from the Copper Ring too old like Pretty Boy and Magician. I figure they be teens when I'm writing this parody but I didn't want to make Old/Young Guy too young. So I decided to make the story take place around mid-1980s-ish.

I don't really intend to make the character have big hair or have shoulder pads. I just needed a placement for the story in the timeline. You can use your imagination if you want on who has these trends and styles, or you could imagine them how you saw them in the movies. It's up to you.

The beardmen retreating to Blue Mountain is both an intended reference to both the book/movie and an Arkansas location. In the book/movie(s), they did retreat to Blue Mountains. As I was writing the parody, I was playing with Google maps and found out there is an actually place called Blue Mountain that is right next to Mount Magazine.

"I am Magician and Magician means me." Suddenly, Lightning flashed in the sky even tho it was a nice sunny morning.

That was based on the animated movie from 1977. Gandalf's introduction was over the top with cheesy lightning the background.

I had to find a music genre to make fun of while parodying the Misty Mountains song. I can't do country because it's actually normal in certain areas in Arkansas, especially in the Ozarks. Since it's in the 80s, I can't make fun of dubstep or autotune. MJ was the king of pop at the time and most people say the best music came from the 80s. I thought about using heavy metal with loud screaming but I ended up using rap and using all the it's cliches.

Yes, Flippin and Booger Hallow are actual locations here in Arkansas. I pick them on purpose for the sake of putting silly names that actually exist.

One mention they should of took the long way to Harrison and met some singers. That was a reference to Tom Bombadil. In the movie, they went straight to Bree but in the novel, they took a mighty long long time to reach Bree and met a weird singing man. Harrison was a stand-in for Bree.

I don't think the internet slang the internet trolls were speaking existed in the 80s. It may not be historically accurate but I needed them to speak Lolspeak for the sake of comedy. However you could say that sites they were on got deleted and forgotten in the pages of internet history. Only to be re-invented later on.

In the novel, the troll's purse did speak, "Ere, 'oo are you?" The novel was originally conceived as a children's novel and despite some references, it was separate from J.R.R Tolkien's other works of Middle-Earth, only to be retcon into the same universe when he started writing the LOTR books. The bizarre talking purse is very out there in the world of Middle-Earth.

The Vulcan cosplayer who was playing on a flute was originally singing the theme of Star Trek: The Next Generation. I then realize it puts the story to the later 1980s, plus people's opinions of that show were different at the time. People react and say that Star Trek is RUINED FOREVER and it doesn't have Kirk, Spock, and Bones. The show's 1st two seasons weren't as good but it did got better later on and become a well beloved show that lasted 7 seasons, 4 TNG-era movies, and several spinoffs that had Star Trek on television for nearly two decades. It's funny how to see how people react back in the day.

Yeah, I admit the rubbing lemon juice on the map to read hidden clues was taken from National Treasure.

The multiple excuses why the WWII fighter planes aren't helping the gang more is based on the eagles. People wondered why the eagles help the dwarfs or the fellowship and take them straight to their destination. Multiple stuff was said why they can't help them more often. This was said back when J.R.R was still alive and he said they are not a taxi service.


Kind Boy wondering and asking about stuff that wasn't in Old Guy's original book is based on the Hobbit Trilogy. Lord of the Rings was three books and the Hobbit is one book. One book that got stretch to three movies with alot stuff added that wasn't present in the original. Stuff like Radagast the Brown, Legolas, Tauriel, Necromancer(Sauron), A good chunk of Lake town.

Some stuff wasn't completely made up. J.R.R did write alot stuff for Middle-Earth. Radagast exists is one thing. You could argue Legolas was in the Hobbit as one of the nameless Elves because that is his home and the king is his dad. In the Hobbit novel, Gandalf randomly just decided to leave Bilbo for no reason. J.R.R wanted them separate just to make Bilbo grow as a hero. It was explain in other works he and other wizards are dealing with the Necromancer.

I said Pretty Boy came from Ozark National Forest from the Copper Ring saga. So that ended up as the dark forest where the spiders and wood elves are.

The idea of Thranduil aka Legolas' father as a ugly man came from the 1977 animated movie. I kid you not, he was an ugly blue-skin man that skinny to the bones with a thick German accent.

