Once upon a time, I was requested to write a parody of Magic Mike. People in the past like to tease me on watching this. A movie that is full of eye candy that straight males don't want to watch.
The thing is I was setting up a parody of Jet Li's Hero but I was requested to write the 1st Magic Mike movie. I figure go ahead and set it up as a teaser of the Hero parody by making Big Richard/Terminator as one of the alternate universe bounty hunter that's connected to that story and appears in the Magic Mike story.
Normally I write these silly stories based on big action movies, not drama, so I had to write a ton of action scenes on a story that's based on a drama movie.
During the writing of the 2nd story, I notice I don't have enought characters to carry the story, so I had to resurrect certain ones(Big Richard, Jungle King).
A ton of characters are actually based on the cast of the 2nd Magic Mike movie.
The Cajun is based on Channing Tatum's Magic Mike. Since most of the silly stories I write is where the main character based on your's truly and put in the world of the parody of the movie. I wrote myself getting into an undercover mission without knowing what it was(Stripping). However my character didn't go with it and pull out his Nerf gun and fired everything and ask questions.
In the 2nd story, I figure just make my character a original character while Channing Tatum's Magic Mike will actually show up this time. Him being The Cajun is based on him when he was going to play the popular X-Men member, Gambit. His character is a mutant from New Orleans. His power is send kinetic energy into things he touches, which cause them to explode. His favorite to use is his deck of cards.
For pass few years, Channing Tatum was going to starred in an X-Men spinoff movie with him as the lead. However the movie was still in early production and it went through three different directors and the released date kept being pushed back. Once Disney's acquisition of Fox happened and Marvel Studios(under Disney) wanted back their rights to use X-Men characters, the movie was shut down all together.
Big Richard/The Terminator is based on Joe Manganiello's Big Dick Richie. When I wrote the 1st story, he was reported to play the popular Deathstoke in Ben Affleck's upcoming solo Batman movie. However Affleck is step down and now Robert Pattinson playing him(Edward from the sparkling vampire movies). Manganiello may or may not be in the upcoming movie since alot stuff changed since than. So far, he only appeared in a post-credits scene on Justice League.
Deathstroke the Terminator, real name Slade Wilson is a deadly mercenary who is a major foe to the Teen Titans, Batman, and Green Arrow. He first appeared four years before the Schwarzenegger movies came around, so him being called the Terminator isn't based on the robots. Deadpool started out as Marvel's ripoff of him before later writers rewrote him into the goofy 4th-wall breaking we know today.
Due to killing off Big Richard, I had to bring him back somehow. My original story was originally meant to be a one off stand alone and didn't intend to bring him back. Deathstoke does have a healing factor but I don't think he heals from decapitation. Him supposedly coming back from making a deal with a demon called Tri-something was a reference to how Slade came back from the dead at one point. Trigon is sort of more or less the Titans version of the devil. I was going to make it how Terminator came back but at 1st, it seems way too out there with demons, but then I realized alot my stories did had demons and ancient evils. However the decision to rewrite the demonic resurrection to a fantasy made up by a guy high on drugs was because I didn't want people think I left open a plot thread of a Trigon-like demon coming in a sequel that I had no intention of writing.
His Aussie accent was based on Manu Bennett's version of the character.
In the 1st story, the big showdown between my and his character was based on the one of the most epic boss fights of video game history from Batman: Arkham Origins. In this story, I based the showdown in the city of Dumas from Batman: Arkham Knight where Batman gets in his Batmobile and blast a tons of tanks, including Slade's supertank. Soon we get a cutscene of the merc jumping out of the tank and Batman knocks him out in one blow. Very anti-climatic after we had the most epic boss fights of all time.
Water Witch is based on Magic Mike's love interest, Zoe. The actress also played Mera who is Aquaman's love interest who later ended up as his wife. Mera has the ability to control and manipulate water.
Jungle King/Crell/Rice Wine/The Grater is based on Kevin Nash's Tarzan. The actor/wrestler also played in the 2nd Ninja Turtles live-action movie as Super Shredder. At the climax of the movie, Shredder drank a canister of ooze offscrene and it turned him from a man of average height to a beefy 7-foot man with a major wardrobe change. In less in a minute, he anti-climatically killed himself by knocking down a pillar that causes a cave-in.
Shredder's Super form only showed up in the beat 'em up 90s games as the final boss where he's really hard to fight. He finally made a reappearance decades later at the end of the 2012 series where Shredder mutates himself and turns him into a grotesque appearance that's very similar of how I mention him within the story. Unlike the movie, Super Shredder was actually hard to take down.
Him being in a love triangle and wanting to kill the Cajun was based on Shredder's love triangle with Yoshi and Tang Shen. The final fight between me and Grater's is similar to Leo's final fight with the giant monster.
In the 2nd movie, the gang gets together and go touring up on the Pacific in their Fro-yo truck. It crashed due people getting high. I didn't want to use your regular drugs you hear on the news all the time, I wanted to use one that's not commonly used and sounds downright silly, so smoking tide pods it is. I accidentally made up the thing of people smoking tide pods because I was joking around one day and talking about teens today are trying to attract females with their manbuns, how they are the coolest dude ever with their fidget spinners, or how they enjoy smoking a tide pod. I then realized what I said, it's teens that are foolishly eating the things, not smoking them. However I google it recently and it turns out that you can smoke them(I wound't recommend it). From what I read, I don't think you can get high. You could say the driver in the story was smoking things beyond a tide pod and the other strippers only notice the tide pod.
I chose the city of Dumas for the big tank battle because it is arguably the one of the biggest cities between Pine Bluff and Lake Village in Southeast Arkansas. I wanted to have a big battle somewhere that kinda a city. Most of the other places are really really small, you drive by for a minute and your out of the town. I can't imagine having a big tank battle in a small town.
The whole thing about people coming back from the dead through magic worm clones is based on the original black and white Ninja Turtles comics. Every great hero in fiction has an iconic arch-nemesis. Like Batman's Joker, Superman's Lex Luthor, Spider-Man's Green Goblin, Link's Ganon, Optimus' Megatron, and the Turtles have Shredder. Well guess what, in the end of the very 1st ever issue of the Ninja Turtles comics during a showdown, the Shredder is beaten, bruised, stabbed, and gets blow up to pieces. He is deader than dead.
Shredder did ultimately came back from the dead a few years later. It was revealed that the Foot scientists and mystics used worms to find Shredder's remains and later, the worms become a clone of Shredder. Then he died again after revealing his resurrection. All the other cartoons, movies, and other comics made Shredder a major recurring major villain than a one off villain who made a come back years later.
I originally wanted to give both Grater and Terminator two different explanations how how they came back but I ultimately brought both back through magic worm clone things.
I originally wanted my character to fight Grater, than Cajun and Water Witch but I decided to have a love triangle storyline and have Grater kill Cajun and ended up at the final foe in the story.
Jada Pinkett Smith was in the 2nd Magic Mike movie as the gang's ride to their final show and I made a reference to Jada's other role from the Matrix Trilogy. Way back then, I wrote a another silly parody of those movies and her character was briefly seen as I fell on her car and saw her for a second.
I planned to have somebody based on Donald Glover's character where he also gives the gang a ride. I would also make references of young Lando. In the end, I decided to scrap the entire thing.
I chose the final town where the strippers would perform at Tomato, Arkansas, simply because I like the name of the town. It is an unincorporated area and most people don't know it exists. Plus most of the story takes place on the Arkansas side of the Mississippi River and I needed to find a place to end the story.
Thursday, March 26, 2020
Thursday, March 19, 2020
To Stop the Mississippi River Tour chapter 3
View Chapter 2
Water Witch used her powers to turn the entire Mississippi from my view into a giant tidal wave and ready to drop it down.
As quickly as I can, I ran away from it. I pulled out my phone on my pocket and clicked on an app. I press on some buttons and then hang up the phone. The tidal wave was getting nearer and nearer as I felt heavy rain starting to pour to me. I thought to myself, Please show yourself.
