I wrote the 1st draft of the story a few years ago so there is some differences. If you guys haven't found out what the story is a parody of, it's 300. I was planning to post this story a few months ago but at the time, I saw the 2nd movie on my Netfilx and wondered if I was going to write a sequel when I post it. The movie isn't a year old so this is the 1st story I posted on this blog that's not based on an old draft that I written years ago.
The opening had me eating Taco Bell's cinnamon twists on City Hall's roof instead of eating Arby's curly fries. I don't really eat cinnamon twists as much as I did as a kid.
If I was going to have a parody of 300, the enemy must be from the southeast and the 1st thing that came to my head is the city of Lonoke but it be weird an entire city wants to invade Cabot, Jacksonville, Beebe, etc. I figure make it an empire of an alternate universe with Lonoke as the capital.
The messenger had a Betamax instead of BLDs (Betamax Laser Disc). I wanted toy around with the alternate universe and make the loser in certain product wars be the winner in their universe like Sega and Phillips CD-I are the top video game consoles or the Avatar movie based on the cartoon was a smash hit. I felt it was stupid that the Betamax from the 80s was still around and yet they have next-gen game consoles. I rewrote to BLDs as their universe's DVD or Blu-Ray.
All the countries that surround the Lonokean Empire wasn't in the original. The original draft had the United States itself with a separate country in the middle of the southeast area. I found it silly and decide to have more fun making this universe and thrown in former countries that once existed.
Yes, all the countries around "The Lonokean Empire" actually existed. Like how the south wanted to separate from the US that led to he Civil War. Texas was it's own country before joining the US. The southern coasts of Mississippi, Alabama, and part of Louisiana was it's own country called West Florida. Sadly, the US didn't recognize them and West Florida only exist for two months. France once owned the middle portion what is now part of the US.
Yes I let the messanger live a little longer than the movie I was parodying. Killing the messenger is looked down on people and plus, Chris and the others need to get more info of this invading army.
Metal Guy and Storyteller weren't in the original. I figure I need allies with names. I based them off of two characters in the movie. I found out recently that the younger Magneto in the X-Men movies is the same guy in 300 and sort of based him off the X-Men guy as well. I gave him limited control of metal or otherwise he be too powerful and quickly kill the entire Lonokean army in seconds.
Since my story was a parody of something with swords instead of guns. I had to put in the energy net to explain why we fight in hand-to-hand combat.
Me calling the psychic hotline is based on oracles.
The 1st draft never did poke fun at the lack of clothing or the slo-mo moments.
The entire burning farm scene never happen. I didn't know how to do it since it is a dark and depressing scene. It doesn't help there's no decent size towns and cities between Cabot and Lonoke. I decide to put it in and make it a comical moment.
The whole eating lunch never happen
All the weird enemies like Ninjas, dark mages, and T-rexs were in the 1st draft. I added Vikings and Centaurs.
The entire meeting with Evil Lonokean Emperor never happen. We just went straight to him and fought.
I never had the traitor. I didn't know how to write him at the time. I try to think why would someone betray Arkansas. I figure make him a extreme Sonic fan.
Yes the ending was completely different than what happen in the movie. You can forget it about me getting killed off. Remember in the 3rd Dodgeball story that based on last Matrix film? Same thing happen.
Most of the 2nd movie was mostly navel combat and they didn't fight that many weird enemies like the 1st one. Arkansas isn't the greatest place for navel combat but I remember playing Final Fantasy games and remember all the airships. I figure throw in a bunch references from anything that has to do with ships.
Examples: Zelda The Wind Waker(Captain in a barrel)
Assassin's Creed(Grapeshot),
Mario(Airship courses and the flying clown car),
Captain America(fighting the cyborg assassin in engine room),
Final Fantasy(Eyeball monsters and drilling from 4, jetpack armor soldiers from 6, motorcycles from 8. The giant metal airship was based on the Dreadnought from 2.)
I have a feeling my readers believe the exploding cards is from Gambit from X-men. No, it was based on FMV ending of FF6 and I actually explain this within the story.
Yes, not only I poke fun at the slo-mo(seriously, even a horse was having a moment in slo-mo), but the sex scene as well. Seriously that was like the most random sex scene ever. The main character of the movie went ahead and have sex with the enemy commander but said no on the deal of surrendering. o.0 So he only went ahead on half the deal because he was feeling horny or something.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Monday, March 9, 2015
Cabotians vs. The Lonokeon Empire: Attack of the Searcian Airship Fleet
Here's the sequel to Cabotians vs. The Lonokeon Empire. Yes, it's a parody of a certain movie alot with a few other things. Well enjoy.
It's been two days since we killed the Evil Lonokeon Emperor and send his troops packing. Me and my allies got together and ate out at Golden Corral in North Little Rock for celebration of our victory.
During our feast, a group of Beebeians enter the restaurant to join with us. I saw one man and said, "Hey your the Hero of Beebe as I heard. Why not come and sit down here at this table." The guy smile and sat down across me. I got up and said in a excited tone, "Let me get us cups of root beer." After getting our drinks, I sat back down at the table. He said, "Thanks, I have something I need to to you." I quickly said back to man, "Yeah, I need to hear your battle. I heard you defeated the enemy leader of the group that was attacking Beebe from the northeast." He said nervously, "Well that's what I was't going to tell you but alright, I tell my tale of the battle against the Lonokeans"
The Hero of Beebe told me while Cabotians and Jacksonvillians fought against the Lonokeons from the south, there was a separate group of their forces marching from the northeast. The leader of this group was called The Duke of Searcy, who serves under the Emperor of the Lonokeon Empire. I heard from the guy how he and several other Beebeians slowly ran towards their opponents while the Lonokeons did the same. I look at the man weirdly and asked, "Why did you guys ran slowly?" The Hero replied in a excited tone, "Because it was cool-looking! Even our own horse move slowly in battle, and it looked totally awesome!" Still looking at him weirdly, I said, "Your lucky that they move slowly as well or they take advantage of your slow speed and stab you with their foam swords."
The Beebeian continued on with his story. He said he saw one of the Lonokeons' dart guns laying on the ground. He looked up and saw an airship parked on the ground. The Beebeian closes his eyes and fired somewhere on the airship. Lucky for him, the dart hit The Duke of Searcy in the chest, it killed him. The commander of the airship fleet named Evil Lonokean Swordwoman witness the death of the Duke. She gave a shout to all the troops to retreat.
All of the Imperial army got on airship and the vehicle took off. By killing the Duke, this man became the Hero of Beebe.
I looked at him and I was surprised and laugh a little, "Wow, you became the hero due to luck itself." I started to remember something the man said earlier. "You said you need to tell me something, correct?" The young man answer, "Yes, well you see is that last night, Evil Lonokean Swordwoman and a few troops came to our group with a white flag in their hands."
I asked, "What did they want?" The young man answer, "She wanted me, the Hero of Beebe, to come to her airship alone. When we got to her quarters, She discuss her plans. She said she gather all the troops that retreated from all the battles that happen two days ago and she is planning an attack on all of us for revenge of of the death of their Emperor. She said she has a huge fleet of airships coming tomorrow at noon."
Hearing this, I said, "Well we be ready for those losers, they will think again if they ever plan to invade Arkansas again. So what else happen at the meeting?" The Hero continue his story, "She said she won't attack if we surrender. She wanted me to tell everyone that we should let them take over all of Arkansas. The next thing I know is she was rubbing her hand on my chest."
I said, "Well any brave Arkansan like you would say no to her." I took a sip of my root beer as the Beebeian said, "What are you talking about? I went ahead and had sex with her." My eyes widen and made me spit out some of my root beer. I looked at him with my jaw wide open and asked, "Did you say you had sex with the commander of the Lonokean Airship Fleet? The man gave a big smile and said excitedly, "I totally did! I'm planning to go to collage next semester. No way I'm going to collage as a virgin. I be loser by then and besides, she was hot. There was no way I'm not going to say no to her."
I asked him, "You know she's the enemy right? Don't tell me you betray all of Arkansas for sex?" The man started to look guilty, "No, I only went ahead just to have sex, I was never planning to surrender. I figure I tell you the news of the coming the invasion." I shoot a mean glare at this so-called hero.
Later at night. Me, "the Hero", several other Cabotians, Beebeians, and Jacksonvillians enter a dark forest. I asked the horny man, "You said you met up with the swordswoman in this forest with a small group of airships is parked here, correct?" The man told us that is correct. He lead us to the parked airships with several guards standing by. Me and few others sneak behind the guards and cover their mouths as we stab them with our foam swords.
With them dead, I wave my hand in the air and all the troops follow me as we enter some of the ships. Me and a small group searched for the captain's quarters. After looking around for a few minutes, we spotted one of the crewmates walking in the hallways. He saw us and ran screaming, "INTRUDERS ON SHIP!" Soon, several doors open and Lonokean soldiers came out of those doors. Luckily for us, these men aren't fully prepare and wearing their pajamas.
We fought against them while the man who announced our presence headed up upstairs. After the men in their PJs were gone, a loud bell was ringing throughout the ships. I sigh and said, "So much for a sneak attack." Me and the others charge to the captain's quarters. We cut down any Lonokean that dare attack us. Soon as we found the captain's room, we busted in. We quickly aimed our weapons towards his neck. We told him to step out on the deck.
When we got to the surface, we heard the sound of propellers moving. I turn to the rest of the ships and saw half of them taking off towards the Northeast direction. As I watch them leave, I was wondering about the rest of the troops who boarded several other ships. I pulled out my walkie talkie and activate it.
"How are you guys doing?" I heard one voice from the communications device said, "I manage to steal one of the ships." Soon after, I heard a few more voices that said the same thing. I smile at the news that we score what seven ships. Sadly, Evil Lonokean Swordwoman was on one of the ships that escape. I turn towards our prisoner, the ship's captain and said, "Now about you."
A few minutes later, the captain was stuffed into a barrel with his head sticking out. We loaded the barrel on a catapult. One of my allies did a 3-second countdown. Each second, the captain's face was getting more and more nervous. Once the countdown ended, the barrel was flung high into the air.
The next morning, all the ships we capture has taken a course to somewhere near Searcy. After ten minutes of flying, a huge fleet of airships was waiting for us. Their numbers seems ten times the size of what we have. We have engaged the enemy.
A group of small airships were coming towards us. I quickly turn the airship's wheel to face them sideways. I gave a shout, "FIRE THE GRAPESHOT!" Soon, hundreds of red and green grapes were fired from the cannons. The pieces of fruit smash into their propellers, causing them to stop running and made their ships fall to the ground.
Our flight to the enemy continue till we encounter something new...Our ship was being boarded by flying eyeball monsters. I turn my head towards "The Hero of Beebe" and shout, "Hey Pervert! Your in command of the ship while I fight these goons." I pulled out a black-colored toy lightsaber and slice at flying eyeball monsters.
After they were done, a new group of enemies were coming... soldiers in some sort of advanced jetpack armor. Several others join me as we fight against these new foes. As my allies slice through the enemy. I put away my toy lightsaber and equip myself with exploding cards. I threw the cards at the flying enemies and watch as the cards destroy their jetpack armors. The perverted man asked, "Hey, your coping off that guy from X-men." I look at him and said, "Not really, I copy off another guy really who happens to have similar weapons."