Originally, they went down the Mulberry river instead of Big Piney Creek. I was looking for a river that goes somewhere from the center of the Ozark National Forest to the Arkansas River. I changed it because it's closer to both Jasper and Paris.

I admit, I cannot take a name like Bard seriously. I sort of based on Poet on both Bard and Edward the (spoony)bard from Final Fantasy 4.

When the 3rd Hobbit movie came out after a year of waiting, the main villain dies after ten minutes the movie starts. I joked if people walked out since the main opponent is dead. The movie still had alot story to tell with the Battle of the Five Armies.

The giant worms were in the 3rd Hobbit movie. They show up to attack and disappeared. I at least told they got killed real quick, wrapping that up instead of forgetting about it. The whole thing about they being weak to water and their poop being magical is based on novel turned early 80s movie, Dune. Patrick Stewart was one of the characters before he became famous as Picard in Star Trek.

Rich Lord and Ugly Butler being are purposely treated terribly because they were based on the Jar-Jars of the Hobbit trilogy. Alfrid was killed off in a silly matter in the extended edition.

Earth Wizard is based on Sylvester McCoy's Radagast as well as the actor's famous other role, the 7th Doctor. I included scenes that was based on the 7th Doctor.

Everyone who seen the Hobbit asked who are the five armies. If you read the book, it's tells you that it's Men from Lake Town, Wood Elves, Dwarves, Orcs, and Wargs. However in the movies, the talking evil wolves were simply the orcs non-talking CGI steeds. From what I read, Azog's son was leading a seperate group of orcs, which makes up the 5th army. Viewers point out all the others who joined the fight.

If you read all my other stories, all the damage that happens is repaired overnight like nothing happen. The stories are meant to take place in the real world with the muggles of our world are unaware what happen. However it is a plotpoint within the 3rd Hobbit movie that people want their towns restored, I figure I make the citizens of the burn down houses go out before the mysterious repairs happen.

In the book, there was alot of words in there that had a completely different meaning back in the day. You be hearing about queer people, or Frodo throwing faggots into the fire. Back when the movies were out, everyone made fun of Frodo and Sam's overly affection of friendship. Then you read the books and you see all this dialogue.

The Group's Quest From Hill Area And Then Go To Mount Magazine To Kill A Monstrous Reptile And Reclaim Their Home: Chapter 3

View Chapter 2

After telling the part where he kicked off the lizard off the mountain, Old Guy announce it was break time. After ten minutes, he was ready to resume the story.


Everyone in Paris is freaking out on the sight of a harmless little lizard. They try to kill it with fire but in doing so, they accidentally burn down some houses. Rich Lord tried to leave town by grabbing all his money and hopped on a motor boat. Unluckily for him, the weight of the all that money cause his boat to sink to the bottom of the Arkansas River, killing him.

The city decided that Poet should be release from prison and slay the evil demon that's attacking their town. His three children try to get him out of his cell but when they found him, they see him curdled up in a corner. "Leave me be. I'm nothing but a coward, I'm just going to sulk here." His eldest daughter grabs him by the collar and slaps him in the face. She told him, "You spoony bard, your a man aren't you, a grown man. So stand up."

He got up to his feet and told his family that the beast may be hard to kill. They need their strongest weapon they have. He led them back to his home. "I have something that will vanquish the demon. I do it with my strongest dart I have, the black dart." He grabs a tiny object that was hidden in the ceiling and loaded it to a toy crossbow. His son said, "Dad, I think just a dart that's spray painted black. I don't think it's special."

Poet went out with his loaded weapon. In the middle of the street, he spotted the lizard crawling around. The poet took a deep breath, aimed his weapon and fired. The suction cup hit the reptile on the nose and it suddenly died.


Meanwhile in present day. Everyone was getting up from their seats. Old Guy was asking where they are going. Gardener told him that the main villain is dead, the story is over, time to leave. Old Guy said, "You got to be kidding me, we just got back from our break. There's still plenty of story left to be told." Eventually, he got everyone back into the room and he continue where he left off.


Beardboy has recovered from his injury from the barrel riding adventure. He and the other beardmen that were left behind now planned to meet up with the others at Mount Magazine. Before he went, he stared deeply into Bowgirl's eyes. He said to her, "Oh beautiful maiden, I see you still carry the runestone I gave to you my apple pie." She called him blueberry muffin. He called her PB and Jelly. She called him strawberry cheesecake. While all the others who were listening rolled their eyes.


