You will Cry!!! 2010

Clash of the Titans- I'm going to make you watch Clash of the Titans...You will cry...You will cry...When you see….A beautiful Medusa.

1981 version

2010 version. Played by a Russian model 

Note-You don’t be an expert in Greek Mythology to know that her ugly face can turn people to stone. There were a lot things about the movie didn't follow Greek myths but this is something that even causal people would even notice.

Oh, did you know that Pegasus is born from the remains of Medusa. That's mess up since in the movie, the flying horse help transports Perseus to Medusa's lair.

Here's the trailer if anyone wants to see


Iron Man 2- You cry...When you see…War Machine's actor gets replaced.

How in the world a biracial man turn into a black man? So much for Terrance Howard saying, "Next time" in the 1st Iron Man film.

Here's the trailer 



Toy Story 3- You cry...You will cry...When you see...The ending."

Note- People actually cried.

Here's the trailer

　

The Last Airbender- You will cry...You will cry... When you see…That it not a sequel to the blue people movie.

I think they made this movie to copy off the success of Avatar. Look at the poster, over half of it is blue. I see a dude with scars on the side of his face, is that trying to make people think he's the general. This movie is a lame knock off.

Note- As I said in the 2009 page, I never saw the cartoon but I knew a live action movie was coming out and I heard things here and there like the famous director, James Cameron will be directing it. I decided to check out the new trailer that’s on youtube's front page. I was confused and it didn't look like some Eastern fantasy world but some Scifi flick. I quickly realized that there are two separate Avatars. Even long after figuring out the two separate movies, I still joke around pretending these movies were meant to be the same thing.

Here's the trailer




Inception-You cry...That you can't figure out what is reality and what is a dream.

Here's the trailer 　



The Expendables- You will Cry...That Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis is only in it for a minute.

Why is Bruce Willis in this poster if he's in the movie for a minute? What if some fanboy may of want to see the movie just for him and he gets disappointed.

It be like putting Samuel L. Jackson on Iron-Man 1 poster or Thanos on The Avengers poster. Next thing you see is Jackie Chan on the front cover of the Blade of Kings...Oh wait, that actually happen.

He shows up at the climax to fight Donnie Yen for 5 minutes and than disappears.

Note- Well Arnold at the time was busy being the Governor of California so he had a reason to not be in the movie for long.

Here's the trailer

Tron Legacy- You will Cry...That it would look outdated in a few decades

Note- I think anyone nowdays will quickly notice the CGI in the 1st movie is badly outdated. I bet people back in the early 80s said alot things that seems funny nowdays.

Wow! Look at those bikes, they look so real!"- some dude in the early 80s

I basically said the same thing blocky characters when 3D gaming got big. 

Wow! Final Fantasy in 3D. Look at those characters, they look so real!"- Me in the mid to later 90s

 When I saw the endings to Mortal Kombat 4, I thought they were the coolest thing ever but nowdays, they're funny to watch.

Jax's Ending

Scorpion's Ending

Sub-Zero's Ending

Here's the trailer to Tron: Legacy

Yogi Bear- You will cry when you see Boo Boo.... Is played by Justin Timberlake.

Note- Didn't see nor cared. Based on the trailer, the movie didn't look like it be worth watching. I told people that Boo Boo is played by the Backstreet Boy but they didn't believe me. They thought I was making it up.

Here's the trailer

You will Cry!!! archive

A collection of my silly movie jokes

A. By Year

B. By Franchise

C. Prequels

D. Misc.

A. By Year

2009

2010

2011

2012

2013

2014

2015

2016 Part 1

2016 Part 2

2017 Part 1

2017 Part 2

2018 Part 1

2018 Part 2

2019 Part 1

2019 Part 2

2020

2021 Part 1

B. By Franchise

Godzilla

Jurassic Park (and other dino movies)

Ninja Turtles

Transformers

Spider-Man

Giant Monsters/Kaiju (That doesn't involved Godzilla)

X-Men

MCU(Phase 1)

Terminator

DCEU

C. Prequels

The Prequel

The 2nd Prequel

Another Prequel

Yet An Another Prequel

D.Misc

In Japan

Commercial Edition

Kung Fu Edition

You will cry!!! The Prequel

I often joked to friends about silly jokes based on whatever movies were airing at the time.  However I sometimes joked about movies that came before 2009. Here's a collection of silly movie threats. Enjoy.

Super Mario Bros- I'm going to make you watch Super Mario Bros...You will cry…You will cry… When you see…A human Bowser.