We continue our battle and bring more ships down. The other airships we capture are also fighting their best. Sadly, we have lost two of our ships so far.
I looked ahead and saw a huge airship parked sideways. The man from Beebe said, "That airship looks heavily armored, I don't think our cannons can destroy it." I replied in a smug tone, "Oh but there is one weapon that will. There's a button on the center of the wheel. Press it!"
He did what I asked and the front of the airship began to open. The front side opened all the way and reveal a giant drill. I pointed my foam sword at the Imperial ship, "FULL SPEED AND CHARGE!" Our ship straight ahead while avoiding their fire. We now then pound into the enemy's ship and drill right through it, breaking the airship into two.
We would smile on our smashing victory but in our view, ahead of us was a large metal airship that was five times the size of ours. As we got nearer and nearer to this behemoth, we heard noises that sound like motorcycles. Our guess turns out to be true because about eight motorcycles jumped from the giant airship and landed on our deck. They pulled out their toy-lightsabers and drove by to chop our heads off. Me and the others pulled out our weapons and counterattack these bikers. We knock them off their bike and stabbed them.
The shadow of the giant airship soon engulfed ours and we were underneath the behemoth. We witness two cargo doors open from the ship's underside. What came out was a large crane that ready to grab our ship. I told the so-called Hero to avoid those claws. We fired our cannons at them but did little to no damage but I did notice something. One of the crane's joints looked a little shiny. I told everyone on the ship to fire on that spot. All the cannons were loaded and fired on that one location. Soon, that crane brake apart. I smile at this and told our ship's pilot. "Take us above their ship."
Our ship went up high above the giant metal ship while avoiding their fire. I put on a parachute and prepare to jump but before I could, the so-called hero asked, "I want to come too. I need to redeem myself and earned the name the Hero of Beebe, I go ahead and let one of the troops take the wheel." I tell him, "Well come aboard then." He put on his gear and jumped off our ship.
We release our chutes land on the giant metal airship's deck. I told the Hero, "We need to find the engine and destroy it. I believe your "girlfriend" is also on this ship so be prepare." We ran across the deck. Sadly for us, the place is built like an obstacle course. We had to dodge flamethrowers, human-sized bullets with angry faces painted on, and human-sized wind-up soldiers. It took us awhile to pass this obstacle course but at the end of the deck was stairs leading down.
We ran down the hallways and entered the engine room but there was a man waiting for us. It was a cyborg assassin. I told the Hero, "Leave this guy to me." The cyborg throw a dodgeball at me but I block the hit by using a sheet of cardboard. I use the cardboard itself as a weapon and threw at him but the cyborg dodged. He pulled out a butter knife attack me. I dodge the attacks and pulled out another cardboard sheet and block his weapon. I than rammed my cardboard into his head. With him fazed, I grabbed his arm and broke it. He dropped his butter knife the ground. As he was getting back up, I grab his weapon and jabbed it into his heart, killing him.
With him out of the way, I pulled out a Nerf Bomb and install it in the generator. I told the Beebeian, "It's set up ten minutes. Let's get out of here."
We headed back out to the deck but when we got there, we saw Evil Lonokean Swordswoman waiting for us in the air with her flying clown car. She sent the clown car down to slam us but we rolled out of the way in time. Her car flew back into the air. She then threw several human-sized wind-up soldiers at us. I deliver a kick into one of them and it cause to stop working. Thinking of a way to stop the evil woman, I grabbed the wind-up toy that stopped working and threw high in the air, however I missed hitting her. I repeated what I did with another toy and threw again. This time it did hit her and knock her out of the vehicle. With no driver, the clown car fell to the ground and crash into the remaining toys.
Evil Lonokean Swordswoman asked, "I thought you agree to surrender?" The Hero of Beebe replied, "I never agree to surrender to you, I just went ahead for the sex itself." I rolled my eyes hearing this. The woman shouted, "THEN I WILL KILL YOU FOR YOUR TRAITOROUSLY!" She pulled out two foam swords and fought against us. We begin in epic sword clash.
She kicked me in the stomach and cause me to fall down. She then went back to slice at her "boyfriend" and he avoided her blows. She then use a nasty trick by slicing her two foam swords together to create sparks which blinded the Beebeian's eyes. While temporarily blinded, he swung up his foam sword, hoping to kill his opponent. The evil woman block his attack but the might of his swing knock one of her swords out of her hand. She than plan to do a killing blow to his neck but another foam sword block the attack. She turn her head and saw me. She went back to fighting me then. I block her attack drove her sword upper. I saw an opening and drove my weapon into her stomach.
We watch her fall to her knees and die. I pulled out the walkie talkie and told told everyone the commander of the Airship fleet is dead. In one minute, our airship came to the side of this giant metal one. Me and The Hero of Beebe ran to the side and took a large jump. We landed back on ours.
Soon, most of the enemy ships were destroyed and the remaining ships went back to their universe. Failing to invade us twice in a row, the Lonokean Empire learn they were no match for the might of Arkansas. Me and the others raised our foam swords in the air for our victory. We celebrate by getting ice cream.
It's been two days since we killed the Evil Lonokeon Emperor and send his troops packing. Me and my allies got together and ate out at Golden Corral in North Little Rock for celebration of our victory.
During our feast, a group of Beebeians enter the restaurant to join with us. I saw one man and said, "Hey your the Hero of Beebe as I heard. Why not come and sit down here at this table." The guy smile and sat down across me. I got up and said in a excited tone, "Let me get us cups of root beer." After getting our drinks, I sat back down at the table. He said, "Thanks, I have something I need to to you." I quickly said back to man, "Yeah, I need to hear your battle. I heard you defeated the enemy leader of the group that was attacking Beebe from the northeast." He said nervously, "Well that's what I was't going to tell you but alright, I tell my tale of the battle against the Lonokeans"
The Hero of Beebe told me while Cabotians and Jacksonvillians fought against the Lonokeons from the south, there was a separate group of their forces marching from the northeast. The leader of this group was called The Duke of Searcy, who serves under the Emperor of the Lonokeon Empire. I heard from the guy how he and several other Beebeians slowly ran towards their opponents while the Lonokeons did the same. I look at the man weirdly and asked, "Why did you guys ran slowly?" The Hero replied in a excited tone, "Because it was cool-looking! Even our own horse move slowly in battle, and it looked totally awesome!" Still looking at him weirdly, I said, "Your lucky that they move slowly as well or they take advantage of your slow speed and stab you with their foam swords."
The Beebeian continued on with his story. He said he saw one of the Lonokeons' dart guns laying on the ground. He looked up and saw an airship parked on the ground. The Beebeian closes his eyes and fired somewhere on the airship. Lucky for him, the dart hit The Duke of Searcy in the chest, it killed him. The commander of the airship fleet named Evil Lonokean Swordwoman witness the death of the Duke. She gave a shout to all the troops to retreat.
All of the Imperial army got on airship and the vehicle took off. By killing the Duke, this man became the Hero of Beebe.
I looked at him and I was surprised and laugh a little, "Wow, you became the hero due to luck itself." I started to remember something the man said earlier. "You said you need to tell me something, correct?" The young man answer, "Yes, well you see is that last night, Evil Lonokean Swordwoman and a few troops came to our group with a white flag in their hands."
I asked, "What did they want?" The young man answer, "She wanted me, the Hero of Beebe, to come to her airship alone. When we got to her quarters, She discuss her plans. She said she gather all the troops that retreated from all the battles that happen two days ago and she is planning an attack on all of us for revenge of of the death of their Emperor. She said she has a huge fleet of airships coming tomorrow at noon."
Hearing this, I said, "Well we be ready for those losers, they will think again if they ever plan to invade Arkansas again. So what else happen at the meeting?" The Hero continue his story, "She said she won't attack if we surrender. She wanted me to tell everyone that we should let them take over all of Arkansas. The next thing I know is she was rubbing her hand on my chest."
I said, "Well any brave Arkansan like you would say no to her." I took a sip of my root beer as the Beebeian said, "What are you talking about? I went ahead and had sex with her." My eyes widen and made me spit out some of my root beer. I looked at him with my jaw wide open and asked, "Did you say you had sex with the commander of the Lonokean Airship Fleet? The man gave a big smile and said excitedly, "I totally did! I'm planning to go to collage next semester. No way I'm going to collage as a virgin. I be loser by then and besides, she was hot. There was no way I'm not going to say no to her."
I asked him, "You know she's the enemy right? Don't tell me you betray all of Arkansas for sex?" The man started to look guilty, "No, I only went ahead just to have sex, I was never planning to surrender. I figure I tell you the news of the coming the invasion." I shoot a mean glare at this so-called hero.
Later at night. Me, "the Hero", several other Cabotians, Beebeians, and Jacksonvillians enter a dark forest. I asked the horny man, "You said you met up with the swordswoman in this forest with a small group of airships is parked here, correct?" The man told us that is correct. He lead us to the parked airships with several guards standing by. Me and few others sneak behind the guards and cover their mouths as we stab them with our foam swords.
With them dead, I wave my hand in the air and all the troops follow me as we enter some of the ships. Me and a small group searched for the captain's quarters. After looking around for a few minutes, we spotted one of the crewmates walking in the hallways. He saw us and ran screaming, "INTRUDERS ON SHIP!" Soon, several doors open and Lonokean soldiers came out of those doors. Luckily for us, these men aren't fully prepare and wearing their pajamas.
We fought against them while the man who announced our presence headed up upstairs. After the men in their PJs were gone, a loud bell was ringing throughout the ships. I sigh and said, "So much for a sneak attack." Me and the others charge to the captain's quarters. We cut down any Lonokean that dare attack us. Soon as we found the captain's room, we busted in. We quickly aimed our weapons towards his neck. We told him to step out on the deck.
When we got to the surface, we heard the sound of propellers moving. I turn to the rest of the ships and saw half of them taking off towards the Northeast direction. As I watch them leave, I was wondering about the rest of the troops who boarded several other ships. I pulled out my walkie talkie and activate it.
"How are you guys doing?" I heard one voice from the communications device said, "I manage to steal one of the ships." Soon after, I heard a few more voices that said the same thing. I smile at the news that we score what seven ships. Sadly, Evil Lonokean Swordwoman was on one of the ships that escape. I turn towards our prisoner, the ship's captain and said, "Now about you."
A few minutes later, the captain was stuffed into a barrel with his head sticking out. We loaded the barrel on a catapult. One of my allies did a 3-second countdown. Each second, the captain's face was getting more and more nervous. Once the countdown ended, the barrel was flung high into the air.
The next morning, all the ships we capture has taken a course to somewhere near Searcy. After ten minutes of flying, a huge fleet of airships was waiting for us. Their numbers seems ten times the size of what we have. We have engaged the enemy.
A group of small airships were coming towards us. I quickly turn the airship's wheel to face them sideways. I gave a shout, "FIRE THE GRAPESHOT!" Soon, hundreds of red and green grapes were fired from the cannons. The pieces of fruit smash into their propellers, causing them to stop running and made their ships fall to the ground.
Our flight to the enemy continue till we encounter something new...Our ship was being boarded by flying eyeball monsters. I turn my head towards "The Hero of Beebe" and shout, "Hey Pervert! Your in command of the ship while I fight these goons." I pulled out a black-colored toy lightsaber and slice at flying eyeball monsters.