I looked towards the west and I saw it charging towards me. It was my remote control jetpack that's programmed to fly to my location when I used it's app. I grabbed on the devise and buckle in as the rain water was getting heaver and heaver. Wasting no time, I flew out of there.
Cajan saw this and told the sorceress, "Chere, sent me to the nearby warehouse. Maybe I can destroy his jetpack from there." She waved her hand and the bubble that's protecting them from the tidal wave was separated into two like watching two cells divide. His bubble was sent flying to it's location. She now turns to my location and used her flying bubble to hover towards me.
She turned the falling water into giant hands of water and reach out to grab me. I press a button on the side of the jetpack and it open two compartments, revealing two Nerf guns attach to it. I grabbed and turn towards her and fired at the giant hands. It causes the hands to scattered to pieces. I then fired my guns to her but her water shield block my bullets. Seems trying to kill her with a toy gun was a dumb and stupid idea.
She then used the destroyed hands to reform and turn into four giant 20-foot waterballs and threw them at me. I used my gizmo to fly away from the attacks. I fired my guns to destroy the last waterball.
I thought to myself, my guns won't get pass her shield, I got to do something more powerful. I came up with and idea and rocketed toward the ground. She threw several sharks made of water at me. I got to the ground and quickly planted a dodgeball to the surface. I flew away just before her attacks hit. I did the same thing again and planted another dodgeball to the ground while dodging her water kraken attacks. I did the same thing again as I landed in a area full of warehouses and planted my last dodgeball.
Suddenly, I saw a pool noodle coming to my face. I flew back and saw Cajun before me. He used his stick to the ground and sent an explosion to the end tip that sent him airborne. The man from the Bayou State was over my head and threw several punches at me. I block his punches, but some of them hit the jetpack, I guessing he missed. I threw a midair roundhouse to his face and he was knocked to the ground.
I flew back up and saw Water Witch up in the air, coming to me. I press at a small device and threw it at her location. She said, "What is thi..." Suddenly she saw three dodgeballs that I planted into the ground earlier were now flying towards her. She trying to moved out of the way but one of the three dodgeballs hit the side of her bubble and caused it to shattered to pieces. Before she could react to anything what's happening. She then saw me and I threw a fist into her face.
The punch sent her flying downwards to the empty warehouse area. She used her powers to create another water bubble to soften her fall right before she crashed into the ground.
Cajun ran to his grounded beloved and ran to her side. She seems weak from the fall, "Cajun, I too weak to use my powers again." He grabbed her hand and said, "Cajun, always love you ma chere." He gave her a kiss. He looked up to the air, "Don't worry, his days are up."
With her down, I now planned to defeat the swamp boy and...I now feel something behind my back that's building up energy. I looked at my jetpack and saw sticky playing cards attach to my jetpack. He must of put them there when his punches seem like they miss my face. I can see that energy was building up in the cards themselves.
I flew downward and pressed a button on the jetpack that ejected a toy lightsaber from it. I grabbed it and quickly unbuckle the machine. As I fall closer and closer to the ground, I can hear behind me that the machine burst into flames. With no time to waste, I used my toy lightsaber to stab on the edge of the warehouse building to prevent me from hitting the ground.
I pulled myself up the roof and watch as my falling jetpack crashed into the side of the one of the buildings and it started a fire. The flames spread around the four walls of the building and started reach to the next warehouse building and the next, soon in engulfed all the floor of the entire area. Thankfully it didn't up walls and only stayed on ground level.
There he was, The Cajun coming straight at me, full of rage. He swing his weapon at me but I used my toy lightsaber to block it's blows. Our weapons locked. The man from the Bayou State used his free hand to reach into his pocket and pulled out some cards. He sends kinetic energy into them and they started to glow. Not wanting him to plant another bomb on me like he did with my jetpack, I headbutted him. His grip on the pool noodle loosen and release from the weapons lock. I did a swing with my tool and sliced through one of his glowing eyes. He screamed in pain and lose control, not paying attention to his cards. I ran back as the cards exploded in front of him.
He was sent flying back from his own blast. His front area has some some fires on it, he quickly rolled left and right a few times just to shake the fire off. You can tell he was scream in panic.
He slowly got up, he had his one good right eye open as his damaged clothing reveal his chest and left arm was covered in burn marks. He staggered a little and try to aim his pool noodle towards my direction.
"STOP IT!!!" We turned to the sound and saw Water Witch reaching out to us. "Please just stop. We won't use the funding to raise an army, just let us go. Just don't kill us."
I admit, I now feel sad for them. I lowered my toy lightsaber and said, "Just get out of here and..." I stopped because I saw someone coming from behind the injured man and shouted, "Behind you!!!"
He turned around and suddenly a 7-foot tall monstrous man pierced The Cajun through the chest with his bone claws that's coming out of his knuckles and lifted his body up from the ground.
The man in the long brown coat cough some blood and asked weakly, "My brother, why?"
The monster looked deeply at his eyes and said, "Brothers? We were never blood. I always loved Water Witch from the beginning when I was at this business but she moved away during the fallout between you and Cowboy dropout. When I was restore back to life, I see you with her. It sickens me. And now you die." He flung his fist to the side, which sends fallen man to the side and falling to the burning ground below.
Thr red-haired woman seem in disbelief for a moment and then broke down in tears.
He looked down at me and asked, "Do you remember me? I am known as many stage names, Jungle King, Crell, Rice Wine, The One True Grater."
I remember him from North Little Rock. He was one of the many strippers there who went by Jungle King. He was mad that I put an end to the operation and went to attack me. This guy called Grater drink down an entire vial of Super Solider serum and it radically morphed him to his grotesque appearance. He went from my height to 7-foot tall. His bones has shifted to where he has spikes piercing out of his shoulders, elbows, knees. His skull has some sort of antenna or horn. His body is covered in blueish green veins. He became some sort of Super Grater.
Our match if you call it that ended quickly when he accidentally killed himself when he punched a pillar that caused a cave-in. I guessing like The Terminator, he came back from the dead from being some weird magical worm clone thing.
I told him, "I do remember you from the other location. I guessing like The Terminator, you came back from the dead from being some weird magical worm clone thing."
He now said, " So you do remember, you should die from ruining my performance from back then." He started charging at me with his bone claws. He swipe at me a few times. I block his blows with my weapons after the third blow, it knock it back. I rolled out of the way from his fourth attack.
I grabbed Cajun's weapon and threw it to Grater's chest. Instead of piercing through his chest, it only knock him back a little as the weapon's tip broke into pieces. He said to himself, "Pathetic." He threw a fist at me but I stopped it when I grabbed his wrist with one hand and use another to grab the back of his head and use it to slam his head to a pipe on the roof.
He broke out of my hold and grabbed and threw me. I saw one of Cajun's pool noodle shards and held it like a dagger as I jumped on top of an AC unit. I said to the beast, "How can you do that Grater, he was your brother and you killed him?" I slashed at his right shoulder but it did nothing but a tiny cut, seems I need something stronger. He delivered a mighty kick that shatter the unit pieces. I jumped back and slash at him but nothing. He grabbed by his giant hand and said, "That man was destined to be trash that needs to be burned." I said back, "And what's your destiny, to be a monster, a demon, look at yourself." He took a moment to pause to think but he shrugged it off and resume to kill me.
He threw me across and I landed a few feet away. I saw him charging at me with with fist with those claws extended. I told myself, fear nothing. I jumped out of the way of his fist. Before he could react, I delivered several kicks to his back and then slammed my foot on the back of his left knee, with him on the ground, I gave him a mean right hook. He stumbled back a few feet from my blow.
I jumped back and found my toy lightsaber I dropped earlier. I grabbed it and jump to my foe while performing a battle cry. He lunge his claws towards my head while I plan to sliced through his neck.
A sound of something being cut was heard.
Water Witch is getting to her feet and wiping her eyes. She then heard a noise and looked. She saw me standing there with a The Jungle King's head up in the air. I said, "The Grater is finished."