Do they look like the same guy? 

Like M.Bison, They turn him into a light-hair man in a business suit.

He does turn into a dinosaur for barely a minute at the end of the film. It's very anti-climatic.

You will cry when you see the guitarist that's speaking out against Bowser….Is suppose to be Toad.  

That the big black woman that Mario danced with…Is suppose to be that giant fish that eats Mario.

Note- The differences between the game and movies versions is laughable. Mario and Luigi get rocket boots that explains their "jumping" ability, so even something simple as jumping got radically altered.

Want to see the what the Goombas look like?

Here's the trailer if anyone wants to see

Casino Royale- You will cry...You will cry...When you see...A blond bond

Gee, one of these guys look different from the others. I can't put my finger on which one.



Note-When Daniel Craig was cast as Bond. Everyone complain like crazy over a frigging hair color. People did ended up liking him after Casino Royale came out. Sadly, he still has his haters to this day for the dumbest reasons.

Here's the trailer



Brokeback Mountain- I'm going to make you watch Brokeback Mountain...You will cry... You will cry...When you see... Two cowboys going at it.

Note- I'm not against gay people or anything. It's just female viewers have teased me about making me watch this movie.

Here's the trailer

Planet of the Apes (2001 remake)- You will cry...You will cry...When you are...Trying to figure out the ending.

Notes- I quickly tell what happens, After Marky Mark defeated the villain and made peace with humans and apes. He got in a space pod and leave the planet. He than arrived on Earth but he couldn't land properly, so he had to make a crash landing in front of the Lincoln Memorial. The statue of Lincoln had an ape's face rather than a human. Just then, hundreds of cars arrived and took pictures of Marky Mark. They were all apes. This ending did not make sense.


I guess this was an alternate universe where human never did became the dominate species. It's possible that this is Earth in the future where apes evolved and took over and rewrote history to their liking.(Like changing Lincoln's face.) The only other idea I have is the entire movie took place on prehistoric Earth did became the dominate life on the planet. Either way, the ending was never explained to this day.

Here's the trailer



I'm going to make you watch Snakes...On a plane.

Note-The title said it all. Just saying the title of the movie would surprised anyone that such a silly name would be the title of a movie.



TMNT(2007)- You will cry...You will cry...When you see...That's in CGI.

Note-  I know some people whose only reason to hate this flick is that it's in CGI and not costumes/animaltronics. They honestly believe that Turtles 3 is better just because it not done in CGI, I'm not joking. Obviously, they never watch anything Turtles related since the early 90s and vaguely remember what the latter movies were like. 
While the 1st one is easily the best to this day, 2 and especially 3 were a drop in quality. I rank 2007 movie between between the 1st and 2nd and it was the only good/decent thing that happen to Ninja Turtles back when 2003 series went downhill with Fast Forward and Back to the Sewer. Thank goodness the series ended on a high note with the epic crossover TV movie, Turtles Forever

Here's the trailer for the 2007 movie

Star Wars: The Holiday Special

You will cry...You will cry...When you see…A masturbating wookie

10 straight minutes of  wookies talking with with no translation and no subtitles


Most annoying cooking show


Girly looking Luke


Slowest most boring tutorial of how to make a transmitter


When you see Mos Eisley...A scum of hive and villainy… is crying like babies that their cantina is closing down as they watch Bea Arthur from Golden Girls sing.



Note- The Holiday Special is an obscure TV special that only aired once on TV. After Epsiode 4, CBS asked George Lucas to have the go ahead to make a holiday special. He agreed and after it aired, he hated it so much that he doesn't want it to air again and never to be put on VHS/DVD/Blu-Ray/Etc. You can only find a low-quality version somewhere on the internet to watch.


Mark Hamill had a car accident during the final days of shooting A New Hope that scarred him and he had to get surgery for his face. He had wear alot make up on his face for the Holiday Special but the end results is weird. He looks girly. In Empire Strikes Back, the 1st thing that happens to Luke is he gets smacked in the face from a Wampa. If you see any facial scars throughout episodes 5 and 6, well that's maybe the movie's explanation why he got those.

Here is a clip of some of the weirdest moments from the Special
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDfvQMfp7uo

Watch the scum of hive and villainy cry like babies with Bea Arthur
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6K6ETASu1E

One of the few positive things people said is there is a cartoon in middle of the special that shows the very first appearance of Boba Fett that predated his appearance in Empire Strikes Back.



You will cry!!! 09

A long time ago in early 2009, I was joking around with one of my friends and the 2nd live action Street Fighter movie is coming out soon and he didn't like the movie from the previews. 