After they were done, a new group of enemies were coming... soldiers in some sort of advanced jetpack armor. Several others join me as we fight against these new foes. As my allies slice through the enemy. I put away my toy lightsaber and equip myself with exploding cards. I threw the cards at the flying enemies and watch as the cards destroy their jetpack armors. The perverted man asked, "Hey, your coping off that guy from X-men." I look at him and said, "Not really, I copy off another guy really who happens to have similar weapons."
We continue our battle and bring more ships down. The other airships we capture are also fighting their best. Sadly, we have lost two of our ships so far.
I looked ahead and saw a huge airship parked sideways. The man from Beebe said, "That airship looks heavily armored, I don't think our cannons can destroy it." I replied in a smug tone, "Oh but there is one weapon that will. There's a button on the center of the wheel. Press it!"
He did what I asked and the front of the airship began to open. The front side opened all the way and reveal a giant drill. I pointed my foam sword at the Imperial ship, "FULL SPEED AND CHARGE!" Our ship straight ahead while avoiding their fire. We now then pound into the enemy's ship and drill right through it, breaking the airship into two.
We would smile on our smashing victory but in our view, ahead of us was a large metal airship that was five times the size of ours. As we got nearer and nearer to this behemoth, we heard noises that sound like motorcycles. Our guess turns out to be true because about eight motorcycles jumped from the giant airship and landed on our deck. They pulled out their toy-lightsabers and drove by to chop our heads off. Me and the others pulled out our weapons and counterattack these bikers. We knock them off their bike and stabbed them.
The shadow of the giant airship soon engulfed ours and we were underneath the behemoth. We witness two cargo doors open from the ship's underside. What came out was a large crane that ready to grab our ship. I told the so-called Hero to avoid those claws. We fired our cannons at them but did little to no damage but I did notice something. One of the crane's joints looked a little shiny. I told everyone on the ship to fire on that spot. All the cannons were loaded and fired on that one location. Soon, that crane brake apart. I smile at this and told our ship's pilot. "Take us above their ship."
Our ship went up high above the giant metal ship while avoiding their fire. I put on a parachute and prepare to jump but before I could, the so-called hero asked, "I want to come too. I need to redeem myself and earned the name the Hero of Beebe, I go ahead and let one of the troops take the wheel." I tell him, "Well come aboard then." He put on his gear and jumped off our ship.
We release our chutes land on the giant metal airship's deck. I told the Hero, "We need to find the engine and destroy it. I believe your "girlfriend" is also on this ship so be prepare." We ran across the deck. Sadly for us, the place is built like an obstacle course. We had to dodge flamethrowers, human-sized bullets with angry faces painted on, and human-sized wind-up soldiers. It took us awhile to pass this obstacle course but at the end of the deck was stairs leading down.
We ran down the hallways and entered the engine room but there was a man waiting for us. It was a cyborg assassin. I told the Hero, "Leave this guy to me." The cyborg throw a dodgeball at me but I block the hit by using a sheet of cardboard. I use the cardboard itself as a weapon and threw at him but the cyborg dodged. He pulled out a butter knife attack me. I dodge the attacks and pulled out another cardboard sheet and block his weapon. I than rammed my cardboard into his head. With him fazed, I grabbed his arm and broke it. He dropped his butter knife the ground. As he was getting back up, I grab his weapon and jabbed it into his heart, killing him.
With him out of the way, I pulled out a Nerf Bomb and install it in the generator. I told the Beebeian, "It's set up ten minutes. Let's get out of here."
We headed back out to the deck but when we got there, we saw Evil Lonokean Swordswoman waiting for us in the air with her flying clown car. She sent the clown car down to slam us but we rolled out of the way in time. Her car flew back into the air. She then threw several human-sized wind-up soldiers at us. I deliver a kick into one of them and it cause to stop working. Thinking of a way to stop the evil woman, I grabbed the wind-up toy that stopped working and threw high in the air, however I missed hitting her. I repeated what I did with another toy and threw again. This time it did hit her and knock her out of the vehicle. With no driver, the clown car fell to the ground and crash into the remaining toys.
Evil Lonokean Swordswoman asked, "I thought you agree to surrender?" The Hero of Beebe replied, "I never agree to surrender to you, I just went ahead for the sex itself." I rolled my eyes hearing this. The woman shouted, "THEN I WILL KILL YOU FOR YOUR TRAITOROUSLY!" She pulled out two foam swords and fought against us. We begin in epic sword clash.
She kicked me in the stomach and cause me to fall down. She then went back to slice at her "boyfriend" and he avoided her blows. She then use a nasty trick by slicing her two foam swords together to create sparks which blinded the Beebeian's eyes. While temporarily blinded, he swung up his foam sword, hoping to kill his opponent. The evil woman block his attack but the might of his swing knock one of her swords out of her hand. She than plan to do a killing blow to his neck but another foam sword block the attack. She turn her head and saw me. She went back to fighting me then. I block her attack drove her sword upper. I saw an opening and drove my weapon into her stomach.
We watch her fall to her knees and die. I pulled out the walkie talkie and told told everyone the commander of the Airship fleet is dead. In one minute, our airship came to the side of this giant metal one. Me and The Hero of Beebe ran to the side and took a large jump. We landed back on ours.
Soon, most of the enemy ships were destroyed and the remaining ships went back to their universe. Failing to invade us twice in a row, the Lonokean Empire learn they were no match for the might of Arkansas. Me and the others raised our foam swords in the air for our victory. We celebrate by getting ice cream.
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Jersey Shore Mid-Season 4 Recap, Thoughts, Review.
A long time ago, some of my friends wanted me to watch three episodes of Jersey Shore. It's like Real World starring Italian-Americans. I looked at the seasons and the show took place in certain areas in each seasons. A few took place in New Jersey, one took place in Florida, and one took place in Florence, Italy. I picked Italy because it is a interesting place to look at.
The first episode I watch is Season 4, Episode 5.
I start watching with little to no knowledge of this show. I remember seeing this Shokie girl on magazines covers from time to time, that's the best knowledge I have.
It starts with this one dude with muscles who has a potty mouth. He all angry at this other dude and throws a bed at him. Geez, He needs a chill pill and a shirt. During the fight, one of the girls said in a monotone voice, “Stop it”. LOL.
The other dude didn't want to fight the big guy. Gee, this guy needs to stand up. Doesn't he remember the story of David vs. Goliath
Not wanting to fight Muscles, the non-violence guy ran into a wall and bash his head into it. However, he didn't know that the Italians made their walls out of solid concrete. This knocks the guy out and got him sent to the hospital.
Everyone in the room was talking about how Muscles never touch the other guy and he got defeated by the wall. I do admit, that is funny. Just because an Italian like Mario likes to bash his head against bricks doesn't mean it's going to work in real life.
Throughout the episode showed the violence dude being emo for his outburst in the 1st seven minutes of the episode. From what I can tell, Violence-now-emo dude has this on and off relationship with one of the girls. The non-violence guy said something to Muscles' love interest that upsets the girlfriend. This news reaches Muscles and go "Hulk Smash" and led to the fight. After the battle, the couple broke up.
Shokie wanted to talk to her boyfriend in the states on her cored phone. Wait a minute, Italy uses cored phones still? It's the early 2010s.
The guy came back from the hospital, wearing a neck brace. You know what’s even funny, he's wearing a hoodie and it says “Head Rush.” Oh the irony. I'm going to call him that from now on. According to Head Rush, he did the head bang because he wanted trick Muscles thinking he's crazy and hoping he walk away.
The girls went out to eat. During their adventure, several local Italians kept saying Che Cosa over and over. What does it mean? *Googles it* It's Italian for "what". So I was saying, What does "what" mean.
The girls came back and mention they want a spray tan but I don’t know why, they have a dark skin tone to begin with.
The episode has the boys going out to party. Muscles debated on bringing a girl home but change his mind and got flowers. The episode ends with the violence-now-emo dude giving flowers to his ex and they argue with each other. It goes on for several minutes. Jeez, they need to make up their minds that their either getting back together or they’re done with each other.
The episode was ok. The relationship moments with Muscles and his girl got annoying. I did get some laughs about the whole wall situation. LOL
Season 4 Episode 6
The intro plays and shows the cast members.
Episode starts and whoa, Muscles has the messiest room I ever seen but what’s funnier is he has a dozen pairs of shoes near his bed. I thought the whole stereotype of shoe collectors are usually girls. Also, is the big guy related to Jacob? Because every few minutes, the guy is shirtless every now and than. I guessing the show runners asked him to do that to increase ratings from female viewers.
I feel sad for the Head Rush guy because he can’t get out of the house due to his neck injury. Some of the others make fun of him. Muscles comes to Head Rush and cheers him up. Despite his angry outburst from the last episode, Muscles does seem like a decent guy.
One guy whose hair is made out of hair gel change his hair style to a faux-mohawk. Next is Mr. Hairgel and Spike Witwicky did this Fist Pump dance. They were so ridiculously silly and over the top during the dance. It was funny to laugh at.
Muscles and Unsweeted discuss about getting back together and Spike comes in and kindly ask them if they relationship drama issues again, do it outside of the house. He doesn't want to see it. I agree because I don't want to be in a tense atmosphere.
Dena brought home a guy and before they can make out, she notice a hickey on his neck. He said bite mark from his sister. Dena got disguised and quickly kick him out of the house. I be looking at him weirdly too.
The episode ends with Snotkie trying to have phone sex with her boyfriend on her cored phone. He gets embarrassed about it and hangs up. This make Snotkie cries. She in denial and believes he still loves her and stuff. She head to her bedroom while continuing to cry.
Gee, we went from annoying tense relationship arguments with muscle dude and Unsweetly to Shoekie and whoever she tries to have phone sex with. Dude, just break up.
The first episode I watch is Season 4, Episode 5.
I start watching with little to no knowledge of this show. I remember seeing this Shokie girl on magazines covers from time to time, that's the best knowledge I have.
It starts with this one dude with muscles who has a potty mouth. He all angry at this other dude and throws a bed at him. Geez, He needs a chill pill and a shirt. During the fight, one of the girls said in a monotone voice, “Stop it”. LOL.
RAWW!!! I WANT TO THROW A BED AT YOU!!!
The other dude didn't want to fight the big guy. Gee, this guy needs to stand up. Doesn't he remember the story of David vs. Goliath
Ok, wrong David and Goliath
Not wanting to fight Muscles, the non-violence guy ran into a wall and bash his head into it. However, he didn't know that the Italians made their walls out of solid concrete. This knocks the guy out and got him sent to the hospital.
Everyone in the room was talking about how Muscles never touch the other guy and he got defeated by the wall. I do admit, that is funny. Just because an Italian like Mario likes to bash his head against bricks doesn't mean it's going to work in real life.
Throughout the episode showed the violence dude being emo for his outburst in the 1st seven minutes of the episode. From what I can tell, Violence-now-emo dude has this on and off relationship with one of the girls. The non-violence guy said something to Muscles' love interest that upsets the girlfriend. This news reaches Muscles and go "Hulk Smash" and led to the fight. After the battle, the couple broke up.
Shokie wanted to talk to her boyfriend in the states on her cored phone. Wait a minute, Italy uses cored phones still? It's the early 2010s.