Water Witch said she will keep her promise and won't used the funds for building an army. She plans to give her love a funeral soon. Most of the strippers were upset business is closed again but at least they got paid from their tour. They plan to go back to running furniture business and do a better job running the business.
Water Witch used her powers to turn the entire Mississippi from my view into a giant tidal wave and ready to drop it down.
As quickly as I can, I ran away from it. I pulled out my phone on my pocket and clicked on an app. I press on some buttons and then hang up the phone. The tidal wave was getting nearer and nearer as I felt heavy rain starting to pour to me. I thought to myself, Please show yourself.
I looked towards the west and I saw it charging towards me. It was my remote control jetpack that's programmed to fly to my location when I used it's app. I grabbed on the devise and buckle in as the rain water was getting heaver and heaver. Wasting no time, I flew out of there.
Cajan saw this and told the sorceress, "Chere, sent me to the nearby warehouse. Maybe I can destroy his jetpack from there." She waved her hand and the bubble that's protecting them from the tidal wave was separated into two like watching two cells divide. His bubble was sent flying to it's location. She now turns to my location and used her flying bubble to hover towards me.
She turned the falling water into giant hands of water and reach out to grab me. I press a button on the side of the jetpack and it open two compartments, revealing two Nerf guns attach to it. I grabbed and turn towards her and fired at the giant hands. It causes the hands to scattered to pieces. I then fired my guns to her but her water shield block my bullets. Seems trying to kill her with a toy gun was a dumb and stupid idea.
She then used the destroyed hands to reform and turn into four giant 20-foot waterballs and threw them at me. I used my gizmo to fly away from the attacks. I fired my guns to destroy the last waterball.
I thought to myself, my guns won't get pass her shield, I got to do something more powerful. I came up with and idea and rocketed toward the ground. She threw several sharks made of water at me. I got to the ground and quickly planted a dodgeball to the surface. I flew away just before her attacks hit. I did the same thing again and planted another dodgeball to the ground while dodging her water kraken attacks. I did the same thing again as I landed in a area full of warehouses and planted my last dodgeball.
Suddenly, I saw a pool noodle coming to my face. I flew back and saw Cajun before me. He used his stick to the ground and sent an explosion to the end tip that sent him airborne. The man from the Bayou State was over my head and threw several punches at me. I block his punches, but some of them hit the jetpack, I guessing he missed. I threw a midair roundhouse to his face and he was knocked to the ground.
I flew back up and saw Water Witch up in the air, coming to me. I press at a small device and threw it at her location. She said, "What is thi..." Suddenly she saw three dodgeballs that I planted into the ground earlier were now flying towards her. She trying to moved out of the way but one of the three dodgeballs hit the side of her bubble and caused it to shattered to pieces. Before she could react to anything what's happening. She then saw me and I threw a fist into her face.
The punch sent her flying downwards to the empty warehouse area. She used her powers to create another water bubble to soften her fall right before she crashed into the ground.
Cajun ran to his grounded beloved and ran to her side. She seems weak from the fall, "Cajun, I too weak to use my powers again." He grabbed her hand and said, "Cajun, always love you ma chere." He gave her a kiss. He looked up to the air, "Don't worry, his days are up."
With her down, I now planned to defeat the swamp boy and...I now feel something behind my back that's building up energy. I looked at my jetpack and saw sticky playing cards attach to my jetpack. He must of put them there when his punches seem like they miss my face. I can see that energy was building up in the cards themselves.
I flew downward and pressed a button on the jetpack that ejected a toy lightsaber from it. I grabbed it and quickly unbuckle the machine. As I fall closer and closer to the ground, I can hear behind me that the machine burst into flames. With no time to waste, I used my toy lightsaber to stab on the edge of the warehouse building to prevent me from hitting the ground.
I pulled myself up the roof and watch as my falling jetpack crashed into the side of the one of the buildings and it started a fire. The flames spread around the four walls of the building and started reach to the next warehouse building and the next, soon in engulfed all the floor of the entire area. Thankfully it didn't up walls and only stayed on ground level.
There he was, The Cajun coming straight at me, full of rage. He swing his weapon at me but I used my toy lightsaber to block it's blows. Our weapons locked. The man from the Bayou State used his free hand to reach into his pocket and pulled out some cards. He sends kinetic energy into them and they started to glow. Not wanting him to plant another bomb on me like he did with my jetpack, I headbutted him. His grip on the pool noodle loosen and release from the weapons lock. I did a swing with my tool and sliced through one of his glowing eyes. He screamed in pain and lose control, not paying attention to his cards. I ran back as the cards exploded in front of him.
He was sent flying back from his own blast. His front area has some some fires on it, he quickly rolled left and right a few times just to shake the fire off. You can tell he was scream in panic.
He slowly got up, he had his one good right eye open as his damaged clothing reveal his chest and left arm was covered in burn marks. He staggered a little and try to aim his pool noodle towards my direction.
"STOP IT!!!" We turned to the sound and saw Water Witch reaching out to us. "Please just stop. We won't use the funding to raise an army, just let us go. Just don't kill us."
I admit, I now feel sad for them. I lowered my toy lightsaber and said, "Just get out of here and..." I stopped because I saw someone coming from behind the injured man and shouted, "Behind you!!!"
He turned around and suddenly a 7-foot tall monstrous man pierced The Cajun through the chest with his bone claws that's coming out of his knuckles and lifted his body up from the ground.
The man in the long brown coat cough some blood and asked weakly, "My brother, why?"
The monster looked deeply at his eyes and said, "Brothers? We were never blood. I always loved Water Witch from the beginning when I was at this business but she moved away during the fallout between you and Cowboy dropout. When I was restore back to life, I see you with her. It sickens me. And now you die." He flung his fist to the side, which sends fallen man to the side and falling to the burning ground below.
Thr red-haired woman seem in disbelief for a moment and then broke down in tears.
He looked down at me and asked, "Do you remember me? I am known as many stage names, Jungle King, Crell, Rice Wine, The One True Grater."
I remember him from North Little Rock. He was one of the many strippers there who went by Jungle King. He was mad that I put an end to the operation and went to attack me. This guy called Grater drink down an entire vial of Super Solider serum and it radically morphed him to his grotesque appearance. He went from my height to 7-foot tall. His bones has shifted to where he has spikes piercing out of his shoulders, elbows, knees. His skull has some sort of antenna or horn. His body is covered in blueish green veins. He became some sort of Super Grater.
Our match if you call it that ended quickly when he accidentally killed himself when he punched a pillar that caused a cave-in. I guessing like The Terminator, he came back from the dead from being some weird magical worm clone thing.
I told him, "I do remember you from the other location. I guessing like The Terminator, you came back from the dead from being some weird magical worm clone thing."
He now said, " So you do remember, you should die from ruining my performance from back then." He started charging at me with his bone claws. He swipe at me a few times. I block his blows with my weapons after the third blow, it knock it back. I rolled out of the way from his fourth attack.
I grabbed Cajun's weapon and threw it to Grater's chest. Instead of piercing through his chest, it only knock him back a little as the weapon's tip broke into pieces. He said to himself, "Pathetic." He threw a fist at me but I stopped it when I grabbed his wrist with one hand and use another to grab the back of his head and use it to slam his head to a pipe on the roof.
He broke out of my hold and grabbed and threw me. I saw one of Cajun's pool noodle shards and held it like a dagger as I jumped on top of an AC unit. I said to the beast, "How can you do that Grater, he was your brother and you killed him?" I slashed at his right shoulder but it did nothing but a tiny cut, seems I need something stronger. He delivered a mighty kick that shatter the unit pieces. I jumped back and slash at him but nothing. He grabbed by his giant hand and said, "That man was destined to be trash that needs to be burned." I said back, "And what's your destiny, to be a monster, a demon, look at yourself." He took a moment to pause to think but he shrugged it off and resume to kill me.