Later that day, he annoyed me at one point and I joke that I was going to drag him into the theaters and tie him to one the chairs and he be force to watch the movie.

Ever since then, I been joking that I going to make people to watch movies, either it was good or bad to when someone annoys me. Sometimes, I just pick on the film over the silliest things.

Here is a list of movie threats that came out from 2009

I going to make you watch, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. You will cry…You will cry… When you see M.Bison….As a white hair man in a business suit

  

Does Movie M.Bison look anywhere close to his video game counterpart? Even if the movie going for a darker, more realistic look, at lease give the man a red suit to show some connection to the source material.




You will cry...You will cry...When you see Vega….Played by an ugly rapper.

Vega is suppose to be a pretty boy narcissist. At first, I thought it was bad casting but during the movie, Chun-Li said the reason he hides his face is because his face is ugly. Vega is played by Taboo from Black Eye Peas.
Chun-Li vs. Vega was a lame anti-climatic fight that was barely a minute. Go watch to animated movie to see a far better fight with these two.

The movie was trying to go for a darker and more realistic take like the Dark Knight trilogy, it didn't work. While the Van-Damme movie is a terrible adaption of the video game series, it gain a cult following over the years due to it's campy nature while Legend of Chun-Li is a bad boring movie.

Here's the trailer of the movie if anyone wants to see.



I going to make you watch Dragonball Evolution. You will cry…You will cry…When you see…..A white Goku.


Even Dragonball haters know how bad the movie is by glancing at the trailers. They agree it doesn't look like anything from the show.

Here's the trailer

I going to make you watch Ace Ventura Jr… You will cry when you see… that’s it your typical Jim Carreyless sequel like Son of Mask.

It’s like the movie makers purposely made this just to add to the list of horrible Jim Carrey sequels that he doesn't star in.

Here's the trailer





I'm going to make you watch Watchmen… You will cry...When you see Dr Matthatten’s….. Giant blue winkie for 3 straight hours.

If you were looking forward to seeing the girl naked, well too bad. The female superhero was only naked for one minute while the blue guy is naked for 3 hours, that's totally not fair.

No, this movie is not a porno. He just simply a god-like being who is above humanity that he sees no need for clothes. The camera didn't focus on his ehh...little smurf but it was there in the background.

She's naked for barely a minute during a sex scene as they play the song, "Hallelujah". That is the worst song for a sex scene ever made.

Here's the trailer

　

X-Men Origins-You cry...You cry...When you see Hugh Jackman….Running across the grassy fields butt naked.

When you see…A mouthless Deadpool.



Note#1- First I see a blue privates from Watchmen, then I see Hugh Jackman’s butt. Yuck! Well there is two girls in the movie but they're only in the flick for 5 minutes in total.

Update- Me and my big mouth, Days of Future Past actually shows you his butt. I was simply making a joke about male nudity you barely saw for a second. I didn't know this would of happen.

Note#2- Deadpool is a popular Marvel character. So popular that the makers of War for/Fall of Cybertron made a game based on him. His fans hated what happen to him in the movie’s climax. He called "Merc with a mouth" and they gave them the opposite.

Update- Now he has a movie coming out in 2016 that has far far better treatment to the character.

Here's the trailer 

Terminator 4- You cry....That Arnold isn’t in it.

Note- Actually he was…eh sort of. It was a look-alike bodybuilder with CGI on his face. That was coolest part of the entire movie.
I seen people believe the movies can’t go without him and whines about it. *rolleyes* Terminator is suppose to be about Humans fighting machines, not Arnold. The franchise can go without him.

Here's the trailer It does gave away about a plot twist on a certain character halfway through the film.

Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen- When you see… Devastator’s wrecking balls.

That Bumblebee is mute again

When you see ....A human transformer

When you see Sideways...Dies in the 1st five minutes.

When The Fallen…Dies in less of a minute.

That heroic honorable Optimus said to The Fallen, "Give me your face!" As he rams in fist through his chest.

Note#1- You can do a drinking game on all the sex jokes in the 2^nd movie. This one stands out of all the sex jokes in the movie. Thank Primus that I only notice one or two sex jokes in the 3rd movie.

Note#2- At the end of the 1st movie, Bumblebee gains back his voice. In the start of the 2nd movie, well they decided to forget it and make him mute again and he will stays that way.

WTF...A human transformer, there has never been one before. How dare you created this Micheal Bay.