The guy came back from the hospital, wearing a neck brace. You know what’s even funny, he's wearing a hoodie and it says “Head Rush.” Oh the irony. I'm going to call him that from now on. According to Head Rush, he did the head bang because he wanted trick Muscles thinking he's crazy and hoping he walk away.
The girls went out to eat. During their adventure, several local Italians kept saying Che Cosa over and over. What does it mean? *Googles it* It's Italian for "what". So I was saying, What does "what" mean.
The girls came back and mention they want a spray tan but I don’t know why, they have a dark skin tone to begin with.
The episode has the boys going out to party. Muscles debated on bringing a girl home but change his mind and got flowers. The episode ends with the violence-now-emo dude giving flowers to his ex and they argue with each other. It goes on for several minutes. Jeez, they need to make up their minds that their either getting back together or they’re done with each other.
Hurry up and make your minds
The episode was ok. The relationship moments with Muscles and his girl got annoying. I did get some laughs about the whole wall situation. LOL
Season 4 Episode 6
The intro plays and shows the cast members.
- Mr.Hairgel smiles.
- Snotie dances.
- Head Rush brags about his abs.
- Muscles Maybe-Girlfriend said, "I'm the sweetest b**** you know." You know calling yourself that makes you less sweet.
- The Unsweet's Maybe-Boyfriend laughs.
- JWho said she rips heads off after having sex with a guy. Is she part-Black Widow or something?
- This other guy who looks like Spike Witwicky from the Transformers movies with a shaved head, wiggle his eyebrows.
- Dena brags about her boobs.
Episode starts and whoa, Muscles has the messiest room I ever seen but what’s funnier is he has a dozen pairs of shoes near his bed. I thought the whole stereotype of shoe collectors are usually girls. Also, is the big guy related to Jacob? Because every few minutes, the guy is shirtless every now and than. I guessing the show runners asked him to do that to increase ratings from female viewers.
I feel sad for the Head Rush guy because he can’t get out of the house due to his neck injury. Some of the others make fun of him. Muscles comes to Head Rush and cheers him up. Despite his angry outburst from the last episode, Muscles does seem like a decent guy.
One guy whose hair is made out of hair gel change his hair style to a faux-mohawk. Next is Mr. Hairgel and Spike Witwicky did this Fist Pump dance. They were so ridiculously silly and over the top during the dance. It was funny to laugh at.
Muscles and Unsweeted discuss about getting back together and Spike comes in and kindly ask them if they relationship drama issues again, do it outside of the house. He doesn't want to see it. I agree because I don't want to be in a tense atmosphere.
Dena brought home a guy and before they can make out, she notice a hickey on his neck. He said bite mark from his sister. Dena got disguised and quickly kick him out of the house. I be looking at him weirdly too.
The episode ends with Snotkie trying to have phone sex with her boyfriend on her cored phone. He gets embarrassed about it and hangs up. This make Snotkie cries. She in denial and believes he still loves her and stuff. She head to her bedroom while continuing to cry.
Gee, we went from annoying tense relationship arguments with muscle dude and Unsweetly to Shoekie and whoever she tries to have phone sex with. Dude, just break up.
Episode was goes from ok, to boring, to funny(fist pump), to annoying.
Season 4 Episode 7
So they work at a Pizzeria, I don't know why, I'm pretty sure get enough money for just being on TV. After they are done with their job, they go to a beach.
At the bench, they ate out and, Eww! An old dude with a speedo walked by. Oh my poor eyes. No one wants to see that.
The show will censor brands that doesn't have sponsorship but I saw a coke-coke machine in the background. What's funny is they are barley trying to censor the Coke-Cola logos. It’s like they added one pixel on top of the logo and act like I can’t recognized it. That's more fun to look at than the cast goofing around.
At the bench, they ate out and, Eww! An old dude with a speedo walked by. Oh my poor eyes. No one wants to see that.
The show will censor brands that doesn't have sponsorship but I saw a coke-coke machine in the background. What's funny is they are barley trying to censor the Coke-Cola logos. It’s like they added one pixel on top of the logo and act like I can’t recognized it. That's more fun to look at than the cast goofing around.
I don't know why the Shoekiy and Dena called themselves "The Meatballs". I can understand if the guys called themselves that if want to brag about their "Italian Meatballs." I recently Googled it and it a phrase for girls that are short and shout. I never heard this phrase in my entire life but Jersey Shore is full of slang and weird lingo like GTL(Gym, Tan, Laundry)
The "Meatballs" got drunk off their butts. I really didn't care about the girls getting drunk for 5 straight minutes but I smile when one of them fell in a pile of bushes.
One of them compare the bush scene to the Wall situation. I disagree, The Head Rush moment is still the highlight of these three episodes in my opinion.
The "Meatballs" got drunk off their butts. I really didn't care about the girls getting drunk for 5 straight minutes but I smile when one of them fell in a pile of bushes.
One of them compare the bush scene to the Wall situation. I disagree, The Head Rush moment is still the highlight of these three episodes in my opinion.
One girl said, “This is like the Twilight Show”, Dude don’t compare this to Twilight show. Reality shows like this has nothing to do with classic sci-fi horror.
The gang went to a restaurant and eat out. "The Meatballs" got really drunk and dance like crazy. Dena dance till her underwear fell off. No literary, her underoos slide down pass her skirt.
I was wondering if Snotky and Dena are going lez for each other throughout the episode. After eating out, they got in the car and the two girls made out with each other for many many hours. They went to their beds together. They wake up the next morning and don't remember what happen. I don't know if the two did anything XXX related since it was offscreen and the two don't remember.
Snotky tells her boyfriend on her cored phone about the event and he acts nice for once. Does he have a split personality? The guy acted like a jerk to his GF throughout these episodes.
Episodes ends with the two lesbians driving around till they hit a car. A cop car I might add. They got arrested and went to jail. I found the episode boring.
My friends wanted me to watch three episodes but I decided to watch the 2nd half of the next episode. The two girls must of got out of jail in the 1st half.
Season 4 Episode 8 2nd-half
The boyfriend that we heard from the cored phone came over to Italy. The couple is happy to see each other. The gang go out to a club. The long distance couple dance together. Shokie started to dance all sexual which upsets and embarrasses the boyfriend. He quickly leaves her and goes back to his apartment to pick up his belongings and return to his home. *rolls eyes* They should of broke up a long time ago. If he didn't want a girl was going to be skanky-like and be a big drunkard, he should broken up with her since the beginning. Also your in freaking Italy. You took the time to make a plane trip to the other side of the world and your only in it to brake up with your GF after she embarrass you. You are an idiot. I would at least enjoy my vacation and look at all the artwork of the Ninja Turtles' Namesakes or something.
The next ten minutes have The-girl-I-purposely-misspell-and-didn't-bother-to-look-up-JerseyShorePedia-to-know-how-to-spell-her-name walks down the streets and screaming, "WHERE'S MY BOYFRIEND?!" over and over. Ah, I think he just dumped you. These two have ended up as my least favorites.
From what I heard, the on and off couple stop having their annual brake ups and actually stay as a couple. That's good. Another thing I heard is Shokie does end up marrying the idiot boyfriend. *rolls eyes* You got to be kidding me.
I'm not a fan of realities like this. Half the characters are annoying and you watch them get simply get drunk. The show does have it's funny moments from time to time but it's very few. Like how the one guy went to battle the big guy but got defeated by a wall and later wore a hoodie that says "Head Rush" or that over the top dance scene. Most of show was only showed on the places I mention so you don't explore Italy that much. You have better luck playing Assassin's Creed 2.
Well see ya next time.
The gang went to a restaurant and eat out. "The Meatballs" got really drunk and dance like crazy. Dena dance till her underwear fell off. No literary, her underoos slide down pass her skirt.
I was wondering if Snotky and Dena are going lez for each other throughout the episode. After eating out, they got in the car and the two girls made out with each other for many many hours. They went to their beds together. They wake up the next morning and don't remember what happen. I don't know if the two did anything XXX related since it was offscreen and the two don't remember.
Snotky tells her boyfriend on her cored phone about the event and he acts nice for once. Does he have a split personality? The guy acted like a jerk to his GF throughout these episodes.
Episodes ends with the two lesbians driving around till they hit a car. A cop car I might add. They got arrested and went to jail. I found the episode boring.
My friends wanted me to watch three episodes but I decided to watch the 2nd half of the next episode. The two girls must of got out of jail in the 1st half.
Season 4 Episode 8 2nd-half
The boyfriend that we heard from the cored phone came over to Italy. The couple is happy to see each other. The gang go out to a club. The long distance couple dance together. Shokie started to dance all sexual which upsets and embarrasses the boyfriend. He quickly leaves her and goes back to his apartment to pick up his belongings and return to his home. *rolls eyes* They should of broke up a long time ago. If he didn't want a girl was going to be skanky-like and be a big drunkard, he should broken up with her since the beginning. Also your in freaking Italy. You took the time to make a plane trip to the other side of the world and your only in it to brake up with your GF after she embarrass you. You are an idiot. I would at least enjoy my vacation and look at all the artwork of the Ninja Turtles' Namesakes or something.
The next ten minutes have The-girl-I-purposely-misspell-and-didn't-bother-to-look-up-JerseyShorePedia-to-know-how-to-spell-her-name walks down the streets and screaming, "WHERE'S MY BOYFRIEND?!" over and over. Ah, I think he just dumped you. These two have ended up as my least favorites.
From what I heard, the on and off couple stop having their annual brake ups and actually stay as a couple. That's good. Another thing I heard is Shokie does end up marrying the idiot boyfriend. *rolls eyes* You got to be kidding me.
I'm not a fan of realities like this. Half the characters are annoying and you watch them get simply get drunk. The show does have it's funny moments from time to time but it's very few. Like how the one guy went to battle the big guy but got defeated by a wall and later wore a hoodie that says "Head Rush" or that over the top dance scene. Most of show was only showed on the places I mention so you don't explore Italy that much. You have better luck playing Assassin's Creed 2.
Well see ya next time.
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Cabotians vs. The Lonokeon Empire Chapter 3
View Chapter 2
The empire sent more units against us. One was a group of vikings. These raiders from thousand years ago were no match from the forces of Arkansas. The vikings sent their pet Triceratops at us. I watch Storyteller threw a pool noodle at dinosaur and killed it on the spot. Another unit was a group of dark mages. They attack with fireballs and lightning bolts. Even they weren't a match for us. The empire sent a trio of cloned T-Rexes. We stab their legs and watch them fall.
We rested for a while at a campfire. One of our scouts we sent out has came back. He told us that one of the people we try to recruit when the threat of the Lonokeon invasion was 1st announce has betrayed us and told the emperor our location. He will send his army to surround from all sides. It fear that our next battle will our last day on Earth. We already lost ten of our men since the battle started. One man that's above the age of 40 was grieving for the lost of his son who was one of the ten people we lost. I notice Storyteller has lost his eye from an earlier battle. He told me that losing an eye isn't a big deal to him. I asked him to go back home, to tell others of our battle and what we fought for.
As Storyteller leaves the group. I looked to the weary men around the campfire. I said, "Tomorrow may be the last day, but all of you know that over thirty Arkansans gave their last breath to defend all of Arkansas!"
The next morning, we were surrounded by the enemy from all sides. All our allies were pulling up cardboard sheets to protect themselves. I asked our scout which one was the man who betray us. The scout pointed to one man. I looked to the traitor and asked, "Why did you betray us?"