He threw me across and I landed a few feet away. I saw him charging at me with with fist with those claws extended. I told myself, fear nothing. I jumped out of the way of his fist. Before he could react, I delivered several kicks to his back and then slammed my foot on the back of his left knee, with him on the ground, I gave him a mean right hook. He stumbled back a few feet from my blow.
I jumped back and found my toy lightsaber I dropped earlier. I grabbed it and jump to my foe while performing a battle cry. He lunge his claws towards my head while I plan to sliced through his neck.
A sound of something being cut was heard.
Water Witch is getting to her feet and wiping her eyes. She then heard a noise and looked. She saw me standing there with a The Jungle King's head up in the air. I said, "The Grater is finished."
Water Witch said she will keep her promise and won't used the funds for building an army. She plans to give her love a funeral soon. Most of the strippers were upset business is closed again but at least they got paid from their tour. They plan to go back to running furniture business and do a better job running the business.
THE END
Monday, March 16, 2020
To Stop the Mississippi River Tour chapter 2
View Chapter 1
In a secret underground area near the town of Tomato, Arkansas. A brown-hair man with a long brown coat walked around the backstage, shuffling a pack of cards. He had a mysterious dark glow in his eyes. He is called The Cajun. He walked toward a young redhead woman. She turns towards him with a smile. He said, "Hello ma chere, why not give Cajun a little kiss." They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed.
In a secret underground area near the town of Tomato, Arkansas. A brown-hair man with a long brown coat walked around the backstage, shuffling a pack of cards. He had a mysterious dark glow in his eyes. He is called The Cajun. He walked toward a young redhead woman. She turns towards him with a smile. He said, "Hello ma chere, why not give Cajun a little kiss." They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed.
Unknown to them, a large man that's 7-foot tall with humongous muscles watch them from the shadows. I gave a growl and said, "You should been mine Water Witch. I wanted you for a long time" He balled his hands into fist that shook with anger. Out of the fist came out two bone claws piercing out between his knuckles.
Water Witch pull away and stare into his odd dark glowy eyes. She said, "Knock them out, give them one heck of a show." He replied, "Merci, after dis show, we get all da funds we need to start an army to conquer all of Arkansas with you as my queen."
They notice a man in a coat with his head down. Cajun asked, "Now which performer are you? I don't remember you?" The man drastically threw coat to the side and pointed a foam sword to them. It was me and I told them. "I rewrote the entrance sign, saying the show was closed. So no one is coming. I'm pulling the plug on this operation."
The man from Louisiana glared, "Now you shouldn't of done dat. I have to reschedule everything, non."
I asked him, "How in the world is The Terminator came back from the dead? Even he didn't know and the only answer he got was a guy high on tide pods." He smiled, "If you want to know, I tell you. You see, our strippers don't just specialized in only on stripping. I have some dem as highly advance scientists und powerful mystics. They used their skills to create worms dat dig underground und eat da remains of da deceased. They then morph into the person they ate, becoming a clone you say."
I had to take a few seconds on hearing the man I killed in Dumas was made of worms. I asked, "Why revived him? You wanted me dead by bringing him back?" The Cajun shrugged and said, "Not really, When I heard a few strippers died, I wanted dem revived. Everyone in da business are like brothers to me, we worked together und help each other. Dat's what I didn't like about dat Dallas Cowboy dropout, when we ran the business together, he didn't see us as people und I had to walk away from him. Oh well, C'est la vie."
He walked back and forth while shuffling those cards, showing no fear to my foam sword, "Big Richard on da other hand was way too recent after I left und we think he only became a stripper for his own agenda. We didn't know whose remains it was till da worms grew into dat man. So seeing he wanted you dead und we knew you were chasing us, we sent him out as a distraction."
He stop pacing, "But since you are here." He suddenly threw his cards like darts at me. I slash at them to defend myself but to my surprise, they exploded. The exploding cards knocked the sword out of my hands.
I saw Cajun pulled out a few more cards and it seems he injected them with some sort of energy. He said, "I bet you met my ex back den. You know, da football dropout's bodyguard. Things didn't work out between us. Back when we were together, both of us did had dark energy crystals. You remember when she ate them und develop powers?" I asked him, "So I'm guessing your explosive powers came from dark crystals too?" He smirk and threw some cards.
I ran back to avoid them. One of them got near and the blast of the explosion knock me off the ground for a second. He said, "Don't worry about my ex coming back. Da worms were only program to hunt down male DNA."
He threw another set of cards but I threw some paper ninja stars to hit his attacks that caused an explosive in the middle of the room. As the smoke clears, I ran to reach my fallen sword but before I could reach it, Cajun pulled out a pool noodle and try to jab me with it. I had to backtrack away from him to avoid his attacks. I threw some paper ninja stars and he used his weapon to block every shot.
Water Witch who was watching said, "How about I have some fun dear." She unzipped her jacket and threw it to the side. She was now wearing a green wetsuit that look like it's has scales on it. She wave her hands in the air and wave her hand to the right.
I saw the wall to my left side shaking. The wall burst open and large streams of water came gusting out. Seems she is manipulating the water out of the building's pipes. She then moved her hands towards mine direction. Wasting no time, I ran out of the area. I turn down some hall as I looked back, I saw a large wave of water coming towards my direction. I finally see the ladder that I used to enter the building. I climbed up and got out of the place before the flood hit.
I escaped to the surface and saw the Mississippi River nearby. I took a moment to breath and sighed a moment of relief.
Just then, I heard loud sounds in front of me, it was the ground itself exploded. As the dust from the explosion cleared, I saw Cajun and Water Witch standing there. She then raised her arms up high. Suddenly I felt a large earthquake and right after, a large shadow covered the entire land. I looked up and saw the entire Mississippi River was turned into a large tidal wave.
I looked at Water Witch and she activated a large bubble to protect herself and Cajun. She then threw her hands down with a mean smirk on her face, meaning she's bringing down the Mississippi.
He walked back and forth while shuffling those cards, showing no fear to my foam sword, "Big Richard on da other hand was way too recent after I left und we think he only became a stripper for his own agenda. We didn't know whose remains it was till da worms grew into dat man. So seeing he wanted you dead und we knew you were chasing us, we sent him out as a distraction."
He stop pacing, "But since you are here." He suddenly threw his cards like darts at me. I slash at them to defend myself but to my surprise, they exploded. The exploding cards knocked the sword out of my hands.
I saw Cajun pulled out a few more cards and it seems he injected them with some sort of energy. He said, "I bet you met my ex back den. You know, da football dropout's bodyguard. Things didn't work out between us. Back when we were together, both of us did had dark energy crystals. You remember when she ate them und develop powers?" I asked him, "So I'm guessing your explosive powers came from dark crystals too?" He smirk and threw some cards.
I ran back to avoid them. One of them got near and the blast of the explosion knock me off the ground for a second. He said, "Don't worry about my ex coming back. Da worms were only program to hunt down male DNA."
He threw another set of cards but I threw some paper ninja stars to hit his attacks that caused an explosive in the middle of the room. As the smoke clears, I ran to reach my fallen sword but before I could reach it, Cajun pulled out a pool noodle and try to jab me with it. I had to backtrack away from him to avoid his attacks. I threw some paper ninja stars and he used his weapon to block every shot.
Water Witch who was watching said, "How about I have some fun dear." She unzipped her jacket and threw it to the side. She was now wearing a green wetsuit that look like it's has scales on it. She wave her hands in the air and wave her hand to the right.
I saw the wall to my left side shaking. The wall burst open and large streams of water came gusting out. Seems she is manipulating the water out of the building's pipes. She then moved her hands towards mine direction. Wasting no time, I ran out of the area. I turn down some hall as I looked back, I saw a large wave of water coming towards my direction. I finally see the ladder that I used to enter the building. I climbed up and got out of the place before the flood hit.
I escaped to the surface and saw the Mississippi River nearby. I took a moment to breath and sighed a moment of relief.
Just then, I heard loud sounds in front of me, it was the ground itself exploded. As the dust from the explosion cleared, I saw Cajun and Water Witch standing there. She then raised her arms up high. Suddenly I felt a large earthquake and right after, a large shadow covered the entire land. I looked up and saw the entire Mississippi River was turned into a large tidal wave.