Note#3-The evil female human Decepticon is based on the Pretenders from G1. When the show got cancelled in the mid-80s, the toys and comics still went on for a few more years. The Autobots disguise themselves as 25-foot tall humans while the Decepticons think they blend in on Earth well by disguising themselves as 25-foot tall monsters. Yeah, this does sound silly. The concept actually done better in this movie. Of course, most people are only familiar with the cartoon and only the cartoon.

Note#4-The movie is full of anti-climatic fights, like the giant unicycle bot we saw in the trailers get kill in 5 seconds of his introduction.

I heard from a book that supposedly Sideways from Transformers: Armada visited China, and scan an Audi r8 for an alternate mode. Thankfully the author of the book said it's suppose to be a joke rather than canon evidence that's he the same exact guy that got sliced in half in the 2nd film. Good thing because it be lame to treat one of the coolest characters from Armada as a mere stormtrooper. 

Note#5-The Fallen is an suppose to be this cool dude who betrayed his bros and his creator god to serve their enemy, Unicron. Sadly that the movie kills it's title character in seconds. Imagine the viewers came to see the movie to see Optimus and The Fallen duke it out and it was only for a second.

Note#6-The live action version of Optimus is infamous among fans because he acts more like a blood thirsty killer than a honorable soldier.

Here's the trailer

Harry Potter Half-Blood Prince- “That Snape….You know what, I should shut up.”

Note- The ending of the movie became a well known spoiler like who Darth Vader is, the ending of disk 1 of Final Fantasy 7, where Planet of the Apes take place, or what’s Dr. Jackal’s connection to Mr. Hyde.

Here's the trailer
　

Avatar: The Last Airbender- “You will cry…You will cry… When you see all these blue people. I don’t remember them from the cartoon. This movie is going to be more unfaithful than Catwoman.”

“You cry that the bald boy... Has been Americanized and renamed as Jake.”

Military haircut does not mean bald you dumb movie makers.

“You cry that the scarred boy...been reimagined as an old general.”

Well he got scars but it's on the wrong side and why is he old?

Well I guess the military is suppose to be the fire nation since they have "firepower" with guns and missiles. I think the blue people are suppose to be the water people since their skin is blue as water.

Also it's disgusting they made the brother and sister into an engaged couple.

At lease he has the mohawk while she has braids.

Note- I never saw the cartoon other than a few minutes. I knew a live action movie was coming out back when I saw a teaser in theaters in 2009. I heard things here and there like the famous director, James Cameron will be directing it. It sounds like it’s going to be an awesome flick from what little I know. I didn't pay attention to the news that much due to never watching the show. 

I decided to check out the trailer that’s on youtube's front page. I was confused and it didn't look like some Eastern fantasy world but some Scifi flick. I wonder if it was a unfaithful adaption for a few seconds.

I quickly realized that there are two separate Avatar movies and the “What a twist” guy is directing the one based on the cartoon. Next thing you tell me is that there be two separate Snow White movies, 2 different Abraham Lincoln movies, or 2 different Hercules movies. Hearing how the movie that's actually based on the cartoon turn out, I bet the fanboys wish Cameron directed it instead.

Here's the trailer

Dodgeball 3: Facts and Deleted Material

Like the other Dodgeball stories, this one went through rewrites as well.

Several friends wanted me to write this story. The problem is that I haven’t seen the 3^rd Matrix movie in theaters and they have to wait. I quickly wrote the story soon as it came on DVD.

The story started with “We entered the French Restaurant.” Ok, did Cabot ever had a fancy French restaurant? I had to rewrite it as a secret place that’s underneath the President of the French Club’s house. Also, that’s a lame way to introduce people into the story. We need a reminder of what happen previously and set up a intro to the story. The part that Giant Robot Spiders were going to attack Austin wasn’t mention till we got to the French guy. I also had to make an excuse why we couldn’t reach Austin on foot, car, or the subway that secretly under Auto-Tech building.


The Maitre d' part was added because the scene from the restaurant to the dance club was quick. I felt like needed expanding and yes, I took that bubble gum bomb from Never Say Never. No, not that movie based on that singer that needs a haircut, the one with 007 is the one I'm talking about.


I didn’t notice the bondage-like leather in the dance club in the movie till long after I wrote the story. I added a joke that how it’s weird that the Frenchman who is suppose to be a High Schooler runs this type of place.


Anyone who seen the movie knows that Neo is trapped a subway in the 1^st 30 minutes. Forget it, I’m not going to be trapped in a boring place. I changed it to we need to make a deal with the Frenchman to use his subway entrance to get to Austin.