The betrayer looked at us with hatred and said in an angered tone, "When I was a young kid, I was biggest Sonic fan there was. I had the bed sheets, the lunchbox, toys, everything. However, over the years, the games weren't as good as back then. They stop making Sega consoles, Sonic 06 was the worst game ever, and the only spin off, Shadow the Hedgehog wasn't a great game. All you Mario fans were getting better games and having successful spin-offs like Luigi's Mansion, Yoshi's Island, and Donkey Kong Country. I hate being a part of this world, but then I heard how things were in the other universe. So I wanted to be a part of the Lonokeon Empire's world."
I glared at the man and told him, "So your willing to betray all of Arkansas for some video games? You really are a terrible man."
"ENOUGH!"
We all turn to who said that and saw the Emperor standing on top of his carriage. He was looking angry, "I'm tired of these games. You either surrender now or perish." I smiled and replied, "Well here's my answer." I quickly grab a pool noodle off the ground and threw it towards the emperor. My weapon hit the side of his cheek, causing him to bleed. He touch the blood from his cheek and shouted, "KILL THEM ALL!" The enemy troops came charging in. We fought and held our ground against high numbers.
The emperor pulled out a walkie talkie and press a button. He shouted to it, "FIRE ALL THE EXPLOSIVE DARTS!"
Our battle against the enemy stop attacking and retreated. We wonder what happen and we heard a loud noise from a distance. We recognize the sound from the last dart attack and saw hundreds of darts coming. We quickly pulled up our cardboard sheets as protection. Once all the darts landed on our sheets of cardboard, the darts themselves exploded. The huge blast from their attack threw us into the air and crash into the ground.
It seems I lost conscience of a few seconds. The next thing I know is me and all of our army is laying on the ground. I look up to the sky and I see the Emperor above me with his gold-painted foam ax. He raise it in the air and plan to swing it down to kill me.
It seems we won't survive. Hopefully, people will hear our tale how we stood against the Lonokeon Empire. Maybe all of Arkansas will get together and fight the empire and send them back to their universe. As his ax comes closer and closer to me, I close my eyes and I died.
No, I can't let him win today. If I have the chance to defeat him and stop him from expanding his empire. I will not stop.
I open my eyes and grab his wrist where he is holding his ax. I got up by headbutted him. This knock him back a little and made some of his weapons fell to the ground. I grab one of his weapons, which was a gold-painted foam sword. Many of the Empire troops try to help their emperor but he held his hand up.
"No, this man is mine to kill." Soon after, several other Cabotians and Jacksonvillians who were knock unconscious were getting up and I heard one of them said, "Yeah, there's still us you guys have to fight." The Imperial army went back to fighting against our universe's army.
Me and Evil Lonokeon Emperor clash weapons. During the fight, I asked, "Why aren't your dart guns affected by the energy net?" The Emperor replied, "Because our dart guns are made of a special alloy that's only found in our universe will shield them from the energy net." Hearing his answer, I said, "Then you guys are a bunch of cheats."
We continue clashing weapons till my weapon was knock out of my hand. With me being disadvantage by having no weapon. I did a roundhouse and kick the ax out of his hands.
This angered the evil man even more. He grab me by the neck and threw me into his carriage. I was slammed into it's side. I struggle to get up from feeling pain from the throw. I looked inside Evil Lonokeon Emperor's vehicle and notice some sort of machine was inside.
I turned to the emperor he already has his weapon in his hand again. He threw a couple of swings at me but I manage to dodge all of them. I grabbed his arm and broke his arm, causing him to drop his weapon. I grabbed before it the ground and took a mighty swing at the evil man. It knock him back into his carriage and hitting the weird machine inside.
I believe the machine itself was the generator for the energy net. To test my theory, I pulled our a dodgeball and threw it at one of the Imperial warriors, killing him. I shouted, "THE ENERGY NET IS DOWN, VICTORY IS OURS!"
I heard in a weaken voice, "No...Not...While I'm still alive."
I turn to the carriage and saw Evil Lonokean Empire standing with a big cut on his chest. The cut itself was bleeding nonstop. I figure it be best to finish it as I grab a explosive dodgeball and threw into the emperor. He was knock back into the carriage and then, the entire vehicle explode into flames.
I heard, "OUR EMPEROR IS GONE! RETREAT!" I looked as a giant portal appeared. It must lead to their universe. All the imperials troops flee like sissies into the portal. Soon, they were all gone and the portal closed.
The empire sent more units against us. One was a group of vikings. These raiders from thousand years ago were no match from the forces of Arkansas. The vikings sent their pet Triceratops at us. I watch Storyteller threw a pool noodle at dinosaur and killed it on the spot. Another unit was a group of dark mages. They attack with fireballs and lightning bolts. Even they weren't a match for us. The empire sent a trio of cloned T-Rexes. We stab their legs and watch them fall.
We rested for a while at a campfire. One of our scouts we sent out has came back. He told us that one of the people we try to recruit when the threat of the Lonokeon invasion was 1st announce has betrayed us and told the emperor our location. He will send his army to surround from all sides. It fear that our next battle will our last day on Earth. We already lost ten of our men since the battle started. One man that's above the age of 40 was grieving for the lost of his son who was one of the ten people we lost. I notice Storyteller has lost his eye from an earlier battle. He told me that losing an eye isn't a big deal to him. I asked him to go back home, to tell others of our battle and what we fought for.
As Storyteller leaves the group. I looked to the weary men around the campfire. I said, "Tomorrow may be the last day, but all of you know that over thirty Arkansans gave their last breath to defend all of Arkansas!"
The next morning, we were surrounded by the enemy from all sides. All our allies were pulling up cardboard sheets to protect themselves. I asked our scout which one was the man who betray us. The scout pointed to one man. I looked to the traitor and asked, "Why did you betray us?"
The betrayer looked at us with hatred and said in an angered tone, "When I was a young kid, I was biggest Sonic fan there was. I had the bed sheets, the lunchbox, toys, everything. However, over the years, the games weren't as good as back then. They stop making Sega consoles, Sonic 06 was the worst game ever, and the only spin off, Shadow the Hedgehog wasn't a great game. All you Mario fans were getting better games and having successful spin-offs like Luigi's Mansion, Yoshi's Island, and Donkey Kong Country. I hate being a part of this world, but then I heard how things were in the other universe. So I wanted to be a part of the Lonokeon Empire's world."
I glared at the man and told him, "So your willing to betray all of Arkansas for some video games? You really are a terrible man."
"ENOUGH!"
We all turn to who said that and saw the Emperor standing on top of his carriage. He was looking angry, "I'm tired of these games. You either surrender now or perish." I smiled and replied, "Well here's my answer." I quickly grab a pool noodle off the ground and threw it towards the emperor. My weapon hit the side of his cheek, causing him to bleed. He touch the blood from his cheek and shouted, "KILL THEM ALL!" The enemy troops came charging in. We fought and held our ground against high numbers.
The emperor pulled out a walkie talkie and press a button. He shouted to it, "FIRE ALL THE EXPLOSIVE DARTS!"
Our battle against the enemy stop attacking and retreated. We wonder what happen and we heard a loud noise from a distance. We recognize the sound from the last dart attack and saw hundreds of darts coming. We quickly pulled up our cardboard sheets as protection. Once all the darts landed on our sheets of cardboard, the darts themselves exploded. The huge blast from their attack threw us into the air and crash into the ground.
It seems I lost conscience of a few seconds. The next thing I know is me and all of our army is laying on the ground. I look up to the sky and I see the Emperor above me with his gold-painted foam ax. He raise it in the air and plan to swing it down to kill me.
It seems we won't survive. Hopefully, people will hear our tale how we stood against the Lonokeon Empire. Maybe all of Arkansas will get together and fight the empire and send them back to their universe. As his ax comes closer and closer to me, I close my eyes and I died.
No, I can't let him win today. If I have the chance to defeat him and stop him from expanding his empire. I will not stop.
I open my eyes and grab his wrist where he is holding his ax. I got up by headbutted him. This knock him back a little and made some of his weapons fell to the ground. I grab one of his weapons, which was a gold-painted foam sword. Many of the Empire troops try to help their emperor but he held his hand up.
"No, this man is mine to kill." Soon after, several other Cabotians and Jacksonvillians who were knock unconscious were getting up and I heard one of them said, "Yeah, there's still us you guys have to fight." The Imperial army went back to fighting against our universe's army.
Me and Evil Lonokeon Emperor clash weapons. During the fight, I asked, "Why aren't your dart guns affected by the energy net?" The Emperor replied, "Because our dart guns are made of a special alloy that's only found in our universe will shield them from the energy net." Hearing his answer, I said, "Then you guys are a bunch of cheats."
We continue clashing weapons till my weapon was knock out of my hand. With me being disadvantage by having no weapon. I did a roundhouse and kick the ax out of his hands.
This angered the evil man even more. He grab me by the neck and threw me into his carriage. I was slammed into it's side. I struggle to get up from feeling pain from the throw. I looked inside Evil Lonokeon Emperor's vehicle and notice some sort of machine was inside.
I turned to the emperor he already has his weapon in his hand again. He threw a couple of swings at me but I manage to dodge all of them. I grabbed his arm and broke his arm, causing him to drop his weapon. I grabbed before it the ground and took a mighty swing at the evil man. It knock him back into his carriage and hitting the weird machine inside.
I believe the machine itself was the generator for the energy net. To test my theory, I pulled our a dodgeball and threw it at one of the Imperial warriors, killing him. I shouted, "THE ENERGY NET IS DOWN, VICTORY IS OURS!"
I heard in a weaken voice, "No...Not...While I'm still alive."
I turn to the carriage and saw Evil Lonokean Empire standing with a big cut on his chest. The cut itself was bleeding nonstop. I figure it be best to finish it as I grab a explosive dodgeball and threw into the emperor. He was knock back into the carriage and then, the entire vehicle explode into flames.
I heard, "OUR EMPEROR IS GONE! RETREAT!" I looked as a giant portal appeared. It must lead to their universe. All the imperials troops flee like sissies into the portal. Soon, they were all gone and the portal closed.
We won. The Lonokeon Empire failed to stop us. Arkansas was saved from their tyranny. I pulled up my cell phone and text Storyteller our victory so he won't worry about telling our stories. We lifted our foam swords into the air to celebrated our victory.
THE END
Cabotians vs. The Lonokeon Empire Chapter 2
View Chapter 1
Later that day, we saw a ship on a pond of full of Lonokeon soldiers not far from we were standing. Metal Guy looked to the air "I can see a storm is brewing." We waited for a few minutes and it started rain like crazy. The storm cause the imperial ship to sink to the bottom of the pond. All us Cabotians celebrated in the heavy rain as we watch the ship fall. I had to get my umbrella out to prevent me getting wet while celebrating.
A hour later, an Lonokeon emissary with few soldiers was marching north when they encounter a large wall made out of LEGOS blocking their passage. Me and the others step out to confront the emissary. The evil man got angry and pull out his whip to attack. Metal Guy quickly reacted and uses his Telekinesis powers to squeeze the metal bracelet on the emissary's wrist, causing him enough pain to drop his weapon. Metal guy went up to the man and aimed his foam sword to emissary's neck.