I looked at Water Witch and she activated a large bubble to protect herself and Cajun. She then threw her hands down with a mean smirk on her face, meaning she's bringing down the Mississippi.
To Be Continued...
Friday, March 13, 2020
To Stop the Mississippi River Tour chapter 1
Here it is, a new story is up. It's a parody that's loosely based on a certain movie sequel. I was requested to parody of the 1st movie a long time ago. Here is the sequel.
It's been a year since I stopped the evil accountant that help run a male stripper business. He was a former Dallas Cowboy player who was using his acquired money from the stripping business to fund a Neo-Baddie Movement where they will conquer and enslave all of Arkansas.
We believed that they were gone till we heard a ice cream truck full of male strippers crashed near Lake Village near the Mississippi River. The reason it crashed is because the driver was too busy smoking a tide pod while driving.
Most of the strippers disappeared, rumors state that they got a ride from the very same black woman with the weird hairdo from I saw way way back. It was when I fought against the Evil Elf King's forces when I fell off a moving 18-wheeler and fell on her car a long time ago.
Luckily, one of the strippers and the driver is still in a hospital at Lake Village. I arrived at his room during visiting hours and saw him on his bed with a leg in a cast. I told him, "I told the receptionist that I was a friend of yours." He looked at me and said, "Your that guy that put a stop on our stripping gig in North Little Rock."
I asked, "I thought you guys retired and started running a furniture business?" He replied, "We did but it didn't do well, so we decided to go back to our old jobs. A guy called The Cajun who was a former stripper came by and said we can go do a tour up the Mississippi River. He and the Dallas Cowboy used to run the business together but things went south between the two and he left. He came back to run the business when he heard his former partner left."
I asked, "You know where they headed?" He said, "I know a list of places we are going to perform." He grabbed a notepad and pen from his food tray. He wrote down something and handed me the sheet. He said, "That's all the cities we were going." I was about to head to the door when he said, "Wait!" He handed me a cell phone and said, "One of other strippers handed me this, he told me that you be most likely to visit me. He wanted to me to hand you this phone and contact you."
I told the patient goodbye and thank you as I headed outside the building. I looked at the cell's contacts and saw only one. I called it and soon I heard someone. On the other end was a man with a rough Australian accent. He said, "When my head was cut off last year and right before I slip to unconsciousness and was plunge into the depths of Hell, I made a promise that I will have revenge on you and I will keep my promise."
My skin turned white and said, "Big Richard? But how? I watch you die?" He replied, "I rather you called me The Terminator than my stupid stage name that I used to go undercover as a stripper. As how I come back, I honesty don't know? According to our driver, I was in Hell and I met a 4-eyed demon who's called Tri-something, all I know it starts with a T. The demon told me he resurrect me in order serve him. Honesty, I think our driver was high on those tide pods but that may be the only theory that sort of makes sense."
I told the merc, "Well I like to chat and all but I got to stop a group of guys go touring up the Mississippi". The man answered back, " But what about all the hostages I have? The entire city of Dumas is under lockdown with mercenaries patrolling the streets. We be waiting." The call ended. I seems I have to deal with my old enemy first.
Later that night, I sneaked into the city of Dumas. I pulled out my binoculars and see tanks patrolling the streets. Most of the citizens were asleep, so they don't notice what's happening to their city. I watch where the tanks were going for a few minutes and then, I see one of them parked at a building.
I went to it's direction. When I arrived there, I saw tank's driver outside of his vehicle to grab a cola from the drink machine. He mutter to himself, "Gee, I hope the boss won't notice. I been going around the streets for hours in that hot tank." Little did he know I sneaked inside of his tank.
I saw a owner's manual near the driver's seat. I did a quick read of it on how to use this thing. According to it, the tanks' main weakness is on the backside of the vehicle. After I was done, I put it down and begin driving it.
I drove around city and spotted one of the other tanks. I went from behind it and got a lock-on it's backside. I fired a Nerf missile from the vehicle's turret and destroy the enemy machine. I drove around the city and did the same thing a few times.
I was down to two tanks left. As I was about to get to them, I spotted a far larger tank that was twice the size of a normal one. Soon it spotted me and the three tanks were firing missiles on me. I quickly turn around and activated the tank's boosters to hightail it. I came back to the location and quickly destroy one of the two smaller ones. The other small one saw me and alerted the big one. I bet the driver of that vehicle is The Terminator himself. They chase me across city and after passing a few buildings, I finally lost them. I drove around the entire city to sneak up on them on the other side.
I got to the last small tank and fired a Nerf missile on it's backside. All that's left is the big one. It has a different design that these regular vehicles. It may not have the same weakness. It notice me and fired heat-seeking Nerf missiles. I fire my machine Nerf guns to destroy them and unload all missiles on the giant tanks. I used the vehicle's boosters to retreat while still firing. Finally after minute of fighting, his giant machine broke down. I saw his cockpit hatch was opening, meaning he's ready to fight me head on.
I think back to remember the last time I fought him. It was a very brutal hand-to-hand match. One of the most epic battles I was ever in. I was barely lucky to survive that fight.
I was ready to face him now, I press the eject button and I was flung into the air. We both were up and the air ready to face each other. He raise his sword but I deliver a punch into his face. He were now falling downward. Giving him no time to react, I pulled out my toy lightsaber and....Already I cut his head off....
As I land on my feet while his headless body crashed to the ground, I said to myself, "Dude, that was very anti-climatic! WTF man! I thought I was going to have an epic match."
All the damage was clean up overnight and the citizens of the city didn't notice that Dumas was under lockdown from mercenaries.
It seems my battle with Terminator was meant for detraction. I try to go to all the cities where the strippers perform like Dewitt, West Helena, Forest City, Birdsong, Marked Tree, Osceola, Blytheville. Seems likes they were already here. All I got now is one more city to explore, they are going to perform one last show in a secret underground area nearby the town of Tomato, Arkansas.
It's been a year since I stopped the evil accountant that help run a male stripper business. He was a former Dallas Cowboy player who was using his acquired money from the stripping business to fund a Neo-Baddie Movement where they will conquer and enslave all of Arkansas.
We believed that they were gone till we heard a ice cream truck full of male strippers crashed near Lake Village near the Mississippi River. The reason it crashed is because the driver was too busy smoking a tide pod while driving.
Most of the strippers disappeared, rumors state that they got a ride from the very same black woman with the weird hairdo from I saw way way back. It was when I fought against the Evil Elf King's forces when I fell off a moving 18-wheeler and fell on her car a long time ago.
Luckily, one of the strippers and the driver is still in a hospital at Lake Village. I arrived at his room during visiting hours and saw him on his bed with a leg in a cast. I told him, "I told the receptionist that I was a friend of yours." He looked at me and said, "Your that guy that put a stop on our stripping gig in North Little Rock."
I asked, "I thought you guys retired and started running a furniture business?" He replied, "We did but it didn't do well, so we decided to go back to our old jobs. A guy called The Cajun who was a former stripper came by and said we can go do a tour up the Mississippi River. He and the Dallas Cowboy used to run the business together but things went south between the two and he left. He came back to run the business when he heard his former partner left."
I asked, "You know where they headed?" He said, "I know a list of places we are going to perform." He grabbed a notepad and pen from his food tray. He wrote down something and handed me the sheet. He said, "That's all the cities we were going." I was about to head to the door when he said, "Wait!" He handed me a cell phone and said, "One of other strippers handed me this, he told me that you be most likely to visit me. He wanted to me to hand you this phone and contact you."
I told the patient goodbye and thank you as I headed outside the building. I looked at the cell's contacts and saw only one. I called it and soon I heard someone. On the other end was a man with a rough Australian accent. He said, "When my head was cut off last year and right before I slip to unconsciousness and was plunge into the depths of Hell, I made a promise that I will have revenge on you and I will keep my promise."