The Battle of Zion was a losing battle for the humans and they were losing lives and humanity would die if Neo didn’t make a truce with the machines. I threw in complete opposite to surprised my viewers.


I stopped parodying the 3^rd Matrix movie and started on other franchises during on the portal hopping.

• Medieval Tower- Lord of the Rings: Gandalf vs. Saruman with a mix of the Balrog fight and how Aragorn’s ancestor defeated Sauron.
• Place of Pillars of Lights and narrow bridges with no railings- Star Wars: Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon vs. Darth Maul with a bit Luke vs. Vader.
• Factory- Terminator 2: T-100 vs. T-1000
• Place of wooden bridges and skeletons- Mortal Kombat. The location is based on Johnny Cage vs. Scorpion in the 1^st movie.
• Water Tower- Legend of Zelda. Based on the final battles with Ganondorf in Ocarina of Time and Wind Waker.
• The Astral World- Final Fantasy, based Squall vs. Seifer from 8's intro and 7's Ending with Cloud vs. Sephiroth.

“Unless he comes back as a cyborg or something.” There is no way that would ever been written back in the day. It’s a brand new addition and a reference of Darth Maul coming back from the dead in recent years.


The Terminator part wasn’t in the early version of the stories.


I knew when I wrote the 1^st draft that taking the ice gauntlets with me to the portal would give me an edge and it would be weird I was acting like Link with ice powers. Had to write off those gloves before I jumped into the portal.


The Evil Elf King turning into a Dragon (like Ganondorf turning into a giant pig) wasn’t in the early versions.


The Squall vs. Seifer part in the Astral World wasn’t in the early versions.


The final battle from Mission Impossible 2 was planned to be in the story back then but it was only in the concept stage, never to be written in any version of the story. I enjoyed those movies but I only seen them once. I’m more of a causal viewer rather a hardcore fan to those films.


In the early versions, one of the portal hopping battles was based on the final battle from Transformers: Armada. Remember this story was written when the show just ended and fresh in our minds. That battle was awesome! This shock everyone because this is a show that many TF fans didn’t like and it blew their minds on how the final battle went on how brutal Optimus and Megatron went. The average battles in the series are usually slowish.

It’s be weird to use that battle from Armada nowdays. There’s alot of battles to pick from the Transformers franchise and it be odd to pick Armada’s final battle from the rest.


Remember, this was written way back then. So don’t expect anything based on Thorin vs. Azog, Anakin vs. Obi-Wan, John Connor vs. CGI Arnold, Cloud vs. Sephiroth from Advent Children with a pencil that splits into 10 pencils, or stabbing into the Elf King’s heart like Twilight Princess.


No, I’m not going to die like how Neo did. I’m rewriting that ending because this is my story.


Yes, I saw the alternate ending in that one Matrix game called Path of Neo somewhere on youtube and it's funny how the Matrix creators paused the game to explain why the ending's different. Remember, this was written soon as the 3rd movie was on DVD. That game didn't come out some time later.

The Dodgeball 3 part 2 of 2

View part 1

On the rainy night of Cabot. I see thousands of elves watching me as I meet up with the Evil Elf King who is standing in the middle of the street. “Mr. Boyett, welcome back. We miss you.” I said back to him, “Shut up, I forgot to bring my umbrella! Well anyways, it ends tonight!”

Almost all the elf viewers pull out popcorn as they watch us fight while others sing in Latin. Both Me and the Elf King ran to each other and as I got near, I slip and fell to the ground. I quickly hopped back up and said, “uhh, forget that, let’s go back to fighting.” We engaged in epic kung-fu fighting but I wish he chose a different night because fighting in the rain is annoying and making me cold. The point-ear man flew high in the air, I used my jetpack to catch up with him. We engaged in midair kung-fu fighting. The Elf King grab me and did a judo throw on me where I was flung into one of the upper floors of a nearby bank.

I got back up on my feet and saw the elf charge into the opening he made. I jumped and avoided his attack. We continue to fight but at lease the good news is that I was indoors. We fought for almost a minute and than I perform a lightning kick his face, making him to spit out some green blood. I did a roundhouse on him that knocked him back and sent flying through the window. I quickly used my jetpack to follow him.

Both of us fly up to 100 meters above the city and we went back to mid-air fighting again. The Evil Elf King punched me in the face and than grab me. He was flying straight into the ground, getting ready to perform 100-meter suplex on me. I struggle and quickly broke out of his hold. I punched him in the face several times and than I grabbed him and turn his body facing the ground as I now was performing the suplex on him. As he was slammed into the ground, a large shockwave shoot outwards, blowing away cars and damaging alot buildings.