Metal Guy said, "Leave this place and tell your emperor that we're free man, not slaves."
The emissary laugh and told us, "No, not slaves. You will all be dead and your city of Cabot will burn to the ground. Any survivors after Cabot's destruction will be our slaves. Over a hundred cities of the Lonokean Empire stand before you. Our darts will blot out the sun." The Cabotian said back to the man, "Then we hide fight under the shade." We watch as the emissary got back up. He and his cronies flee like wimps.
We settle down and took a lunch break. After relaxing for a few minutes, our scout that we sent out earlier has return. He took a few seconds to catch his breath and said to us, "Guys, I saw a huge unit of soldiers heading here. They be here in a few minutes." We quickly put away our lunches and prepare for battle.
I looked forward to the marching enemy and said to the troops. "THIS IS WHERE WE HOLD THEM! THIS IS WHERE WE FIGHT! THIS IS WHERE THEY DIE!" One guy in the background shouted, "EARN THESE CARDBOARD!"
As they march closer and closer, we pulled up sheets of cardboard to protect us from their attacks, creating a huge wall of cardboard. Every now and then, we create an opening, just to stab them with our pool noodles.
After more than half the unit was killed from our block and stab tactic, we broke formation and attack them. For the next minute, things seems to go slowly for some reason as I stab any Lonokeon that came near. I saw one my enemies at a distance, charging towards me. I threw my pool noodle at him and pierced him into the ground. Needing a new weapon, I pulled out my foam sword and slice any who dares to attack me.
The remaining forces flee from us like weaklings. We charge after them and corner them to a mud puddle. We push those suckers into a mud puddle and watch as they slowly fall into nasty waters.
We raise our foam sword in the air for our first victory against the Lonokeon Empire. However, our victory was short lived. He heard a loud noise from the distance. We looked the direction of the noise and saw hundreds and hundreds of darts with suction cups fired into the air and heading down towards us.
I shouted to the troops to defend. We raise our sheets of cardboard to prevent us from getting hit from their darts. Once all the darts landed on our cardbored, we stood up. I raise my foam sword and quickly sliced off the darts off of my cardboard sheet. For some reason, slicing those darts felt like it took few seconds longer. Maybe the energy net the Lonokeons set up slows down time or something.
The next unit that attack was Centaurs. They march forward to kill us. We block their attacks and kill all those creatures with our pool noodles. With their Centaur unit gone, the enemy army retreated. As for me and the others, we sat back down and finish our lunch that those mean Lonokeons dare to interrupt.
An hour later after finishing eating, a group of ninjas head to where the Cabotians were last spotted. When they got there, they saw a huge wall made out of Legos. They looked at it with a puzzled look till they heard, "EVERYONE, PUSH!" The ninjas watch as the wall of Legos fall on them. Half of them were crushed.
We step out of the rubble we created and attack the ninjas. Our enemies attacked us by throwing paper ninja stars and slash us with their curved pencils. We block their attacks with our cardboard and kill any who comes near. The Jacksonvillians that we saw earlier today join the fight and help fight against the ninjas. The enemy were reduced to five now.
We chase after them and saw that they were with a tall mean dude wrapped in chains. I heard one of them said, "Now we released our genetically engineered super solider from New France." The cut his chains and release him. The giant grabbed the nearest foam ax and headed towards us.
He swing his weapon but I duck and slash him with my foam sword. However it seem he was unfazed from that attack. I jab my sword into his flesh but doing that caused my weapon to break in half. Trying to kill the guy with a foam sword is a dumb and stupid idea.
The monster gave off a loud roar and deliver a kick into my stomach, knocking me into the ground. I try to get up but the monster grab me by the neck. Before he could lift me off the ground, I grab a paper ninja star that was laying in the ground. When he lifted me to his eye level, I jabbed the star deep into his eye. The giant let go of me while he was howling in pain. I notice he dropped his foam ax. With the beast distracted, I grab his weapon and took a mighty swing into the monster's neck. It pierced into him, killing him. With the ninjas scared out of their pants. They run from us.
Later that day, a messenger came to us. He said, "Our emperor wishes to speak with you." I got up and followed the messenger. He took me to the emperor's location.
I arrived to his location and saw a carriage made out of gold and silver. I saw this man in fancy robes and gold jewelry all over his body. I said, "You must be Evil Lonokean Emperor?" He look at me and said, "Correct. I admit, I was surprised to have such a resistance against my army but your forces are outnumbered and it's best you rethink your attack."
I didn't want to rethink our attack. There was something puzzling me, so I asked, "Why are you guys want to invade our universe? Why not expand you empire in your own universe?" The emperor answered, "Because all the nations around us are watching. They know that we want to extend our empire and they will quickly attack. When our empire's top scientists found a way to cross dimensions, why not take control of the same lands from a different universe. They wound't know we're coming. After conquering your universe's land, we will have double the resources and power to go beyond the Ozarks, Dallas,or the Gulf in our world."
The man continued, "For the past decade, while trying to prep for invasion, we did some things to help destabilize your land. We gave funding to an terrorist organization who wanted to conquer your high school. Gave out special alloys from our world to an elf who wanted to build his robot spider army. We also gave out blueprints to some Neo-Red Coats on how to make super-soldiers."
I'm surprised that this man has connections to some of my old enemies. I needed to head back to the others. "I'm out here." I began to walk away till I felt the Evil Emperor's hands slowly touch my shoulders in a very touchy way. I felt a sick feeling in my stomach and quickly got out of his grip. I turned towards him and said, "WHAT THE FUDGE MAN! WHAT ARE YOUR THINKING? I'M NOT THAT WAY!"
The Evil Lonokean Emperor looked confused and said, "I don't know what you are talking about. I was simply making an....." He came to a realization and said, "Oh.... I apologize. In our world, when people make offers to one to another, they grab one's shoulders from behind and whisper into one's ear. It doesn't mean anything sexual. I'm sorry that you weren't familiar with this custom and got confused. If you want me to persuade you with sexual desires, I could offer some girls from my harem."
My face turned red. I quickly waved my hands in front of me and said nervously, "Ah..No..You...You don't have to."
The emperor asked, "Anyways, you haven't gave me an answer. If you surrender and accept me as your ruler, I make you warlord of all of Central Arkansas. Everyone from Bebee to Conway will serve you" I listen to his demands for and thought about it for a second. I replied, "Forget it, people make fun of Clinton for being a pervert. People will find some way to make fun of me if I become some government leader of some sort."
This angered Evil Lonokeon Empire and said, "I will erased everyone's memories of you. I will have any writings of you remove from books and computers. Anyone who dare utter your name will have their tongues removed." I think on what he said, "Well I guess you have to rename Columbus."
I turn around and head back to my camp.
Later that day, we saw a ship on a pond of full of Lonokeon soldiers not far from we were standing. Metal Guy looked to the air "I can see a storm is brewing." We waited for a few minutes and it started rain like crazy. The storm cause the imperial ship to sink to the bottom of the pond. All us Cabotians celebrated in the heavy rain as we watch the ship fall. I had to get my umbrella out to prevent me getting wet while celebrating.
A hour later, an Lonokeon emissary with few soldiers was marching north when they encounter a large wall made out of LEGOS blocking their passage. Me and the others step out to confront the emissary. The evil man got angry and pull out his whip to attack. Metal Guy quickly reacted and uses his Telekinesis powers to squeeze the metal bracelet on the emissary's wrist, causing him enough pain to drop his weapon. Metal guy went up to the man and aimed his foam sword to emissary's neck.
Metal Guy said, "Leave this place and tell your emperor that we're free man, not slaves."
The emissary laugh and told us, "No, not slaves. You will all be dead and your city of Cabot will burn to the ground. Any survivors after Cabot's destruction will be our slaves. Over a hundred cities of the Lonokean Empire stand before you. Our darts will blot out the sun." The Cabotian said back to the man, "Then we hide fight under the shade." We watch as the emissary got back up. He and his cronies flee like wimps.
We settle down and took a lunch break. After relaxing for a few minutes, our scout that we sent out earlier has return. He took a few seconds to catch his breath and said to us, "Guys, I saw a huge unit of soldiers heading here. They be here in a few minutes." We quickly put away our lunches and prepare for battle.
I looked forward to the marching enemy and said to the troops. "THIS IS WHERE WE HOLD THEM! THIS IS WHERE WE FIGHT! THIS IS WHERE THEY DIE!" One guy in the background shouted, "EARN THESE CARDBOARD!"
As they march closer and closer, we pulled up sheets of cardboard to protect us from their attacks, creating a huge wall of cardboard. Every now and then, we create an opening, just to stab them with our pool noodles.
After more than half the unit was killed from our block and stab tactic, we broke formation and attack them. For the next minute, things seems to go slowly for some reason as I stab any Lonokeon that came near. I saw one my enemies at a distance, charging towards me. I threw my pool noodle at him and pierced him into the ground. Needing a new weapon, I pulled out my foam sword and slice any who dares to attack me.
The remaining forces flee from us like weaklings. We charge after them and corner them to a mud puddle. We push those suckers into a mud puddle and watch as they slowly fall into nasty waters.
We raise our foam sword in the air for our first victory against the Lonokeon Empire. However, our victory was short lived. He heard a loud noise from the distance. We looked the direction of the noise and saw hundreds and hundreds of darts with suction cups fired into the air and heading down towards us.
I shouted to the troops to defend. We raise our sheets of cardboard to prevent us from getting hit from their darts. Once all the darts landed on our cardbored, we stood up. I raise my foam sword and quickly sliced off the darts off of my cardboard sheet. For some reason, slicing those darts felt like it took few seconds longer. Maybe the energy net the Lonokeons set up slows down time or something.
The next unit that attack was Centaurs. They march forward to kill us. We block their attacks and kill all those creatures with our pool noodles. With their Centaur unit gone, the enemy army retreated. As for me and the others, we sat back down and finish our lunch that those mean Lonokeons dare to interrupt.
An hour later after finishing eating, a group of ninjas head to where the Cabotians were last spotted. When they got there, they saw a huge wall made out of Legos. They looked at it with a puzzled look till they heard, "EVERYONE, PUSH!" The ninjas watch as the wall of Legos fall on them. Half of them were crushed.
We step out of the rubble we created and attack the ninjas. Our enemies attacked us by throwing paper ninja stars and slash us with their curved pencils. We block their attacks with our cardboard and kill any who comes near. The Jacksonvillians that we saw earlier today join the fight and help fight against the ninjas. The enemy were reduced to five now.
We chase after them and saw that they were with a tall mean dude wrapped in chains. I heard one of them said, "Now we released our genetically engineered super solider from New France." The cut his chains and release him. The giant grabbed the nearest foam ax and headed towards us.
He swing his weapon but I duck and slash him with my foam sword. However it seem he was unfazed from that attack. I jab my sword into his flesh but doing that caused my weapon to break in half. Trying to kill the guy with a foam sword is a dumb and stupid idea.
The monster gave off a loud roar and deliver a kick into my stomach, knocking me into the ground. I try to get up but the monster grab me by the neck. Before he could lift me off the ground, I grab a paper ninja star that was laying in the ground. When he lifted me to his eye level, I jabbed the star deep into his eye. The giant let go of me while he was howling in pain. I notice he dropped his foam ax. With the beast distracted, I grab his weapon and took a mighty swing into the monster's neck. It pierced into him, killing him. With the ninjas scared out of their pants. They run from us.