All the people who lost their homes wonder what to do. Poet grabbed their attention and pulled out his harp and sang a tale of his friends who traveled to Mount Magazine who has all the money to help rebuild their homes.


Meanwhile at an underground cavern near Booger Hallow. A guard is on patrol and checked on his prisoner, only to find an empty cage. He wondered what happened and search the cage, he found a calling card there. It reads, stage magician and escape artist. The guard threw the card down and thought to himself, No wonder. A guy like him can easily escape.


Magician was on his way out of the cave when out of nowhere, alarms were blaring. Soon he was surrounded by nine men dressed in Halloween costumes. They pulled out their cursed butter knifes to stabbed the man but stop in their tracks when they hear, "We save you." They turned their heads and see Dark Magician, The Evil Elf King's Twin Brother, and a blond Vulcan cosplayer.

Dark Magician pulled out his hat and out comes hundred birds that dive bomb their enemies. The good elf hovered five feet into the air and conjured up fireballs and threw them at costume freaks. Magician looked in awe and pulled out a notepad and pen and asked, "What's the trick to your technique? I need to use that for my next show." The elf gave him a look and said, "No tricks, it's actually magic." The escape artist said, "I don't believe you, we all know magic is nothing but smoke and mirrors."

Evil Dude said, "Enough! You will all perish!" The blond cosplayer told him, "No, your the one who will go away." She pulled out her most powerful weapon....A flashlight. She shined in right into his eyes. He screamed, "Ahh, I can't see!" He tumble around while covering his eyes and tripped. He fell down into a deep ravine. She look at the abyss and said, "I don't think he's gone forever, he will come back one day."


Beardboy and his small group arrived at the mountain and meet up with the others. They have finally reclaimed their home again. Whitebeard told the new arrivals that Beardin has change for the worse. He has developed Lizard Sickness. It's a rare disease that makes people very greedy and not care about the world around them.

After an hour of watching their leader go crazy, they got a knock on their front door. It was Poet and several citizens of Paris who recently lost their homes. They come to see if they can offer hospitality and give money to help rebuild their homes. Oh and he mentions some Star Trek cosplayers are here, they say that they believe their pearl necklace is stolen from them and they believe the long name gang took it when they were passing through their town.

Beardin who was extremely greedy doesn't want to part one penny from his vault. He rather waged war against the city of Paris then to be nice guy. Most of the men weren't looking forward to this but they have to defend themselves. Young Guy was given several ketchup packets to shove under his shirt, it will protect him from getting stabbed.

Most of the people from Paris and Trekkie cosplayers camped outside of the mountain, getting ready for the upcoming battle tomorrow morning. Young Guy was unhappy with everything that's going on. So at late at night when everyone is sleeping. He slips out of mountain with the glowing tennisball in his pocket.


Elsewhere, the two magic users were on a sled pulled by rabbits. It stopped at the bottom of Mount Magazine near a camp. Magician gets off the vehicle and waved his friend bye and he rode off. He meets with Poet and Ugly Guy inside a tent who are discussing war strategies. He told them forget trying to have a war with a small group of men with beards because a huge army of Neo Red-Coats and Evil Wolf Furries are coming to invade these lands. They must unite to fight a common foe.

Young Guy came in and met his old ally. He told him about Beardin's Lizard Sickness and he brought the glowing tennisball to use as a bargaining chip.

The next morning, Young Guy slip back with the Beardmen without them noticing. They see a group of people at their doorstep, ready to march. Ugly Guy held up the Glowing Tennisball and offer a trade for some money for relief of the city and return of his pearl necklace.

Young Guy told Beardin Cardboardshield that he gave them the ball. The leader was in shock and feels betrayed on his friend's actions.


Pretty Boy who was nearby heard to what his father said. He walked up to him and said, "Um dad, they didn't stole your necklace." He pulled out of his pocket some jewelry, "I was going to give this to Bowgirl during a date but she and I leave town to chase the beardmen and never had a chance to return it. Plus, it turns out she's head over heels of the one with the 5 o'clock shadow." The young man gave a frown when he finish his sentence.