Both me and the Evil Elf King got up. I looked around my surrounding and saw that we were standing in a giant crator in the central of Cabot. As I started to walk to the elf, I saw him snap his fingers. A large portal appear behind him and he jumped into it. I wasn’t going to stop fighting so I follow him into it.

　

On the other side of the portal, I saw that I was in some dark medieval tower and then I heard, “Welcome to my world Mr. Boyett. The age of humans will fall.” I notice the Elf King has a wooden staff in his hand. He pushes it forward and I was throw back by an invisible force. I saw a similar looking staff on the ground did the same thing to him. Turns out my guess to use the staff work as the Evil Elf was thrown back. He got up and pulled out a flame whip and use it against me. I used the staff to bounce back his whip attacks and shouted, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” My enemy grabbed his staff again does a pulling motion on it. I was pulled towards him and fell to the ground. He slammed his foot on my staff, breaking it in half. He used his staff to make my head spin on the ground like I was on a record player or something. As my spinning body was about to get near the Elf King, I grabbed the broken staff and jab the sharp broken ends into his ring finger. I was release from that “record player” attack and saw he drop his staff and checking his injured finger. “My my finger, it’s hurts!” He look angry and said to me, “I BITE YOUR FINGERS OFF FOR THAT!” I grabbed the staff he drop and used it to push him out of nearby window. I ran to the broken window and look down to see the evil man fall…only to see a another portal floating on where he have fallen. I jumped off the window and fall down into the portal.


On the other side, I saw that I was in some place that has pillars of light and narrow bridges all over the place with no railings. Ahead of me was the king with two flashlights that were melded together in his hand. I pulled out a flashlight to combat my foe and we engaged in a cool sword fight with our flashlights but for some reason, I someone hearing singing in the background. We fought for two minutes till a red force field separate us. We both sit down and waited.

After five long minutes of waiting, the force field shuts down and we continue our fight on another narrow bridge. The elf hit my wrist which cause me to drop my flashlight. The king said, “Join me Chris because I am your Father’s Brother’s Wife’s Uncle’s Neighbor’s Daughter’s Cousin’s Trash man.” I scratch my head and said “Who cares.” I use the magnet in my watch to get back the flashlight I dropped. Once I got it, I swing it against the King’s stomach. He lose his balance and fell off the bridge. I hope that’s the end of him unless he comes back as a cyborg or something. I started to wonder if he open portal and I look down. Sure enough he did and I followed.

　

I landed in some type of factory with large gears and fiery pits when I heard some chanting going on. I follow the noise and it look like the pointy-ear man is performing a spell. Once he finish, a clearish-sliver colored goo wrapped around his body. I pulled out a NERF gun and fire at him…only for the bullets slide off his body. I look all over the ground for something to use on him while the Evil Elf King slowly walks to my direction. I quickly found a yardstick and jab it into his stomach…and like the NERF bullets, it slides off of him. He grab the yardstick out of my hand and smack me with it, causing me to fall on the ground. I catch my breathe and open my eyes when I see, a NERF grenade launder is sitting on the ground. I grabbed and then I felt a hand grab my shoulder. The Elf King threw me into a wall. As he was walking closer, I notice the silver slime around his hand was forming into a blade, ready to stab me in the head. I press the NERF grenade launder into his stomach and said "Hasta la Vista". I  fired and the King was throw backwards and fell off the railing, falling into the fiery pits. I knew well enough that he was going to open a portal, so I looked down where he fell and I follow him.

　

I landed in a place that was full of wooded platforms and bridges. I search the area to find my opponent when I heard behind me, “WELCOME!” The king punch me in the face and ninja kick me over and over till I fall off the bridge. My body fell through several wooden bridges that broke my fall till it hit the floor. I got and I was shocked to see skeletons all over the ground. I also notice a pair of icy-blue gauntlets on the ground. Hoping they will aid me somehow, I put them on. I look up and see the Elf King jump down and met up with me on ground level. He pull out a kunai that’s attach to a chain out of his long sleeves and threw at me. I grabbed the kunai before he stabbed me in the face. To my surprise, I notice the entire chain was frozen. I figure my gauntlets can magically create ice. I karate chop the Elf’s chain, shattering it to pieces. I then use my magic gauntlets to throw icicles at my foe. The Evil Elf King dodge them and then he slid on the floor with his foot press outwards. I jumped over him before he hit me. The King got up and pull his hands into his sleeves and then, long blades emerge from them. They look like they are made of a very sharp bones. I use my magic gloves to form an ice blade and we had an epic swordfight till I swing hard enough to shatter his two blades. I jump up and kick him repeatedly like I was pedaling a bicycle. My enemy fell to the ground. He got up and snap his fingers. A portal form and he jumped in. I jumped in the portal but I bounce back. I believe my magic gauntlets are preventing me to pass. I took them off and jump in the portal.