Later that day, a messenger came to us. He said, "Our emperor wishes to speak with you." I got up and followed the messenger. He took me to the emperor's location.
I arrived to his location and saw a carriage made out of gold and silver. I saw this man in fancy robes and gold jewelry all over his body. I said, "You must be Evil Lonokean Emperor?" He look at me and said, "Correct. I admit, I was surprised to have such a resistance against my army but your forces are outnumbered and it's best you rethink your attack."
I didn't want to rethink our attack. There was something puzzling me, so I asked, "Why are you guys want to invade our universe? Why not expand you empire in your own universe?" The emperor answered, "Because all the nations around us are watching. They know that we want to extend our empire and they will quickly attack. When our empire's top scientists found a way to cross dimensions, why not take control of the same lands from a different universe. They wound't know we're coming. After conquering your universe's land, we will have double the resources and power to go beyond the Ozarks, Dallas,or the Gulf in our world."
The man continued, "For the past decade, while trying to prep for invasion, we did some things to help destabilize your land. We gave funding to an terrorist organization who wanted to conquer your high school. Gave out special alloys from our world to an elf who wanted to build his robot spider army. We also gave out blueprints to some Neo-Red Coats on how to make super-soldiers."
I'm surprised that this man has connections to some of my old enemies. I needed to head back to the others. "I'm out here." I began to walk away till I felt the Evil Emperor's hands slowly touch my shoulders in a very touchy way. I felt a sick feeling in my stomach and quickly got out of his grip. I turned towards him and said, "WHAT THE FUDGE MAN! WHAT ARE YOUR THINKING? I'M NOT THAT WAY!"
The Evil Lonokean Emperor looked confused and said, "I don't know what you are talking about. I was simply making an....." He came to a realization and said, "Oh.... I apologize. In our world, when people make offers to one to another, they grab one's shoulders from behind and whisper into one's ear. It doesn't mean anything sexual. I'm sorry that you weren't familiar with this custom and got confused. If you want me to persuade you with sexual desires, I could offer some girls from my harem."
My face turned red. I quickly waved my hands in front of me and said nervously, "Ah..No..You...You don't have to."
The emperor asked, "Anyways, you haven't gave me an answer. If you surrender and accept me as your ruler, I make you warlord of all of Central Arkansas. Everyone from Bebee to Conway will serve you" I listen to his demands for and thought about it for a second. I replied, "Forget it, people make fun of Clinton for being a pervert. People will find some way to make fun of me if I become some government leader of some sort."
This angered Evil Lonokeon Empire and said, "I will erased everyone's memories of you. I will have any writings of you remove from books and computers. Anyone who dare utter your name will have their tongues removed." I think on what he said, "Well I guess you have to rename Columbus."
I turn around and head back to my camp.
Friday, January 30, 2015
Cabotians vs. The Lonokeon Empire Chapter 1
I wrote this story a few years ago that is a part of the same world as my Dodgeball stories. Yes, it's an obvious parody of a certain movie. Well I hope you guys enjoy.
I was sitting on the roof of Cabot's city hall, enjoying my day and eating seasoned fries I got from Arby's. I stopped eating when I saw this weird man who climbed up to the roof of the building. He brougth some stuff with him to the roof. It look like he was setting up a T.V. and a weird devise that looks similar to a DVD. I asked him, "Who are you and what type of devise is that? It looks kind of like a DVD." He looked to me and said, "I'm a messenger and I was told to show this to the first person I saw in the center of Cabot. This device is called BLD, which is short for Betamax Laser Disc."
I was sitting on the roof of Cabot's city hall, enjoying my day and eating seasoned fries I got from Arby's. I stopped eating when I saw this weird man who climbed up to the roof of the building. He brougth some stuff with him to the roof. It look like he was setting up a T.V. and a weird devise that looks similar to a DVD. I asked him, "Who are you and what type of devise is that? It looks kind of like a DVD." He looked to me and said, "I'm a messenger and I was told to show this to the first person I saw in the center of Cabot. This device is called BLD, which is short for Betamax Laser Disc."
I gave the man a weird look and asked, "You are aware that nobody nowdays uses Betamax or Laser Discs? Heck, the Betamax lost to VHS tapes back in the 80s so I don't understand how you got a newer version of these devises?" The messenger replied, "Well I come from a very different land where some stuff happen differently like the VHS lost to Betamax instead. Anyways, I need to show you the video."
I watch him insert the disc as I was scratching my head on how VHS lost of Betamax. The video on the T.V. pop up. On the screen was a man with in expensive robes, a golden crown, and alot of gold jewelry all over his body. He started to speak, "Hello citizen of Cabot. I am the Emperor of the Lonokeon Empire." I looked at the messenger and ask, "Since when Lonoke was..." Before I could finish, the weird man pointed towards the T.V. or I miss out what this "Emperor" saying.
"I come from an parallel universe where the Louisiana Purchase never happen. My ancestor fought against the French Empire and won it's independence. We established a new empire in this region that you Cabotians called Arkansas. Our empire is in-between New France, both the United States and the Confederate States, as well as the Republics of Texas and West Florida."
This Lonokeon Emperor continued, "We have studied some things about your universe like your history or your technology like how you don't have BLDs. Many things are different here like they make Mario games on the Sega Zii and that system's biggest competitor is the Phillips CD-I Three. In our world, James Cameron's Avatar bombed badly while The Last Airbender was a huge success. Anyways, I need to tell you what I want from your area is some earth and water." The video stop.
I listen to everything the man said on the video but what got me thinking were end where the emperor asked for earth and water. I looked up and saw the messenger grabbing all the stuff he set up on the roof and prepare to leave. He said, "I need to show this to other people." I quickly said, "HOLD IT!" I pulled out my foam sword and aim the tip to his neck. The messenger back up to the edge of the roof and looking scare. I said to the scared man, "Earth and water. That was a phase from two thousand years ago, it means this emperor wants us to surrender to him."
The expression on his face change from scared to kinda scared but with evil happy look. He said, "Your right you pitiful Cabotian! The Evil Lonokeon Emperor has opened a portal south of here between the cities of Cabot and Lonoke. He had gather an army and he is heading on his way to conquer Cabot and soon all of Jacksonville, as well as Beebe, Searcy, Maumelle, Conway and finally, Little Rock. You should know that it is best that you surrender before him."
I replied, "Then I formed an army to stand against the Lonokeon army and defeat the Evil Lonokeon Emperor." The messenger looked surprised and said, "Defeat our Emperor? You can't put a stop to his awesomeness. This is madness." I said back, "Madness? THIS IS CABOT!!!"
I kicked the man off the roof and watch him fell into the water fountain below. When he landed into the waters, I heard, "Oww, that hurts."
Later that day, I took the messenger to a secret underground area not far from Fred's. I took the man to an interrogation room and tied him up to a chair. Two of my allies came in to help. One is Storyteller, a man who works at a bookstore and he loves to tell stories. The other is Metal Guy, a guy who has limited telekinesis on metals.
Storyteller grab a bucket of water and threw into the messenger's face. The man woke up wide-eyed from the splash. I said, "Good, your up." Storyteller grab the light from the ceiling and aimed it toward's the Lonokeon's head. He sort of close his eyes from the bright light as Storyteller asked, "So how many soldiers are there?" The evil man replied, "About 800 of them, but you show fear, for they will crushed this city if Cabot doesn't surrender when they get here, heh heh heh!"
Hearing of this, Metal Guy lost his temper and pull out his Nerf gun aimed it towards the messenger's head. I try to stop him and shouted, "METAL GUY! NO!" It was too late because he already pulled the trigger....Except it didn't fire. Metal Guy was puzzled as he looked at his gun. "It's loaded with Nerf bullets, it should of fired."
"Heh heh heh!" We turn our heads and looked at the Lonokean. "Our empire knew there be some resistance so they set up an anti-Nerf gun energy field within 50 miles of where our portal is." Still mad at the messenger, Metal Guy storm out of the room. A few seconds later, he came back with a dodgeball in his hand and threw towards the Lonokean. To our surprise, when he threw the ball, it didn't fly across the room, but somehow float in the middle of the air. Storyteller look spooked and said, "What sorcery is this?" The messenger smiled evilly and said, "Our energy net also prevents dodgeballs being thrown at us."
He even got more mad, Metal Guy grab a foam sword and repeatedly stabbed the evil man through the chest. As messenger's lifeless body fell to the table, I looked at Metal Guy and smack the backside of his head. As he was rubbing his head in pain, I said to him, "I need him alive to get more answers and besides, your not suppose to kill the messenger." I gave a sigh while still glaring to Metal Guy.
We went out to to recruit people for an army to fight back against the Lonokeon Empire. With projectiles now useless, we have to use hand-to-hand combat tools. Storyteller ask me about getting the Heroes to join but I told him that most of them are either retired or working with New Captain elsewhere since the Baddies are now gone.
Worried that we may lose the battle, I called a psychic hotline to tell me the outcome of the coming battle but all they told me was nothing but crap, so I hung up.
Within the next hour, I visited the Princess of Cabot and asked her to help me gather an army. She said she will try her best and make some calls but she said that no one is going to believe that something like an army from an alternate universe is coming to invade.
Me and my allies did our best to recruit. The next day, we only manage to get 30 Cabotians to fight the Lonokeon Empire. Storyteller came to me, "Hey Chris, I don't know why our army is in civilian clothes? We should give them uniforms. I did do a sketch of one we can use while I was recruiting." He pulled out a notepad and showed me his drawing. After seeing it, I looked at him weirdly and asked, "Why do we need to be half-naked? It's late winter, we be dying from the cold before we reach the Lonokeans. We be a laughing stock to all the cities of Arkansas." The man looked a little sad that I decline his request.
After I was done with him, I gave my troops the order and we march south towards where the Evil Lonokeon Emperor's army is.
During our march, we encounter a group of Jacksonvillians. They told us they heard of the news of the coming army. Several other cities are also forming groups to oppose the Lonokeans like Bebeeians, and Searcyians. They head off to a different path to fight the army from another world while we continue southward.
After nearly half an hour of walking, we came across a burning farm. We notice a kid nearby looking at the farm. I asked him, "What happen here?" The kid said that he was wondering around a few minutes from his home when he saw some mean-looking people that were called a scouting unit appeared. They told the kid to show this burning farm as a message to anyone heading south.
"HEY!! WHAT IN TARNATION HAPPEN TO MY FARM?"
We turn to who said that and saw an angry farmer. "I reckon y'all did this to my farm." He pulled out a Nerf shotgun and fired at us but nothing came out. The farmer looked puzzled about his gun, "What did you fellas did to my gun?" He threw his gun into the ground and stomped the ground several times. "That's it, I'm getting my pitchfork." Me and my troops quickly leave the area before he came back to attack us with his pitchfork.
The kid who witness the burning farm went back to his house as we continued our march.
This Lonokeon Emperor continued, "We have studied some things about your universe like your history or your technology like how you don't have BLDs. Many things are different here like they make Mario games on the Sega Zii and that system's biggest competitor is the Phillips CD-I Three. In our world, James Cameron's Avatar bombed badly while The Last Airbender was a huge success. Anyways, I need to tell you what I want from your area is some earth and water." The video stop.