My skin turned white and said, "Big Richard? But how? I watch you die?" He replied, "I rather you called me The Terminator than my stupid stage name that I used to go undercover as a stripper. As how I come back, I honesty don't know? According to our driver, I was in Hell and I met a 4-eyed demon who's called Tri-something, all I know it starts with a T. The demon told me he resurrect me in order serve him. Honesty, I think our driver was high on those tide pods but that may be the only theory that sort of makes sense."
I told the merc, "Well I like to chat and all but I got to stop a group of guys go touring up the Mississippi". The man answered back, " But what about all the hostages I have? The entire city of Dumas is under lockdown with mercenaries patrolling the streets. We be waiting." The call ended. I seems I have to deal with my old enemy first.
Later that night, I sneaked into the city of Dumas. I pulled out my binoculars and see tanks patrolling the streets. Most of the citizens were asleep, so they don't notice what's happening to their city. I watch where the tanks were going for a few minutes and then, I see one of them parked at a building.
I went to it's direction. When I arrived there, I saw tank's driver outside of his vehicle to grab a cola from the drink machine. He mutter to himself, "Gee, I hope the boss won't notice. I been going around the streets for hours in that hot tank." Little did he know I sneaked inside of his tank.
I saw a owner's manual near the driver's seat. I did a quick read of it on how to use this thing. According to it, the tanks' main weakness is on the backside of the vehicle. After I was done, I put it down and begin driving it.
I drove around city and spotted one of the other tanks. I went from behind it and got a lock-on it's backside. I fired a Nerf missile from the vehicle's turret and destroy the enemy machine. I drove around the city and did the same thing a few times.
I was down to two tanks left. As I was about to get to them, I spotted a far larger tank that was twice the size of a normal one. Soon it spotted me and the three tanks were firing missiles on me. I quickly turn around and activated the tank's boosters to hightail it. I came back to the location and quickly destroy one of the two smaller ones. The other small one saw me and alerted the big one. I bet the driver of that vehicle is The Terminator himself. They chase me across city and after passing a few buildings, I finally lost them. I drove around the entire city to sneak up on them on the other side.
I got to the last small tank and fired a Nerf missile on it's backside. All that's left is the big one. It has a different design that these regular vehicles. It may not have the same weakness. It notice me and fired heat-seeking Nerf missiles. I fire my machine Nerf guns to destroy them and unload all missiles on the giant tanks. I used the vehicle's boosters to retreat while still firing. Finally after minute of fighting, his giant machine broke down. I saw his cockpit hatch was opening, meaning he's ready to fight me head on.
I think back to remember the last time I fought him. It was a very brutal hand-to-hand match. One of the most epic battles I was ever in. I was barely lucky to survive that fight.
I was ready to face him now, I press the eject button and I was flung into the air. We both were up and the air ready to face each other. He raise his sword but I deliver a punch into his face. He were now falling downward. Giving him no time to react, I pulled out my toy lightsaber and....Already I cut his head off....
As I land on my feet while his headless body crashed to the ground, I said to myself, "Dude, that was very anti-climatic! WTF man! I thought I was going to have an epic match."
All the damage was clean up overnight and the citizens of the city didn't notice that Dumas was under lockdown from mercenaries.
It seems my battle with Terminator was meant for detraction. I try to go to all the cities where the strippers perform like Dewitt, West Helena, Forest City, Birdsong, Marked Tree, Osceola, Blytheville. Seems likes they were already here. All I got now is one more city to explore, they are going to perform one last show in a secret underground area nearby the town of Tomato, Arkansas.
Thursday, February 20, 2020
You Will Cry!!! 2019 part 1
This is collection of jokes of all the major movies that came out in the 1st half of 2019. Enjoy!!!
I'm going to make you watch Alita... You will cry.... When you see her giant anime eyes.
Good Gosh those are freaky.
Note- This movie was based from some obscure anime from 1990s. It's in live-action but only the cyborgs are in CGI. The main character is clearly resemble your average anime character with those giant eyes. It being done in a somewhat realistic setting, it's big eyes is very noticeable. Of course, it became the joke of the internet for a while.
1. I'm going to make you watch Captain Marvel and....What do you mean Captain Marvel is a blond woman. No it isn't, it's a little boy that turns into a adult. I'm not lying, his name really is Captain Marvel.
*Ending spoilers ahead, skip to the next one*
2. That Superman couldn't make a full cameo in the movie because of that stupid CGI mustache and it's all Tom Cruise's fault.
Note#1- I'm not lying that Shazam is also known as Captain Marvel. I give a timeline of events of how this happen.
- In 1940s and 50s, Captain Marvel was published by Fawcett comics and they were very popular and even outselling DC's Superman. It's about a boy who can transform into a superhero by shouting "SHAZAM!"
- DC comics sued Fawcett, saying most of Captain Marvel's powers are ripping off of the Man in Steel.
- Fawcett lose the case and stop making comics of the superhero.
- Marvel comics in the 60s came around and made their own Captain Marvel with copyrights and everything. Marvel's Captain Marvel died later on and had successors who took the mantle, including Carol Danvers.(Who the movie is based on)
- DC tried to bring Fawcett's Marvel back under their comics they can't call him Captain Marvel on the comic covers due to Marvel Comics having the copyright. So it's called SHAZAM! now. They can call him Captain Marvel within the comics, just not on the covers.
- Years and years later, both Captain Marvels somehow ended up having movies that came out at the same time.
*Ending Spoilers Ahead*
Note#2- There is a scene where Superman sits down with Shazam at the school cafeteria but you see him from the neck down. Originally, they were going to get Henry Cavill from the recent DC movies to play Superman but he wasn't available at the time.
It was easy to joke that they didn't show his face because of the infamous CGI mustache. Henry Cavill had to come back to Justice League for reshoots but was under contract from the recent Mission Impossible to not shave his stache, which lead to a very noticeable fake looking upper lip.
You will cry... on how Nick Fury lost his eye.
Note- There were theories over the years of how Nick Fury lost his eye. Captain Marvel took place in the 90s and we finally see it and he simply got his eye scratch out by a mere cat...Ok , a weird alien cat that can eat everything and shoot out tentacles but it acted like a regular cat during that one scene. People were not happy this he lost his eye in an anti-climatic fashion. In the comics, his eye got damage when he got hit by a grenade while battling Nazis.
*Major spoilers for all of Avengers: Endgame. Skip to the next movie if you don't want to see. You been warned*
2. That you haven't seen Daredevil, Luke Cage, Punisher, Agents of Shield, Runaways, and that awful Inhumans or you be confused on the movie since you never saw these shows.
3. That Thor is fat. That the Hulk talks normal and is smart.
4. That they are coping off the infamous comic story of Captain America, a man who values the American ideals says, "Hail Hydra". You know, the Nazis.
5. That the overly hyped Captain Marvel didn't do much
6. That X dies
7. That Captain America's ending didn't make sense
8. That there was no post credits. Man, nobody came to the theaters to see the movie itself, they came to see the post-credits, if they don't have one, then what's the point of watching?
Note#1- Yes, Thanos did actually died 15 minutes within the movie, however the powers where he took away of half of all life in the universe was un-reversible. The Avengers were upset they couldn't undo what Thanos did and 5 years past. They then discover time travel, then Thanos from years ago learn of their plans and time travels to the present to battle them.
Note#2- I joke with others that your required to see all the TV shows that take place in the MCU. Forgot trying to catch up on 22 movies but several TV shows as well. However while these shows do take place in the same world, the movies don't reference them at all. They know not everyone watches stuff beyond the movies and they don't reference it for the sake of confusing casuals. So you can watch the shows at your own pace if you want or not watch them, instead of forcing yourself to watch just to not be confused at Endgame.
Note#3- Failing on undo the damage Thanos did, Thor became upset and got fat within the 5 years.
As for the Hulk, his and Bruce Banner's personalities merged into Professor Hulk. The merged personalities guy was also in the comics as well.
It is funny to show people who haven't seen this movie and show them how much Thor and Hulk has changed.