　

I landed on top of the water tower that’s standing near the bus parking lot which isn’t that far from Cabot High School. The heavy rain is still going on in this area. I heard an insane laughter coming from one end of the tower, it was The Evil Elf King. He said “Let me show you your future.” He float in the air and threw a fireball at me. I rolled out of the way and saw a umbrella sticking out on top of tower. I grabbed it as the King threw another fireball at me. I swung my weapon at the fireball and it flew back at him. When the fireball got to the evil man, he smack the fireball with his hand and it flew back to my direction. It was like playing pinball with a fireball. The fireball move faster and faster from each hit from we made to the point where The Evil Elf King was unable to hit it in time. He was stunned from his own attack and landed back to the tower. I ran up to him and swing my umbrella at him several times, causing many tears in his clothing. He jumped back a few feet and perform a chant.

When he was finish his spell, a blue light wrap around his body, he morphed into a giant dragon with giant pencils in his hands. He swung at me but I block with my weapon but the mighty blow knock the umbrella out of my hand. I pulled out a stun bomb and threw in his face. With the dragon distracted, I grabbed the umbrella and chopped off his tail. In such pain, his head fell down and I attack his face. After getting a few hits, the creature jump back and reverted by to his elf form. He pulled out two umbrellas and we engaged in an awesome swordfight. I rolled around him, facing his back and I slash him. My attack cause the king to fell down on his knees. I got up in front of him, jump up, and stabbed the umbrella into his brain. Sadly that didn’t happen because the headband on his forehead block my attack. He smiled that my attempt to kill him failed. He kicked the umbrella out of hand and then he fly high in the air.

I turn on my jetpack and follow him. He landed down in the giant crater in the middle of Cabot that I created earlier in the battle. I landed down and saw my opponent look angry. “THIS IS MY WORLD! Why why why Mr.Boyett, why? Is it for peace, truth, love, justice, destiny?” I said back to him, “Because I simply don’t like you.” Angry about my answer, he flung his open hand forward to my direction. All of sudden, I felt sharp pain in my head and I felt my sprit was being dragged out of my body.

　

The next thing I knew is that I was in a dark place with The Evil Elf King in front on me with a Japanese pen in his hand. (the pen was curved) “I took you to the astral world," he said. I pulled a pen that was 1-inch wide and we clash our weapons. For some reason, white feathers were flying around us. The pointy-man man moved back several feet and open his hand to shoot a fireball. I blocked his attack with my pen but it knock me back and fell to the ground. The King stands above with the pen, ready to slash me between my eyebrows. I lean my head back to avoid his attack. I grab my pen and swing upwards, slicing him between his eyebrows. With him in pain, I charge towards him and perform 15 cool-looking pen strikes on him and then I jump five feet in the air and charge all my strength in my pen. As I was landing down, I swing my pen downward on the elf. Green blood was pouring all over his body.

　

All of sudden, I was in the real world again in the giant crater with The Evil Elf King in front of me. He looks weak and is barley able to move. I walk up to him and threw a fist into his face but it felt like the punch lasted a full minute to reach his face. The next thing I did is I punch him into his stomach. I grab his green guts and yank them out of his body. After that, I pulled out a NERF bomb and slam it into his stomach wound and said, “Let’s see you regenerate from this.” I turn on my jetpack and flew away as The Evil Elf King exploded and a bright white light emerge from him and went to all the elves in the city. Cabot shined brightly.

Every citizen turn back into their human selves with no memories of being an elf. The giant crater got fixed overnight along with any other damage to the city like nothing ever happen. I look for a phone and called.

The End

The Dodgeball 3 part 1 of 2

Here it is, the 3rd and final of the Evil Elf King Saga. A story I wrote back when I was in school. Yes, It obvious it's a parody of a certain movie (and maybe a few more.) Well enjoy the story.



     It’s been two months since I rescued the Credit Card Dude and learn that the Evil Elf King has come back from the dead. Reports of disappearances been happening in Cabot. I believe it’s the Evil Elf King because ever since his rebirth, he gain the ability to turn people into elves.