I listen to everything the man said on the video but what got me thinking were end where the emperor asked for earth and water. I looked up and saw the messenger grabbing all the stuff he set up on the roof and prepare to leave. He said, "I need to show this to other people." I quickly said, "HOLD IT!" I pulled out my foam sword and aim the tip to his neck. The messenger back up to the edge of the roof and looking scare. I said to the scared man, "Earth and water. That was a phase from two thousand years ago, it means this emperor wants us to surrender to him."
The expression on his face change from scared to kinda scared but with evil happy look. He said, "Your right you pitiful Cabotian! The Evil Lonokeon Emperor has opened a portal south of here between the cities of Cabot and Lonoke. He had gather an army and he is heading on his way to conquer Cabot and soon all of Jacksonville, as well as Beebe, Searcy, Maumelle, Conway and finally, Little Rock. You should know that it is best that you surrender before him."
I replied, "Then I formed an army to stand against the Lonokeon army and defeat the Evil Lonokeon Emperor." The messenger looked surprised and said, "Defeat our Emperor? You can't put a stop to his awesomeness. This is madness." I said back, "Madness? THIS IS CABOT!!!"
I kicked the man off the roof and watch him fell into the water fountain below. When he landed into the waters, I heard, "Oww, that hurts."
Later that day, I took the messenger to a secret underground area not far from Fred's. I took the man to an interrogation room and tied him up to a chair. Two of my allies came in to help. One is Storyteller, a man who works at a bookstore and he loves to tell stories. The other is Metal Guy, a guy who has limited telekinesis on metals.
Storyteller grab a bucket of water and threw into the messenger's face. The man woke up wide-eyed from the splash. I said, "Good, your up." Storyteller grab the light from the ceiling and aimed it toward's the Lonokeon's head. He sort of close his eyes from the bright light as Storyteller asked, "So how many soldiers are there?" The evil man replied, "About 800 of them, but you show fear, for they will crushed this city if Cabot doesn't surrender when they get here, heh heh heh!"
Hearing of this, Metal Guy lost his temper and pull out his Nerf gun aimed it towards the messenger's head. I try to stop him and shouted, "METAL GUY! NO!" It was too late because he already pulled the trigger....Except it didn't fire. Metal Guy was puzzled as he looked at his gun. "It's loaded with Nerf bullets, it should of fired."
"Heh heh heh!" We turn our heads and looked at the Lonokean. "Our empire knew there be some resistance so they set up an anti-Nerf gun energy field within 50 miles of where our portal is." Still mad at the messenger, Metal Guy storm out of the room. A few seconds later, he came back with a dodgeball in his hand and threw towards the Lonokean. To our surprise, when he threw the ball, it didn't fly across the room, but somehow float in the middle of the air. Storyteller look spooked and said, "What sorcery is this?" The messenger smiled evilly and said, "Our energy net also prevents dodgeballs being thrown at us."
He even got more mad, Metal Guy grab a foam sword and repeatedly stabbed the evil man through the chest. As messenger's lifeless body fell to the table, I looked at Metal Guy and smack the backside of his head. As he was rubbing his head in pain, I said to him, "I need him alive to get more answers and besides, your not suppose to kill the messenger." I gave a sigh while still glaring to Metal Guy.
We went out to to recruit people for an army to fight back against the Lonokeon Empire. With projectiles now useless, we have to use hand-to-hand combat tools. Storyteller ask me about getting the Heroes to join but I told him that most of them are either retired or working with New Captain elsewhere since the Baddies are now gone.
Worried that we may lose the battle, I called a psychic hotline to tell me the outcome of the coming battle but all they told me was nothing but crap, so I hung up.
Within the next hour, I visited the Princess of Cabot and asked her to help me gather an army. She said she will try her best and make some calls but she said that no one is going to believe that something like an army from an alternate universe is coming to invade.
Me and my allies did our best to recruit. The next day, we only manage to get 30 Cabotians to fight the Lonokeon Empire. Storyteller came to me, "Hey Chris, I don't know why our army is in civilian clothes? We should give them uniforms. I did do a sketch of one we can use while I was recruiting." He pulled out a notepad and showed me his drawing. After seeing it, I looked at him weirdly and asked, "Why do we need to be half-naked? It's late winter, we be dying from the cold before we reach the Lonokeans. We be a laughing stock to all the cities of Arkansas." The man looked a little sad that I decline his request.
After I was done with him, I gave my troops the order and we march south towards where the Evil Lonokeon Emperor's army is.
During our march, we encounter a group of Jacksonvillians. They told us they heard of the news of the coming army. Several other cities are also forming groups to oppose the Lonokeans like Bebeeians, and Searcyians. They head off to a different path to fight the army from another world while we continue southward.
After nearly half an hour of walking, we came across a burning farm. We notice a kid nearby looking at the farm. I asked him, "What happen here?" The kid said that he was wondering around a few minutes from his home when he saw some mean-looking people that were called a scouting unit appeared. They told the kid to show this burning farm as a message to anyone heading south.
"HEY!! WHAT IN TARNATION HAPPEN TO MY FARM?"
We turn to who said that and saw an angry farmer. "I reckon y'all did this to my farm." He pulled out a Nerf shotgun and fired at us but nothing came out. The farmer looked puzzled about his gun, "What did you fellas did to my gun?" He threw his gun into the ground and stomped the ground several times. "That's it, I'm getting my pitchfork." Me and my troops quickly leave the area before he came back to attack us with his pitchfork.
The kid who witness the burning farm went back to his house as we continued our march.
Thursday, December 4, 2014
You Will Cry!!!...Kung Fu Edition
Here's a collection of silly movies threats about some Kung Fu flicks.
I'm going make you watch Bruce Lee's Game of Death...You will cry...When you see Bruce Lee....For 11 minutes.
Note- Bruce Lee was doing a movie about going up inside a pagoda and fighting enemies one by one. Sadly, Bruce Lee died and the movie was never completed. A few years later, film makers wanted to cash in and try to complete the movie on their own. The actual footage Bruce Lee did is near the end of the movie.
As I was watching the film, I can clearly tell I wasn't looking at Bruce. Throughout the film, "Bruce's" face barely shown unless he was wearing sunglasses, a fuzzy beard, or bandages around his face. One moment had Lee looking at a mirror and you saw a cardboard cutout of Lee tapped to the mirror.
Something doesn't look right
The movie also used alot stock footage from Bruce Lee's earlier films. There some fights and in order to do a close up of Lee's face, they use stock footage. I can clearly tell the background looks completely different. They even used footage of Bruce Lee's actual funeral. That's wrong and creepy. What's also creepy is that Bruce's character(who is a movie actor) was filming a scene where several policeman fired their guns at Lee. One of the bad guys sneak in and loaded real bullets in one of the prop guns. It's creepy because this what happens to Bruce Lee's son.
You will cry when you see Blanka....Butt naked for five long minutes. Ahh, My eyes are burning!
What's the point of having Jackie on the main cover if he's only going to have a small role.
Also on the 3rd biggest character in Winners and Sinners poster is Jackie's other childhood BFF who had a far more smaller role.
At lease this poster is far more fitting. Showing Jackie plays a far more smaller role than the 5 guys above him.
Note#1- Winners and Sinners is really more of a Sammo Hung movie about him and four other people who were released from prison and living a free life in an apartment complex. Jackie was more of a supporting character than a main. Sammo's character become friends with Jackie midway. The Chinese title of the movie is called Five Lucky Stars and they have their own film series which I didn't know about till after seeing the movie.
Some of you may remember I mention Blade of Kings on the 2010 You Will Cry page. The actual main characters are these two girls who are popular singers in Asia. They are on a quest with their boyfriends to find Excalibur. Donnie Yen(who is also barely in the movie) follows them. Donnie encounters a statue that comes to life and the statue is Jackie. They fought for five minutes and Jackie returns to being a statue.
Note#2- In Winners and Sinners, one of Sammo's friends who I call Blanka, reads a book on how to become invisible. He uses it and believes he's invisible as he walks around the apartment butt naked. My poor eyes are burning.
Why am I calling the guy Blanka? Well I remember the actor in a different film but I get to that later.
Here's the trailer of Winners and Sinners
Very misleading trailer.
Trailer for Blades of Kings
Well the trailer kinda admits Jackie is a guest star. It does trick you to think Donnie's the main character.
I'm going to make you watch Jackie Chan's City Hunter...You will cry... When you see that the three and half minutes of the Street Fighter scene is better than the entire movies of Van Damme version and Legend of Chun-Li.
Note- Late in the movie, Jackie was thrown into an arcade and it transform him and several others in the room into Street Fighter characters. They were throwing hadokens and doing spinning bird kicks. It is awesome. Most fans greatly prefer this small scene over the two theatrical SF movies from Hollywood.
Here's the scene from the movie
I'm going to make you watch Jet Li's Last Hero in China...You will cry...You will cry...When you see Jet Li...Dressed as a Chicken
Cluck Cluck
Note: Last Hero in China is a parody/comedy/spinoff of the Once Upon A Time in China series. Jet Li plays the famous folk hero, Wong Fei-hung in the series as well as the parody. Late in the movie, Jet Li has to face a group of people in a giant caterpillar outfit and Jet copies a fighting style from a chicken to defeat his enemy.
Here's the trailer if anyone wants to see
Here's a trailer of Once Upon A Time in China
You can tell from the trailer alone that the series is far more serious.
Note: Long before he became popular, Donnie was in a movie where he acted goofy throughout this totally 80s flick. You watch any his newer films and then look at this one, it's very funny to see him like this. Some fans of Donnie Yen had their jaws dropped on seeing their favorite star like this.
Here's a trailer if anyone wants to see
There's not that many videos I can find on this movie. There was a clip of the 1st two to three minutes of Donnie dancing in the streets on youtube before it got pulled.
Going to force you to watch The Dragon Lives Again...You cry...When you see Bruce Lee...Joining forces with Popeye as they fight James Bond, Clint Eastwood, and Dracula.
Note- After Bruce Lee died, alot studios try to cash in on Lee alive by making movies with people that look similar or barely look like Lee and make cheap films. It's called Bruceploitation. I never watch any of these knockoffs. Some films were renamed at the last minute so the stuidos can make a quick buck. I saw a site that talks about these knockoff films. I briefly went over it and it did mention some of the craziest and more weirder films during the Bruceploitation era.
When you see Mario....Talk about AIDS
Click the video
When you see Guile, the All-American Air Force dude from Street Fighter... seduces a girl with his singing.
Click the video
When you see Blanka's rolling cannonball attack....As a beach ball
When you see Guile and Vega....eat a refrigerator.
See Vega balance books on his arms while sleeping.
See Guile build a nuke out of scrap in seconds.
See Dhalsim burn a bully's butt.
See Vega uses Guile's hair as a broom
See Ryu for a only a few minutes.
When you see two Chun-Lis
You cry...When you see......Goku
What is Goku doing in a Street Fighter movie
Note- Future Cops is an unofficial Street Fighter movie with a few other things like Goku from Dragonball. The director of the movie wanted to make a Street Fighter movie but Capcom didn't give him the rights to use their characters. The director still went ahead and made the movie. Most of the characters look a little different and have different names. It's a very very wacky movie. People who seen this said this movie was still better than the two Hollywood movies as well as Dragonball Evolution.
Here's the trailer
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)