Note#4- A few years back, there was a comic storyline called Secret Empire. The storyline started with Captain America as the leader of S.H.I.E.L.D saying, "Hail Hydra", revealing he was a sleeper agent all these years and now he is in control of the government organization.
People complained a symbol of American values, who was originally written by Jewish writers, is now a Nazi sleeper agent and people wanted to burn their Captain America comics.
Then it was reveal that the Cosmic Cube or Tesseract as MCU viewers know, rewrote reality itself, making Cap into an agent of Hydra. In the end, the good version of Captain America came back and he is now existing with the evil Nazi Hydra counterpart and they fought.
Now in the actual movie itself, the Avengers were time traveling into the past to grab the infinity stones but they saw several agents were grabbing the Tesseract. Due to his knowledge from the future that those are Hydra agents posing as S.H.I.E.L.D agents, Cap joins them and pretends he's one of them and they handed him the cube.
Note#5- Captain Marvel was very hyped up long before Infinity War was out. It was said she is the most powerful superhero. She also had a movie coming between Infinity War and Endgame. When Infinity War ended on a cliffhanger and the post-credits were teasing her movie, people are saying she is the one who will bring down Thanos. Others make a joke that Ant-Man who be the one by ...well going up his butt and well...umm enlarging.... I seriously doubt that happens.
She did help Iron Man return back to Earth in the beginning and exchange a few blows against Thanos at the end but she had a very small role in Endgame.
Note#6- Endgame was meant to be the grand finale of the Infinity Saga and some of the actors' contracts of the numbers of movies they were in was about to be done. Someone dying was a possibility.
Note#7- After Thanos was defeated. Cap was planning to go back in time to return the stones exactly where they found them. However, he didn't come back from the portal, his friends notice a 90-year old man sitting on a park bench. Turns out he went back to his love that he left behind when he got frozen in the 1940s and didn't wake up till 2010s.
This confused people. Did he travel back in time? Didn't she moved on and get married? What if he was the husband and Sharon Carter is his biological granddaughter and they ki...ewww.
Others say he went to a different universe and didn't mess up the timestream.
Some are happy he got his happy ending. Others are not because he and Peggy moved on.
Various members of cast and crew had different answers on the ending.
Note#8- Marvel movies are known having post credits scenes. Stuff that teases the next movie. However for once, there was no post credits at all.
Imagine people who was still sitting in the seats in theater during the credits and all they see was nothing.
You will cry...that Jigglypuff is in it.
Oh great, this unholy monstrosity is it. She's the Jar-Jar of Pokemon. We could of have this 1st great video game movie but she had to ruin it with her presence, because of her, Pokemon is ruined forever.
Note-I admit I'm not into Pokemon. Most of my knowledge comes from the major Nintendo crossover game, Super Smash Bros.
Of all the playable characters, one of my least favorites is Jigglypuff. She incredibly lightweight to the point by gently poking her with your finger will send her flying. I remember dying alot playing her, even on very easy mode.
I know pro players during the Melee era know how to make her everything but weak. She can sing to put others to sleep and rest to blast people away but you have to be very very close and your an open target performing these moves.
I admit, it silly to hate on a character when I only know her from a non-pokemon game.
2. That Will Smith is a poor follow up to Dan Castellaneta
*Spoiler warning. Even this is word by word remake of the original, the next bit is one of the few exclusive things that came from remake.*
3.That Genie ends up with Jasmine's handmaiden and not the female genie, Eden.
I hate you Dalia. How dare you ruined one of my favorite Aladdin ships. I hope people write nasty fanfics of you.
This is who Genie should be with. GenieXEdenForever!!!
Note#1-There was backlash on early material and it only showed Will Smith looking like a regular human.
Will Smith and others who made the movie said have patience and have hope to see Genie looking like a genie. When another trailer came around, we finally see Will Smith in his full genie glory....Then more backlash happen and jokes and stuff. With him in obvious CGI or him being very very blue.
Note#2-When it was announced that Will Smith was playing Genie, everyone on the planet was comparing the Fresh Prince to the comedian legend. Everyone but me.
Here's the thing, I never actually own the VHS/DVD/Blu-ray of the movie. Of the many movies my school will play when they bring in the TVs, Aladdin wasn't one of them. So I only saw the movie only twice in my entire lifetime.
Some of the hate on the Fresh Prince die down with him being his own Genie instead of coping off of Robin.
Also after watching a dozen episodes, looking back at this scene looks weird to me because they never randomly bust out into singing in the entire series.
Note#3- I don't hate Jasmine's handmaiden. I just remember Genie had a love interest in a few episodes from the TV series and I wonder if there's people out there that is upset that Genie was with someone else. However this is a completely different universe and not everything has to be the same.
1. You will cry...On Mothra's new design.
*Spoilers ahead, you been warned*
2. That Rodan is a traitor.
3. Godzilla using one of Ghidorha's heads as a cigar.
Note#1- While most of the designs were loved, Mothra was the only one people complain and nickname here MINO.(Mothra in name only)
Note#2- Rodan is usually on Godzilla's side in most movies. Him working with King Ghidorha was surprising.
Note#3- At the end, when Ghidorha was destroyed, only one of his three heads remained. Godzilla grabbed in it's mouth and fling it around and then destroyed it with his atomic breath. Alot people joked that he is using Ghidorha's head as a cigar.
Sunday, January 5, 2020
Update
Added characters of Type-0, World of FF, and FF15 to the Big Players part of the series.
I didn't see the point of adding a whole new page since there was hardly any romance in Type-0 and World of FF. (Asides RemXMachina and the cheesy what-if ending)
https://chrisnumber1.blogspot.com/2017/06/what-makes-final-fantasy-hero-part-23.html
I didn't see the point of adding a whole new page since there was hardly any romance in Type-0 and World of FF. (Asides RemXMachina and the cheesy what-if ending)
https://chrisnumber1.blogspot.com/2017/06/what-makes-final-fantasy-hero-part-23.html
What makes a Final Fantasy Hero: Part 3.3: "Deaths"
Here's 3.3 of where I make fun of certain cliches that happens to the main characters of Final Fantasy. I be discussing characters who "died" in the game's ending or final battle. Be warned, there will be spoilers. If there is a certain FF game you don't want to be spoiled, skip the entry.
I already did games FF1 to FF13 in the past. I was never into the MMO FF games so be skipping 11 and 14. Since I posted the original articles, I played some of the newer FF games and I be adding the newer games in this entry.
If you want to see, here's the link to my previous articles of the "What makes a Final Fantasy Hero".
From Final Fantasy Type-0 is Class Zero
The world is at war and Rubrum's last line of defense a magical school training child soldiers. Class Zero is a class that was secret to the school itself till they went public at the start of the game.
Ace is normally has the spotlight of the game but really, he gets as much screentime as his classmates. The two new recruits, Machina and Rem get more screentime and character development compared to the others.
So how they die?
1st, I'm going to talk about Machina and Rem and then the rest of Class Zero
A one point 3/4 in the game, Machina was not happy at the team for being partly responsible for the death of his brother and Rem's incurable illness is getting more noticeable, he storms off on his own. He meets the Empire's crystal champion(I'Cie), wanting to get more stronger, he takes the powers from the Empire's champion. However, this somewhat gave him a split personality as he wonders off incognito as the Emperor's hitman and not remember afterwards.
When the main gang were off to the game's final dungeon, Rem's sickness went bad and she collapsed and not wake up. Not long after, Rubrum's crystal made Rem into it's guardian where she has superpowers. Soon she and the Empire's champion clashed and as she gets stabbed, they both realized who they were fighting. As she was dying in his arms, they turn into crystal statues.
World of Final Fantasy has the twins, Lann and Reynn.
So did they die? Well there's a bad ending and a true ending.
In the bad ending, Lann goes against the main villain and used his powers to seal up the villain and himself in a bunch of glowing cubes. Reynn is upset her brother is gone and goes home and sulks.