His father told him,"It's a shame to git rejected or to see the one you like chose some other fella. There may be other gals out there but don't forget, I'm here for you muh boy." His son replied, "Thanks dad. I'm sorry about earlier." The mayor told him, "Aww, come here!" He gave him a big hug. Pretty Boy's face turned red and looked around to all the people around. He said, "Dad please, not in front of everybody."


Just then, they were sounds of mighty trumpets. Coming from the east is a huge of army full of men who never shaved in their lives. The leader is called Coppertoe and he will defend his bredrin from invaders. The Trekkies cosplayers fired their toy crossbows and block out the sun with their darts. The hairy warriors used their catapults to throw nets to stop the legion of darts.

They stopped fighting they suddenly felt an earthquake. The ground cracked open and soon 100 foot tall sandworms came out and roar. Coppertoe told his forces to load water balloons on the catapults. The attack cause the worms to suddenly die because water is poison to them.

One of the cosplayers was heading off on his own, one of his friends notice this and asked, "Why you heading to that worm's backside?" The guy replied, "I got to find it's poop. It will me psychic and have blue eyes." His friend shoot a look at him and said, "Come back here, what you been smoking talking about worm poop like that?" The guy replied, "Well it's from a recent movie that's from a book. I heard one of the actors from that is going to be the lead of that upcoming Star Trek show. I mean please. That ain't going to catch on. It be cancelled real quick."


Everyone in the area heard a completely different trumpet. They saw it was Albino leading armies of Neo-Red Coats and Evil Wolf Furries. The citizens of Paris, the Vulcan cosplayers, and the men with beards put aside their differences to fight their foes. This is The Fight of Five Gangs.


In the present time, Old Guy mention half the time, he was elsewhere, the other is that he was knocked out and didn't see much of the fight. He was told years later on got reports from everyone in the battle. So his new version be far more larger than what's presented than the book in Kind Boy's hand. Moving on the story.

Dozens and dozens of Red Coats held hands and somehow their flesh ripped apart and fuzed with each other, they then formed into a group of giant cyclops. They equipped themselves with catapults on their backs and threw giant dodgeballs at their foes, causing many of the troops to scatter.

Poet told Ugly Guy he needs to check on his family and left him in charge. Young Guy and Magician joined with him as they head off to Paris to defend the city and slay many of their opponents on the way. The musician checked on a locked in storeroom where he told his kids to hide. He told them back then to bring many women and children to fight. When he arrived, he saw them safe and sound. He notice a strange old women in the corner. He grabbed her shoulder and saw it was really Ugly Butler in disguise. He was so disgusted with this man that he told him to leave. He hightail it and went to the streets. Poet followed him to see where he is going. Soon right after, a Cyclops comes marching in and grabs the butler. He bit his head off and threw his body to the ground. Poet shrugs, "Who needs him?"

During present time, Mean Butler cheered that a "Lame excuse of a knockoff" was dead. Back to the story.


The beardmen wanted to help Coppertoe on the battlefield but Beardin rather wants to take his money deeper into the caverns. Beardboy rolled his eyes and left the room for a second, he came back with a bucket of water and splash it on his leader's face. Beardin gave a "I'm awake, I'm awake" expression and was finally cured of his Lizard Sickness. He told everyone to take charge and fight the enemy.

They met up with Coppertoe on the battlefield and see him somehow hurting his foes by headbutting them despite they wearing armored helmets. He pointed to the direction of where the Albino is. They got on a war chariot and head off. Several stayed behind as some of them got behind some of the cyclops and stabbed them in the eye and commanded their recently blinded steeds to attack the foes.

As they were attacking things left and right on their war chariot. They saw the forces of good got reinforcements. Earth Magician, the Bear Furry, and WWII fighter planes joined the battlefield.

The big man in the fursuit slashed at his foes and chomped down on Wolf Furries somehow despite his costume's fangs are just simply plastic.

Earth Magician played with a rope and a knot on it was created when it look like he didn't tie it. He threw it and choked one of the Red Coats to death with it. He grabbed his rope and put it away. As he turned around, he almost bumped into a Red Coat a few feet from him. He nervously pointed his Nerf gun at him. The magic user walked up to the gun and let it press against his chest. The enemy said, "I..I never used one this close before." Earth Magician in a sarcastic playful tone replied, "I should be scared. Your the one with the Nerf gun." The evil man said, "It..It will..kill you." The man in the hat now said, "That's what Nerf Guns are for, pull the trigger, end a life. Makes sense, life killing life." His voice turns dark and sinister, "Go ahead, look me in the eye, pull the trigger, end my life." The enemy freak out and didn't fire. Earth Magician stabs him with a paralyzing drug that was on the tip of his magic wand. He said to his unconscious enemy, "Predictable as ever, Neo Rrrrred Coat."