I went to the city of Cabot with three comrades to investigate. We searched the school for an hour, hoping we find a lead on this guy. The only thing we notice that’s different is that the underground hatch that leads to the secret underground subway has been locked from the inside.

As we were about leave, a man in his mid to late teens ran up to us. After taking a few seconds to catch his breath, he said to us, “I just came from Austin to tell you guys that an army of Giant Robot Spiders is about to destroy the town of Austin, you guys need to defend the place.” We begin to turn around and head to the school’s exit but the messenger got in front of us. “Wait a minute, we already put up a giant force field around the town but that won’t last long because an army that big will tear down the shields in a few minutes. As of right now, nothing can get in or out of Austin unless you go underneath the shields or something.”

I looked to my comrades and said, “Well the secret subway is out of the question, any ideas?” One of my allies came with an idea and told me, “Wait, I have heard a rumor that the French President has an entrance to the subway somewhere under his house.” I said back to him, “Too bad he’s not happy with me after the event that happen two months ago, he may not want us to use his entrance to the subway.”

　

Within the next hour, we head to the president of the French club’s house. We snuck around to the back of the house. I pulled out a credit card and pick the lock on the house’s back door. We quietly enter and closed the door. We search around the house hoping we don’t bump into his parents or anyone else. We found his bedroom and quietly entered it. We quickly found at trapdoor in the middle of his room. We opened it and head down.

On the other side, we saw some balding man in a tux with a thin mustache in front of a stand. He said, “Could you gave me your names, Monsieur.” I grab the man’s wrist and pulled out a box of bubble gum out and slap it into his hand. “This is box is a bomb, if you let go, open your mouth, or any sudden movement, the thing go boom. We be back to disarm it later.” One ally whisper to me, “Hey, your copying from a movie and why not a cigarette case instead?” I whisper back “because most of us are underage.”

We walk across of what it seems to be a restaurant. We found an elevator door on the opposite side of the area. I look back and I’m surprised that a fancy expensive restaurant is here and it’s underneath Cabot. We took the elevator as low as it would let us. As the doors open, we see a group of mean-looking people. One of them said, “Your not suppose to be here.” He was about to slam a dodgeball in my face when perform a roundhouse, kicking the ball from his hand. I grab a dodgeball out of my coat and slammed into his chest. After he fell, the other guys press a button on their belts and suddenly, they float to the air and were now standing on the ceiling. They must have anti-gravity belts. Me and my comrades got out of the elevator and spread out to battle our foes. We watch as they did flips on the ceiling, we pull out dodgeballs and begin to battle.

　

After a minute of fighting, they were all defeated. We opened the door they were guarding and see a huge nightclub. I looked around and saw a lot of men and women dressed in bondage like leather. I don’t even know how in the world that a 17- year old American high schooler pretending to be French is running a place like this?

I looked up and saw the French dude on a balcony with his girlfriend. We walk up there to meet him. I said, “We need to use your entrance to the subway.” The Frenchman replied to me, “Now why would I do that after the disaster you made a few months ago, non?” I notice several of his guards were pulling out NERF guns and placing them against their heads. I quickly pulled out my NERF gun and aim directly on his forehead. I said in angered tone, “Let’s make a deal, your life for usage of the subway and we leave you alone.” He looked angry but realized he had no choice, “Very well then, use the subway.”

　

We got to Austin in time. There were several Mech-Warrior type robots set up to use to defend Austin. We hopped in the machines and equipped our bots with NERF gating guns. Just then, a message appeared on our comlinks, “ATTENTION ATTENTION! GIANT ROBOT SPIDERS ARE ATTACKING THE SHIELDS, DEFEND THE CITY!” We stand the front lines and watch a swarm of hundreds and hundreds of those machines marching towards our direction. We fired our NERF gating guns and went NERF guns blazing on these scrap metals. The Battle of Austin has begin.

　

After fighting for a while, all the Giant Robots Spiders were destroyed, they never step a foot in Austin nor did we suffer any casualties. As we begun to celebrate our victory, one man ran to my bot and shouted, “HEY I GOT A PHONE CALL, IT’S THE EVIL ELF KING AND HE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.” I jump out of the machine and picked up the phone. “Mr. Boyett, while you were distracted with getting inside the subway and defending your town, I have turned every single citizen of Cabot… into an elf. If you want to fight me, meet me between Main Street and 2^nd Street.”

View part 2