In the true ending, they were far more prepared and knew how to control their powers better. They sealed up the villain in a glowing cube and threw him, all the invading robot army, and themselves into an extra-dimensional gate, disappearing from the world of Grimoire.
Final Fantasy 15 has Prince Noctis Lucis Caelum who tried to restore his recently fallen kingdom.
I already did games FF1 to FF13 in the past. I was never into the MMO FF games so be skipping 11 and 14. Since I posted the original articles, I played some of the newer FF games and I be adding the newer games in this entry.
If you want to see, here's the link to my previous articles of the "What makes a Final Fantasy Hero".
From Final Fantasy Type-0 is Class Zero
Ace is normally has the spotlight of the game but really, he gets as much screentime as his classmates. The two new recruits, Machina and Rem get more screentime and character development compared to the others.
So how they die?
1st, I'm going to talk about Machina and Rem and then the rest of Class Zero
A one point 3/4 in the game, Machina was not happy at the team for being partly responsible for the death of his brother and Rem's incurable illness is getting more noticeable, he storms off on his own. He meets the Empire's crystal champion(I'Cie), wanting to get more stronger, he takes the powers from the Empire's champion. However, this somewhat gave him a split personality as he wonders off incognito as the Emperor's hitman and not remember afterwards.
When the main gang were off to the game's final dungeon, Rem's sickness went bad and she collapsed and not wake up. Not long after, Rubrum's crystal made Rem into it's guardian where she has superpowers. Soon she and the Empire's champion clashed and as she gets stabbed, they both realized who they were fighting. As she was dying in his arms, they turn into crystal statues.
As for the remainder of Class Zero, well there's a true ending and bad ending.
When they defeated the empire and went back home, extra-dimensional beings(Rursan Reavers) were released all over the world and slaughtering everything in site. Our heroes realized they have to go the final dungeon. Partway in the final dungeon, they were offer a choice by their country's crystal, become I'Cie or remain mortal to fight the main villain. If they become I'Cie, they go out to the world map and fight all the Rursan Reavers but they were overwhelmed by their numbers and died. That's the bad ending. According to post-game info, the bad ending has happened over 600 million times in the past. Class Zero's "Mother", Arecia hits the planet's reset button and a new cycle begins. She and Gala have been doing this on experimenting on ways to find and burst open the gate to the afterlife.
In the true ending, they went to the final boss who is this game's Cid and fought him. They fought him and won but they were badly wounded from their battle. They were teleported to their classroom and talk about this is the end and if they live, they came up with plans of what they do with their lives since the war is over. Machina and Rem found them all dead as they were sitting together and holding hands.
Did Machina and Rem survived? Two members of Class Zero from a previous timeline talked to Arecia and this convinced her to do things differently. She used her powers to make Machina and Rem wake up from their crystal sleep and they found the bodies of Class Zero. They told tales of their journey and the couple got married.
Did Class Zero survived? No, maybe Yes?
There is an alternate what-if ending if there was no war and the world of FF Type-0 was a cheesy romance high school comedy with a equally cheesy J-pop song translated into English.
Some say this is alternate world. Others say when Arecia left the world, she took the crystals with her and this caused the world to reset again but there is no war going in this timeline.
There is another bonus ending. It doesn't say much but it shows the formally dead Ace waking up in feudal Japanese armor and covered in flames, like a phoenix.
What does this mean? Is it a idea of a sequel, spinoff, alternate universe. Is this the very same Ace? To this day, there's hasn't been much said.
They with no memory of their past life, they were sent into the world of Grimoire to collect mirages(basically the FF version of Pokemon) and save the world.
So did they die? Well there's a bad ending and a true ending.
In the bad ending, Lann goes against the main villain and used his powers to seal up the villain and himself in a bunch of glowing cubes. Reynn is upset her brother is gone and goes home and sulks.
In the true ending, they were far more prepared and knew how to control their powers better. They sealed up the villain in a glowing cube and threw him, all the invading robot army, and themselves into an extra-dimensional gate, disappearing from the world of Grimoire.
Did they survived? In the bad ending, Reynn was upset and soon she met the evolved form of her main mirage. It sacrificed it's 9 lives to set the clock back just before they raided the villain's fortress. They came up with a plan to do thing differently and be more prepared, which leads to the true ending.
In the true ending, the twins were absorbed by the extra-dimensional gate. They weren't dead, they just having more adventures in other worlds. Maybe a hint of a sequel?
As they left, they leave copies of themselves in Grimoire, mostly to do with all the post-game content.
Did he died?
Towards the end of the game, he was told by god-like beings that he is the chosen king who ultimately put an end the the game's villain and save the world, at the cost of his life.
He gets absorbed by the crystal and then comes back to the real world 10 years later. The world has never saw it's sun in the past decade and demons roam the land. The only way to save the world is to kill the source of the plague of demons, physically and spiritually. The main villain Ardyn who sits on the throne of the kingdom.
After killing his physical body. Noctis sits on the throne and uses his powers to summons the spirits of all the rulers of the kingdom. Each member stuck a fatal blow on the newly appointed king and the last blow with a sad look on his face was done by his father.
Noctis then meets Ardyn in the afterlife and summons the spirits of his bloodline to lay waste to the villain. Thus ending Ardyn's immortally and restoring the world to light.
Did he survive? No, but yes in other timelines.
He dies for real and marries Luna in the afterlife and becomes king.
There is DLC that tells stories of Noctis' friends when they were separate from Noctis. One is about Ignis who is team's cook and driver when Noctis was unconscious during an attack on a city and you play Ignis during the chaos.
During 2/3s in the DLC chapter, Ignis gets a vision of game's ending of Noctis dying. You meet Ardyn and you were given a choice, follow him and fight him. He fights him and grabs Noctis' royal ring and used it's powers to force Ardyn to retreat. Since he isn't of royal blood, it comes with a price, it makes him blind for the remainder of the game. Knowing Noctis' fate one day, he knows the prince wouldn't back down and would keep going, even it cost him his life.
If you choose to follow Ardyn, you get to an alternate ending. Ignis follows him to the empire's lair and learns of his real identity and goals. Not wanting the villain to win or Noctis dying. He uses the royal ring and offer his own life if it means changing fate.
Ignis killed Ardyn's physically body but was now dying. Noctis and gang found him and the prince uses the crystal's powers to heal up Ignis. We now have an ending where Noctis isn't dead and Ignis isn't blind. Due to Ardyn being alive in the astral world, Ignis has made plans when he returns.
There were more plans for a 4-part DLC but the project was abandon and the game's director stepped down. Only the 1st part was made and released when the project was abandoned.
Part 1 was based on the villain and how started as a good man with was trying to do great things, only to betrayed by his brother and turned into a demon. He woke up centuries later, wanted to have revenge on his brother's bloodline. He soon learn from god-like being of the prophesy of Noctis slaying him and saving the world. He was unhappy that he is this plaything of the gods.
You were given a choice, either accept your fate or denied it. Accepting it will leads to the canonical end of the game where he's at least somewhat happy his immortally ends and the Lucis bloodline ends with Noctis in the future.
If you denied it, it leads to this alternate timeline. It stays the same up till near the end of the game.
While parts 2-4 weren't released, a book that was based on the entire 4-part series was released as Dawn of the Future.
During the time when Noctis wakes up from his 10 year nap and sees the world trapped in an eternal night. The god-like being Bahamut resurrects Lunafreya and task her with goals.
She learns that Bahamut change plans with Noctis ending Ardyn, the source of the plague that's turning people into demons. He plans to unleash Teraflare to wipe out all life on the planet to end the plague. Luna goes to Ardyn and tells him everything. He doesn't want to help at first but he changes his mind. Mostly because he hates being Bahamut's plaything.
At the end, she, Ardyn, all the summons(minus Bahamut), and Noctis and his friends team up to fight against Bahamut.
Everyone is happy in this ending. Noctis and Luna get married as his dad and her brother's spirits watch. Even Ardyn gets a happy ending in the afterlife where his love interest from centuries ago greets him while in the physical world, Noctis acknowledges him as the true founder of the kingdom.
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