He opened his mouth wide and suddenly an egg came out. They threw it at some ground forces. He turned around and slowly walked away as the egg explodes behind him and not fazed from the nearby explosion.


The small group of Beardmen arrived at a mountain top where the Albino and his son were last spotted. Whitebeard told them he will stay behind on the war chariot and fired the automatic machine Nerf gun on anyone comes near.

A team of people compose of Beardin, Beardin's brother, Beardboy and his brother as climb to the mountain top. On the way, they spotted Young Guy is there to join them. When they arrived there, the Albino is missing but in his place was a gang of Cave Dweller Mercs. The forces of good clashed in an epic fight scene. Unfortunately Young Guy was knocked unconscious during the fight and didn't see it.

During the chaos of the fight, they notice that Beardboy's brother isn't there. They soon heard, "He's right here." They turn and saw the Albino holding him. He threw his mechanical hand through it's body and threw the lifeless body to the side. In a rage of fury, the beardmen charge to the killer.

Several pterodactyls came in attack the forces of good in the battlefield. With the additions of giant sandworms, Cave Dweller mercs, pterodactyls, magicians, WWII fighter planes, the Albino's son's separate squad of Neo-Red Coats, and a bear Furry. It should be renamed The Fight of Twelve Gangs but people already have a fondness toward the original name.

Pretty Boy hitch a ride on one of the pterodactyls and while hanging upside down, he sliced through fifty opponents in two seconds. One of the beardmen who was watching shouted, "That still counts as one." He fired a dart into the dinosaur's head and landed down on his feet near Beardin's location.

Bowgirl was looking for Beardboy and searching around. Suddenly the Albino's son came to attack her but Beardboy jumps and battles him. However the match ended with the evil one killing the young man. Just then, Pretty Boy pushes the bad guy out of the way and they both fell down on a cliff and landed on a old wooden bridge.

He realized he has no darts left, so he pulls out two butter knife while red coat pulled out a giant Q-tip. He tried to slice at him but the evil one smack one of the butter knifes out of his hand. The red coat got off the bridge from the end and then smashed the bridge into pieces. Pretty Boy jump on several pieces of the bridge as it's slowly falling. It looked like a scene from a platforming video game. As he got back on the same level as the red coat. He jumps up in the air and stabs him in the head with the butter knife, killing him.

Meanwhile, Beardin wield his sword while he clashed against the Albino's dodgeball attach to a rope. They clashed for a few minutes but soon as Beardin's was about to have the upperhand, the leader of the forces of evil stabs the good guy in the chest with his mechanical hand. With the last of his strength, Beardin stab the Albino into his heart, killing him.

Young Guy wakes up from being knocked out and spots the dying Beardin. He apologizes for everything about his Lizard Sickness and called Young Guy a true friend.

The battle was over and everyone had a funeral for Beardin, Beardboy, and his brother. Young Guy, Whitebeard, Bowgirl, and few others broke down in tears.

The citizens of Paris went back to their town and were surprise their houses were repaired like nothing happen. It turns out that some group of people came in and fixed everything. So trying to get money from Mount Magazine was pointless to begin with. Eventfully, everyone forgot the whole thing of their houses getting burn and the entire war. If they do remember it, they think it was a strange dream they had.

Young Guy told his friends goodbye as Magician pulled out two horses out of his hat and the rode off back to Hill Area. Young Guy said goodbye to Magician at the entrance of his area.

He enters his town, only to find out people assume he died and tried to sell his stuff. He sighs and mutters to himself, "My wrenched queer neighbors."

During in the present time. Swordguy II said, "Hey, there is nothing wrong with being queer."

Old Guy said, "But they are queer, I mean he and wife have a grudge on me and want to sell my stuff." Swordguy gave a puzzled look and mutters, "Wait, he and his wife?" Someone whisper into his ear that queer used to mean something else back in the day.

Old Guy told them he manage to get his stuff back.

THE END

Don't worry, there won't be five endings to this.